I wrote this prior to episode 10 for whatever reason, but in recent events I decided the youchika tag needed love. Or just.. something, eheh;;.
The first part is a bit scandalous, sorry.
Hope you enjoy.
"You-chan!" Chika's eyes were wide as she pulled away from the other. "Wh-What are you doing here?! I thought you were out going out with Mari-senpai!?"
You didn't reply. Her own blue eyes wide, staring at the sight she walked into. Lipstick was lightly stained across Chika's skin, and her shirt rumpled and skirt slightly unzipped. Riko, who was blushing madly, was hastily trying to fix her skirt while also scrambling to put on the shirt that was on the ground.
Words failed You as she blinked at the two. The words stuck in her throat like peanut butter.
Her bag fell to the ground with a thump.
"Y-you-chan?" Chika's pink eyes came into view muddled with worry.
"I... I'm sorry I interrupted something." You said stepping backwards out of the classroom.
"Please, Excuse me." She gave a small bow, slid the door shut, and bolted down the hallway.
You could hear Chika's shouting her name, but she didn't care.
She had to keep going.
Because if she stopped, Chika would be able to see her tears.
-/-/-
You found herself at the water's edge. It was a little spot that she, Chika, and Kanan had found a few years ago. It took all three of them hours to get through the path that was covered with overgrown weeds and crooked trees. They were all hot and sweaty in the end, but it was worth it. The view was breathtaking.
But right now, You could care less about the view. She collapsed onto the sand, unable to keep herself up. She couldn't decide whether it be from the physical pain of running almost two miles, or the soul shaking agony that was starting to seep into her heart and tear her apart. Maybe it was a bit of both.
The tears continued rolling down her cheeks. The ache was too much to bare. There was a lingering thought You had, wondering if their friendship was enough. She thought maybe, just maybe, she would be content with what they had. Just being the best of friends.
You scoffed. What a lie. She should've confessed sooner.
Her hands curled tightly into fists as she grasped at her hair. She was too late. And because she was too late, she missed her chance. Chika was gone with the waves of the sea on a new shiny ship, and here she was stranded on an island.
There was a small voice in the back of her mind reminding You that she had nothing to cry over. It wasn't like Chika knew You liked her. You never spoke about her true feelings towards Chika out loud. It was never the right time. No, it wasn't that, it was more… She was a coward… what they had, that bond, that friendship… You cherished all of it. She didn't want to scare Chika away.
The more You thought, the more it made the pain hurt more.
You squeezed her eyes shut, pain flaring up as the images of her friends burned in the back of her mind, inside her eyelids.
She just wanted to get her notebook.
Now look where she was.
Chika and Riko.
Riko and Chika.
You couldn't hate Riko. She should have seen the growing bond between the two. Even now You saw the dark haired girl as a good friend, a talented one at that. She made Chika happy... and if Chika's happy she could be too.
But it still hurt. It still hurt a lot. She dragged her knees to her chest. Her arms wrapped underneath her legs. She had to stop crying, it's not like she can do anything now! She has to be happy for her friend's love life. She has to- Her breath hitched as she tried to stunt her sobs that come in waves again.
"You? is that you?"
Oh no, oh god, You curled deeper into herself. She couldn't face anyone now. Especially not now. Why couldn't she be left alone?
"YOU! Are you okay? are you hurt?" Loud thumping and You could feel someone next to her, she almost jumped when she felt a hand on her back, but ended up curling tighter into a ball. She couldn't face them.
Ugly sobs racked her her body. She tried to take a few deep breaths, but even that couldn't stop the tears. Her breath came out harsh and broken. She couldn't stop crying. God, was she useless.
The hand was rubbing her back in circles. "Shh you're okay, I'm here, breath,"
You took a few more deep breaths, a few more large gulps of air that she ended up choking on. Slowly, her breath started to even out. It was still hitched every so often, but at least she could start to move. Her hands felt numb from holding onto her legs a bit too tight. She lifted her head slowly from her knees and wiped her eyes.
"Are you better?" You rubbed her eyes to clear her vision slightly. Blinking once she recognized the navy colored hair and violet eyes. Kanan. She was wearing her usual navy swimsuit, with a pair of thick diving goggles hanging from her arm.
Her eyes bore into You's soul. It reminded her of the look she gave Mari a few weeks ago.
The circles on her back were still going and You was grateful.
A few tears dripped down, and she tried to save face by rubbing her eyes again.
Kanan's eyebrows crinkled with worry, and You realized she didn't respond. "Y-y-yeah... I'm-m better." She managed to get out then quickly looking back down at her knees. The circles stopped, and Kanan used her hand to wipe away some of the tears.
"Wanna tell me why you're crying?"
