Isabella's Bunny
By Leah, aka, a member of the human race who once had a pet, formerly feral, rabbit called "Bugs"
Summary
Isabella makes Guy apologise for the "real" reason she is so unhappy.
Disclaimer
Rated PG for Izzie's depression. I do not own a thing
I did own a rabbit though and if RH were mine, Isabella would get plenty of cuddles as would Kate.
Also, shamelessly plugging my Lara Pulver and Lucy Griffiths forums right here, you can find the links on my forum profile. They need members!
Another thing, there are "Fat" remarks in this story, sensitive readers may not find this funny at all. If you do not like fat jokes, please do not read. I am a hefty girl, slowly getting rid of my crap, but I can laugh at fat jokes, even if they are aimed at me because I believe it's really the only thing you can do. Others are not made of the same stuff, so please look away if you do not find fat jokes, remarks funny.
Locksley Manor.
Whilst Gisborne broke his fast on bread and ale, Isabella set about performing the mundane task of cleansing her brother's ill-gotten scratch.
"So," Guy rumbled. "How do I get into the new kings favour?"
"I've decided to speak on your behalf," the young woman revealed slowly as she dabbed gently at the wound. "But …"
"But?"
"I need you to apologise," she told him frankly.
Guy frowned.
"Apologise?" he echoed. "What for?"
"You know what for."
"Isabella. If I had not arranged your marriage we would still be living in some godforsaken corner of France without a penny or acre to our name! It is not my-"
"I don't want you to apologise for that you giant dunderhead!" Isabella snapped. "I want you to apologise for running over my pet rabbit!"
Guy paused, scrambling to remember …
Oh dear, dear, dear.
Flopsy!
"You ran over him riding the charger father sent to us from the Holy land!" Isabella continued vengefully.
Charger?
Wally!
He had been such a good horsy.
"Mother told you to never drink and ride, but oh no! You had to impress the ladies; you couldn't control yourself."
She smacked him on the back of the head.
"Failure!" she roared.
"Ow!" Guy complained.
Deciding that he needed to defend his honour, Guy glared up at her.
"So," he addressed, trying to remain calm. "You want me to apologise for running over Flopsy whilst riding Wally in a drunken stupor?"
Isabella nodded.
"Is that it?"
Isabella nodded again.
"In any particular language?"
"Just apologise!" she prompted. "I have a snog session in the fields with Robin at 7. I can't be late. Right after that I need to go and visit-"
"Snog session?" Guy asked, bewildered. "With Hood?"
Isabella shrugged.
"It's a hobby."
Guy wrinkled his long nose in disgust.
"Riiiiight" he thought sardonically. "And I'm William the Conqueror,"
"We're going to need to have a séance, little sister," Goggie informed the noble woman.
"A what?" Isabella asked.
"I need to have a conversation with Mum before I can apologise since she's the only one who can actually tell me if I did, in fact, run over your precious bunny rabbit."
"But … Fine, but be quick about it. The prince and I have a session right after Robin's and I'll need to-"
"Spare me the details!" Guy puffed up his chest. "Allan!" he barked. "Where are ya?"
Miraculously, Allan A Dale popped his head through a window.
"You bellowed, Giz?" he asked.
"How on earth did you get there?" Isabella demanded.
Standing behind her mistress, Isabella's servant girl began to blush very hard.
"Ahhh …." Allan began.
"No time for chatter," Guy snapped. "We've got a séance to perform!"
"Giz … Remember what happened the last time we did a séance together?"
'No."
"It didn't work."
Guy's nostrils flared with determination.
"This will work!" he declared manfully and stomped in the direction of the kitchens.
"So how does this work?" Isabella asked her servant girl who shrugged.
"You know … We could just go and find the really old bird," Allan suggested.
"The really old bird?" Guy asked.
"The really old bird?" Isabella echoed.
"I thought she was just a myth?" the servant girl said, scratching her head.
"Nah, the really old bird's been around for yonks," Allan told them. "If anyone can get us Guy's mum, she can. Reckon we should have gone to see her when we tried to do it the first time."
The cottage of the really old bird
"So who wants to knock?" Allan asked from over his shoulder.
"Do you like breathing, Allan?" Guy asked.
"Spose."
"Then fucking knock!"
"Gotcha!"
Tap, tap, tap.
