Sorry for not posting this sooner; I was having difficulty with the site...
Title: Command Decision
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Rating/Genre: T+, J/C , Adult themes. Sorry, nothing torrid. Another exploration into the frustrating J/C relationship—the greatest non-romance in sci-fi history!
Complete: April 2007
Disclaimers: Voyager and its characters belong to Paramount
Archive: Yes, but please let me know so you can get the latest version.
Command Decision
The Doctor waved his tricorder over Janeway and "uh-huh'ed" with irksome regularity. She rolled her eyes with irritation and pursed her lips with his every syllable.
"Doctor, please! Spare me!" she waved him off. "If you have something to tell me, then tell me."
"All right, then Captain, please lie back," he instructed in his chirpy manner as he ignored her request. He put a hand on her shoulder and pushed her gently onto his bio-bed.
"Ah-hhah" he said, as he observed his readings.
"Hummm," he harrumphed with each bit of information.
"Yes, that's fine," he said finally.
"Doctor!" she spurted as he walked off to his office.
"Oh, you can get up now," he gave permission as an afterthought. "We're finished."
She gave him a searing look as he entered information onto a PADD. She righted herself from her prone position on the bed and approached the doctor who behaved as if she just walked into sickbay.
"Ah, Captain, you'll be happy to know you are 100 healthy for a woman of your age. Your biological functions are proceeding naturally. Of course, some women approach this time of their life in different…"
"Doctor, are you saying what I think you're saying?" she shook her head.
"Captain?"
"Universal translator version, Doctor," she insisted.
"Oh, why, ah…You've entered perimenopause, of course."
Janeway felt as if she had just been slapped as realization flooded over her. The inevitable natural process had begun.
"Now, you are aware that no two women are exactly alike," he went on, "but we have many treatments and therapies for hot flashes and other bothersome symptoms if they occur. Have you been experiencing any problems that you haven't told me about?"
Janeway stared at the deck in a daze. The EMH was caught off guard by her reaction.
"Captain, I assure you, you are perfectly healthy and normal," he informed her, thinking that perhaps she was worried about a physical condition.
"Thank you, Doctor," she intoned as she gathered herself and left sickbay.
That evening she stood in her room looking at the stars without seeing them. She had made her choices in life, she told herself. She believed that all along she was aware of the consequences, but the sudden realization that she may be out of choices left her feeling cold. She was not prone to crying but she felt she was on the verge of tearful emotion. She had dealt with Borg and all the hazards of the Delta Quadrant, but this was different.
Her doorbell chimed once and then again. From somewhere in outer space, she finally heard it.
"Come," she said, her voice more feeble than she wanted it to be.
Chakotay entered her quarters. She had forgotten their working dinner.
"Captain?" he questioned. "I can come back if you're not ready."
"No. I'm sorry." She said from far away. "It slipped my mind."
"That's not like you," he said, furrowing his brow.
He knew her every mood too well and his friendship at that moment only added to her discomfort.
"You had a check up today," he observed. "Is everything alright?"
She smiled wryly. Chakotay was aware of her every move. Maybe that was the sign of a good First Officer. Maybe it was something else.
"The Doctor says I'm in 100 percent health."
"Well, that's good," he smiled, relieved. "But, there is something on your mind. Would you like to talk about it?"
"Let's get on those reports." was her answer. "Sorry about dinner. I don't have much of an appetite."
"I can still operate a mean replicator," he told her with a dimpled grin. "Would you like some coffee? Somehow it doesn't look like you without a cup in your hand."
Did he have to notice every detail?
"No. I'm fine."
She managed to put her feelings aside, as she always did. The pair plowed through a pile of work in a short time. Chakotay was on top of every specific of running the ship, as always. It was a relief.
Janeway would not allow her mind to drift. She retained her focus on the job at hand. The way she always did. The way she always would.
When they finished, Chakotay looked at her and regarded her with his usual discernment.
"Thank you, Chakotay," she tried when they had finished. "I'll see you in the morning."
He smiled knowingly. He rose from the table and began to leave, but he could not just leave her like this.
"I'm not going ask you what's wrong," he began. "I know you won't tell me. But, you should know, I'm here for you."
Damn him! She choked up and closed her eyes, but she did not need open eyes to realize the mistake she had made on New Earth. Her mind's eye could still picture this beautiful man who continued to love her, who would…no, gave his life for her every day. If she had simply let him love her in the way he wanted, the way he still wanted to…
"Good night, Chakotay" she managed to say as levelly as she could.
And he left.