Hey Guys!
It's been a long time since I've posted anything, and I just had this lying around so I decided to upload it.
Apologies if it's not very good/doesn't make much sense, or if there are some mistakes.
Why does it have to be so hard? All the lies, all the secrets, why do they have to exist? I would give anything for life to go back to how it was before. When the whole team got along like best friends. When Tony and I used to flirt our way through every day. When not a day went by without Gibbs head slapping Tony, and then followed by Tony doing the same to McGee. Why does life have to change so dramatically because of one bad person whom you're trying to protect?
I was always an Officer of Mossad. I just had ties to NCIS. But after over four years with the American Agency, was I really expected to pledge my full allegiance to Mossad? Surely my father did not expect that from me, did he? I am loyal to both Mossad and NCIS. One more so then the other, I suppose. One has been with me for my whole life. Took pride in calling me 'family'. The other only four years. They didn't take pride in calling me family. They just included me. Out of real love and friendship. That was the difference in where my true loyalties lay. Or so I thought.
I should have known something had changed when Michael Rivkin turned up in DC to 'see me'. I mean, how could I have been so foolish to believe him? I eventually found out the truth. But the thing was, I should have known from the beginning that he killed the ICE Agent. And when I did put the pieces together, it was too late. The damage had been done. The rest of the team had put the pieces together too. It started a feud, especially between Tony and I. We could no longer trust each other. Every word, every sentence said to each other was cold and full of suspicion. I wanted it to end. But what could I do? I was only a small fish in the vast ocean.
When Michael sent me those emails, I should have gone to Gibbs! I should have been honest and truthful from the very beginning! I should not have hidden them. They were important. Maybe, if I had come clean and told NCIS about them, we would not be in this mess today. Or at least far less deep in. I hated it. Knowing the truth and having to conceal it inside of me in a blanket of secrets and lies. I do not lie to my team. Especially my partner. But, when you're protecting someone you thought you loved, nothing else matters. All your senses become overridden. And the more you lie, the easier it becomes and the more you tell.
The more my relationship with Tony fell apart, the more it grew with Michael. I know Tony did not approve. And now, I understand that he was looking out for me. In the beginning, every lie told to Tony cut deeper and deeper into my heart. But, as time went on, as I had come to terms with Michael, it did not hurt as much. But then something happens and the wounds you thought you had grown immune to open up, causing you to do things you would normally never even think of. When Tony killed Michael, when he shot him four times in the chest, in my apartment, I almost killed him. He was vulnerable. And I knew it. Seeing Michael on that floor dying made me so mad. Tony had caused this. If he had just left it alone in the first place, Michael would not be dead and I would not be this close to shooting him.
Tony said he had been protecting me. But anger makes you do irrational things. It puts thoughts in your mind that you never even knew you could consider. And then you get sent to Israel to see your father. It brings up more pain. More anger. More resentment at him for Michael's false involvement with you, and his role in it all. But again, what could you do? The damage was done. So you do the only thing your brain knows how to do. You fight.
You fight the one person who won't fight back. And you know they won't fight back. You unleash all your anger, all your pain, all your sadness on him. You push him to the ground and hold him at gunpoint. You threaten to shoot his knee, instantly paralysing him. You can feel the tears coming, but you stay strong. And then you walk away, leaving him there, hoping that he regrets ever messing with the person you were protecting.
And when the time comes, you stay behind. You leave him. You leave your real family. You leave them for the more powerful one. The one you are bound to. The one you have to make happy. It kills you inside. But you know there's no other option. You miss them, but fill your time up with operations, assassinations, to keep your mind at ease. And then you get sent on a real mission. A risky one. You know it's practically suicide, but you still accept. Why? To keep your family happy.
And then you get captured. Beaten. Tortured. Physical pain is one thing, but emotionally you are scarred for life. You find yourself thinking more and more about your true family. Not by blood, but by something much more strong. By love. By friendship. And by honesty. You realise that you miss the 'good old days'. You want them back. And you would give anything to get them back. You never realised it before, but you don't want to lose the people you really love and care for.
So when Tony came to rescue me, I was overwhelmed. Seeing him there. Seeing that he had not given up on me, made me feel loved. Special. Not alone. And then the rest of your team turns up. Your true father kills your capturer. You go back to America. You go back home. And you stay there, happy at last that you've found you're place in the word with the people you really need. Your true family.
Feel free to review!