A split second decision and You vigorously shook her head. Her jaw felt like it was wired shut. Even with the tsunami of emotions within her, It wasn't her place to reveal Chika's and Riko's secret.
It was also her own fault she was crying.
"Are you sure?"
A nod this time.
Kanan hummed, eyeing the younger girl, but didn't press the subject. Instead she sat down next to her, and placed her goggles in the sand.
The next few minutes of silence felt stale, and a bit unbearable. You forced herself to look at anything and anyone but the girl sitting next to her.
The tears had stopped by now, and to You's relief her vision was clear. She must look like a mess, but at least it wasn't crying. She could make out the small boats in the harbor just a few ways down. Her mind drifted to her father and where he was at the moment. He was probably having a great time. The open sea, the fresh air, she could practically feel it.
You silently wished she was out there, with him, on that boat. Actually, she wished she was anywhere that wasn't here. She felt anchored to the land, chained by the painful throb in her heart and the fears she has to face head on.
That, and she was beginning to become increasingly aware of the sand in her clothes.
"Mmm, I should get going it's getting late." Kanan broke the silence looking at her watch. The girl stood up, brushing her wet suit off even if it was a hopeless case. "I'll see you later You."
You couldn't see her face but she could feel Kanan's gaze in the back of her head. "...Remember, If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me."
There was a long pause, then You could hear Kanan's ever step as she trudging through the sand.
Fear struck her heart. You turned around. "Wait!"
The blue haired girl froze. She turned back blinking in surprise.
"How..." You felt like she was gasping for air as she tried to word her question without being too obvious, "how do you deal with losing someone?"
Kanan's face softened. "Does this have to do with love by any chance?" She asked gently.
You blinked back her tears, shaking her head. The image of her friends invaded her mind once more. She took a deep breath, focusing, trying to banish it away. "No, I was just curious, you know what, forget I asked." She turned back around and stared hard at the horizon. Her breath started to hitch. Stop crying, You thought to herself, it's not getting you anywhere.
"No, it's okay, I can try to answer it." Kanan sat down once again. Looking towards the ocean she sighed. "Just, let me see how to word this. Keep in mind, there also are many other ways… honestly it boils down for you to find the right one."
You briefly glanced over to see Kanan in a pensive expression.
"In my experience, personally and observing- which isn't much I'd like to remind you- is that a person needs at least three things... time, space, and relief. There's also the stages of grief, one of the most common ways of thinking, but those three things really stand out to me of course."
The dark haired girl tilted her head and leaned back on her hands.
"Now time is one of the hardest things to get through, as it takes the longest, and there's a lot of self doubt, pain, and bad spots throughout... but it's one of the most effective. With time comes understanding of your faults and the faults of others. It also means coming to terms with them." There was a pause. "However, that's only if people chose to accept that there will be complications… and try to make the best of it."
Kanan glanced at You, violet meeting light blue. She closed her eyes and smiled. "I'm an example of how time can make one cynical... Dia too. We didn't quite handle things with Mari too great, I admit, both of us turned sour." She sighed brushing off sand that clung to her hand.
"But time slowly unraveled all of us, and here we are now." Kanan looked back out to the water again. You kept her eyes trained on the other, the ache in her chest dulling slightly.
"Mmm, continuing…" Kanan blinked tilting her head. "Space goes hand in hand with time. Space is necessary to understand your emotions. It's a good in the beginning, to sort out your thoughts. Too much of it, though, and it twists one's perspective on something into thinking it was all the other person's fault, too little and, well, they see themself to blame. It can break or strengthen relationships. It's not the deciding factor, but it's one of the big ones."
The navy haired girl paused thinking.
"Well, last but not least is relief. This was always the one that helped me when I boil it down. Find something that gives you relief in your heart. For example, scuba diving is something that's always made me happy, even when I was feeling down. It cleared my head. I'm sure swimming would help relieve a bit of the despair and anger in your brain right now." Kanan poked You's forehead. You blinked rapidly for the first time in minutes. The younger girl then bit her lip and glanced away.
Kanan sighed and ran her hand through her hair, "I'm sorry you feel the way you do, and I know that it feels like a loss is hard to shake, but remember that it will heal eventually. Take it from me, even through all my cruddy experience I think I turned out alright."
The soft smile on Kanan's face made You feel like crying all over again. It wasn't until Kanan's thumb brushed under her eye she realized she was.
With little strength she had, You threw herself into Kanan's arms, the tears and feelings coming full force.
And as she cried into the crook of the Kanan's neck, she could feel the calming circles on her back and the calming whispers in her ear.
You thought to herself, maybe… she didn't have to go through this alone. Maybe… just maybe she could get through this.
And, someday she'll forget this heart ache.
Someday.