Instinct and Memory

Chapter 1
Annabel Lee Reid

The girl bustled about grabbing her keys and looked frantically around the room as she ran late. Letting a sigh pierce her ruby red lips she looked at the clock and almost kicked herself. Forgetting that yesterday was daylight savings time she also forgot that the clocks were turned back. Hearing a raspy tired voice she turned around to see her father standing behind her rubbing his naturally dark circled eyes, she realized she had awoken Doctor Spencer Reid.

"Ann, what are you doing? It's 4:30 in the morning." Spencer asked with a yawn.

"Sorry, I thought I was running late." Annabel said taking a seat on one of the barstools at the kitchen island.

"Running late?" He asked leaning against the countertop so he was in front of her this was way too early for the teen to be starting off her day even if she wanted to be early.

"Yeah I wanted to beat some traffic. I need to get to Jenson's to borrow a book for school today." The girl said referring to her favorite cafe in the suburbs of DC. She knew the owner and they were friends so it would be no problem taking the book out of the shop for the day. Even in the suburbs the traffic was horrendous!

Spencer nodded and let a small grin appear on his face. "Someone forgot that I turned the clocks back." He spoke before letting a chuckle escape his mouth.

"Oh shush, I can't remember everything like you." The girl added with a serious tone but couldn't help the corners of her mouth turning up.

Letting a tired laugh escape from his throat Dr. Reid straightened himself up and walked over to one of the pine cabinets and pulled the container of coffee off the shelf and put it on the white countertop before grabbing the coffee filters and closing the cabinet door. The not so young as he used to be doctor began to perform his magic at the coffee pot.

Annabel watched her dad briefly before setting her father's old messenger bag down on the empty barstool next to her. It was her father's messenger bag when he first started at the BAU. She found it in the back of the hall closet when she was 13 years old. When her father told her she could use it she never parted ways with it.

"So what is your day going to be like?" Spencer asked leaning against the counter once again.

"Well let us see." Annabel began. "After I pick up my book I'm going to school and try to focus on my class work." She said picking at her freshly painted nails like she always did when she was nervous. "I have my audition today remember?" She asked almost regretting the stupid question as it passed through her lips.

Spencer gave her an 'are you serious look' before he spoke. "Yes, yes I did remember. Is your violin ready to go?" He asked

"Of course. I'm just very nervous." Annabel said almost stating the obvious.

"You'll do great like you always do." Spencer said with an encouraging smile. He had always been a proud father since day one he knew Annabel was a gift to him. The first time he held her she had him wrapped around her fingers.

"Dad, can I ask you a question?" She asked toying the ring around her right ring finger, her voice shaky, her face growing pale.

"Shoot." Spencer said before reaching for two mugs. One was his own FBI mug that he had had since before Annabel was born, and Annabel's mint green mug with pale pink polkadots. Filling up the cups he handed the mug to his daughter and kept his mug close by as he opened the jar of sugar and added the sugar to his coffee and left the jar open for Annabel.

Annabel's hands shook as she put the mug down and spooned her four spoonfuls of sugar into her coffee knowing that it wasn't good for her secret and current condition. "Do you ever feel like you ruined anyone's life?" She asked causally.

"What?" He asked quickly with a frown. He leaned against the counter and looked into her eyes. "Are you okay?" He asked becoming very concerned he had never heard his daughter speak like that before. "Did something happen?" He asked quickly again.

Moving her attention to her locket she began to twist it in her fingers gently. "No, it's just for an essay." She said convincingly enough for the profiler to believe her.

"That's an odd topic." Spencer said raising an eyebrow. "There have been some cases where yes I do deal like I've ruined lives." He said softly. He knew there was more to it but decided not to push it sense it was almost 5:00 in the morning.

Annabel nodded taking a rather long sip of her coffee, letting it burn her throat. It was the closest thing to normalcy she had had in the past week so she let it sink in. Despite how great she was at lying (which she wasn't) her father could see right through her.

"Just promise me we'll really talk about it later, okay?" Spencer asked looking his daughter dead in the eyes. He knew something was totally wrong. Annabel wasn't herself, even this early in the morning there was always a spark in her eyes and lately they had been dull and barren.

"Yeah sure." Annabel said forcing a soft smile. She didn't know exactly how to talk about it. How was she going to explain what she did? How was she going to explain that she ruined her whole future?

"Well seeing that you are all ready for your day I suppose I could make you some breakfast. What would you like?" Spencer asked walking over to the refrigerator.

"Um I'm not really hungry." Annabel said biting her lip realizing just then that she gave the wrong answer.

Spencer felt his heart break a little as he frowned and sighed closing the door to the refrigerator. "Anna, please..." He started.

"Dad it's not that." Annabel quickly jumped to her defense.

