Title: Good Morning, Father – Introduction
Author: quick_ly
Character/Pairing: Lily Luna Potter
Rating: PG
Word Count: 774
Summary: Lily Potter's Guide to The Triumphs and Turmoils of Wizardry, Being Significantly Smarter Then Your Peers, and Calling an Internationally Famous Hero 'Daddy'.
Author's Notes: Yay for a brand new story, and even better, a new Lily story! Small warning though, this is the same Lily from my other story Leave Me Alone, I'm Reading, and thus might seem a little AU to most of you. I'm not saying you have to read that to get this, because this story is pretty !crack anyway, but it may help. Also, this story is very similar to So You're a Masochist by zooeypotter and Harry Potter's Guide to the Dark Arts by opalish (both of which are AWESOME!). Just putting that out there. Anyway, please comment if you want more (although I'll probably write more no matter what you say...)

Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.

Super big thanks to beforestormier for being a great beta! You're awesomely awesome and everyone should know it!

Good Morning, Father

Lily Potter's Guide to The Triumphs and Turmoils of Wizardry, Being Significantly Smarter Then Your Peers, and Calling an Internationally Famous Hero 'Daddy'

Written and Edited by Lily Luna Potter, with Additional Commentary from James Sirius Potter, Albus Severus Potter, and a Few Other People

"An incredibly dark and frightening look at our society's horrific and all around terrible habits.

OR IS IT?"- The Quibbler

"A total thumbs up, ladies! We give this rock'n tale 5 cauldrons!" - Witch Weekly

"Clearly, Harry Potter's unhealthy need for attention hasn't escaped his so called 'daughter'" - Rita Skeeter, The Daily Prophet

"The incredible lack of brooms is astonishing. What is this rubbish?" - Which Broomstick?

"Her father was one of mine!" - Horace Slughorn, Former Hogwarts Professor

Also New From Phoenix Press Inc.

Our Time; an inside look at the infamous Dumbledore's Army, and what it was really like for its Members by Neville Longbottom

Darkness through My Eyes by Lucius Malfoy

Ten Ways to Not Die by Ron Weasley

What to do When Your Heliopath Won't Set Fire; a Guide to Wrackspurts, Nargles, and Pudding (Among Other Things) by Luna Lovegood

Hermione Granger's List of Completely Necessary Pieces of Literature; Volume 1 by Hermione Granger

Life on the Run by Harry Potter

Hermione Granger's List of Completely Necessary Pieces of Literature; Volume 2 by Hermione Granger

Copyright Phoenix Press Inc. 2022 – (if you ever think about claiming this as your own, I'll tell my father you're a Sex-predating-Death Eater who sexually harassed me, and no, Dad hasn't ever really been one for 'talking things out'.)

…

Introduction from the Author

Well, hello there, I suppose introductions are in order; I'm Lily Luna Potter, daughter of Harry James Potter and Ginevra Molly Potter (née Weasley), sister of James Sirius Potter and Albus Severus Potter, granddaughter of Lily Potter (née Evans) and James Potter, niece of… many, and you are currently lucky enough to be reading my first and (so far) only novel, for which I must say thank you. Honestly, I'm not really sure if I would qualify myself as a particularly interesting person, so this book might not be too exhilarating, but I will try to the best of my abilities to make it fun and not boring. Hopefully, you won't find it amazingly terrible and end up trying to kill me (that's the dream, anyway.) However, since I know that there might be some out there who want to murder me anyway (Dad does have quite a few enemies), I feel the need to educate you on what will and will not be found in this book, just so that we're all on the same page.

You Will Find –

-What it's like to have Harry Potter as a dad

-What it's like to be really, really smart

-The inner workings of a Weasley-family gathering

-Secrets (maybe…)

-Tips on surviving killers

-Tips on surviving Ginny and Molly Weasley

-Tips on not dying (see above tips)

-What to do when a group of Death Eaters are standing outside your house, waiting to murder you

-What a "Phoenix-Child" is

-My thoughts on Muggles, and pure-blood supremacy

-How to find love when all the boys in your life are obsessed with your father

-And more (or less - I haven't decided quite yet.)

You Will Not Find –

-Harry Potter's boxer size

-Any form of poetry

-Harry Potter's favorite sexual position

-My home address – how stupid do you think I am?

-Any tips on getting Harry Potter into bed (it's been over twenty years – move on Chang!)

-How to dismantle an Unforgivable Curse

-Secrets (maybe)

-Any form of affection towards a Death Eater (for more information, see my last name)

-Anything else that has not been listed

So, now that we've got that settled, those of you who are still reading (which, I'm guessing, isn't many – I think my lack of 'seducing Harry Potter' tips may have scared quite a few off), it is of utmost importance that you gather a pen and paper (this book is filled with knowledge – take advantage of it!), grab a glass of water, maybe have a snack (I suggest fish and chips, but that's just me), and prepare for a novel unlike any other, because everything you thought you knew about the Potters is about to change (unless of course you're a Potter yourself, or are, you know, a close friend – if so, you mightn't find too many revelations, but it is sure to be an enjoyable read.)

Well, this should be interesting…

Like? Dislike? Click that review button to tell me how you feel!