A/N: Hello, lovely reader, thanks for taking time out of your busy life to read this! First off, I'll have to warn you that this is the first story I've written in a while, so really it's kind of helping me get back into writing. Also, I'm really no good with accents, so you'll have to use your imagination.
This first chapter took me AGES to get out, and I still feel like it may be a bit too "heavy", but oh well, live and learn, I guess. Rating is for language for now.
Reviews and comments are accepted and appreciated, no pressure though.
Precipice
Happy birthday, Rogue. I thought to myself as I blew out the lone candle on the red velvet cupcake. Twenty-three years old with a life just as fucked up as it was when I was fifteen. It was nobody's fault but my own, I guess; I had a habit of messing things up like Irene always said; I'm my own worst enemy and I have an insatiable need to destroy myself.
Leaving the X-Men and New York seemed like a great idea at the time; I wasn't happy there and I felt suffocated. And of course, I thought I knew better, I thought there was no one better to look after me than myself. Now here I am, living in a rundown apartment in California, working as a mechanic making hardly enough money to pay rent and buy food, but oh well, adult life is great!
I should've listened to Logan, he told me straight out that I'd struggle; he even offered to let me stay in the apartment he owned in downtown Bayville, so I'd be away from the mansion, but close enough to ask for help. I knew that if I called him right now and ask him to bring me back to New York, he'd be here in a heartbeat, but I'm stubborn and I've always found it hard to own up to my mistakes; yet another character flaw I need to work on; I'll add it to the list.
Logan kept in touch though, he even sent me a pretty silver charm bracelet for my birthday; god, I missed him. I had a sneaking suspicion that he knew I wasn't in a good place, but I think he wanted me to actually come out and say it.
A loud bang on the door made me almost jump out of my skin. It's just past eleven at night, who the fuck is stupid enough to disturb me?
I stood up from where I was sitting on the floor and marched over to the door, fully intending to unleash a hoard of very strong words at my late-night visitor. Yanking open the door after removing the deadbolt, I was surprised to see a leggy blonde standing there. Well, I was surprised until I put two and two together.
"What do you want, Raven?" I asked tiredly, leaning against the doorframe.
"Can I come in?" Her voice made me grind my teeth; almost six years of no contact, now here she is, probably needing my help with something.
"Maybe when you tell me why you're here."
Mystique sighed and crossed her arms. "I need your help."
"Oh, big surprise and here I thought you wanted to have some mother-daughter bonding time." I scoffed as I rolled my eyes; a little voice in my head told me to slam the door right in her face, quiet down Wolvie.
"I was thinking I'd be able to have a mature conversation with my adult daughter, I guess we're both disappointed here." Raven barbed, she'd never been able to hide her venomous nature for long.
"Are the X-Men kicking your ass again? Magneto not treating you right?"
Raven stepped closer to me, so I pulled the door tighter to me, ready to lock myself in if things turned sour. "I'm here on behalf of Xavier."
The laugh that came out of my mouth was unexpected almost as much as her statement. "Why do I not believe you?"
"Believe what you want, Rogue, you always do. But if it'll make you feel better, maybe you could call up Wolverine and ask him since the two of you are so close."
"Is that how you found me, through Logan?" No, Logan wouldn't out me like that, he said it himself, as far as he's concerned I'm his daughter and he'd fight to the death to keep me safe; then again, my mother's very good at getting information out of people, especially men.
"No, Charles told me. Oh, don't look so surprised, do you really think he'd just let a mutant as powerful as you just fly off the radar? Oh no, he's kept his eye on you." I wanted to slap the smugness of her face and then slap Xavier; free to leave? My southern ass. "Now, are you going to let me in so we can sit and talk like adults?"
Shut the door, kid, and lock it. Don't let her worm her way back into your life. You don't need her. Seriously, Wolvie, I can handle her. As I had this small mental conversation, I moved away from the door and gestured for her to enter. The look of disdain on her face made me slightly ashamed of the shithole I'd been calling home for the past couple of months.
"It's not as bad as the Brotherhood's house," I mumbled as I closed the door and kept my eyes on my shuffling feet; being in the small living room with a woman I called my mother for the first fifteen years of my life made me feel very small and vulnerable, the way she always made me feel.
She huffed in response as she sat down on the green threadbare sofa, she then started to rummage through her pristinely white handbag before pulling out a neatly wrapped box and offered it to me. "Happy birthday, Anna."
I hesitantly accepted, half expecting it to blow up in my face. I unwrapped it slowly as I took a seat in the secondhand leather recliner. Opening the box, I found a pair of beautiful satin emerald green gloves. Running my unclothed fingers over them, I marveled at just how soft they were before my mind told me to say something.
"I don't need gloves anymore," I said quietly, my eyes focused on the gloves, not wanting to make eye contact with Mystique.
"I know, you've finally mastered your "curse", but I thought they'd be a nice reminder of what you are."
My head shot up as I glared at the shapeshifter. "Reminding me that I'm a leech? What a wonderful present." I snapped, throwing the box and the gorgeous gloves on the cluttered coffee table.
"Xavier and his little team are facing something new, he calls himself Mr. Sinister and he's proving to be a huge problem," Raven explained as she inspected her talon-like nails.
"And that's my problem because?"
"It'll be everyone's problem if this . . . man isn't stopped." The seriousness of Raven's voice made me halt in my outrage at the offensive gift; this was a voice I seldom heard, but it was one that I never forget because that voice means that shit is about to go down.
"What's he done so far?" I asked quietly.
