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Disclaimer- Do pigs fly? Is the ocean pink? Do I own anything important to this fic? The answer to all: NO!
Spoilers- None really
Pairings- JP/RL, SB/LE, PP/yeah right
Rating- PG-13
Author- silver-sunn101
Timeline- MWPP time period, about mid-July after their 7th year. In my mind, Remus was bit when he was 4. Those are really the only important points.
Notices-
Slash. Hinted sexual relations. Ain't your cup of tea? Go back now.
AU. Lets say that Sirius was Harry's
father, and James is the
godfather/Azkaban escapee. They have
the same characteristics you'd
expect, only different futures.
Remus is the same adorable guy, and
Peter is the fat rat we all love to
hate.
POV. James', with flashbacks. Some flashbacks are his POV, some are things that happened that he didn't know of until later. The ending is from a third person POV.
A/n- I'm doubting there's much else to say. More authors notes on bottom . . . Nothing else? Good! Enjoy!
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At the young age of eighteen I feel much older than I should. My life is nothing compared to that of Sirius or Remus', but it's still more than any teenager should have gone through. With Voldemort at an all time high, muggles were dying left and right and pureblood families that didn't agree with the sadistic wizard were dying right along with them.
Imagine going down to breakfast on a bright morning and seeing the usual owl post come in. You look up and see, among various packages, a few scattered black letters, carried by black owls. You'd think that the Ministry of Magic would give you a regular owl when they sent you notice of a death in your family, but apparently they don't think that far. That is what each black letter carried; notice of death. One arrived at least every other day, and we considered it a miracle when none came.
That's the life we lived in. We were the generation of depression, suicide, anger, and tears. We were the generation that paid dearly for Voldemort's choices. We were the generation that gave hope for the future.
I was the Chaser on the Gryffindor house Quidditch team from my third year up, and was captain from sixth year. I'm still a resident Marauder, a group of pranksters that is made up of my three best friends and I. Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and last, but not least, Remus Lupin. We were determined to keep people laughing, to keep the professors on their toes, to challenge and break more rules than anyone before us, and we swore that no matter what happened, nothing would get us down, and nothing would break us up.
Sirius Black, my best mate. 6'1", long black hair and sapphire blue eyes. I'm secure enough to say that he is very handsome. Of course, I like guys, so I really don't think it's much of a problem. He's engaged to the lovely Lily Evans. They'll be married this fall. He was a Beater on the Quidditch team with me. Along with this, he can change into a large black dog, named Padfoot. Yes, he is an Animagus, along with Peter and me.
Peter Pettigrew is the boy that everyone in school thought would never graduate. And if it wasn't for Remus, he probably wouldn't have graduated our year. He says constantly that he should just be declared a squib, but we won't let him do that. He's 5'3" and has still got a bit of his baby fat. He has pale green eyes and dirty blonde hair cut Beatles style. His Animagus form is a rat, Wormtail.
Remus Lupin, top of our class, prefect, Head Boy, everything a parent would want in their child. Well, almost everything. Little did the other students at school know that they studied with a werewolf. Because of this, he almost didn't make it into a school, he constantly worried about people finding out his secret, and he spent hours in the Hospital Wing. He's the reason we became Animagus, so that we could help him with his terrible transformations. He's two inches shorter than me, standing at 5'6", he has amber-gold eyes, and light brown hair streaked with gray and gold. A beautiful boy really, but I'm allowed to say that . . . he might even hurt me if I didn't. But more on that later.
I'm 5'9" with the blue eyes and messiest black hair you've ever seen. No matter what I do to it, it refuses to lay down flat. My animagus form is a stag, Prongs. I have a loving father, and I had a loving mother and younger sister who died at the hands of Death Eaters. My sister Hope was orphaned when the Death Eaters killed her parents and she was at a friend's house. We took her into our house when she was three, when I was twelve, and she died when she was six. I'll never forgive the Death Eaters for it, and neither will my father. We're closer than ever because of it.
All this must be terribly boring, so I'll start the tale I'm here to tell. In the middle of our 7th year Remus started getting sick. I didn't know why, but I suspected that Remus, Sirius, and Peter did. Why I wasn't told, I didn't know. I still remember the first day I realized something was wrong with him . . .
*°*°*°*flashback *°*°*°*
With a fork in his hand he moved his eggs to one side of his plate. Then to the other. Then back, and to the other side.
"Are you going to eat those, or keep teaching them how to pace?" Sirius asked. "Hmm? Oh," Remus looked down at his plate and saw the mess he had made of his food, "I'm not really hungry, that's all,"
"You have to eat something Moony," I said. I put a comforting hand on Remus' shoulder, and he gave me a weak smile.
"You all worry about me too much. I'll be fine. I'm just not hungry!"
"You should eat something though!" Peter said, through a mouthful of toast.
"Yeah, before Wormtail over here eats yours also," Sirius said.
Remus got an odd look on his face, like he was distracted. He paled, and looked slightly green. I was about to ask him what was wrong when he said:
"I think I'm going to be sick," Remus said. He jumped up and ran to the boy's bathroom, and made it just in time to throw up the juice he had sipped, along with the bile and other fluids necessary for digestion.
I followed him out of the Great Hall and into the bathroom, and held his hair back as he puked again. He hadn't eaten in two days, so there wasn't much coming up. I bet it still hurt like hell.
When Remus stopped he sat back against a wall and caught his breath. I wet a washcloth from the sink and wiped his forehead and mouth off with it. He sighed contentedly, which relieved me. My relief vanished when I moved to flush the toilet, and saw it was half-full of-
"Blood," I said in a dazed voice.
"What?" Remus asked weakly.
"Don't you smell it?" I asked. I was still staring worriedly at the red water. Throwing up blood isn't good for you, right?
"No, all I can smell is stomach acids,"
"There's blood, in there. You puked up blood Remus,"
"I did?" he asked. I nodded and pulled him to his feet so that he could also see. What I didn't know is that Remus had a problem with vomit. If he sees it, or sees someone else getting sick, he also gets sick. More blood and stomach fluids were soon mixed with the others.
I hurriedly flushed the toilet, and wiped Remus' mouth again. "What do you say we get you to Madam Pomfrey?" Remus weakly nodded, and let me half- carry him to the Hospital Wing.
*°*°*°*end flashback *°*°*°*
I didn't concentrate in class the rest of the day, and couldn't make it to see him at lunch. I saw him briefly in the common room before I took of for a detention. Just enough time for Remus to reassure me that nothing was seriously wrong, and he just had a little cold. A little cold my arse, he was throwing up blood. But I didn't question what he said, I figured he had good reason for it.
And he did. He had a perfect reason for not telling me what was really happening. I didn't find out about this until after, but Sirius and Peter knew perfectly well what was going on, and they were helping Moony as best as they could.
*°*°*°*flashback *°*°*°*
Remus watched as me leave for detention, and scanned the common room for the other Marauders. He spotted Sirius and Peter chatting over a game of wizards chess. He plonked himself (albeit gracefully) into the chair next to Sirius, and sighed loudly.
They continued talking, and he sighed louder this time. Still no reaction. Remus breathed in deeply to sigh again, but found a hand over his mouth and nose.
"Do not sigh again, or you'll find this-" Sirius held up a struggling pawn, "Up your nose,"
Remus nodded, and once Sirius' hand was gone, he blew the suppressed breath into Sirius' face. Sirius silky black hair was now ruffled and looking a bit wind blow, and he frantically tried to fix it.
