Title: When Fallen Angels Collide
By: Aina Song
Fandom(s): Xenosaga 2 & 3 Fanfiction
Genre: Soft Yaoi
Rating: PG
Warning(s): Language; Angst; and a dash of Saap. (Mm, Saap…) Mention of Het; Direct Quotes; Spoiler Alert, for those who have no idea what Xenosaga is. But, hey. It's Yaoi. Be happy.
Pairing(s): chaos + Jr.
Reviews: Yes, please.
Author's Note: Standard Disclaimer. This story was not written for money. Takes place maybe a week or two before the start of X3, then peeks into the very middle as the fic ends. Yeah, I know. But it's the only way this thing could be written. For those of you who are not familiar with the game, chaos's name is meant to be spelled in all lower case, as technically it's not his true name at all. So, no, that's not a typographical error. Italics = telepathy.
Teaser: How does one soften the blow…?
He very softly rapped his gloved knuckles against the office door.
"WHAT?"
"Jr.," he answered, his voice no louder in volume than his knock had been. "It's me."
"Ah, hell," came from the other side of the wood, before the sounds of an electronic lock coming undone could be heard, and the door swung open. Standing within its doorway was a red-haired youth whose height only reached a woeful four-foot, seven inches. Apparently he had been interrupted in the act of changing his clothes, as he stood in a state of undress. Only a pair of black imitation-denim jeans kept him from complete nudity. A damp towel was slung across his bare shoulders, and he was currently using one end of it to rub the wetness from his blood-red hair. "Sorry, chaos," he apologized with a contrite look in his inhumanly dark blue eyes. "I just came out of the shower and-"
"Don't worry," the taller youth smiled kindly, his own translucent blue eyes alight with quiet humor. For himself, chaos wore a new attire. Another skin-tight bodysuit, this one of a dark teal color - but to compliment its constrictiveness, he wore over it a loose pair of white slacks with a single blue strip running down the outsides of the legs and a small blue-and-yellow hooded vest which he left hanging open. He leaned a shoulder up against the doorframe, clasping one gloved hand over the wrist of the other. "I heard you were upset. Are you all right?"
"I'm fine. Lost my temper in front of some of Gaignun's employees; that's all." Jr. turned away, letting the silver-haired youth into the personal office that nearly doubled as a small living space. There was a work desk, and a tall bookshelf, but also a queen-sized bed and an oak wood wardrobe. Across the room, another door had been left open, and steam was pouring out of it - clear indication of a bathroom therein. "Sorry I snapped at you," Jr. added, carelessly tossing his towel to the neatly made bed and crossing toward the desk. "I thought you were Gaignun again, coming to harass the hell out of me for berating his employees like that."
"They're your employees, too." chaos smiled, sweeping the towel further aside as he sat upon the bed. He watched as Jr. took up a grey tee-shirt from the back of the desk chair. The redhead always wore an oddly-shaped silver pendant, the reason known to very few, which disappeared for some seconds as he pulled the shirt over his head. Pulling his necklace free, he reached his hand once more toward the desk, then moved his fingers to his left ear. When his fingers pulled away, a large silver earring dangled from that lobe - a polished metal spring that had been wound very tightly and which embraced a faux ruby at its bottom end.
After he had done, he turned again to chaos with a look of mock suspicion. "Gaignun didn't send you here to check on me, did he?"
"No," the silver-haired youth shook his head. "I haven't seen Nigredo all morning. I came, because I was concerned."
He set one hand to his hip, which unwittingly pushed the already low-riding waistline just a little further along. "I don't need a babysitter," he answered, but without the venom one would expect.
"I know."
Their eyes locked in a moment's silence, truest blue meeting blue crystal. Jr. then crossed the room, kneeing himself up onto the bed, and he shifted so that his head could rest comfortably atop chaos's legs. The taller youth leaned his weight back on one arm, wordlessly lifting the other hand to brush his gloved fingers amongst those blood-silk threads. He did not question their position, as they had shared it so many times before. Gaignun Kukai Jr. was a formidable being, but there were moments - like this one - in which the redhead would seem almost as vulnerable as his apparent age.
"What happened?" chaos asked in that quiet tenor of his. But Jr. only shook his head against the silver-haired youth's legs, indicating that he did not yet wish to talk about it. So chaos simply let the quiet embrace them, his gloved fingers idly sweeping back silky strands of red.
He had always admired his young friend's hair - it was not one red, but several. Blood, crimson, ruby; even some of the exact color of the late afternoon sun. All mixed together so seamlessly, as though his hair could not decide precisely which shade it would like to be, and had decided simply to be all of them at once.
"… chaos?"
"Hmm?"
Jr. hesitated a moment longer. "Is it… Is it wrong, to miss him?"
He looked down at his young friend, sympathy edging his quiet smile as his gloved fingers tucked a few strands behind the smaller youth's ear. "What does your heart tell you?" He asked as seriously in return.
"I don't know," Jr. whispered. "Half of it is missing."
"And with the half that is still there?"
He sighed, pushing himself up to sit by chaos's side. His dark blue eyes stared uninterestedly toward the floor. "I'm almost afraid to find out. It hurt, when he left me. I sometimes want to throttle the hell out of him for it. But… At other times…"
"You want to forgive him all the things he tried to do, and have him here with you again."
"Yeah." Jr. sighed. "That's why I snapped in front of Gaignun's employees this morning," he finally admitted. "Thinking about him again… My head just wasn't on straight. I should probably apologize to Gaignun, but I still don't feel up to it yet."
"Jr. Look at me."
