Author's Note: With all the Wemma swimming in my head (as if I haven't got enough to write!) I have decided to branch out and write a Quinn-centric fanfiction story, thanks to a prompt from one of my Twitter followers, Nams littlejaymogron. I hope you all enjoy my take on prim and proper Quinn Fabray, which picks up from the first season episode, Sectionals. Please be kind and review, I appreciate your feedback!
This was not how sophomore year was supposed to turn out.
Everything was a mess.
In fact, Quinn Fabray's life was more than just a mess. It had become a soap opera comprising of so many twists and entanglements that were so preposterously unbelievable – even for television.
But this wasn't television. This was real life. She was pregnant. And Puck was the father.
Puck.
A moment of weakness, a lapse of judgment, a lack of contraceptive. Boom. A baby.
Quinn was too young to be a mother. She watched 16 and Pregnant with her parents, more for educational purposes than anything, for their sake. After each episode, there would be a solid statement springing from their mouths about how irresponsible teens can be, as well as how proud they were of their little 'Quinny' advocating abstinence through the Celibacy programme at McKinley High School.
Life could be so ironic sometimes.
And stressful.
She thought about Finn. The look of anger she saw on his face when he stormed into the choir room and started punching into Puck was one she hoped to never see again. Each punch that made fierce contact with Puck's cheek hit Quinn with an even greater force. Best friends at war. She could only blame herself. Her flawless alabaster skin and pink cheeks deserved the impact of Finn's clenched fist more than Puck. After all, she was the one who told Finn he was the father when she knew all along the possibility of that was zero.
I'm done with you.
His voice. Those words. They would never leave her. They rung in her ears like the church bell at Sunday mass.
She played on Finn's naivety and kindness, made him feel all this guilt, forcing responsibility upon him that wasn't his to begin with. How desperately she wanted Finn to be the father. He had all the makings of a great father, a genuine good guy with a heart of gold and generous nature. They were the school's power couple, with Finn being the star quarterback on the football field and her being captain of the Cheerios, the school's cheerleading squad. They were supposed to end up Prom King and Queen, get engaged after school and marry, raise a family and living happily together forever. Or so was the plan. The only change was that the whole having a baby thing jumped to the top of the list, in addition to a teen punk, not Finn, as the father. That was the ultimate deal-breaker.
If Quinn had had her way, Finn was going to be the recognised father of this baby no matter what the truth was. His mother had even taken her in when her own parents kicked her out, appalled with what their daughter had done. For that, Quinn was thankful. Carole Hudson was a caring mother to Finn, having raised him along since his father died. She had become the new steady parental figure in Quinn's life, and they were starting to bond like mother and daughter, but after the revelations, Quinn wanted to hide, ashamed as to what Mrs Hudson might think of her. What would she think? Trashy? No good? Maybe it was true.
Quinn would do anything to keep Finn. She had even joined the Glee Club to not only sabotage their chance at success on behalf of her cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester, but to also keep a watchful eye on her boyfriend. For as perfect as their relationship seemed, Quinn noticed the subtle signs of another woman entering his life, stealing him away from her arms, where he was supposed to be.
I'm DONE WITH YOU!
She knew Finn would never be hers again. Somehow Rachel Berry, the Glee Club's shameless diva with the grinding personality, had stumbled upon the fact that Finn wasn't the father, secretly confessing her knowledge to him, causing Quinn's world to crumble that little bit more.
Quinn began to wonder if she ever loved Finn at all, or if it was simply convenient to claim him because it was what everyone expected. He wasn't a piece of furniture, nor someone to treat like the gum under the heel of a favourite pair of pumps. The worst part was, Quinn was the one stuck on him, not wanting to let go, not wanting to have her idyllic world turn into a gritty reality which she would have to face, to come to the understanding that her world wasn't as sweet and as innocent she had everyone believe.
The pretty blonde with the rose-stained lips looked into the mirror in the girl's bathroom, wiping away the tears that silently trickled down her face. Red eyes, runny nose and a quivering bottom lip set a no-so-pretty picture. She had tried to hold it in for so long, but the countless forks in the road, decisions, choices, and crazy emotions of the entire situation scrambled her brain into mush. She slammed her hands against her ears in a desperate attempt to block out Finn's enraged voice. It wasn't working. It made her cry, louder this time. If she cried loud enough, maybe it would drown out his voice and everything else that was wrong in her perfect world.
