Note: Hello friends :D If you've read my stuff before I have one thing to say - you know who I am and you know what I will do. If you haven't, I suppose I'd better warn you that things are going to get torturey and... well, this is a horrible fic and you probably don't want to read it.

Many many months ago I specifically asked people to stop me writing this. The opposite happened. And so cmorgana and snowglory, amongst others, are to blame for this story. Later things that happen are also entirely the fault of donnaimmaculata, just so you know. But I suppose you couldn't really expect the show to threaten Aramis breakage and have me do nothing with it...

Quote is by Friedrich Nietzsche.

To Break A Butterfly Upon A Wheel

"Man is the cruelest animal."

Chapter One

He stood and stared at the bars high above. The small window was the only source of light in this place, though Aramis couldn't reach out to it, shackled as he was. All he could do was watch the light wax and wane. When he closed his eyes he fancied he could feel the warmth of the sun against his face. But perhaps it was just his mind desperately trying to break free since his body could not. His mortal flesh was chained here, bound to the wall like some kept animal.

Aramis closed his eyes and tried not to feel the creeping shadows at his back. He had given up pulling at the chains some time ago. They wouldn't give - not an inch - and it had only served to aggravate his sore wrists. Pacing the small cell gave no relief. The sound of the clanking chains followed him back and forth until he reached their limits and felt a sharp tug on his hands. So he came to stand in the light filtering through the bars. Within the silence even his mind couldn't find the escape it sought. His thoughts circled around the maelstrom of events, his friends… Constance… Anne… What had happened to them all? They could be dead already. Not knowing was a kind of torture in itself. And of course his mind came to settle on one thought, time and again, it was inescapable.

This was his fault.

Even beyond his initial indiscretion with the Queen he had seemingly set out on a path of destruction. Aramis could see it now. He could see it so clearly. He should have kept his distance, just as Athos suggested when they stood before Adele's grave. How could he have ignored such advice? Given in the shadow of his lover's tomb. There would be more buried loved ones before the end. It was his fault. Perhaps he would suffer the sight of them, if he were not the first to go. And if he were Aramis would watch the result of his folly from heaven… no, no, the doors were surely shut to him now. He would gaze up through hellfire with bloodied eyes, and endure the torture he deserved.

The light caressing his face suddenly felt like the tender touch of God. Aramis opened his mouth to beg forgiveness. But no words came. Athos was not here to confess for him now. The list of his sins would not flow from his lips - the lips he used to commit so many of them. Surely God did not need words. He could see how far this lost lamb had strayed from the flock. The trail of destruction left behind him was plain to see.

It was not only God's forgiveness he needed. It was his friend's, and the woman he had treated so disdainfully. Marguerite. Aramis had been so desperate to see his son. All reason had taken flight. His honour had gone with it. With previous dalliances they were both players in the same game, but if any woman sought to change it to something more serious Aramis would put it right. He had not stooped to telling Marguerite he loved her, but neither could he extricate himself from her arms. To distance himself from her would be to distance himself from his son. Eventually Aramis had come to end it, but the damage was already done.

The light faded as night took its grip on the world. Aramis sank down to the hard ground, but he couldn't sleep. His thoughts wouldn't let him, and he feared what the morning would bring.

~oOo~

Aramis sat cross legged in his cell, eyes once more fixed on the bars beyond his reach. He waited for morning's light to creep across the small window and chase away the lingering shadows. The outside world started to wake around him, but he still felt the darkness at his back. It crept into his heart, filling his chest with a heavy dread. Suddenly sounds of commotion filtered down through the bars. Aramis got to his feet and stepped forwards, straining to listen at the limit of his chains. He couldn't see, but he could hear. Something was happening to Constance.

This was his fault.

Something in Aramis wanted to shout and scream and rail against his bonds. He simply stood silent and empty. Held down under the weight of what he had done. The light from above suddenly felt cold, harsh and devoid of God. Aramis exhaled a deep breath and went to slump against the wall. He fell into the embrace of shadows, trapped, just listening. There was no God in the light… there was no God, not any more. How could he see the innocent punished?

But then Aramis considered that maybe this was his punishment. To witness the consequences of his actions. To suffer before his own end.

A sudden shot rang out, and a cry of pain followed in its wake.

There were shouts. Familiar shouts! His brothers were out there!

Aramis flew to the window, only to be jerked back violently by his wrists. In his haste he had forgotten the chains. For a moment hope chased away all darkness. There was a rescue! Constance would be safe! They would come for him!

The sorrow and despair he felt was replaced by frustration that he couldn't see. It sounded like a battle was being waged in the yard above, and it was inches away from his sight. The clatter of horse hooves filtered down to him. That must have been Constance riding away. They would come for him… They would come.

An explosion rocked the world and nearly shook Aramis from his feet. He recovered and stepped forwards again, straining against his bonds.

The commotion from the yard died down. All that was left were angry shouts… furious shouts. Rochefort.

He waited and waited until silence descended, and then Aramis fell back from the window. He kept retreating until he felt his back hit the wall.

They were not coming…

His brothers had left him.

For a moment Aramis looked up to the light and saw a flash of Marsac walking away in the snow. He turned away and a raven watched from the darkness, black feathers melted away into the shadowed cell corner. A series of blinks revealed it to be nothing but the beady eyes of a rat. Aramis took in a harsh breath and let it out slowly.

He had been left behind. Forgotten again.

Or worse.

Perhaps he had not been forgotten, perhaps he had been abandoned. Maybe his friends had forsaken all forgiveness and decided to leave him to his fate.

Aramis sank down to his knees and curled in on himself, trying to keep in the pain that wanted to run screaming from his chest. It was nothing less than he deserved.

Uncountable moments passed before the sound of the door scraping open had Aramis on his feet.

Rochefort stepped in, and Aramis sauntered forwards, trying to summon the confidence he had felt in facing the man down before.

"Are you going to torture me?"