author's note: This is only the first part of the story and if you wonder where Pat is, he will appear in part two. This part is focused on Billy.

Billy and Pat – Their story

Chapter 1

Despite the fact that I'm so young, I have lived a very eventful life. The stories about me are many and therefore I think it's time that I get to tell the truth about myself. I don't expect that you will believe me, but at least I have tried to tell my story.

I was born in New York 1859. I don't know the exact date and it's not important anyway. My name at this time was Henry McCarty. My mother's name was Catherine and my brother's was Joseph. I never knew my father and my mother hardly ever talked about him.

When I still was a small boy, we moved from New York. After having moved several times we finally ended up in New Mexico, which I now consider to be my home. There my mother met a man, William Antrim, who she later married and we settled down in Silver City. Joseph and I never liked our stepfather very much, but we rarely showed it, since we loved our mother much more.

At this time, when I was just fourteen, the fire in my blood had not been lit yet. I still was a nice boy, who did well in school. Of course it happened that I did some pranks, but what small boy doesn't? You could see no signs of the man I would be just a few years later in that young boy.

I clearly remember the time my world fell apart. My mother, who had long suffered from tuberculosis, got worse. I remember with grief all the nights I sat by her bed and watched her go through endless attacks of coughing. The strong and happy woman she once was, was gone. Now there was just a fragment of her left and the spark of life was fading a little every day. The 16th of September 1874 was my mother's last day alive. Late that afternoon Joseph and I stood by her bed and watched her leave us forever. I can't help thinking about how different my life would have been if my mother hadn't died when I was young. Then I probably wouldn't have been the hunted man I am today. My normal life ended the same day hers did.

Now it might sound like I blame my mother for the way my life turned out, but I don't. It wasn't her fault she died. There was nothing she could do. If anyone is to be blamed for who I turned out to be, it's my stepfather, who promised to take care of me and Joseph. He left us pretty soon and became a gold-miner instead.

It was now that my wilder side started to show. In the beginning it was just minor crimes, which didn't hurt anybody. A short time after my mother died I ended up in jail for the first time. For a crime I was innocent of, I might add. Sombrero Jack, a friend of mine, stole some clothes from a laundry and asked me to hide the loot. Guess who got blamed for the theft? So I found myself being locked up for the first time in my life and it was then I realized how much freedom means to me. I can't breathe in a prison. I rather die by a bullet than spend the rest of my life in jail. My first escape went through a chimney. Since I was small and thin, I had no trouble getting out.

Now my life on the run began. I left my brother in Silver City and I will never see him again. For a long time I drifted in New Mexico. I got some small jobs here and there, so that I at least survived. I learned how to use a gun and a rifle. I have never felt so lonely, as I did during that time. I met a lot of people, but no one cares about a skinny boy, with ragged clothes and a gun in his belt. But I decided that one day I would show them that I also was worth something. I would become the most famous man in New Mexico, maybe in America.

Chapter 2

Another incident that effected my life a lot is what happened in Fort Grant. I was about 18 years old when I got there. I hadn't had a real home for years and something told me I wasn't going to find it there either. The people there just looked at me with uninterested eyes when I came walking. I began to be known as "the Kid". No one cared to learn my real name. When I think about it no one has called me Henry since I left Silver City. It feels like I didn't have an identity, when nobody knew my name. I never thought a name could mean so much.

I started hanging in the saloon and learned more about poker and monte than I had in Silver City. It was there I met the man, who started my violent career, the blacksmith Cahill. I have never met someone I disliked as much as him, not even in the Lincoln County War. He loved to tease me and I sure wasn't going to put up with it. I have a limit and when you reach that, it's not healthy to be around me. Cahill learned that one night in the saloon. As usual he started to tease me, but this time I said the same things about him. Then he threw himself upon me and began to hit me. Since I was so small, I knew I didn't have a chance against him, so when I saw the revolver he had in his belt, I snatched it and shot him in the belly. He fell off me and the saloon went quiet. All that was heard was Cahill's moans, as he twisted with pain on the floor. I stood there frozen a short while and looked at the hand, which held the gun that just shot a man. I was terrified of what I had done, but at the same time I had a sense of power, rising inside of me. With a gun in my hand I was the ruler of the world. I also knew that I would never be able to put down my weapons for the rest of my life.