Her head wasn't in the right place. She was finding it hard to focus, to keep up with classes, to fit into her Cheerios uniform, which didn't matter anyhow now that Coach Sylvester had bumped her because of her bump. All that hard work, training, reaching the top of the pyramid all amounted to nothing. To not even feel appreciated, to be brushed aside like yesterday's half eaten bagel, well, that was Sue Sylvester all over. At least there was still Glee Club.
Mr Schuester was one of the nicest teachers at the school. He seemed to take a sincere interest in the lives of his students, which Quinn admitted was creepy at first, but when there was no shoulder around to lean on, Mr Schue, as he was affectionately known, was there. Quinn reflected on her attitude towards him when she first joined Glee. She acted smart-alecky and spoiled, always ready with a pointed comment to make him feel stupid. How opinions can quickly change. Sectionals was coming up, she wanted to do him proud.
There wasn't a tissue in sight. Tearing off a square of toilet paper from an empty stall, Quinn blew her nose, now as red as Rudolph's. Cradling her head in her hands, she rested her elbows on the bench, breathing deeply, praying no one would enter because she couldn't deal with anyone at this moment.
There was something else bothering her, eating at her conscious like a wake of vultures picking at a dead deer carcass on a deserted highway.
The lies.
The lying was becoming too much. And it wasn't just the whole baby daddy thing. She had been seeing Puck behind Finn's back. It was harmless fun at first; what Finn didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Quinn was even keeping it from her Cheerio friends Santana and Brittany. It was new, all the sneaking around, the thought of forbidden love, the thrill of making out in the janitor's closer whilst students milled around in the hallways. Yet all the while, Quinn knew in her heart what she was doing was wrong. Finn was her guy. Why cheat on him? Was it possible to love one guy and have feelings for another? All these questions… but the answers were nowhere to be found. Quinn couldn't explain it herself.
Nor could she bear to discuss with Mr Schue the deal between her and his wife Terri, well, they were separated now, and the plans to give this woman her baby in order to cover up the older woman's own lies. How demented and ludicrous was that? Quinn caught herself in another jumble of half-truths and lies that added to the burden already aching in her stomach. She wasn't even sure if giving up the baby was the right thing to do. Jumping back and forth between keeping and adopting out entered her dreams every night. The regrets were a mile high on either side. So were the positives.
The fact that Puck was the baby's father was grounding enough. He was someone she could never be with, yet incessantly drawn to this guy for all the wrong reasons. Once she had come clean to herself that she wanted to be with Finn, trying to dump Puck was difficult. He actually had feelings towards her, feelings that Quinn shunned and refused to accept, all the while knowing there was something electric between them. How would her parents react, if they were ever to be on speaking terms again, if Puck rocked up to their door in his dirty jeans and tee, smelling of chlorine and sporting a Mohawk? Not to mention being Jewish. He was from another world. It just wouldn't work out.
Judy and Russel Fabray were the conservative, god-fearing elite, living the high society life in their transparent bubble of rich and exclusivity. Quinn and her older sister were brought up into this circle where anything and anyone could be bought with money. You had to walk a certain way, talk a certain way and any behaviour outside the norm was frowned upon. It was the only world Quinn knew, the only place she was safe. It would only be a matter of time before her parent's friends found out, and deemed scandalous enough to shun her entire family from the country club and the church. Her parents would kill her.
For Christ's sake, she had a reputation to protect. Her status was the most important thing in her life, along with subsisting on 600 calories a day and wearing the latest fashion. Not to mention having a super-hot boyfriend and everyone admiring, staring, wanting to be just like her. The little freshman wannabes even stepped out of her path as she walked down the hallway, a vision not seen since Noah parted the Red Sea. She had a presence; she was something special.
How would it look in a couple of months, as her belly grew to the size of a beach ball, walking down those same halls with an aching back and stuffing weird things like pickles dipped in ice-cream down her throat because she was in the midst of pregnancy cravings. What type of role model could she possibly be?
Quinn didn't know what was right or wrong anymore. She had no anger; only sadness and the common banality of feeling sorry for herself. At least everything was out in the open now. Everyone in Glee knew the truth. Mr Schuester knew. Even Miss Pillsbury knew. She had Rachel apologise profusely to causing the drama in the choir room that led to the tears that blurred her vision now. Rachel did what Quinn couldn't do – reveal the truth. It may have been Quinn's undoing, but it was such a relief to rid herself of the rope that had her tied up in knots for so long.
