Twas the night before Christmas and all through the ship
Not a scientist was stirring, except for Dr. Nick
Old socks had been hung by the Apple Core with care
Because Chloe had insisted on putting them there
The humans were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of pizza danced in their heads
As I in my stocking feet deigned not to nap
I set the lynchpin in my Christmas trap
When at last my ears heard the clatter
I sprinted down the corridor to gloat in the matter
Flew down the hall like a flash
Tearing my uniform in my mad dash
The blue star, from a porthole did glow
Lighting the whole gateroom below
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a pissed off Saint Nicholas, wearing a sneer
As I got closer, Santa gave me a kick
And that's when I knew, it was really Dr. Nick
His Punches were swift and sure was his aim
As he swore and shouted and called me many names
Now Dastard, now Dunce-head, now Piss-ant and Vixen!
Next Cur and Stupid and Dotty and Nixon!
To the top of the stairs he ran down the hall
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!
As I lassoed him down he let out a cry
Then he opened his mouth and started to lie
I knew he could see in my eyes that I knew
But still he pretended he'd just been to the loo
He sat in his Christmas gear acting aloof
Until I'd just turned my back and then he went; poof!
As I drew in my head, and was turning around
Across the deck Nick flew with a bound
He was dressed all in red from his head to his foot
Rags stitched together from rubbish and roots
A bundle of junk he had on his back
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
He eyes how they flashed, his face was so scary
He hands were in fists, which made me wary
His tight little mouth was all drawn in a 'no'
So when I pulled down his beard I expected a blow
He wrung his hands and gritted his teeth
Confessing he had a secret to keep
A child's fantasy strait from the telly
To be Santa Claus from wellies to belly
He looked in his rags such a skinny old elf
I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself
With a sigh and a wink and a twist of his head
He soon let me know I had nothing to dread
We spoke not a word, but went straight to our work
Filling all the stockings till he turned with a smirk
Then in a move that left me in a doze
He gave me a kiss that curled my toes
Then he sprang through the hatch, giving a low whistle
The sound piercing my heart like a missile
No explanation he gave as he strode out of sight
Save Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
(O)
Authors Note – this is based on the classic Christmas poem 'A Visit from St. Nicholas' by Clement C. Moore. I didn't even bother to change a few of the lines, because I simply couldn't find better words than Mr. Moore's. I don't own any of it. I just grew up loving this poem and it seemed like a fun idea. Hopefully every one of you reading this thinks so too.
Merry Christmas!