I instantly left Fort Grant and after a few days I heard that Cahill died from the wound I gave him. They called it murder, but to me it was self-defense. Nobody wanted to help me and I didn't want to let Cahill beat me to death, so what choice did I have?

A little later the same year I met Jesse Evans and his gang of thieves and killers. When I joined them I got to see all the dark sides of humanity. I have never met anyone more cruel and hard than the men in that gang. The ones who call me a monster haven't seen much. I'm a saint compared to them.

It was also now that I ended up in the Lincoln County War. Jesse Evans was working for Dolan, so I also did that a while. The war was a merchant-and cattle-war with Murphy, Dolan and Riley on one side and Chisum, McSween and Tunstall on the other.

Pretty soon I grew tired of Jesse Evans and his gang and after a quarrel I left them. If they had known that we soon would find ourselves on different sides of the war, they probably wouldn't have let me leave the gang alive and there wouldn't have been any Billy the Kid.

Chapter 3

If I had known what would happen in just a few months I would have gone right by Tunstall's ranch without stopping that December-day 1877. Instead I asked if he could use another man and he sure could. He probably suspected that the war, which until now had been fought with paper and pen, would soon become more violent. I had now taken the name William H. Bonney, but most called me Billy, or Kid.

I liked it at Tunstall's ranch. Everyone treated me well and for the first time in years I had a home. It's quite possible that I would have settled down there, but fate wanted otherwise.

At this time the situation in Lincoln County was very tense. The whole territory was like a powder-keg and the smallest spark would make it explode. That spark came the 18th of February, when I, several of Tunstall's men and Tunstall himself were on our way to Lincoln. Suddenly we saw some turkeys and some of the men rode away to chase them. Ironically it was these birds that caused Tunstall's death.

We, who stayed with Tunstall, saw a group of men approaching from behind us. We quickly understood that we had no chance against them and started to ride for cover. Tunstall realized too late what was happening and was surrounded by the men. Billy Morton, Jesse Evans and Tom Hill shot him and all we could do was watch. I still curse myself for not doing anything! Even if it would have been the end of my life, I maybe could have taken some of Tunstall's murderers to the grave with me.

That I should have sworn to revenge Tunstall's death by his grave is simply one of the many stories about me. I was in jail when they buried him, but from inside my cell I swore revenge. This was just the beginning of the bloody war that would affect the entire New Mexico.

When I later was released from jail I joined the now almost legendary Regulators which was led by Tunstall's foreman Dick Brewer. Our only goal was to take revenge on Tunstall's murderers and in the beginning we even had the law on our side.

The first who felt our wrath were Frank Baker and Billy Morton. Many say that I killed them, but I wasn't even present when they were shot. I had gone a little ahead to make sure no one was coming towards us, but I can't say I was sad when I heard what happened. I gladly would have put a bullet in them.

Next man on our list was sheriff Brady. Several of the men who were there when Tunstall was killed were his deputies and it was widely known that Brady was on the Murphy-Dolan-Riley-side. The day he met his fate was April 1st 1878. A prefect day to take care of a liar. I, Frank McNab, John Middleton, Fred Waite, Jim French and Henry Brown had hidden behind an adobe wall in Lincoln. When we saw Brady, Billy Mathews, George Hindman, George Peppin and John Long come walking down the street we opened fire. Brady and Hindman died almost instantly, but the others ran. When I walked out into the street to get a rifle Brady had taken from me when he arrested me earlier, Mathews shot me in the left thigh. You can't possibly understand the pain you feel when you are shot unless you have experienced it yourself. The wound is burning like fire and you can feel the strength leaving you. Despite that I managed to take cover again and not long afterwards we rode out of Lincoln.