That earth-shattering moment when she saw the plus symbol on the test, Quinn fell into a vacuum. Voices became a whisper; time slipped into a lumbering pace and the air became thick and dull, making it extremely impossible to breathe. Her ears deafened to her surroundings, her sight narrowed into tunnel vision and that rope squeezed and twisted around her body, cornering and foisting her with choices, decisions, important issues that would undoubtedly change her life – and that of her unborn child – forever.
She felt trapped, malicious thoughts once again circling her like a lion circling its prey. No one could understand the inner turmoil she was experiencing. No one. As she dry heaved and rushed to the cubicle directly behind her, she threw up, unclear if it was morning sickness hitting her a little later than usual, or the workings of emotional strain. Or was it the further pressure she had inflicted upon herself to do this whole pregnancy thing without the help of Puck?
She saw the hurt in Puck's eyes as she told him that she was going to do it alone. There was still some love there. Quinn felt it in her heart, all the while trampling on his.
He really was a sweetheart, that Noah Puckerman, she conceded honestly between heaves. Giving her the money he earned cleaning pools, wanting to be a part of her life, concerned for her well-being when she fell or felt sick. He had this side, this wonderful, soft side, only witnessed by the very few. Quinn was one of those people. It placed him in a new light, but his shining armour tarnished quickly. Puck was irresponsible. He was a teenage boy after all. Immaturity ran in his blood. And this had been proved over and over again.
The hurt from him 'sexting' Santana whilst they were babysitting was the final straw. Admittedly, none of this would have happened if she had just told the truth. Puck did to her what she did to Finn. Being on the other end of the stick was painful.
Quinn wiped her mouth and coughed. She flushed the toilet and headed back to the sink, rinsing her mouth and washing her hands. A shower sounded absolutely marvelous now. She could already feel the warm water on her back, washing away her problems if only for a little while. Besides, who knew what she picked up kneeling on the bathroom floor? Her skin was crawling with impurities.
She needed space. And time. This was something she had to do herself. Everything would work itself out, wouldn't it?
"You've screwed everything up. Who's gonna want you and your bastard baby?" She asked her reflection, crying. No one. Not even your own parents. They're the ones who were supposed to love and support you unconditionally, but only on the condition you didn't become another pregnant teen. Quinn folded her arms and turned her eyes to the ceiling, biting her lip. The destructive voice in her head dragged her down further.
You drove the boy you loved away with your lies. You pushed Puck away. You are a horrible, horrible person. You are scared. Scared of what people think. Scared of what to do next. Scared of how to handle something that a woman should handle, not a child. "Scared. You're sc-scared… I-I'm… sc-sc-scared," she whimpered, holding herself, trembling. "What do I do? Help me, please," Quinn put her hands together in prayer, praying as hard as she could, praying for things to get better.
She couldn't turn time around; she couldn't wish the life growing inside her away. But Quinn realised that any further denouncement of herself was not healthy for her or the baby.
"Stop crying. Stop it!" She forced herself to snap out of the funk she was in. It wasn't going to make the situation any easier.
As she clutched the silver cross pendant on her necklace, calmness flowed through her. She blotted her tears and the rivulets of the salty liquid that marked her skin. Bravely smiling, she stared at her mirrored likeness and set herself straight. "You are Quinn Fabray. You are perfect, popular and pretty and still the Queen Bee, no matter what people think. You don't need a guy to complicate things. And after all this is over, you'll be the stronger one." Adjusting her white cardigan and royal blue dress, Quinn composed herself, smoothing out creases, dusting herself off and fixing her hair. She had to look good to feel good.
Spinning on her heels, she held her head high and left the bathroom triumphantly. Quinn was feeling a lot better. She still had her worries, and there were some things she couldn't face alone, but a positive momentum had caught hold. Quinn hoped it would stick around and keep her company for while at least. As she walked through the hallways, she stopped by her locker and looked at the collage on the inside of the door. The photo of her and Finn, smiling, holding each other was now a remembrance of what was. She was going to take it down but decided against it. Instead, she kissed her middle and index fingers and pressed them to the now former couple.
Quinn had a lot to learn, about herself, her friends and her family. The months to follow would be the toughest she had ever faced. She didn't know what to expect, how things would turn out, be it good or bad. Quinn was a fighter.
And if she had to stand on her own, she would.