Rating: T

Genre: Angst / Hurt / Alternative Reality

Warnings: Man x Man

Disclaimer: I own nothing of ToX.

Summary: Jude realizes that the only time Alvin wants him by his side is when he can´t take his loneliness any longer... ( Inspired by "Only when you´re lonely" from "Bruno Mars")

The Only Time You Want Me

Alvin x Jude

He sat in his work office and took care of his paperwork for his research about Spyrites, when a white bird flew through his window with a letter on its back. Jude hurriedly opened it and saw that it was from Alvin. Hesitantly he pulled the paper out, and read the few black lines that were written on the white.

I am sorry, Jude. Truly, I am. Won´t you come to Elympios for a few days? I need you.

In love,

Alvin

He heavily sighed and let his hands run over his face tiredly. How often had this happened already in the past? And how often had he rushed out the door and had traveled to Elympios for Alvin? But no longer. He had enough of being used like this; only being needed when the other felt lonely wasn´t how a relationship had to work. And that wasn´t love, only need.

Jude crumpled the paper in his fist and let the bird free without a reply. He was through with him. Once and for all. There was no need for him to get fooled by that cunning man again. He wouldn´t ever again fall for those strong, sad, lonely eyes and that body that had carved himself into his, so deeply that it felt like no one else could fit him anymore. Alvin had forced him to be a fitting puzzle-piece for himself and now had that piece fallen off on its own and was trying to reshape itself.

"But will it work?" he thought aloud sadly and closed the window.

It had always been this way of being needed only sometimes by the former mercenary. Always, only when he wanted it, not Jude. Alvin had picked up from the start on Jude´s interest in him and had smiled sometimes at him in a suggestive way with gazes that had spoken louder than words. Then again was he always fooling around with women, leaving the black-haired youth in confusion. Why flirt with him when he was not interested?

Then again when they had been alone together and Alvin had a certain melancholic or hurt expression on him, would he come to Jude and put his arm around his shoulders in that casual way. However would he not like usual just make a joke or tease him, but whisper seductively into his ear or let his hands roam over the younger male´s body, which made his heart race a million times faster. Sometimes the brunette would even plant hot kisses on his exposed neck.

Alvin had left the group multiple times throughout their journey and every time when he had been back, he would show Jude a pained expression full of loneliness and the student knew that in those nights the man would come visit him. Back then on their travels they had never gone all the way. The mercenary had always only touched and teased him, until Jude could no longer hold back and released himself. In turn the black-haired youth had given the man a delicious service, which always resulted in Alvin emptying himself within the teen's hands.

When he had asked Alvin once why he wouldn´t go all the way with him, he had chuckled and replied:

"Oh, come on, kid! You want me to feel like a criminal?"

Jude had only replied:

"Oh... So, this counts only a little or what? Besides I´m already 16 years old, Alvin."

"Still, you´re not an adult yet. I count this as satisfying your curiosity. Wait 'till you´re 20 or so, okay?"

It had already happened when he was 18 though. Alvin was already living on Elympios back then and he had gotten a letter from Alvin with the words:

I need you here. Please hurry.

A.

It had been written so hurriedly and messily that Jude had thought up a thousand scenarios. However, when he had arrived Alvin had simply pulled him into the house, up into the bedroom and the night had passed in a very fiery and passionate way. To this day had Jude no idea what had happened that day to make the former mercenary feel so desperate and in need of his touch.

After that had it happened more frequently that he would rush to Elympios for the brunette and end up in bed with him. They never did anything other than having sex and when he was longer with him, got he just dragged along with him without getting much more attention than when they had traveled together. A occasional hug, a joke, a ruffle through his unruly, black hair and a seductive smile. Jude had been broken apart by him more and more and in the end was he wondering:

"Why do I love him?"

However, every time he thought about the other was his heart squeezed until it actually hurt for real. And every time was he unable to say goodbye to the merchant. But now he had finally gotten up the courage. He had told Alvin he would leave, because he never needed him for real – never him, anyone would do – that is what he thought. And then that letter had arrived today...

He sighed again and put his quill away. It was impossible to work today. Silently he went out of the office and down towards his bedroom when the doorbell rang. Surprised, Jude went to open it. Who would come at this ungodly hour? When he opened the heavy oak door however, seemed his heart to stop.

"Alvin...," he whispered.

The merchant was a mess to describe it in one word. The man was the opposite of his usual orderly, refined self. His eyes had dark circles and looked bloodshot, his hair looked unwashed and uncombed for days, his skin was gray and his lips and voice were cracked.

"Can I come in, Jude? I need - no, I WANT to talk to you. Please..."

Jude only blinked for a moment, torn between slamming the door shut and drawing the older into a hug and tell him it was alright.

"Fine, come in."

He stepped aside and let the taller enter, turned around and let the door close with a loud click. It was want, not need.

END