Most people consider the murder of Brady and his deputy our largest mistake, because now we no longer had the protection of the law. But I say Brady deserved it. A sheriff shouldn't pick sides after how large the pocketbook of the fighting sides is.

Chapter 4

In the beginning it looked like we would win the war. We won most of the battles and no Regulator had been killed yet. That changed when we reached Blazer's Mill a few days after Brady's death. We sat in a house and ate dinner and discussed what we were going to do next. Some said that it could be enough now, that Tunstall's death was revenged, but I refused to accept that kind of talk. His death isn't revenged until everyone who was involved in the murder is dead and there are still a lot left.

Suddenly Buckshot Roberts arrived at Blazer's Mill. He was also on our list. It soon turned out that he wouldn't surrender and a gunfight started. Roberts barricaded himself inside a small building and from there he managed to kill Dick Brewer and wound several others before he died. Brewer was a good man and it's never good for a group to lose it's leader. Before the war officially ended a few months later we would have had several different leaders.

It was now a young man, Tom O'Folliard joined us. He and I instantly became friends and he hardly ever left my side. The battles continued, but what usually counts as the end of the war happened in the middle of July 1878. The battle in Lincoln, which is known as the five-day-war. All the Regulators had gathered in McSween's house and there we were surrounded by Dolan's men, together with the new sheriff, Peppin. The bullets started flying and many were wounded. Several of the men inside the house almost got crazy of fear, but I remained calm all the time, something I was already known for. The strange thing with that battle is that I kept hearing the song "Auld lang syne" inside my head all the time. I even started to hum it to myself at the same time as I tried to hit the men outside. The men around me must have thought that I had lost my mind too.

Both sides were equally strong in the beginning, but when we after a few days saw the army ride into Lincoln, the power balance shifted in Dolan's favor.

"This is illegal!" cried McSween, who had always believed in the Bible and the Law.

"I don't think they care about that anymore," I answered. "They want to end this right now."

Even if the soldiers didn't participate in the battle, they made us more careful. We knew, that if a soldier was hurt, their leader, Dudley, would order an attack on the house and we wouldn't have a chance.

The battle ended when Dolan's men managed to set fire to the house. They had realized that we weren't going to surrender, so they tried to force us out. The fire spread through the rooms and the smoke burned in our lungs. We knew that we had to get out of the house soon, if we didn't want to die in there. When the night came we got ready to get out. We split up in two groups and Tom and I were in the first one. When we stood at the door and checked that our guns were loaded, I put a hand on Tom's shoulder and said: "If you don't feel alive now, you never will." He answered with a resolute smile and then I jerked the door open and rushed out.

It took a while before Dolan's men discovered what was going on, but then they let the bullets rain down on us and we responded the best we could. I think I killed at least one man, but it was hard to tell in the dark.

Most people in the first group got away alive, but it was worse for the second group. Now Dolan's men were ready and the group was met by another rain of bullets. Several men, among them McSween, would never see the sun rise again.

After the five-day-war and McSween's death everyone thought the Lincoln war was over, but it wasn't to me. I wasn't going to give up that easily. I became the leader of the gang and the Regulators continued to make life a hell for Dolan supporters, but in the fall of 1878 the gang split up. The only ones remaining were Tom and I. Both very young, but already war-veterans.

Chapter 5

Two people can't fight a war against a superior enemy and by the end of the year I also started to get tired of this life. I explained my plan to Tom. We would make peace with Dolan, who also wanted to see the end of the Lincoln County war and then we would buy a ranch somewhere in New Mexico. William H. Bonney would disappear and never again raise a gun.

But once again fate wanted something else. I was obviously born to live the outlaw life. Tom and I met Dolan and some of his men, among them Jesse Evans and we made peace, but the deal was broken the same evening, when Evans, Dolan and Bill Campbell shot Susan McSween's lawyer, Huston Chapman.

Not long after that the new governor, Lew Wallace, declared amnesty for all those involved in the Lincoln County war. Unfortunately the amnesty didn't apply to me, since I was already charged with murder. There was never an easy way out for me and there probably never will be either. But I soon found another way, that might save me. Wallace wanted to find witnesses of the murder of Chapman and I had been standing next to Evans, Dolan and Campbell when they shot. After a letter from me the governor decided that we should meet and discuss my testimony.