"Sirius, you're such a girl," Peter said.
"Hey! I thought we had decided that Moony would make the best girl," he said, with his eyes narrowed viciously at a white rook that was laughing at him.
"We did, but you still act like one more than he does,"
"At least I don't cry as much as Moony," Sirius pouted.
"True. But you-"
"Stop!" Remus said irritably.
"What's got your knickers in a twist?" Peter asked.
"I have something to tell you guys," The chessboard was now forgotten, and Remus had the full attention of Sirius and Peter.
"What is it?" Sirius asked.
"Not here. Upstairs," The two marauders packed their chess pieces up, and followed Remus to our room.
"Well? What's so important?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah, you sound like someone died," Peter said. Remus looked down at the carpet and prepared himself to tell them what he couldn't tell me.
"Did someone die?" Sirius asked.
Remus shook his head. "But someone is going to,"
"How do you know?" Peter asked.
"Dumbledore told me today,"
"Why'd he tell you?"
Remus looked up at the boys settled on the bed across from him. "Because it's me who is dying,"
Sirius looked at him with wide eyes, but Peter took a better approach; stuttering. "How-wh-when-h-how long?"
"I have two months. But there is something that can help,"
"What is it?" Sirius asked anxiously, "Is there anything we can do?"
Remus sighed, and nodded, "Yeah, I will need your help."
*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*° *°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*° Sirius and Peter crawled on their bellies towards Mr. Filch's office, and stopped every so often when they would hear a noise. They were on a mission to rescue the Marauders Map from his office.
"So, let me get this straight," They had stopped for a quick break, and Peter was finally working over what Remus had said in his head, "Moony is dying because he's been, well, Moony for almost thirteen years,"
"Yep,"
"And the only way to stop him from dying slowly and painfully is for him to have sex with James?"
"Yep," Sirius said.
"And we have to help Remus get James to fall in love with him?"
"That sounds about right,"
"When did the world flip upside down, and where was I during all this?" Peter asked rhetorically.
"The year we found out Remus is a werewolf, and probably in the loo," he replied cheekily.
"Oh shut up," *°*°*°*end flashback *°*°*°*
Bit much for a seventeen-year-old to deal with, wouldn't you say? After that day, Sirius, Peter, Remus, and even Lily did everything in their power to get me to fall for Remus. I didn't know then what they were planning.
What they didn't know, however, is that no matter what they tried, where they did it, or how they did it, they couldn't fail. There was no chance in heaven or hell of me not falling for their traps and tricks. No, gullible is not written on the ceiling, and yes, they are clever, but that wasn't important.
The truth is, I had already fallen for my amber eyed friend. Before all the tricks, fake dates (boys and girls), Remus flirting with me, him flirting with other people to make me jealous (which I assure you, it worked), and the sorry excuses for one-on-one tutor sessions with Moony. And, yes, we actually studied. If you think either of us were, or still are, brave enough men to make the first move then you, my friend, need to lay off the pain killers.
I didn't know exactly what Dumbledore had told Remus, and neither did Sirius or Peter. Remus isn't the most open person, not even now. He has gotten to trust us almost completely, but if you had a time limit on your life at one point, I guess you would also.
*°*°*°*flashback *°*°*°*
Madam Pomfrey had left Remus alone in the Hospital Wing to get Dumbledore. It was shortly after I had left Remus there to get something to stop the blood from coming up again. Since he was always in there he knew where everything was, and he cleared the vials and cups up while she was gone. He was just finishing the cleaning when Madam Pomfrey walked in, followed by Dumbledore.
"Remus sit down!" she said sternly. "You shouldn't be up and about!"
"Madam Pomfrey I feel perfectly fine now! I just got really bored," he said with a shrug. He sat down on the edge of the bed anyway.
"Honestly," she said as she fumbled with a thermometer, "putting all that away!"
"Poppy, I think we should trust Remus when he says that he is fine," Dumbledore said gently.
"But Albus-"
"Only he can improve what will happen-"
"But he was vomiting blo-"
"What's wrong with me?" he interrupted. They both looked at him, quite shocked. He normally waited until the professors had stopped talking before putting his say in. Either his rude disruption caused their shock, or they had forgotten that he was sitting there.
"Yes, well . . . Poppy could we use your office?" "Of course Albus," she said.
Remus followed the headmaster into Madam Pomfrey's cramped office. Dumbledore set a Silencing Charm, and motioned for Remus to sit in a poofy purple chair. He started at Remus over his clasped hands, which Remus took as a hint to start talking.
"Sir, what's wrong with me?"
Dumbledore sighed, "How long have you been a werewolf Remus?"
"Almost thirteen years," Remus said. He wasn't quite sure where this was going, but decided that he wouldn't like it much.
"Do you know how long it will be until the 13th anniversary?"
"About two months,"
"And do you know what you need to find in that time?"
". . . No,"
"A mate," he said simply.
"A m-mate? Wha-why now?" Remus sputtered.
"You must find a mate, or you'll die. On the eve of the anniversary of your thirteenth year,"
"I'll . . . die? You're telling me that in two months I'll just, die. Just like that?"
"Unless you mate. The wolf should tell you who it is. I can be anyo-"
"I know," Remus said with a sigh.
"I take it you already know whom it is the wolf has claimed?" Remus swallowed and nodded, while his confidence built up for the inevitable question. "May I ask who?"
"James Potter,"
*°*°*°*end flashback *°*°*°*
I know what you're all thinking. Perfect right? All he had to do was tell me, and I'd jump at the chance of being his mate. You wouldn't be wrong, mind you, but you forget, we're shy fellows. I turn red and stutter when asking people out, and Remus forgets how to speak altogether and makes these funny squeaking noises. Which is the reason Remus herded Sirius and Peter into helping him win me over. We Marauders never do anything direct (except Sirius, who will tell you exactly what is on his mind, no matter what the consequence), so the sexual tension built up like a layer of brick in the air. I didn't find out about everything until the last minute. Until it was almost too late and I almost lost my Moony forever.
*°*°*°*flashback *°*°*°*
Remus and I were paired up in potions, working on a Temporary Clumsiness potion. Peter had just spilled his bowl of caterpillar's hair on Sirius, who said "I think you had a Permanent Clumsiness potion spilled on you as a very small child,"
Peter looked hurt, which Remus noticed. He opened his mouth to tell Sirius to apologize, but started coughing instead. It was the kind of coughing that you feel deep in your throat, thick and loud, and it didn't stop. His eyes were half closed and watering from the effort it took.
A few people stopped to stare worriedly at him, he may have broken into coughing fits every so often in the last two months or so, but it was never like this. Other people purposely pretended they didn't hear him, while other just didn't care.
I looked up at him and gasped. His hand was covered in blood, and he had some trailing from the corner of his mouth. I handed him the handkerchief from my back pocket, which he graciously accepted. I opened my mouth to ask the professor if I could take him to the Hospital Wing, but didn't get the words out.
"Go Potter. You'll both be excused from the potion, and I'm sure your friends will clean your stuff up," she said.
Sirius and Peter nodded frantically at me, though their eyes were on Remus. He didn't seem to notice or care, his face was shaped with pain. I told him where we were going, and he nodded since he couldn't get the coughing to stop. We walked out of the potions room, and we were half way up the stairs when his coughing stopped. When it did, he stopped walking.