The redhead turned his head, lifting his eyes to meet those of brightest blue. chaos's smile had disappeared, to reveal the perpetually melancholy expression he was virtually never without. (Even smiling, his eyes would hold that deeply saddened look.) The silver-haired youth lifted a gloved hand to gently palm the side of Jr.'s jaw, and Jr. sighed again, leaning his face into its comforting touch. "Albedo is your brother, your twin," chaos quietly spoke. "There is nothing wrong in missing your heart's other half."
"But, chaos," he whispered, lowering his eyes again. "I-I was the one… who…"
"Yes." The silver-haired youth shifted, moving one leg further upon the mattress as he turned toward the young redhead. He brought his other hand up, gloved fingers pressing softly over his friend's chest. "But you must remember, Rubedo. He would have trusted no other to the task. He wanted it to be you."
Shaking his head, Jr. shifted forward on his knee, throwing himself against chaos's chest. Wrapping his arms around the silver-haired youth's stomach, he buried his face into the synthetic-nylon material of the other's bodysuit, muffling his voice as he muttered, "I hate that he wanted it to be me…"
chaos enfolded the smaller youth within the circle of his arms, pulling Jr. with him as he slowly fell back along the mattress so that the redhead lay atop his stomach. He moved one hand up, very softly stroking his gloved fingers back and forth across the back of Jr.'s neck. The redhead sighed, bringing his arms closer around chaos's sides, which in turn caused a faint smile to return to chaos's lips. So many years, far too many to number, had the silver-haired youth gone without physical contact. There had been instances during which he could almost convince himself that he could survive without it. But since meeting Rubedo, who thrived on his sense of touch, chaos had learned again exactly how precious even the smallest brush of skin against skin could be.
"… chaos?"
"Jr.?"
"I know I can't make the pain go away, but…" The smaller youth lifted his head, gazing down at chaos with his inhumanly dark blue eyes. "Can't you block it out, or something?"
"Jr.," he gently chided. "Would you really want me to empty your heart of all emotion, the very essence that makes you human?"
"Not all of it. Just-"
"Just the ones that make you hurt like this?"
"… Yeah."
chaos's translucent blue eyes shone with a look of greatly saddened understanding, but he shook his head. "I won't do that. What you're feeling right now is a part of what makes you real. I refuse to take that away from you."
"But I don't want it," the redhead protested, fisting his hands in chaos's open vest. "I don't want to remember what I did. I don't want to remember how I-" He swallowed the last of that thought, and his dark blue eyes grew very pleading indeed. "Please, chaos. Help me forget."
"I can't," he softly apologized. "I won't."
Jr. stared at him for another moment, then dropped his head again to chaos's ribcage. Shoulders trembling, the twenty-eight-year-old man succumbed to his adolescent body's demands and finally broke down. chaos felt the tears dampening the front of his bodysuit, but said nothing. He knew that soon there would be very little chance for the redhead to allow himself to do this again. For several minutes he lay there and let Jr. have a good cry, then he tugged on his friend's arms and coaxed the redhead to move so that they were both sharing one of the bed's pillows.
The smaller youth immediately pulled himself closer along chaos's side, wordlessly asking for the comfort of the physical contact he so often craved. Tomorrow, he would again be the smart-mouthed sharpshooter with a flare for profane language, but for now he let himself be the insecure pre-teen he appeared. "chaos," he whispered at last, tilting his face up to meet his friend's gaze. "Have you… Ever lost someone close to you?"
The silver-haired youth sighed, accepting the hesitant breach into his past. Lifting one gloved hand, he very gently smoothed the wetness from Jr.'s cheek. "Yes," he softly confessed. "And, like you, I blamed myself."
"What happened?"
Those translucent blue eyes flickered tellingly with remembered pain, and chaos shook his head with a sad smile. That much was forbidden. So, instead, Jr. asked, "What did you do?"
The ageless being cast his gaze afar, letting himself relive the memory. "I mourned her," he whispered. "With my own hands, I carved her a tomb underground and for years stood guard within it."
"Years?" Jr. breathed.
His eyes refocusing on the present, chaos gave him a quietly piercing look. "You alone understand best that the effects of time are not the same for us as they are for others." After the redhead nodded, he added, "When enough time had passed, I left the cave that entombed her body, to search for the one who might bear her soul."
Jr. frowned, trying to understand. Then his inhumanly dark blue eyes widened in realization. "Reincarnation."
"Yes…"
"And?" The redhead could not help but to ask, "Did you find her?"
chaos's melancholy smile returned, and he softly kissed Jr.'s hair, saying only, "Those we lose, are not lost forever…"
~o~
(nearly a month later)
Heh, another's voice whispered within Jr.'s heart, every syllable gently pulsing against his ribs in counter-rhythm to his actual heartbeat. He put on a one-man show, and ran off by himself. You've pissed me off to the very end, Nigredo.
Jr., having already collapsed to his knees, kept his head lowered in grief as he whispered aloud, "Albedo…"
Hey, don't worry about it. The other half of his heart answered, You know how he is. Once he gets to where he's going, he'll probably spy on us along with Citrine.
"Yeah." His mouth quirked in a smile he didn't yet feel, "Let's go see him sometime. Then the three of us can get together again. That sounds like fun, doesn't it."
That other whisper gave an uncharacteristically gentle laugh, That doesn't sound too bad. Then it grew fainter, Sorry… Rubedo. I'm really tired. I'm… going to sleep for a while…
Jr. nodded, bringing a hand up to feel the echo of his other heartbeat as he slowly rose to his feet. "Rest," he offered. Finally, he lifted his head, his dark blue eyes immediately picking through his friends to settle on a certain silver-haired youth.
chaos met his gaze, and silently answered him with a small smile.
The End