Wrote this in just a few minutes while listening to 'They Weren't There' by Missy Higgins - you should definitely give it a listen.
Dedicated to Rachael for listening to me rant about Maddison tonight.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Everyone had been so quick to judge when they caught wind of what had happened. No one was ballsy enough to actually confront her about it but she heard the whispers of "I thought they had the perfect marriage." "They did until he walked in on her and his best friend in their bed." "Poor Derek." And she wants to scream at them because they don't know. They can't possibly understand what she was feeling on that night.
They can't fathom the sting of loveless marriage or the way his touch caught her skin on fire. They don't understand that they fought it for so long – that it had been years of wanton lust and the pain of not giving in. They don't understand that she had loved him first, long before Derek Shepherd even registered on her radar. They don't understand that she had made the safe choice and that she tried so hard not to regret it but regret it she did.
She wants to tell them what led up to that very moment. That her husband had left their marriage months ago and she hadn't seen him in a week before that night. That Mark had shown up for their weekly dinner to find her crying into her takeout and that he held her for hours before a move was made. She wants to tell them how it felt to feel his fingers run through her hair and how the kisses he pressed to her temple wiped away the throbbing in her head. She wants to tell them that they moved to kiss at the same time because the ring on her finger wasn't much more than deadweight anymore. How he kissed her with a decade worth of pent up passion and just the tiniest bit of anger. It wasn't quick nor slow, they pushed with an equal force that kept them a mess of tangled limbs until the early hours of the morning. The rain outside blanketing them in safety as they gave into each other like a wave cresting on the shore. They tumbled together until it was a blur and neither knew where one stopped and the other began.
She wants to tell them that when Mark ripped his hand from hers and stumbled out the door that it hurt a thousand times more than Derek's voice when he walked in the bedroom. She wants to tell them that it stung more to be the schism in a lifelong friendship than the fact that her marriage was over. More than anything, she wants to tell them to shove their judgment because they weren't there.