"Remus are you all right?"
He was breathing heavy, searching for his breath, and had the hand that was covered in blood on the stone wall. My eyes flashed for a second to the piece of fabric that used to be white. It was now covered in thick blood and spit. He shook his head, and tried to say something. I walked down a few steps to him.
"Don't try to talk, just catch your breath ok?"
Remus nodded, and slowly started walking up the stairs. His hand trailed on the wall and left a track of blood along the wall. I placed an arm around his waist to help support him, and we made our way to the first floor.
By the time we had arrived in the Hospital Wing Remus had started coughing into the handkerchief again. Madam Pomfrey spun around at the sound and immediately started bustling around him. Remus was weak now, and could barely stand without the support of me, the nurse, or a wall, bed, o or any other inanimate object. "Here Potter," she thrust a pair of pyjamas at me, "Get him dressed and into the bed. He's going to have to stay here for a while,"
I nodded weakly. It was a shock to me to see him like this, weak and shaky, coughing up blood without and sign of stopping. I clumsily got the pyjamas onto him, only pausing to look at his chest. It was covered with scars of all shapes and sizes that formed an eerie pattern on his untanned skin.
Once he was changed and in bed (and still coughing), I let Madam Pomfrey back into the curtains. She pulled her wand out and cast a sleeping charm on him so that the coughing would stop. Quiet was instantly granted to the ward. She cleaned the blood off of him, and was about to leave, but I wouldn't let her leave without telling me what was wrong.
"What's wrong with him?" She spun around and looked at me oddly.
"What makes you think there's something wrong?" she asked, avoiding my question.
"He was just coughing nonstop. Blood was coming up. Not long ago I brought him in here because he passed out in Herbology, and before that it was because he threw up blood. Now I may not be the brightest kid in our year, but I know that something is seriously wrong with him and I'd like to know what!"
"I don't know if I'm the person who should tell you,"
"Well he's in no state to at the moment," I snapped. It was really getting old, this spiral talk, and I was tired of it. I wanted answers, and nothing would stop me from getting them.
She sighed, "When he wakes, make him tell you. It's not my duty to," I sighed and thought for a moment, then nodded, "Oh, and Potter?" I looked up at her, "Hold his hand,"
"What?"
"Hold his hand, it'll help him. That's all I'm saying," and with that she was gone.
I looked at Remus, so fragile and pale, and decided it wouldn't do any harm to do as she said. I probably would have ended up doing it anyway. I moved him over a little, and sat next to him on the bed, then took his warm hand into my own.
I'm not sure when I leaned into the pillows and curled up against him, when I fell asleep, or when he moved against me. I didn't know for sure, until I woke up that night. We had slept the whole day, and missed all our classes.
I opened my eyes and saw Remus sleepy soundly against me. I watched him sleep for what I figured was a good hour, until his eyes fluttered open. He slowly slipped out of his sleepiness, and I waited silently for him to notice me. He did, a few minutes later, and raised an eyebrow at me.
"Why are you here James?" his voice was hoarse. From a sore throat I suspected.
I shrugged the best I could (I was lying on my side), "Madam Pomfrey said that holding your hand would help with whatever is wrong with you . . . I must have fallen asleep," Remus nodded, but didn't say anything. "What is wrong with you Remus?"
"What makes you ask that?"
"You know Madam Pomfrey gave me a similar line when I asked her what is wrong with you. You were coughing up blood, throwing it up a while ago, and you've fainted in class on more than one occasion. I'm not stupid Remus,"
He sighed, and closed his eyes. When I was about snap at him for not telling me, he spoke. "I'm dying James,"
"You . . . you can't be dying," I suspected something bad, but not this? What do you say to someone who's dying? 'I'm sorry'? Forget someone, what was I supposed to say to Remus? I couldn't hardly tell him I liked him now, he'd think that I wanted to give him someone to love before he died, out of pity. Or he'd think that-
"I am. In six days I'm not going to be here anymore,"
"Six days? How can you know for sure?"
He opened his eyes and looked at me, "It's the day that marks my thirteenth year as a werewolf,"
"Do all werewolves die after thirteen years?" This doesn't make sense, I thought. What would being a werewolf have to do with anything?
"No . . . only those who haven't . . ." he trailed off, and avoided my eyes.
"Haven't?"
Remus swallowed heavily, "Mated,"
An almost full moon was shining high outside, casting it's silvery blue light into the Hospital Wing. From the light of it I could see his cheeks flush fantastically.
"But . . . what does that have to do with anything?"
He sighed, "A werewolf must mate in the first thirteen years, or they die. Mated werewolves and their mates tend to live longer than regular wizards because their life and magic energies are shared. No one knows exactly why we have to mate, we just do. When the werewolf claims someone as it's mate, age and sex are unimportant to it. Dumbledore told me all this that day I was vomiting blood,"
I paused to let all this sink in. He had found out almost two months ago? "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want you to worry," he said it more as a question than a statement. I left that alone for a moment. "Who . . . who did Moony claim? It wasn't someone like Snivellius or Dumbledore or someone, was it?"
Remus shook his head with a small smile on his perfect lips, "Moony claimed . . . he claimed . . ."
"You can tell me Remus,"
He nodded, "I know . . . promise me you won't freak,"
"I promise . . ."
"Moony claimed you James. He did a before all of this, and I had to fight so hard to keep him away from you but after Dumbledore told me what had to be done I tried to get you to like me I even had Sirius, Peter, and Lily help me but no matter what we did nothing seemed to work and I really didn't want to scare you away-"
He said that all in one breath, and would have continued rambling if I hadn't pressed my lips against his. Remus was quiet almost instantly, since it's kind of hard to talk with someone's lips on yours. I tentatively wrapped an arm around his waist and rolled over on top of him ,without breaking the kiss. The fingers of one his hands snaked into my hair, and the other hand fumbled with my glasses. I pulled back long enough for him to pull them off, and he put them on the table. I slipped my tongue between his lips and pressed it against his tongue, causing a low growl to escape from the back of his throat. But the next thing I knew he had pushed my head away, and was holding it inches from his face.
"James," he panted, "I don't want you to do this just to-just to keep me alive. I'd rather die than have you pretend to love me,"
"Then you're not going to die are you?" With my glasses off it was hard to see much. All I could focus on was his golden eyes that were filled with fear, "I don't have to pretend to love you Remus, I do love you," he opened his mouth, but apparently changed his mind and closed it again. "I have for a while now, I just wasn't ready to tell you. But since we have a time limit it seems, I knew I had to tell you now or live the rest of my life knowing that I could have kept you alive,"
I could tell he was at a loss for words, so I patiently waited for him to speak. "I could have just told you then?"
I smiled, "Yes, it would have been a lot easier,"
He grinned, and shook his head slightly, as if it was funny he had taken so long to tell me the truth. Remus pulled my head down and kissed me, gentle and lovingly at first, but it soon got passionate. His hands moved from my hair to the buttons on my shirt and he fumbled to get the shirt off. I slid it off my shoulders, and his hands were stroking my chest instantly. He kissed my neck, and sucked on my collarbone, causing me to gasp loudly. I hitched his shirt up, but couldn't get it off. I struggled with it for a few minutes, when Remus, impatient to feel his skin on mine, flipped me over and threw it off himself.