The small girl had lived her whole life with low self-esteem and she always felt that she was repulsive. It was almost the 6 month mark to her relapse free Anorexia recovery. It had started a little before her 16th birthday. Her father didn't notice for 6 months and he put himself through hell when he finally did notice. Annabel remembered that day very,
very well.

******
Annabel had gotten back from school a little later than usual. She had stayed after school to help some students with SAT prep and she just loved to help. Her father was on a case in Michigan and didn't expect him until the end of the week. She put the key to apartment into it's lock and opened the door. She stepped inside and closed the door behind it and locked it before putting the key back into her purse.

The short girl tossed her messenger bag on the tan leather couch and proceeded to walk to one of the many bookshelves that lined the apartment's walls and pulled out one of her favorites. Ignoring the pain in her empty stomach she sat down on the couch and opened the book. Before her eyes met any printed word she noticed the distinct yellowing of her nails. It was a symptom she knew her father would notice soon. She put down the book and walked to her bedroom to get some nail polish.

With her hands shaking she returned to the living room but something stopped her in her tracks. She couldn't realize why she didn't make or why she wasn't moving until she looked around and realized she was on the floor. She tried to stand but her legs just wouldn't move. It wasn't just her legs, it was her arms as well. The weakness and exhaustion finally caught up to her.

Before she could think of a way to stand she heard the door open and close. Annabel heard the door lock and her name being called. There was something different about the voice, it wasn't warm like her father's normal tone, tired and scarred like when her father came home from a bad case, it was concern and knowing that filled her father's voice. When she finally saw Spencer she wasn't surprised to see that he wasn't surprised to see her on the floor, her skin pale, the natural dark circles around and under her eyes were darker. What did surprise her was that she felt a warm was around her cold body and hot labored breathing on the top of her head.

She was being held by her father, protectively at that. Annabel then knew that he knew. She heard his breathing and a few sniffled before feeling hot tears dampen the top of her head. This sent Annabel over the edge of composure and she then broke down. She let the tears flow into sobs and she grabbed a fistful of her father's cardigan.

After what felt like an eternity she felt the breathing of her father steady and return to normal but the tightness of his arms remained.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I never noticed, I know all if the signs, statistics, symptoms and I never even picked up on it." Spencer said with pain ravaging his voice.

"Daddy don't." Annabel said in between sobs. The affect she actually had on people was a strong one. It never really hit her until now. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She sobbed into her father's shoulder.

Spencer picked up his daughter who probably didn't way more than 95 pounds. He carried her over to the couch and sat her in his lap like he used to when she was a little girl. He rubbed her back and held her close to him as she cried. "We are going to get you help." He said softly letting Annabel cry.

Snapping back into reality Annabel looked at her father before sighing. "I'll have eggs dad." She said before coving her her mouth with the coffee mug. Spencer gave a slight nod before preparing his daughter breakfast.

As soon as she smelt the eggs fry Annabel hid the nausea and kept her nose in her mug. Everything lately made her stomach turn, especially in the morning, not really a surprise to her. When she watched her father make two plates and hand one to her she dug her fork in and pulled up a tiny bite. Knowing how this mean was going to turn up she are the bite quickly. It wasn't until maybe two bites later when she felt it start to come back up. Jumping to her feet Annabel ran down the hall to the nearest bathroom where she spilled what little she had to eat into the toilet. Flushing away the vomit Annabel looked in the mirror before grabbing her toothbrush and toothpaste. After scrubbing her teeth and mouth she spit out the access tooth paste and rinsed the toothbrush. Just as she was about to fix her hair again she heard a soft knock at the door.

"Annabel?" Her father asked "What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked trying to open the door.

Annabel quickly opened the door and forced a soft smile. "Yeah, great." She said leaning against the doorframe.

"You got sick." He said giving her a look.

"Dad don't worry it's just my nerves. I'm okay honestly." Annabel said giving Spencer a reassuring look.

Spencer nodded buying into it. "Alright, just promise me you'll eat something before you go to school." He said giving up the hopes that she would eat the eggs he made her.

Annabel nodded before quickly fixing her hair and grabbed the black cropped leather jacket that she had left on the bathroom door. Slipping on the jacket she made her way past her father and to the kitchen where she grabbed the messenger bag off the barstool and slipped it over her head and onto her shoulders. Annabel grabbed her keys and started for the door when she heard a voice behind her. She turned around and saw her father approaching her at the door.

"Annabel wait." Spencer said before walking over to his daughter and pulling her into a bear hug.

Annabel smiled and hugged her father back before pulling out of the hug. "I'll stop by the BAU after my audition." She said opening the door.

"Knock em' dead, Pumpkin." Spencer said with a smile holding the door open for her "Love you."

"Love you too dad. I'll see you around 5:00." She said with a smile before walking down the hall to the stairwell.

Little did the Reid's know that that wouldn't be happening.