All characters and such belong to Janet Evanovich****

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I was slowly waking up…at least I hoped that I was waking. I saw a blinding white light and everything was shiny and glowing, maybe I died and was in heaven. My tongue involuntarily flopped out of my dry mouth as a moan vibrated to my lips. I licked the corner of my mouth, hmmm Boston cream doughnut. Yum. Maybe I was heaven.

I opened my eyes a little more and suddenly realized that I was still on earth, in my crappy little living room in my crappy little apartment in the crappy little building with all the tiny wrinkled old people and the beautiful view of the parking lot.

Oh man did I have hangover.

Rex's hamster wheel was quietly squeaking on the kitchen counter. It sounded like Rex was going for a record. I however found the tiny squeak of the spinning tin to be as annoying as someone clanging two pots together.

"Rex…." I muttered.

More spinning.

"Rex." I said a little louder and rolled over on the couch.

More spinning. Double time.

I picked up my discarded sock and balled it up. I then launched it over the side of the couch like a grenade and it landed on top of Rex's cage. Rex stopped dead on the wheel. His whisker's twitching at the UFO.

I sighed into the silence and pulled a couch pillow over my head. Maybe twenty minutes later, my bladder pulled me from a deep sleep. Man, I had to pee. I jerked off the couch and stood up. I was fully clothed in jeans and tee and zipper hoodie. I had one sock on, one sock off. I trotted to the bathroom.

After I finished, I stripped out of all my clothes until I was down to my white push-up bra and matching cheekies. I looked in the mirror. Holy mother of God! My hair was a snarled mess and….and…what was that? Great, more unidentifiable crap was in my hair. I looked down at my arm where I had acquired a scrap and a bruise. It wasn't too surprising for me to have souvenir of my day on my body, but I couldn't remember for the life of me of how I got it.

"What the hell happened last night?" I asked myself.

The hangover told me that I had obviously been drinking, but….? I wracked my brain. Shit, I couldn't remember!

I opened the bathroom door and a scream got trapped between my throat and some potential post-binging vomit.

"Babe." Ranger smiled at me, his eyes dipped down my mostly naked body but then went back up to my hair.

I swallowed and a closed my eyes. Why me? Why me?

"Have fun last night?" he asked, leaning back into the chair by my bed. He was in full Ranger mode, including an extra gun I rarely ever see him carry strapped to his thigh.

Huh? Did I spend the night with Ranger….I woke up fully clothed and alone. Hmmm…I guess we can still hang out without getting groiny, but still….what happened last night?

"I don't know. Did I?" I asked, crossing my arms across my chest, suddenly embarrassed by my lack of clothing.

Ranger gave another small smile and rose from the chair. He had his hands in the pockets of his cargos as he walked slowly towards me. I saw my old Metallica t-shirt lying on the dresser. I reached for it, only to have Ranger grip my wrist possessively. The shirt dropped to the floor and I stood stunned.

"Looks like you have a mashed M&M in your hair." He said quietly, his eyes examining my tangled mane.

"Oh, that's what that is." I noted…jeez I'm a walking disaster. Unwilling to let Ranger see me embarrassed I brushed off the M&M thing and attempted to pick up my tee again.

This time Ranger's grip tightened on my wrist and his other hand went to my hip as he straightened me up and shoved me against the wall. I didn't have any time to really comprehend what was going on before his thigh was pushed between my legs and felt an explosion pulse through me. Instant orgasm. Holy mother of God.

He slightly loosened his grip against on my wrist as his hand slid down mine and our fingers entwined. He then held our hands against the wall by my head and his dark eyes seemed to pin my soul against the wall as well. His look stayed steady on my face for a long moment, I felt like I could have another explosion any second now.

Did I miss something here? What the fuck happened last night? Wasn't I still with Morelli?

"Don't scare me again." Ranger said in a low, deep voice. His hot breath swept against my neck.

"Ok." I answered dumbly. I scared Batman? WTF!!!!!

He then kissed me lightly sending sparks to my toes. He released his grasp and removed his thigh from between my legs. If I hadn't been leaning against the wall, I'd be a puddle on the floor.

"I'll call Tank and have him deliver a new car." Ranger told her, walking towards the bedroom door.

My car blew up. That didn't surprise me at all. I start a lot of my days that way.

"Thank you."

He paused in the doorway. He then turned to face me again, took a few strides towards me, and in instant his tongue was invading my mouth. His hands caressed my back before he grabbed a handful of my bare butt. I moaned into his mouth and pushed my breasts against his hard chest. I felt the hard length of his through his cargos.

Oh, another instant orgasm.

He pulled away suddenly, his lips slightly swollen from his force. His breath was hard and his nose flared slightly. There was a hint of emotion in there, which was a lot for Ranger. He let me go and stepped out of my room.