I was preoccupied with the feeling of his tongue on my neck, his erection rubbing against mine, and my fingers in his hair. So much so that I didn't hear the water glass fall off the table and shatter on the ground when Remus' shirt hit it. I did, however, hear Madam Pomfrey.
"What do you two think you're doing?" She screeched. We had sprung apart at the word 'what' and were both sitting up staring at her. It's a good thing no one else was in the Hospital Wing that night.
"I'm making him feel better Poppy," I said. Remus blushed beautifully.
She looked between the two of us, and I couldn't see it, but she was trying not to smile. I could only see a blurry figured in a fluffy pink bathrobe standing next to the bed.
"Be that as it may, Remus needs his rest," she said sternly.
"But I'm feeling better . . . really!" he said with a grin that could make a Death Eater join our side. I knew she would leave us to our own means, she had developed a soft spot for Remus over the years, and since I was the only thing that could cure him. . .
She sighed, "All right . . . just use a Silencing Charm," she said awkwardly. Remus' blush increased. "And watch out for the glass!" Madam Pomfrey fixed the shattered glass and placed it back next to the water pitcher on the bed table, then retired to her room.
I counted down in my mind, 3 . . . 2 . . . 1. . . Remus and I started laughing at the same time. Sure, that situation was slightly embarrassing , but that didn't stop it from being any less humorous. When our laughing stopped, we sat in an awkward silence. Remus was avoiding my eyes, apparently very interested in the white bedspread.
"Come here," I whispered. He slowly crawled over to me, and I pulled him into my lap. He rested his head against my chest, I wrapped one arm around his waist, and occupied my other hand with his silky hair.
"We don't have to . . . you know . . . tonight," he said. I kissed his temple, and then his hair.
I nodded, "I know. When Madam Pomfrey lets you out of here we will, all right?"
He looked up at me, "I don't want you to think you have-"
"Don't say that I don't have to Remus, because we both know that I do. We could wait a few more days, but I don't want to see you in pain any longer than I have to. I hated seeing this happen to you without having any idea what was wrong, and no idea how to help. Now that I know I can help, I have every intention of doing so,"
I pulled the covers back, and he climbed off my lap in favor of crawling underneath them. I lay against him and pulled him into my arms. He kissed me softly once we were settled.
"What did I do to deserve you James?" he asked with a sleepy smile.
"It's Karma my dear Moony," I replied with a teasing grin. We kissed a once more before we fell asleep.
*°*°*°*end flashback *°*°*°*
Two days later Madam Pomfrey let him out of the Hospital Wing. I only left his side to go eat (which he insisted on), and when I would come back he'd be dissolved in coughing fits again. We kicked Peter and Sirius out of the room for a night, and we mated. I didn't see fireworks, stars, heaven, or God when it happened. It was what it was, nothing more, nothing less.
Besides having sex, the mating process included him biting my collarbone. He took the blood into his mouth, bit his tongue, and mixed the blood, then passed it into my mouth. I swallowed it, then bit my own tongue, and passed that blood into his mouth, where he swallowed it with the blood still coming from his tongue. The rest of the night our tongues (and my collarbone) bled, but we paid it no mind, and woke in the morning covered in dried sweat, semen, and blood. Nonetheless, we were happier than we had ever been, and our peers accepted us easily once we had agreed to 'come out'.
I wish I could say that everything was 'happily ever after', after that. In the time we lived in 'happily ever after' was only in dreams. The next week my father died, and two months later Peter's mum was killed by Death Eaters. Three weeks after that Sirius' cousin, Andromeda, was killed, and that same day Lily's parents were both killed. Just yesterday Remus' older brother was killed. His parents were already dead (his dad was killed 4th year, and he accidentally killed his mom on a full moon in 6th year), and he lived with Sirius, Peter, or I during the holidays. He and I now own our own flat in Hogsmeade, which we shared with Sirius, Lily, and Peter before they all got their own homes.
We were the hope for the future, and we are fighting as hard as we can against Voldemort, but we aren't fighting hard enough. Younger generations are now our hope, but none of us can see an end to the massacres that take place almost daily, no matter how much we tell the children next door that it'll be over soon.
The only thing for us to do is to thank God for the time we have with the people who are still alive, and to tell them everyday how much we love them.
*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*° *°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°
James tiredly put his quill down. He rubbed his eyes under his glasses, and with a yawn looked at the clocks on the wall. The first was a regular clock that said "9:58", and the other clock had five hands labeled "Lily," "Sirius," "Peter," "James," and "Remus." There were various locations labeled where there should be numbers. Lily and Sirius were at "Padfoot's Place," Peter was "God knows where," James was "Home" and Remus was "Traveling." He had been over to Sirius and Lily's to help Lily decide on which color to paint the kitchen. Sirius admitted that he had no clue in these sort of things, and called in the 'reinforcements.'
James chuckled under his breath, but was drawn out of his thoughts by a loud 'pop' from the sitting room. He stood up and stretched, then put his papers away.
"James! Where are you?" Remus asked.
"In here love," he replied.
Remus walked into their bedroom, and threw his bag onto the red comforter. We truly are Gryffindors at heart, Remus thought. He walked up behind James and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's chest, kissing the back of his neck as he did so. James smiled before he turned around and kissed Remus.
"Mmm, missed you," Remus said. He grinned against James' lips.
"I missed you more," James said in an immature voice.
"That is so childish,"
"But it's true,"
Remus kissed him again, "I never said it wasn't," he laid his head against James' chest, and looked over at the desk. "What were you working on?"
"Just writing,"
"'Bout what?" he asked in a teasing voice that sounded like a four-year- old's.
"How we got together," Remus looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.
"I don't know about you, but that wasn't the most pleasant experience for me," he said.
"I doubt that coughing blood would be fun," James said.
"It's not, trust me . . . why'd you write about that though?" Remus asked.
James shrugged, and pulled away from Remus to look outside. "I've just been thinking too much I suppose,"
"Now I've warned you about that . . ."
James smiled to himself, and plopped onto their bed and stared at the ceiling, "I'm scared Remus, I don't want anything to happen to you or our friends. I don't want anything to happen to me," he whispered.
Remus stared at him for a moment, then pounced on him. "Don't," he said.
"Don't what?"
"Don't think about the future, it'll only depress you. I'm scared too, but I try not to think about it. Live for today James,"
"It's hard to forget Remus, you've seen the headlines,"
"Yes, I have, but I don't dwell on them and let them ruin my day. I don't want to die and regret not living my life to the fullest. We could both die tomorrow . . . don't let it scare you, take it as a challenge. A challenge to be happy under the most depressing circumstances,"
"You know that I can't turn down a challenge," Remus smiled knowingly, and James kissed that smile, "I love you,"
"You know you say that at least five times a day?"
"You don't mind it too much, do you?"
"Nah, I love hearing you say that," he kissed James, "And I love you too,"
*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*° *°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°
A/n- I had troubles finding a good ending, but this one seemed to work! I'm sorry if that was too confusing, the flashbacks seemed a bit awkward where I placed them. I've read a few James/Remus (most of them were great) and I decided that there's not enough of them, and I wanted to try my hand at one!
I love Remus paired with almost any other guy, and I want to know why you guys think. Should I post a Remus/Draco next? The little plot bunnies won't leave me alone, I just thought of a great RL/DM today!
Please Review!
