It Cuts Deeper Than That
Dedicated to the one person in my life that never ceases to confuse me
Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has to do with House. Don't sue me.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I will state that I am a strong and independent woman. I don't fall for anyone easily nor do I enjoy wearing my heart on my sleeve. Mentally I am the definition of strength. Emotionally, I cannot be touched. My anger drives me as much as my determination does. In this life, I want what is mine and nothing would dare to stand in my way. Nothing would ever stop me from becoming in my mind what I call success. Maybe in a way, I'm even proud of that.
However, this man walked into my life and changed it. I can't pretend that I don't feel butterflies whenever he enters the room or that my heart doesn't jump through hoops whenever he says my name. I wish I could remain as emotionally untouchable as I was before, but I know I never will be again, not if my counterpart is him.
However, my love is different. If anyone ever asks me, if he walks away from you for someone else, would you let him go?
Yes. Yes I would.
I would because my love for him is different, unique, special like him.
People believe that to be in love, two people must always be together, joined at the hip, stay up to late in the night whispering sweet things and kissing. I don't need that. I have never needed that. Though it softens my heart and is a comfort to me, but it is not necessary, not to keep my love for him kindled. I may never lie an entire night in his arms and be held like I'm something precious, but that's okay with me. There are more important things than late nights and long make out sessions.
I am content just to watch him. Watch him smile and laugh and enjoy the life that's been given to him. I don't need to be by his side. If he chooses for me to stand there, I will be glad to take that place, but if not, that's alright with me. I want him to smile. Whether or not I am the catalyst of that, it does not matter. My love for him runs so much deeper than that.
If he asked me to, I would take down the moon for him. That sounds so cliché I know, but at times where a woman finds herself in this position, she feels like she's willing to give anything and everything. I will admit I am a selfish person. My concern has always been my own safety. Protect yourself, keep yourself safe so that no one can ever break down your walls and cut you down while those guards are down. Love is a fabrication that is pure lust and infatuation. There are of course boundaries, even with him. There always will be in anything in live, but I find myself pushing my limits, just to keep him from crossing the line. I don't know what he did to change my views.
Now I am willing to put aside my own feelings, my own emotions for him. If this is a one way street, so be it. I tell him that it's not a one way street, that love goes both ways, but I know it's a lie. I give and give and most times, I don't expect anything in return. I have never been that way with anyone else before. In life, most of the time it's a give and take situation, a situation that runs around and around and never ends. With him though, it can end tonight and if he's content, I am willing…more than willing to let him go.
I guess my point is to say that I don't need him to return my feelings for me to love him. I'll let go if he wants to run, just to see him smile and to feel that wind beneath his wings. I will never be that chain that ties him down, because it would break my heart to hold him back. My love for him runs deeper than what most couples need, runs deeper than my needs. Whenever he falls I'll be waiting to pick him up. Whenever he needs me I'll be there.
My emotions cut deeper than any wound ever will. Watching him smile makes me smile and when he laughs, he fills me with a peace that I don't get anywhere else. So if I only have him with me for now, for the few moments in this short life, I'll still be content.
I love him. As much as I hate to admit it, yet I yearn to declare it to the entire world. But what I feel will stay inside of me. No one needs to know. No one ever will because my true emotions that keep me awake at night can't be expressed with words, only in actions. And by those actions, maybe one day he'll see…
My love for him cuts deeper than he'll ever know. Deeper than I'll ever let him know.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Author's Note: I am a Huddy fan, though this can fit for any ship you wish it to. Well, almost any ship. I'm gonna admit that for the first time in my life I really am putting my heart on my sleeve. This fic is dedicated to someone very close to me, someone I would give almost anything for. He knows who he is and he'll know who I'm talking about when he reads this. I've read lots of books where authors dedicate one of their works to someone in their lives and I thought, if they can do that, why not me? Why can't I write for someone I truly care about? So there it is. A little heart wrenching fic as well as my own emotions for someone in my life.
Enjoy!