Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.
A/N: I had the idea for this written forever ago, and I started writing it and stopped halfway through. Then I was reading poetry and other stuff and felt like I had something really brilliant on the tip of my tongue – and then I thought that the reason I couldn't form anything completely was because I had this story in my files, unfinished. So...I decided to finish it. I hope it isn't TOO cheesy ;) Enjoy!
There has to be a reason, Logan thinks as he stares at Carlos' antics adoringly. The latter is currently cannonballing into the Palm Woods pool with a battle cry, his helmet still firmly attached to his head, drenching all the sunbathers – including a very pissed off James – with salt water.
Really. The boy is completely nuts, rather off the beaten path, and almost impossible to fully understand. When Logan channels his inner Spock and tries to think about it logically, there doesn't seem to be any real reason he should be so head-over-heels in love with Carlos. Carlos is messy, unorganized, not particularly intelligent, lacking in the common sense department...
Even so, Logan knows he absolutely loves Carlos. But there has to be a reason. Logan is a man of science, and he knows perfectly well that there is a reason for everything that happens in the world. If, at first glance, Carlos seems like somebody inherently completely wrong for Logan, then there has to be logic behind why Carlos is, in fact, perfect for Logan.
Before he'd bother with algorithms and equations, Logan decides to do what any intelligent man would do in a time of struggle. Make a list.
Lists are great. Logan's mind is often pretty scattered, and that's where lists come in. Lists get the mind organized. And, above all, Logan believes that writing things down that were previously only running around his head makes them more tangible, more real. How can you know what you think until you see what you say? This last point is why Logan figures it makes sense to create a list of the exact reasons he loves Carlos.
Logan walks from his place at the window to the bedroom he shares with his lover in order to grab one of his notebooks and a pen from his very organized pencil case. He sits down on his bed, back against the wall, knees up and the notebook lying politely against them, silently beckoning Logan to start writing.
He turns to a blank page and for a moment is completely aghast at the amount of whiteness that's there. It's a little intimidating. Logan takes a moment to twirl the pen that's in his hand, and then starts writing.
His smile.
The one that's full of perfectly whitened teeth, and as equally perfectly straightened thanks to the wonderful orthodontics work he – and the rest of the gang – had done in middle school, like all the other teenagers. The one that hardly ever leaves his face. The one that greets Logan whenever he walks into a room. Even the shyer one that comes upon his face when he looks at Logan after a passionate night. Logan knows he most definitely loves that smile. But Logan knows this one's kind of superficial. Really, his smile? Carlos has all these amazing personality traits, and immediately Logan decides to go for the physical. Shame. Next.
His confidence.
Then again, this one could be applied to any of the guys. All the guys are confident in their own ways – Kendall having confidence in his leadership – and hockey, of course, always hockey; James having confidence in his prettiness – lucky bastard; Logan having confidence in his intellect, which never fails (except for now, apparently). Carlos' confidence is definitely different – it's more like, confidence in his unspoken idea that he won't die from the ridiculous stunts he pulls all the time. Logan finds he can't really put it into words – the whole point of this exercise – and moreover, the confidence he exudes isn't exactly exclusive to him. Even moreover, Logan's gotten so distracted with this one that he can't remember what he wrote it down for. Whatever. Next.
His lack of ability to sit still.
There. That's exclusive to him. The rest of the guys, including Logan himself, would much rather take a nap after a long rehearsal than what Carlos does – which is insist on, say, jumping into the pool, or pranking Bitters, or having a Nerf gun war. Even when they're just sitting around playing video games, Carlos is bouncing off the walls. And Logan loves that. Logan can be sitting in their bed, reading a book or quietly surfing the Internet, and Carlos would come bouncing in and pull him out of his taciturn meditation. Which, actually, is one part annoying, but the rest of Logan is amazed that Carlos has the ability to make him want to stop reading or looking up the lifespan of some obscure amphibian and instead go do something, well, fun.
Logan looks at his pathetic piece of paper with three measly items on it and more musings in his head than he had started out with. It's not that he can't think of any more – he has a bunch more in his head to write down, after all. It's just that this list feels to Logan to be completely...discombobulated.
It's not discombobulated in that the things he's written aren't related. He's written three things, and they're all 100% true, and no, they aren't related but that's not the issue. The list is discombobulated in that the whole idea of such a list is like trying to make personality traits tangible things. Logan is of the belief that people are really just puzzles – metaphorically, of course – and he is now realizing that by making this list, he's trying to figure out certain pieces of the puzzle that is Carlos.
Clearly, it isn't working. Logan can't just list all the great things about Carlos. It's too superficial. It's not real. He's not capturing the essence of Carlos. It's like writing down everything about each of the ingredients of a cake to figure out why the cake tastes good. It can't work like that. Some of the ingredients might taste nice by themselves, but they work totally differently when baked into a cake.
Maybe people aren'tpuzzles. Maybe people are like melting pots. Or mosaics. Or cakes.
Screw it, Logan thinks. He's done trying to put labels to things. He tears the piece of paper out of his notebook and rips it into a few pieces, dumping them into the apartment recycling bin. He loves Carlos for Carlos, and that's enough.
A/N: Reviews are love!