:~*~:silver-sunn101:~*~:
Disclaimer- Do pigs fly? Is the ocean pink? Do I own anything important to this fic? The answer to all: NO!
Spoilers- None really
Pairings- JP/RL, SB/LE, PP/yeah right
Rating- PG-13
Author- silver-sunn101
Timeline- MWPP time period, about mid-July after their 7th year. In my mind, Remus was bit when he was 4. Those are really the only important points.
Notices-
Slash. Hinted sexual relations. Ain't your cup of tea? Go back now.
AU. Lets say that Sirius was Harry's
father, and James is the
godfather/Azkaban escapee. They have
the same characteristics you'd
expect, only different futures.
Remus is the same adorable guy, and
Peter is the fat rat we all love to
hate.
POV. James', with flashbacks. Some flashbacks are his POV, some are things that happened that he didn't know of until later. The ending is from a third person POV.
A/n- I'm doubting there's much else to say. More authors notes on bottom . . . Nothing else? Good! Enjoy!
*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*° *°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°
At the young age of eighteen I feel much older than I should. My life is nothing compared to that of Sirius or Remus', but it's still more than any teenager should have gone through. With Voldemort at an all time high, muggles were dying left and right and pureblood families that didn't agree with the sadistic wizard were dying right along with them.
Imagine going down to breakfast on a bright morning and seeing the usual owl post come in. You look up and see, among various packages, a few scattered black letters, carried by black owls. You'd think that the Ministry of Magic would give you a regular owl when they sent you notice of a death in your family, but apparently they don't think that far. That is what each black letter carried; notice of death. One arrived at least every other day, and we considered it a miracle when none came.
That's the life we lived in. We were the generation of depression, suicide, anger, and tears. We were the generation that paid dearly for Voldemort's choices. We were the generation that gave hope for the future.
I was the Chaser on the Gryffindor house Quidditch team from my third year up, and was captain from sixth year. I'm still a resident Marauder, a group of pranksters that is made up of my three best friends and I. Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and last, but not least, Remus Lupin. We were determined to keep people laughing, to keep the professors on their toes, to challenge and break more rules than anyone before us, and we swore that no matter what happened, nothing would get us down, and nothing would break us up.
Sirius Black, my best mate. 6'1", long black hair and sapphire blue eyes. I'm secure enough to say that he is very handsome. Of course, I like guys, so I really don't think it's much of a problem. He's engaged to the lovely Lily Evans. They'll be married this fall. He was a Beater on the Quidditch team with me. Along with this, he can change into a large black dog, named Padfoot. Yes, he is an Animagus, along with Peter and me.
Peter Pettigrew is the boy that everyone in school thought would never graduate. And if it wasn't for Remus, he probably wouldn't have graduated our year. He says constantly that he should just be declared a squib, but we won't let him do that. He's 5'3" and has still got a bit of his baby fat. He has pale green eyes and dirty blonde hair cut Beatles style. His Animagus form is a rat, Wormtail.
Remus Lupin, top of our class, prefect, Head Boy, everything a parent would want in their child. Well, almost everything. Little did the other students at school know that they studied with a werewolf. Because of this, he almost didn't make it into a school, he constantly worried about people finding out his secret, and he spent hours in the Hospital Wing. He's the reason we became Animagus, so that we could help him with his terrible transformations. He's two inches shorter than me, standing at 5'6", he has amber-gold eyes, and light brown hair streaked with gray and gold. A beautiful boy really, but I'm allowed to say that . . . he might even hurt me if I didn't. But more on that later.
I'm 5'9" with the blue eyes and messiest black hair you've ever seen. No matter what I do to it, it refuses to lay down flat. My animagus form is a stag, Prongs. I have a loving father, and I had a loving mother and younger sister who died at the hands of Death Eaters. My sister Hope was orphaned when the Death Eaters killed her parents and she was at a friend's house. We took her into our house when she was three, when I was twelve, and she died when she was six. I'll never forgive the Death Eaters for it, and neither will my father. We're closer than ever because of it.
All this must be terribly boring, so I'll start the tale I'm here to tell. In the middle of our 7th year Remus started getting sick. I didn't know why, but I suspected that Remus, Sirius, and Peter did. Why I wasn't told, I didn't know. I still remember the first day I realized something was wrong with him . . .
*°*°*°*flashback *°*°*°*
With a fork in his hand he moved his eggs to one side of his plate. Then to the other. Then back, and to the other side.
"Are you going to eat those, or keep teaching them how to pace?" Sirius asked. "Hmm? Oh," Remus looked down at his plate and saw the mess he had made of his food, "I'm not really hungry, that's all,"
"You have to eat something Moony," I said. I put a comforting hand on Remus' shoulder, and he gave me a weak smile.
"You all worry about me too much. I'll be fine. I'm just not hungry!"
"You should eat something though!" Peter said, through a mouthful of toast.
"Yeah, before Wormtail over here eats yours also," Sirius said.
Remus got an odd look on his face, like he was distracted. He paled, and looked slightly green. I was about to ask him what was wrong when he said:
"I think I'm going to be sick," Remus said. He jumped up and ran to the boy's bathroom, and made it just in time to throw up the juice he had sipped, along with the bile and other fluids necessary for digestion.
I followed him out of the Great Hall and into the bathroom, and held his hair back as he puked again. He hadn't eaten in two days, so there wasn't much coming up. I bet it still hurt like hell.
When Remus stopped he sat back against a wall and caught his breath. I wet a washcloth from the sink and wiped his forehead and mouth off with it. He sighed contentedly, which relieved me. My relief vanished when I moved to flush the toilet, and saw it was half-full of-
"Blood," I said in a dazed voice.
"What?" Remus asked weakly.
"Don't you smell it?" I asked. I was still staring worriedly at the red water. Throwing up blood isn't good for you, right?
"No, all I can smell is stomach acids,"
"There's blood, in there. You puked up blood Remus,"
"I did?" he asked. I nodded and pulled him to his feet so that he could also see. What I didn't know is that Remus had a problem with vomit. If he sees it, or sees someone else getting sick, he also gets sick. More blood and stomach fluids were soon mixed with the others.
I hurriedly flushed the toilet, and wiped Remus' mouth again. "What do you say we get you to Madam Pomfrey?" Remus weakly nodded, and let me half- carry him to the Hospital Wing.
*°*°*°*end flashback *°*°*°*
I didn't concentrate in class the rest of the day, and couldn't make it to see him at lunch. I saw him briefly in the common room before I took of for a detention. Just enough time for Remus to reassure me that nothing was seriously wrong, and he just had a little cold. A little cold my arse, he was throwing up blood. But I didn't question what he said, I figured he had good reason for it.
And he did. He had a perfect reason for not telling me what was really happening. I didn't find out about this until after, but Sirius and Peter knew perfectly well what was going on, and they were helping Moony as best as they could.
*°*°*°*flashback *°*°*°*
Remus watched as me leave for detention, and scanned the common room for the other Marauders. He spotted Sirius and Peter chatting over a game of wizards chess. He plonked himself (albeit gracefully) into the chair next to Sirius, and sighed loudly.
They continued talking, and he sighed louder this time. Still no reaction. Remus breathed in deeply to sigh again, but found a hand over his mouth and nose.
"Do not sigh again, or you'll find this-" Sirius held up a struggling pawn, "Up your nose,"
Remus nodded, and once Sirius' hand was gone, he blew the suppressed breath into Sirius' face. Sirius silky black hair was now ruffled and looking a bit wind blow, and he frantically tried to fix it.