"He's been experimenting on mutants, enhancing them, giving their powers a considerable boost," Raven paused, seemingly gathering her thoughts. "We think he's creating an army, we're not quite sure what he wants, but if he's allowed to continue what he's doing, then we're going to have a real fight on our hands, one that may be out of our league."
"We fought Apocalypse, practically a god, and won, I'm sure taking down a couple hopped up mutants would be just another mission."
"So far, the X-Men have encountered three of his guinea pigs; Cyclops was in a coma for four days, Kurt and Colossus were beaten to a pulp, the rest of the team didn't fair that well either."
Okay, that shocked me, Kurt and Scott? Sure, they sometimes had bad days when their attention may be impaired, but Colossus? The six foot seven Russian tinman? That is some serious shit.
"And that's why you're with the X-Men? Because there's a greater evil?"
"Well, not really, I wanted to be closer to Kurt, he's my son and I want to have him in my life."
I snorted at that. "Why? Because you've suddenly found your maternal instinct? You threw him into a river when he was just a newborn, you made no effort in his life until he joined the X-Men, until you knew he was a mutant and could be useful to you! If you care anything for Kurt, leave him alone, get as far as possible away from him."
"What Apocalypse did to me made me realize a couple of things. My life could be over any minute and the only thing I'll be remembered for is all the damage I did, I want to change that."
"You can change your outside, Mystique, but you can't change the inside, you'll always be a psychotic bitch," I muttered, was I being too harsh? Fuck it, it's midnight, I should be asleep now, I have a right to be angry.
"As a child, all I wanted was a family of my own, because mine didn't want me, but at the time I was convinced nobody would ever want an ugly blue girl, so I pushed that dream away and became spiteful at the thought of always being unloved." Raven stopped, I noticed that the roots of her platinum blonde hair had a slight red tint to them; her disguise was slipping.
"You don't have –" I said, slightly panicked at the emotional outburst of the woman who was the most stoic person I'd ever met.
"But then, I got my powers and suddenly, I could be anybody I wanted to be and anything someone wanted me to be." A bitter smile crossed her face, pearly white teeth gleaming. "And I guess that went to my head; all those people who ridiculed me for the color of my skin, I could become their dream and then take them for all they had. I don't know when, but I started to want more, I wanted to feel power over others, to make them feel small and worthless."
Wasn't this way too much to unload on the birthday girl? Oh wait, it's past midnight, no longer my birthday, guess it isn't too much.
"Then I found out I was pregnant and I remembered that all I used to want was a family; so, I did everything to make that happen; settled in a quiet house, created a whole nursery. But then, he arrived and I just knew his life would be just as miserable as mine was; how was I supposed to raise a happy, healthy child when I don't know the first thing about any of those things? So, I let him go. No, I didn't know if he'd survive or not. No, I didn't seek him out, but it was because I wanted better for him." Mystique's voice had gotten thicker; this was the most emotion I'd ever seen from her.
"I met Irene soon after that, and I instantly saw something in her; she wouldn't care what I looked like, she just cared about me because of who I was. She made me happy and she always wanted me to leave Magneto's side, live a somewhat normal life, but I couldn't, I was addicted to the chaos."
Her head raised and she met my eye, her previously baby blue eyes now had a distinct yellow gleam. "Then Irene told me about a little girl, who she'd seen so much of; she was convinced that you were a miracle who would change things for the better."
"Let me guess, she was wrong?" I mumbled, dropped my head and staring at my interlocked fingers.
"No, she was completely right, Anna, because you were a miracle for her. For me, you were a test, to see if I could be a good person, and I failed that because I knew you'd grow to be unstoppable and the possibilities just flooded my mind,"
Please, don't start crying, I'm not qualified to deal with that. I already felt unbearably uncomfortable.
"And for that, I'm sorry, I shudder to think how you might've turned out had it not been for Irene; you'd probably be ten times as worse as me,"
Mystique stopped again, but I got the vibe that she was finished speaking. I wasn't quite sure what to do; do I go over and hug her? She is, whether I like it or not, my mother and she did provide for me all through my childhood, sure I didn't see her very much, but as a child, I loved her more than anything.
"Do you want half of my birthday cupcake?" Stupid. That was a stupid thing to say, a woman has just told me her life story and I offer her a small piece of cake.
But she laughed and ran a hand through her hair. "No, I've said my piece, told you the situation, nothing more for me do to here. It's up to you if you want to help or not. I should be leaving, anyway, I'm supposed to be seeing an old friend in London in the morning."
I nodded and stood up as she did the same; she cast one last distasteful look around my apartment before she headed for the door.
Say something, Rogue, she apologized to you for the first time ever, she wants to mend things, I frowned, the Kurt in my head wanted me to give her another chance, maybe the real one likes having Mystique in his life.
"Thank you for the gloves, they're lovely, I'll probably need them with how cold New York's gonna be,"
Mystique stopped with her hand on the door handle and turned to look at me, her eyes looked worried but a soft smile was on her face. Is this really the woman I called my mother for all those years? She's the one who's told me as long as I can remember; people don't change their ways, they just get better at hiding them.
"I'll see you there, Anna." And with that, she was out of the door.
Sighing, I locked the door and retrieved my cupcake and sat at the shabby excuse for a kitchen table. Picking at the cake, I had to laugh at myself; I'd always told myself that returning to the X-Men would never happen, it was too stressful and stifling; I'd much rather jump off a cliff than go back, and here I am, just agreed to go back; it's like standing right on the edge of that damn cliff, I know there's raging waters waiting for me, but who knows? Maybe I'll find a way to float.