A late night March 17th 1879 I stood outside the door of the house where I was supposed to meet Wallace. I have never been afraid in my entire life, but right then I was a bit worried. I had no idea what would meet me on the other side of that door. Could I trust Wallace? Instead of a governor, it could very well be a sheriff inside. Instead of a welcoming I could get a bullet in my heart.

But I have never back down from anything in my entire life and I wasn't about to start now, so I opened the door and entered.

"Welcome, Mr. Bonney," said a man, who was sitting at a table.

"Governor Wallace?" I asked.

He nodded and I looked carefully around the room before I sat down. I'm not afraid, but I am careful. You don't survive out here long if you are too reckless. I didn't want to get shot just because I didn't check the room first.

When I had sat down I realized that I admired this man's courage. He had agreed to meet me here alone, even though he knew I'm a killer. Not many men would dare to do such a thing.

"Let's get down to business," Wallace said with a voice, that made it clear to me that he wasn't used to any argument from anyone. "I have heard that you want to start a new life here and put away your guns."

"Yes, sir. I don't want to fight anymore. I have seen enough death to last a lifetime."

"And you are willing to testify against Chapman's murderers?"

"Yes, nothing would make me happier than to see Evans, Dolan and Campbell hang at the end of a rope."

"Good, then I propose this: if you testify against them, I will pardon you, but you will have to leave New Mexico."

I just stared at him. Would he really let me get away?

"I accept your proposition," I answered quickly, before he changed his mind.

We shook hands and then agreed that I would let myself be arrested, to protect me against Dolan's men.

When I left the house it felt as if a stone had been lifted off my chest. I would finally be able to take back the control over my life. Or so I thought.

Chapter 6

Next day I surrendered myself to sheriff Kimball, but pretty soon I understood that there was something wrong. Wallace left Lincoln and went back to Santa Fe before the trial started. When the trial began in the middle of April I gave them my testimony, as I had promised and then I thought that I had done my duty and would be able to leave the courtroom a free man. But the attorney Rynerson had different plans. He wanted to bring up the cases for the murders of Brady and Buckshot Roberts, which I had been charged with. Obviously I could forget about Wallace's pardon. That's what happens when you trust a politician.

Sure I had been there when these men were shot, but no one could prove that it was my bullets that had killed them, yet I was the only one who was charged with murder. I couldn't allow such injustice, so once again I had to take the law in my own hands. I simply decided to leave my jail and the guards didn't do much to stop me. Maybe they also realized how unfair I was being treated.

Once again I was on the run. Both the law and Dolan would like to get me, but I'm not so easy to catch. Tom and I left Lincoln behind and turned our eyes towards the many cattle herds in New Mexico. We teamed up with Charlie Bowdre, who is an ex-Regulator, Dave Rudabaugh, Tom Pickett and Billy Wilson and we earned our living stealing cattle, mostly. We stole the animals in New Mexico and sold them in Texas. I sometimes made a little money playing monte. Once, when I was in Las Vegas, to play my favorite game, I met Jesse James, or Mr. Howard, as he called himself. He told me that he had heard about me and offered me to join his gang, but I declined. Bank- and train robberies have never appealed to me.

It was during this time the papers gave me the name Billy the Kid. It was neither mine nor my friend's idea, but I must admit that it sounds pretty good. It was probably the only good thing the papers made up about me. Usually they just wrote about the terrible crimes that I should have committed. I may be an outlaw, but I'm no monster. They said that I was the leader of an army of outlaws in New Mexico. Sure, if you call six men an army, I guess I was.

When we weren't on our way to Texas with a cattle herd, I used to spend my time in Fort Sumner. There I had, and still have, many friends. Everybody knows who I am, but no one would do me anything, so I'm safe there. Several of my girlfriends also live in Fort Sumner, but I shouldn't mention their names here.

to be continued….