"Sirius, you're such a girl," Peter said.
"Hey! I thought we had decided that Moony would make the best girl," he said, with his eyes narrowed viciously at a white rook that was laughing at him.
"We did, but you still act like one more than he does,"
"At least I don't cry as much as Moony," Sirius pouted.
"True. But you-"
"Stop!" Remus said irritably.
"What's got your knickers in a twist?" Peter asked.
"I have something to tell you guys," The chessboard was now forgotten, and Remus had the full attention of Sirius and Peter.
"What is it?" Sirius asked.
"Not here. Upstairs," The two marauders packed their chess pieces up, and followed Remus to our room.
"Well? What's so important?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah, you sound like someone died," Peter said. Remus looked down at the carpet and prepared himself to tell them what he couldn't tell me.
"Did someone die?" Sirius asked.
Remus shook his head. "But someone is going to,"
"How do you know?" Peter asked.
"Dumbledore told me today,"
"Why'd he tell you?"
Remus looked up at the boys settled on the bed across from him. "Because it's me who is dying,"
Sirius looked at him with wide eyes, but Peter took a better approach; stuttering. "How-wh-when-h-how long?"
"I have two months. But there is something that can help,"
"What is it?" Sirius asked anxiously, "Is there anything we can do?"
Remus sighed, and nodded, "Yeah, I will need your help."
*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*° *°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*° Sirius and Peter crawled on their bellies towards Mr. Filch's office, and stopped every so often when they would hear a noise. They were on a mission to rescue the Marauders Map from his office.
"So, let me get this straight," They had stopped for a quick break, and Peter was finally working over what Remus had said in his head, "Moony is dying because he's been, well, Moony for almost thirteen years,"
"Yep,"
"And the only way to stop him from dying slowly and painfully is for him to have sex with James?"
"Yep," Sirius said.
"And we have to help Remus get James to fall in love with him?"
"That sounds about right,"
"When did the world flip upside down, and where was I during all this?" Peter asked rhetorically.
"The year we found out Remus is a werewolf, and probably in the loo," he replied cheekily.
"Oh shut up," *°*°*°*end flashback *°*°*°*
Bit much for a seventeen-year-old to deal with, wouldn't you say? After that day, Sirius, Peter, Remus, and even Lily did everything in their power to get me to fall for Remus. I didn't know then what they were planning.
What they didn't know, however, is that no matter what they tried, where they did it, or how they did it, they couldn't fail. There was no chance in heaven or hell of me not falling for their traps and tricks. No, gullible is not written on the ceiling, and yes, they are clever, but that wasn't important.
The truth is, I had already fallen for my amber eyed friend. Before all the tricks, fake dates (boys and girls), Remus flirting with me, him flirting with other people to make me jealous (which I assure you, it worked), and the sorry excuses for one-on-one tutor sessions with Moony. And, yes, we actually studied. If you think either of us were, or still are, brave enough men to make the first move then you, my friend, need to lay off the pain killers.
I didn't know exactly what Dumbledore had told Remus, and neither did Sirius or Peter. Remus isn't the most open person, not even now. He has gotten to trust us almost completely, but if you had a time limit on your life at one point, I guess you would also.
*°*°*°*flashback *°*°*°*
Madam Pomfrey had left Remus alone in the Hospital Wing to get Dumbledore. It was shortly after I had left Remus there to get something to stop the blood from coming up again. Since he was always in there he knew where everything was, and he cleared the vials and cups up while she was gone. He was just finishing the cleaning when Madam Pomfrey walked in, followed by Dumbledore.
"Remus sit down!" she said sternly. "You shouldn't be up and about!"
"Madam Pomfrey I feel perfectly fine now! I just got really bored," he said with a shrug. He sat down on the edge of the bed anyway.
"Honestly," she said as she fumbled with a thermometer, "putting all that away!"
"Poppy, I think we should trust Remus when he says that he is fine," Dumbledore said gently.
"But Albus-"
"Only he can improve what will happen-"
"But he was vomiting blo-"
"What's wrong with me?" he interrupted. They both looked at him, quite shocked. He normally waited until the professors had stopped talking before putting his say in. Either his rude disruption caused their shock, or they had forgotten that he was sitting there.
"Yes, well . . . Poppy could we use your office?" "Of course Albus," she said.
Remus followed the headmaster into Madam Pomfrey's cramped office. Dumbledore set a Silencing Charm, and motioned for Remus to sit in a poofy purple chair. He started at Remus over his clasped hands, which Remus took as a hint to start talking.
"Sir, what's wrong with me?"
Dumbledore sighed, "How long have you been a werewolf Remus?"
"Almost thirteen years," Remus said. He wasn't quite sure where this was going, but decided that he wouldn't like it much.
"Do you know how long it will be until the 13th anniversary?"
"About two months,"
"And do you know what you need to find in that time?"
". . . No,"
"A mate," he said simply.
"A m-mate? Wha-why now?" Remus sputtered.
"You must find a mate, or you'll die. On the eve of the anniversary of your thirteenth year,"
"I'll . . . die? You're telling me that in two months I'll just, die. Just like that?"
"Unless you mate. The wolf should tell you who it is. I can be anyo-"
"I know," Remus said with a sigh.
"I take it you already know whom it is the wolf has claimed?" Remus swallowed and nodded, while his confidence built up for the inevitable question. "May I ask who?"
"James Potter,"
*°*°*°*end flashback *°*°*°*
I know what you're all thinking. Perfect right? All he had to do was tell me, and I'd jump at the chance of being his mate. You wouldn't be wrong, mind you, but you forget, we're shy fellows. I turn red and stutter when asking people out, and Remus forgets how to speak altogether and makes these funny squeaking noises. Which is the reason Remus herded Sirius and Peter into helping him win me over. We Marauders never do anything direct (except Sirius, who will tell you exactly what is on his mind, no matter what the consequence), so the sexual tension built up like a layer of brick in the air. I didn't find out about everything until the last minute. Until it was almost too late and I almost lost my Moony forever.
*°*°*°*flashback *°*°*°*
Remus and I were paired up in potions, working on a Temporary Clumsiness potion. Peter had just spilled his bowl of caterpillar's hair on Sirius, who said "I think you had a Permanent Clumsiness potion spilled on you as a very small child,"
Peter looked hurt, which Remus noticed. He opened his mouth to tell Sirius to apologize, but started coughing instead. It was the kind of coughing that you feel deep in your throat, thick and loud, and it didn't stop. His eyes were half closed and watering from the effort it took.
A few people stopped to stare worriedly at him, he may have broken into coughing fits every so often in the last two months or so, but it was never like this. Other people purposely pretended they didn't hear him, while other just didn't care.
I looked up at him and gasped. His hand was covered in blood, and he had some trailing from the corner of his mouth. I handed him the handkerchief from my back pocket, which he graciously accepted. I opened my mouth to ask the professor if I could take him to the Hospital Wing, but didn't get the words out.
"Go Potter. You'll both be excused from the potion, and I'm sure your friends will clean your stuff up," she said.
Sirius and Peter nodded frantically at me, though their eyes were on Remus. He didn't seem to notice or care, his face was shaped with pain. I told him where we were going, and he nodded since he couldn't get the coughing to stop. We walked out of the potions room, and we were half way up the stairs when his coughing stopped. When it did, he stopped walking.
