Hello Lemony Snicket fans!
This is my first SOUE fic, and my second fic, so please don't be too evil in reviews. I'm currently writing another humour story about Voldemort and his Death Eaters, and decided that I could do a similar thing with Count Olaf and his troupe. Why not eh? They're stupid, aren't they? Well, maybe not, but hey. Right, here goes nothing...
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The Troupe play dress up.
It was a rather dull morning in Count Olaf's house. Count Olaf was out chasing the Baudelaires again, and had left the Troupe in charge of the house.
Not a good idea.
They had been supposed to clean up the dishes, but, being stupid, they had voted that Fernald be in charge of that, and all he had suceeded in doing was making several large rips in the tea cloths, and more of a mess in the form of several broken plates.
The whited faced women were doing the dusting, but sadly, the white powder from their faces was being blown everywhere and making more dusting for them.
The other two associates, the bald man with the long nose, and the large associate who looked like neither a man or a woman, were having a little less trouble, but were still finding the job of cleaning the grimy windows extremely taxing.
"This is ridiculous!" Cried Fernald in frustration as he smashed his fifteenth tea cup. "I'm making more of a mess than you two." He said to the white faced women.
"We're covering the house in powder!" One of them said. "Don't think just because you've got hooks instead of hands anyone's going to feel sorry for you."
Fernald blushed angrily.
"I can't help being physically handicapped," he replied. "I don't want sympathy."
"You three stop it," hissed the bald man with the long nose. "It's quite obvious that all of us are just making things worse. All we're going to do is make the boss more angry."
"So what shall we do?" Fernald asked, sitting down with a sigh. "He's going to be out all day, and we've got nothing to do."
Suddenly, the large associate tripped over a large trunk. The others turned around.
"What's that?" One of the white faced women asked.
The bald man with the long nose tried to open it, it was locked.
"I'll do it," Fernald offered, bent down, stuck one of his hooks in the lock and began to turn it. There was a small 'click' and the trunk sprung open.
There was a gasp from the room.
"It's the disguise kit," the other white faced woman said. "The boss must have left it behind."
They all looked at each other, and then all dived for the trunk.
Disguises flew everywhere as the five associates pulled out costumes.
"I look like a scarecrow," cackled the bald man with the long nose as he pulled on a straw hat and a fake nose with an elastic band.
"I look like a pirate," Fernald grinned, stuffing a Captain's hat on his head. "Avast, all aboard the Quee- erm, I mean, The Jolly Rodger!"
"We look like ghosts!" One of the white faced women announced as she and the other woman pranced around the room in white sheets.
The large associate who looked like neither a man nor a woman said nothing, but put on a pair of sunglasses and admired themself in a hand mirror.
"On guard, Sir Turnipnose," Fernald said, brandishing one of his hooks. "You'll be walking the plank!"
"You'll be sorry you ever challenged me, Captain Spikey-hand," the bald man with the long nose growled, taking out a wooden sword from the trunk.
They started a loud and rawcous swordfight around the room, the two white faced women running around making ghostly noises and sprinkling powder everywhere, and the large associate trying on different types of wigs.
They were having so much fun, that none of them heard the front door open, and someone come into the room.
"Ahem," came a voice. They all froze and turned around. The man in the doorway with the one eyebrow and shiny eyes stared around the room at the smashed china, dirty windows, and powder covered floor. Then at Fernald and the bald man with the long nose frozen in mid fight, at the white faced women and their trail of white powder, and at the large associate who was currently wearing a long blonde wig with braids.
"So sorry to interrupt your little role playing session," Count Olaf said smoothly. "But may I enquire to ask WHAT ON EARTH HAS HAPPENED IN HERE?"
Everyone turned to look at one another.
"They started it!" They all said at once, pointing at each other.
"I don't care who started it," Count Olaf said dangerously. "I JUST WANT IT CLEANED UP NOW!"
There was silence.
"We'll erm, we'll get cleaning then, boss, shall we?" Fernald muttered.
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That was the first chapter, please review. Was it good? Bad? Completely stupid? Did you love it? Hate it? Anything I could change? Whatever, review! Just click that cute little button in the corner. You know you want to.
Reddy.