The door flew open with a flourish and a buxom crone, with fruit and goose feathers piled on top of her noggin, greeted them.
"Hello, I'm Lola; I used to be a show girl!"
"A what?" Isabella asked.
"I am Sir Guy of Gisborne," Guy declared importantly. "I need you to perform a séance for me, old crone."
"It's Lola."
"Whatever. Will you perform a séance or must I run you through with my sword?"
"Is it big?"
"Is what big?"
"Your sword."
"It's huge."
"Prove it."
"Why?"
"Curiosity."
"Not good enough."
"Mad curiosity then."
"That's more like it." Guy said and then unsheathed his mighty thumping broad sword. "Now get you gone!" he ordered.
"That's really bad grammar," Isabella muttered under her breath.
"No darlin, it's just the Middle Ages," Allan told her.
The really old bird huffed then slammed the door in the trio's faces.
"You dolt!" Isabella shrieked. "You've just told her to go away!"
Guy's manly nostrils flared-again.
"You do "Not" tell me the obvious!" he bellowed.
"Well someone should!" Isabella yelled.
"Iz, Giz, calm down!" Allan said, rolling his eyes. "I'll get her."
Guy sniffed and turned to look at a tree.
Locksley Manor, the main chamber
"How was I supposed to know we needed her older sister the really, really, really old bird?" Allan complained, stomping into the chamber. "I can't be expected to remember everything!"
"Shut it," Guy grumbled. "Let's just do this and then Isabella can speak to Prince John."
"Reckon you'll say a few things on my behalf, Izzie babe?" Allan asked, winking devilishly at Guy's baby sister.
Isabella smirked flirtatiously at him.
"Maybe," she replied.
"Slut," Guy and the crone coughed into their hands.
"Rightio then," the really, really, really old bird declared. "Assemble the candles, Sir Guy!"
"You do not tell me what to do!" Guy barked at her.
"Do you want this séance or no, Sir Guy?" the wretch asked.
Guy, realising how stupid he had been, nodded and quickly began to put the beeswax candles in their appointed places.
"Why does he always put an emphasis on certain words?" Isabella asked Allan whilst Guy and the crone scurried this way and that.
"Dunno, but he does it so well."
Isabella gave the outlaw a searching look.
"This thing my brother has over certain people … What is it and can I bottle it?" she thought.
0o0
The chamber was dark despite the flickering candles.
"Bibbity, boppity, boo!"
"That's it? That's not a real-"
"Duck!"
Poof! Puff! Boom! Boom!
Bang!
"Wheee!"
"Ow!"
"Mon dieu!"
"Mummy!"
"Geez, not bad looking for a ghost is she?" Allan muttered to the servant girl.
"Guy, oh my darling!" Ghislaine cried. "You've grown so handsome! Love the hair! Have you found your half brother, Archer, yet?"
"What?" Isabella shrieked.
"Oh! I meant have you spoken with your father yet? Damn thick accent!"
"Mum, as great as it is to see you again, I need to ask you a really, really important question," Guy said, giving Allan a "Do not ogle my mothers ghost" look.
"Oh it's fine, Guy, he can look. Your fathers fallen to pieces again anyway. Now, what is your question?"
Before deceased mummy dearest could reply, there would a loud trumpeting.
"Who's that?" the really, really, really old bird asked.
"Oh, you adorable girllll! Yoo hoo! It's your princie wincie!"
"Uh-oh," mumbled Allan.
"Cripes," added the servant girl.
"Does anybody know what time it is?" Isabella asked, knowing she would be in deep shit if Robin caught her snogging the prince.
"Tool time?" Allan grumbled under his breath.
"Children, be good. I must bid you adieu!"
"You do not get to leave!" Guy hollered, hiding behind a barrel.
However, and rather unfortunately for Guy, Ghislaine had noticed that Roger was seemingly back together and decided that it was high time for a bit of rompey pompey till he started dropping off again.
She left in a puff of smoke.
"Cough, cough! Isabella, what on earth are you doing? Didn't I tell you that pyromania is my hobby? Copying is so unfair!"
"Bring her back!" Guy shouted from behind his barrel.
"Good thing I remembered to bring spare candles," the crone muttered rummaging through her sack.
"By golly! What the devil's this?" Prince John demanded, sweeping gallantly into the hall. "Care to explain why you are aiding your outlaw brother, Isabella?"