"Remus are you all right?"
He was breathing heavy, searching for his breath, and had the hand that was covered in blood on the stone wall. My eyes flashed for a second to the piece of fabric that used to be white. It was now covered in thick blood and spit. He shook his head, and tried to say something. I walked down a few steps to him.
"Don't try to talk, just catch your breath ok?"
Remus nodded, and slowly started walking up the stairs. His hand trailed on the wall and left a track of blood along the wall. I placed an arm around his waist to help support him, and we made our way to the first floor.
By the time we had arrived in the Hospital Wing Remus had started coughing into the handkerchief again. Madam Pomfrey spun around at the sound and immediately started bustling around him. Remus was weak now, and could barely stand without the support of me, the nurse, or a wall, bed, o or any other inanimate object. "Here Potter," she thrust a pair of pyjamas at me, "Get him dressed and into the bed. He's going to have to stay here for a while,"
I nodded weakly. It was a shock to me to see him like this, weak and shaky, coughing up blood without and sign of stopping. I clumsily got the pyjamas onto him, only pausing to look at his chest. It was covered with scars of all shapes and sizes that formed an eerie pattern on his untanned skin.
Once he was changed and in bed (and still coughing), I let Madam Pomfrey back into the curtains. She pulled her wand out and cast a sleeping charm on him so that the coughing would stop. Quiet was instantly granted to the ward. She cleaned the blood off of him, and was about to leave, but I wouldn't let her leave without telling me what was wrong.
"What's wrong with him?" She spun around and looked at me oddly.
"What makes you think there's something wrong?" she asked, avoiding my question.
"He was just coughing nonstop. Blood was coming up. Not long ago I brought him in here because he passed out in Herbology, and before that it was because he threw up blood. Now I may not be the brightest kid in our year, but I know that something is seriously wrong with him and I'd like to know what!"
"I don't know if I'm the person who should tell you,"
"Well he's in no state to at the moment," I snapped. It was really getting old, this spiral talk, and I was tired of it. I wanted answers, and nothing would stop me from getting them.
She sighed, "When he wakes, make him tell you. It's not my duty to," I sighed and thought for a moment, then nodded, "Oh, and Potter?" I looked up at her, "Hold his hand,"
"What?"
"Hold his hand, it'll help him. That's all I'm saying," and with that she was gone.
I looked at Remus, so fragile and pale, and decided it wouldn't do any harm to do as she said. I probably would have ended up doing it anyway. I moved him over a little, and sat next to him on the bed, then took his warm hand into my own.
I'm not sure when I leaned into the pillows and curled up against him, when I fell asleep, or when he moved against me. I didn't know for sure, until I woke up that night. We had slept the whole day, and missed all our classes.
I opened my eyes and saw Remus sleepy soundly against me. I watched him sleep for what I figured was a good hour, until his eyes fluttered open. He slowly slipped out of his sleepiness, and I waited silently for him to notice me. He did, a few minutes later, and raised an eyebrow at me.
"Why are you here James?" his voice was hoarse. From a sore throat I suspected.
I shrugged the best I could (I was lying on my side), "Madam Pomfrey said that holding your hand would help with whatever is wrong with you . . . I must have fallen asleep," Remus nodded, but didn't say anything. "What is wrong with you Remus?"
"What makes you ask that?"
"You know Madam Pomfrey gave me a similar line when I asked her what is wrong with you. You were coughing up blood, throwing it up a while ago, and you've fainted in class on more than one occasion. I'm not stupid Remus,"
He sighed, and closed his eyes. When I was about snap at him for not telling me, he spoke. "I'm dying James,"
"You . . . you can't be dying," I suspected something bad, but not this? What do you say to someone who's dying? 'I'm sorry'? Forget someone, what was I supposed to say to Remus? I couldn't hardly tell him I liked him now, he'd think that I wanted to give him someone to love before he died, out of pity. Or he'd think that-
"I am. In six days I'm not going to be here anymore,"
"Six days? How can you know for sure?"
He opened his eyes and looked at me, "It's the day that marks my thirteenth year as a werewolf,"
"Do all werewolves die after thirteen years?" This doesn't make sense, I thought. What would being a werewolf have to do with anything?
"No . . . only those who haven't . . ." he trailed off, and avoided my eyes.
"Haven't?"
Remus swallowed heavily, "Mated,"
An almost full moon was shining high outside, casting it's silvery blue light into the Hospital Wing. From the light of it I could see his cheeks flush fantastically.
"But . . . what does that have to do with anything?"
He sighed, "A werewolf must mate in the first thirteen years, or they die. Mated werewolves and their mates tend to live longer than regular wizards because their life and magic energies are shared. No one knows exactly why we have to mate, we just do. When the werewolf claims someone as it's mate, age and sex are unimportant to it. Dumbledore told me all this that day I was vomiting blood,"
I paused to let all this sink in. He had found out almost two months ago? "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want you to worry," he said it more as a question than a statement. I left that alone for a moment. "Who . . . who did Moony claim? It wasn't someone like Snivellius or Dumbledore or someone, was it?"
Remus shook his head with a small smile on his perfect lips, "Moony claimed . . . he claimed . . ."
"You can tell me Remus,"
He nodded, "I know . . . promise me you won't freak,"
"I promise . . ."
"Moony claimed you James. He did a before all of this, and I had to fight so hard to keep him away from you but after Dumbledore told me what had to be done I tried to get you to like me I even had Sirius, Peter, and Lily help me but no matter what we did nothing seemed to work and I really didn't want to scare you away-"
He said that all in one breath, and would have continued rambling if I hadn't pressed my lips against his. Remus was quiet almost instantly, since it's kind of hard to talk with someone's lips on yours. I tentatively wrapped an arm around his waist and rolled over on top of him ,without breaking the kiss. The fingers of one his hands snaked into my hair, and the other hand fumbled with my glasses. I pulled back long enough for him to pull them off, and he put them on the table. I slipped my tongue between his lips and pressed it against his tongue, causing a low growl to escape from the back of his throat. But the next thing I knew he had pushed my head away, and was holding it inches from his face.
"James," he panted, "I don't want you to do this just to-just to keep me alive. I'd rather die than have you pretend to love me,"
"Then you're not going to die are you?" With my glasses off it was hard to see much. All I could focus on was his golden eyes that were filled with fear, "I don't have to pretend to love you Remus, I do love you," he opened his mouth, but apparently changed his mind and closed it again. "I have for a while now, I just wasn't ready to tell you. But since we have a time limit it seems, I knew I had to tell you now or live the rest of my life knowing that I could have kept you alive,"
I could tell he was at a loss for words, so I patiently waited for him to speak. "I could have just told you then?"
I smiled, "Yes, it would have been a lot easier,"
He grinned, and shook his head slightly, as if it was funny he had taken so long to tell me the truth. Remus pulled my head down and kissed me, gentle and lovingly at first, but it soon got passionate. His hands moved from my hair to the buttons on my shirt and he fumbled to get the shirt off. I slid it off my shoulders, and his hands were stroking my chest instantly. He kissed my neck, and sucked on my collarbone, causing me to gasp loudly. I hitched his shirt up, but couldn't get it off. I struggled with it for a few minutes, when Remus, impatient to feel his skin on mine, flipped me over and threw it off himself.