Then he was gone.

My insides were still burning as I heard the door close and the lock click. My skin still burned from where Ranger had touched me. Get a grip, I told myself. I looked around the room mischievously and bit my bottom lip. I closed my eyes and felt all my special parts tingle as Bulgari still lingered in my room. My fingers came to the lace of my cheekies….naughty, naughty Stephanie.

"Girl, open this mother up! I'm gonna kick your little white ass!" Lula's voice was carried through my front door and into my room.

I had myself panting at this point , but all warm and fuzzy feelings and any chance of me giving my morning a happy ending vanished when I heard Lula's voice. I sighed and picked up my Metallica tee and a pair of sweats and pulled them on.

Lula was ruthlessly pounding on my door; the hinges were creaking and threatening to splinter out of the wall. "I'm gonna take my Stiletto off and hack at this door all day long if I have to. Oh wait, I have my gun in my bag….hang on!"

"Christ Lula, what is wrong?" I asked yanking the door open and met the eyes of one crazed woman. "Lula?" I asked in disbelief.

Lula, yes the one that was a former ho, was wearing a cream colored pant suit with a lavender silk blouse underneath. A long string of pearls hung from her neck and complimented the matching earrings in her ears. Her hair was what I assumed her natural hair to be, a nice rich dark brown. Her makeup was natural and she had black leather sandals on her feet.

"I thought you were going to kill my door with Stiletto's?" I asked, my face still staring in disbelief.

"They're in my bag. Just because I gave up hookin' don't mean I leave the house without some sexy ass shoes." She said, shoving me inside and closing the door.

"Did you go to church or something?" I asked, trying to figure out how the girl that always had her big, voluptuous ass hanging out of a mini skirt was suddenly looking like the preachers wife.

"No." she pouted.

"You look so lovely." I said. My eyes never blinking as Lula paced my living room back and forth.

"Why, why did you let me do it?" Lula yelled and turned to me, poking her super long fake nail into my chest. "You have a mashed M&M in your hair."

"I know." I muttered. "What did I let you do?"

"Shit, you don't remember?" Lula asked, her eyes wide and crazed. "Shit, I can smell the tequila from here. You got shit-faced again didn't you?"

"I guess….Lula, will you please just tell me what's going on!" I yelled and plopped down on my couch.

"Me and my beau Lou that's what's going on! Me, Lou, you and Morelli drove down to Atlantic city yesterday." Lula shouted, swinging her big hips around.

"Okay." I said, trying to remember some shred of something.

"The Chapel! You don't even remember getting married!?" Lula yelled and tossed her sandal off. "You gotta beer?" She asked, trotting to my kitchen and pulled out one of Morelli's Corona's.

I slumped into the couch cushion. All air expelled out of my lungs. I saw dots in front of my eyes. "Married?"

"Well, no. You walked out on poor Morelli. You left him standing there like a total ass." Lula said and tossed back half of the Corona in two big gulps. She made the "Ahhh" sound of gratification and looked back at me. "I didn't come to my senses until this morning."

"Huh?" I asked. I almost married Morelli? I left Morelli at the alter?

"We were looking all over for you. The bell boy at the hotel said he saw you leave with a bottle of tequila and a box of doughnuts. Those were for a convention that was being held there, they charged those to Morelli's credit card by the way." Lula told her. "He also said you left with black Big Foot in an SUV."

"HUH?!"

"Damn it Steph, Tank came back for me but it was too late. Too late! I already had the ring on my finger!" Lula said and she started to cry. I could barely believe what I was hearing and what I was seeing.

I rushed over to Lula and wrapped my arms around her. "It's going to be ok."

"No." Lula groaned. "I married Lou. Tank will probably never talk to me again." She cleared the tears from her face. "I'll be right back."

Lula locked herself in the bedroom and left me standing in the kitchen dumbstruck. Lula married Lou, the man she met three weeks ago at Pino's. I left Morelli at the alter. I got drunk, hijacked some doughnuts, and hitched a ride with heartbroken Tank.

"Don't scare me again." Ranger's words echoed through my head. Did my car blowing up scare him or the near marriage to Morelli scare him? Well since I go through cars like you wouldn't believe, I had to naturally assume that me saying "I do" to Morelli had scared him.

"I ain't gonna let him change me!" Lula yelled and swung open the door.

Holy leopard print spandex, Batman. Lula came out in her usual outfit. Cleavage busting out, booty busting out…pretty much everything was busting out. "He wants me dressing like a lady…honey, Lula is a lady!"

I nodded.

"I got to figure this shit out. I'll see you at work…later. Much later." Lula said and left my apartment.

I took a few moments to let everything soak in. I glanced over at Rex and found that he had nibbled big chunks of my sock off and was using the pieces as bedding in his soup can. Nice.