You promised, remember

by hell est pas la

You look outside the window and you think you see him under that streetlight. But you don't check. You don't because you know that if you do, the desire to bring him back will be impossible to resist. And, you promised, remember.Spoilers 5.22

Title: You promise, remember.
Genre: Angst
Rating: K (language, mentions of alcool)
Characters: Dean (mentions of Sam, Lisa, Ben)

I apologize if there's any mistakes in here, but I'm french so English doesn't come that naturally ;)

You promised, remember.

You look outside the window and you see families, just like yours. Your family ... Lisa and Ben ... Bobby and Sam ... but you can't go there.

You promised remember.

The apple pie life. And for once you intend on keeping to your word. As hard it it becomes everyday, you won't let Sam down, not again. So you hang on to this life, this lie ... You have barbecues, you go to Ben's soccer games, you even got a job as a mechanic, but this isn't life, this is hanging on ... hanging on untill Sam gets back, untill you get him back, except you won't get him back.

You promised, remember.

Sometimes at night, you look outside the window and you think you see him under that streetlight. But you don't check. You don't because you know that if you do, the desire to bring him back will be impossible to resist.

And, you promised, remember.

You hate him sometimes, for forcing you to make that promise. And you hate Lisa and Ben, and all these people out here that can smile at you and mean it. All of them overlooking or not even seeing what a mess you are. You hate yourself too, for not jumping with him, for not stopping him, not saving him. But there's nothing you can do about it now.

You promised, remember.

You drink more than you should, you know it, Lisa knows it, hell even Ben knows it! But it's the only way you can get to sleep, and even then the nightmares don't stop. There's still a gun under your pillow, even after five years. And sometimes at night you think you could just ... but you don't.

You promised, remember.

You know that Lisa knows, she's not stupid, but it's like you're both better living a lie. And Ben, you do everything you can not to mess him up, not like you were, or Sam. So you stay, you live your apple pie life, hoping ... you don't even know what to hope for anymore. All you want you promised not to do.

You promised, remember.