I was preoccupied with the feeling of his tongue on my neck, his erection rubbing against mine, and my fingers in his hair. So much so that I didn't hear the water glass fall off the table and shatter on the ground when Remus' shirt hit it. I did, however, hear Madam Pomfrey.
"What do you two think you're doing?" She screeched. We had sprung apart at the word 'what' and were both sitting up staring at her. It's a good thing no one else was in the Hospital Wing that night.
"I'm making him feel better Poppy," I said. Remus blushed beautifully.
She looked between the two of us, and I couldn't see it, but she was trying not to smile. I could only see a blurry figured in a fluffy pink bathrobe standing next to the bed.
"Be that as it may, Remus needs his rest," she said sternly.
"But I'm feeling better . . . really!" he said with a grin that could make a Death Eater join our side. I knew she would leave us to our own means, she had developed a soft spot for Remus over the years, and since I was the only thing that could cure him. . .
She sighed, "All right . . . just use a Silencing Charm," she said awkwardly. Remus' blush increased. "And watch out for the glass!" Madam Pomfrey fixed the shattered glass and placed it back next to the water pitcher on the bed table, then retired to her room.
I counted down in my mind, 3 . . . 2 . . . 1. . . Remus and I started laughing at the same time. Sure, that situation was slightly embarrassing , but that didn't stop it from being any less humorous. When our laughing stopped, we sat in an awkward silence. Remus was avoiding my eyes, apparently very interested in the white bedspread.
"Come here," I whispered. He slowly crawled over to me, and I pulled him into my lap. He rested his head against my chest, I wrapped one arm around his waist, and occupied my other hand with his silky hair.
"We don't have to . . . you know . . . tonight," he said. I kissed his temple, and then his hair.
I nodded, "I know. When Madam Pomfrey lets you out of here we will, all right?"
He looked up at me, "I don't want you to think you have-"
"Don't say that I don't have to Remus, because we both know that I do. We could wait a few more days, but I don't want to see you in pain any longer than I have to. I hated seeing this happen to you without having any idea what was wrong, and no idea how to help. Now that I know I can help, I have every intention of doing so,"
I pulled the covers back, and he climbed off my lap in favor of crawling underneath them. I lay against him and pulled him into my arms. He kissed me softly once we were settled.
"What did I do to deserve you James?" he asked with a sleepy smile.
"It's Karma my dear Moony," I replied with a teasing grin. We kissed a once more before we fell asleep.
*°*°*°*end flashback *°*°*°*
Two days later Madam Pomfrey let him out of the Hospital Wing. I only left his side to go eat (which he insisted on), and when I would come back he'd be dissolved in coughing fits again. We kicked Peter and Sirius out of the room for a night, and we mated. I didn't see fireworks, stars, heaven, or God when it happened. It was what it was, nothing more, nothing less.
Besides having sex, the mating process included him biting my collarbone. He took the blood into his mouth, bit his tongue, and mixed the blood, then passed it into my mouth. I swallowed it, then bit my own tongue, and passed that blood into his mouth, where he swallowed it with the blood still coming from his tongue. The rest of the night our tongues (and my collarbone) bled, but we paid it no mind, and woke in the morning covered in dried sweat, semen, and blood. Nonetheless, we were happier than we had ever been, and our peers accepted us easily once we had agreed to 'come out'.
I wish I could say that everything was 'happily ever after', after that. In the time we lived in 'happily ever after' was only in dreams. The next week my father died, and two months later Peter's mum was killed by Death Eaters. Three weeks after that Sirius' cousin, Andromeda, was killed, and that same day Lily's parents were both killed. Just yesterday Remus' older brother was killed. His parents were already dead (his dad was killed 4th year, and he accidentally killed his mom on a full moon in 6th year), and he lived with Sirius, Peter, or I during the holidays. He and I now own our own flat in Hogsmeade, which we shared with Sirius, Lily, and Peter before they all got their own homes.
We were the hope for the future, and we are fighting as hard as we can against Voldemort, but we aren't fighting hard enough. Younger generations are now our hope, but none of us can see an end to the massacres that take place almost daily, no matter how much we tell the children next door that it'll be over soon.
The only thing for us to do is to thank God for the time we have with the people who are still alive, and to tell them everyday how much we love them.
*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*° *°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°
James tiredly put his quill down. He rubbed his eyes under his glasses, and with a yawn looked at the clocks on the wall. The first was a regular clock that said "9:58", and the other clock had five hands labeled "Lily," "Sirius," "Peter," "James," and "Remus." There were various locations labeled where there should be numbers. Lily and Sirius were at "Padfoot's Place," Peter was "God knows where," James was "Home" and Remus was "Traveling." He had been over to Sirius and Lily's to help Lily decide on which color to paint the kitchen. Sirius admitted that he had no clue in these sort of things, and called in the 'reinforcements.'
James chuckled under his breath, but was drawn out of his thoughts by a loud 'pop' from the sitting room. He stood up and stretched, then put his papers away.
"James! Where are you?" Remus asked.
"In here love," he replied.
Remus walked into their bedroom, and threw his bag onto the red comforter. We truly are Gryffindors at heart, Remus thought. He walked up behind James and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's chest, kissing the back of his neck as he did so. James smiled before he turned around and kissed Remus.
"Mmm, missed you," Remus said. He grinned against James' lips.
"I missed you more," James said in an immature voice.
"That is so childish,"
"But it's true,"
Remus kissed him again, "I never said it wasn't," he laid his head against James' chest, and looked over at the desk. "What were you working on?"
"Just writing,"
"'Bout what?" he asked in a teasing voice that sounded like a four-year- old's.
"How we got together," Remus looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.
"I don't know about you, but that wasn't the most pleasant experience for me," he said.
"I doubt that coughing blood would be fun," James said.
"It's not, trust me . . . why'd you write about that though?" Remus asked.
James shrugged, and pulled away from Remus to look outside. "I've just been thinking too much I suppose,"
"Now I've warned you about that . . ."
James smiled to himself, and plopped onto their bed and stared at the ceiling, "I'm scared Remus, I don't want anything to happen to you or our friends. I don't want anything to happen to me," he whispered.
Remus stared at him for a moment, then pounced on him. "Don't," he said.
"Don't what?"
"Don't think about the future, it'll only depress you. I'm scared too, but I try not to think about it. Live for today James,"
"It's hard to forget Remus, you've seen the headlines,"
"Yes, I have, but I don't dwell on them and let them ruin my day. I don't want to die and regret not living my life to the fullest. We could both die tomorrow . . . don't let it scare you, take it as a challenge. A challenge to be happy under the most depressing circumstances,"
"You know that I can't turn down a challenge," Remus smiled knowingly, and James kissed that smile, "I love you,"
"You know you say that at least five times a day?"
"You don't mind it too much, do you?"
"Nah, I love hearing you say that," he kissed James, "And I love you too,"
*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*° *°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°
A/n- I had troubles finding a good ending, but this one seemed to work! I'm sorry if that was too confusing, the flashbacks seemed a bit awkward where I placed them. I've read a few James/Remus (most of them were great) and I decided that there's not enough of them, and I wanted to try my hand at one!
I love Remus paired with almost any other guy, and I want to know why you guys think. Should I post a Remus/Draco next? The little plot bunnies won't leave me alone, I just thought of a great RL/DM today!
Please Review!
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