Isabella smiled nervously.
"Brother? I see no brother," she sing-songed.
"I'm just a part of the home décor," Allan added rather earnestly.
"Oh for god's sakes! I can see your brother hiding behind that barrel, Isabella! Now, you can either tell me what is going on or I'll hang the whole lot of you!"
"We-ell."
"Ummm."
"Ahhh …"
"Errr …."
"Hmmm."
"Mmmm."
"Ermmm."
"Found the candles!"
Guy smacked a hand to his forehead.
'Oh Shiiiiiiit,'
Da-Da-Da-DAAAAAA!
"I'm Robin Hood!"
Poof!
Bang!
Wee!
"Marian?"
"Marian!?"
"Ohhh, nice frock! Can I get that in burgundy?"
"Did they give you bigger apples in heaven, Marian?"
"Robin, now is not the time!" the ghost of Hood's former wife snapped. "Why have you brought me here?"
"Ahem! Before anyone can speak!" Prince John marched toward the dead virgin and gushed. "Do you love me?"
Marian's transparent blue eyes widened.
"I have no idea of who you are," she replied, frowning at him.
"Oi! I thought you'd be watching me from heaven!" Robin cried.
"I've been busy!" the ghost insisted.
"Robin, you never told me your ex-wife was so beautiful," Isabella said darkly, glaring at the outlaw.
"Wee-elll …"
"She doesn't know who I am!" Prince John moaned into his hands. "This is a catastrophe!"
Guy looked up at Marian.
"How's life on the other side?" he asked.
Marian shrugged.
"Pretty dull actually," she replied. "Nothing to brag about since Vasey left."
"The sheriff got into heaven?" Allan asked, eyes nearly popping out of his sockets.
"For about five minutes. We were having a great bash then he popped off. I have no idea where."
"Well since you're so bored …"
"Yes, Guy?"
"Come back from the dead and live with me?"
"You're an outlaw."
"I'm sure we can come to some arrangement."
"You killed me."
Guy's nostrils flared.
"I was not myself!"
"I'm married!"
"To a fat outlaw who's trying to get into my sister's good books?"
Marian thought about it.
For about an hour.
"Oh do hurry up!" PJ wailed.
"This is very complicated!" Marian roared. "The forest doesn't suit me!"
"Suited me just fine," Isabella muttered scathingly.
"Gisborne, it would seem that your dear milk and honey sister has fallen for the tub of lard over there … Perhaps we could come to an arrangement."
"Whatever you want, Johnsie!" Allan declared, smacking Guy on the back hence causing the disgraced knight to grunt and stumble forward.
"Thank you, Allan," Guy muttered, "But the prince was speaking to me!"
"Ahem, made my decision!"
"Oh goody!" Isabella sneered.
"I have made my decision," Marian said again, giving the older woman a disapproving look, good thing she was a ghost for if she wasn't a ghost … bye, bye Izzie.
"Robin, since you have came back from the holy land, you have landed me into quite a bit of trouble. I actually acquired a second belly button because of you."
"And him!" Robin insisted pointing at Guy.
"You do not point at me!" Gisborne thundered angrily.
"Cept you, PJ," Allan said, throwing an arm around John's shoulders.
The prince quickly shrugged him off.
"Pray don't touch me, you stinking fool," he growled.
OoO
"How's the thinking going?" Guy asked.
"Yes, are you done yet? The royal belly is a-rumbling and the outlaws stink!"
"I thought I smelt like a real bloke," Robin grumbled.
"Awww, diddums," Isabella cooed.
"Ahem!" Marian addressed, an eye brow raised.
"Alright wenches and royalty and what not. Maz has something to say!" Allan said.
"Thank you, Allan. Now. I believe I can happy state that I will be happy to become your wife -again, Sir Guy."
That being admitted, Marian snapped her fingers, thus bringing herself back from the dead.
"What?" Robin exploded.
"Let's go to the forest, shall we?" Isabella asked, reaching for Robin's arm, proceeding to drag him away. "I have a craving for strawberries …"
"What about the apology/" Guy asked.
Isabella grinned.
"I think we can let that one lie, Guy. Now excuse me. I'm off to cuddle my outlaw."
And they all lived. Sometimes, happy ever after.
The end