'It's civil war up there, if we can beat Raphael, I gotta do this, I'll find purgatory and Crowley helps me. Please trust me with this, just this one last time Dean.', I nearly whispered.

'Trust you? Don't you son of a bitch think I've trusted you enough?', Dean shouted.

He turned his back towards me and cleared his throat.

'Dean, I want you to understand...', I tried to explain, but he just didn't listen.

'No Cass, I can't trust you any more. Got that? Not yet, not tomorrow, never.', he complained with good reason.

I had abused his trust and if I was in his shoes, I wouldn't have forgiven me either.

In the past weeks, Dean tried so hard to proof his loyalty, but this was over now.

'Dean, just one more thing.'

'What?'

'I'm sorry.', and with these words I disappeared.

I had no idea where to go. In heaven Raphael waited for me, the only persons who might have been called my friends detested me and only the thought of going to hell made me feel sick. I totally screwed up this whole thing. Whereby the whole thing was my so called life.

I decided to go back to heaven. Where else might I have gone? I sat down in a nice warm place, the heaven of some autism guy. He died in summer and his heaven looked like a green meadow with sun-drenched flowers on it. It's a nice place to order thoughts and get things right. But right now I had no idea where to start.

I never wanted to hurt the boys. And I truly thought I would have rescued Sam, when I put him out of hell. Now I was alone and how for gods sake was I supposed to survive like that?

During the last weeks Dean and even Sam grew dear to my heart and bloody hell, I would have died for both of them. Not that I had to mention I always preferred the smaller one of them. Finally he taught me how to make a stand against something, how to live an own life.

Now that I was alone I often thought I shouldn't have rebelled. Probably everything would have been easier for me and the boys. For me and Dean. Maybe even for the whole planet earth. That script didn't exist just for fun. There must have been a reason for it to exist. I screwed it up. Otherwise god wouldn't have revived me again if he didn't want me to keep on fighting, would he? Hell my head was throbbing.

I lay down on the grass and wondered how Dean's heaven looked like. Probably a giant vehicle museum?

'Look who we've got here. Got bitten by your favourite little pet, didn't 'cha?'

I looked up to figure out who spoke. It was Crowley.

'What are you doing up here, demon?', I groaned, he was the last one I needed right now.

'Nothing, just checkin' if you fulfil our pact. Seems you got nothing else left to do, do you? So do you still think of these cockroaches as something you need to protect? If you don't mind I'd like to kill them as fast as possible, 'cause they are about to hunt me.', he couldn't help laughing at me.

'Don't you dare...I promise, if you touch one hair on their heads, you'll feel what hell is like.'

'Don't forget I've already been there. I'm through with that stuff. But I'm still interested in your companionship on our search for purgatory, so I will keep my fingers off those blokes.', Crowley said and took one more step to me. 'But let me tell you something, after we succeeded, we will go separate ways and I will kill what I want to be dead.', He took another step and smiled malicious. 'Seems like little Cassie lost her boyfriend, huh?'

'Just let it go, Crowley. It's not funny and I won't let you kill 'em. And now please tell me you've got some good news for me, my day was bad enough so far.'

'Well, 'bout this I'm honestly sorry, I have literally nothing. By the way, how's your big brother? Someone told me he'd like you to kneel down in front of him?', Crowley said and after an filthy smile he added, 'Sorry, didn't wanted it to sound like that. But I'm great at that stuff, I should definitely start writing fanfiction, nah?'

I didn't actually get what this was supposed to mean, but I didn't risk to ask, in order not to be called an idiot. 'Sure. Would you mind leaving me alone now? I got things to do.', I tried to divert him.

'Do ya? Wanna write a letter about your feelings? Oh Cass, come on, please tell me you are kidding me.', Crowley said. 'Well, I've got better stuff to do, I hope you don't keep messing around.'

He left me even more helpless than I was before. I stood up and prayed to god. 'Father please. Just this one time. I need your help. Am I doing right? Should I keep fighting Raphael? Please God. I don't know what to do.', I choked the feeling to be completely alone and waited for an answer or at least a sign from God, but he just didn't answer. Finally I decided it would be the best if I waited for Raphael's next move and Dean to calm down. So I lay down again and closed my eyes. I tried to calm myself and it actually seemed to work.

'Ouch, that hurts!', I screamed when Dean stabbed the needle through my arm.

'Ah shut up you pussy.', he repelled but looked worried at the same time.

'We're nearly finished. Just two more pricks and I can let you go.', he smiled cheery.

This felt awful, poor humans who can not heal themselves.
But otherwise, Dean has never been closer to me. I looked up to him cautiously. How could I ever doubt saving him was right? He was the best friend I ever had and he was...well, he was the hell of a man (isn't that some human expression?).

'Cass are you listening? You are ok. And now be a little more careful. Humans can't just snap with their fingers and every wound heals in seconds.', Dean looked at me.

'Well you did a good job, I think!', I responded and smiled at him.

'Ah stop that Cass, you embarrass me!', Dean said with that voice from what I never could figure out if he was joking or being serious.

Dean stood up and walked into Bobby's kitchen. I still couldn't believe I thought about letting him die. 'Dean?', I asked and rose from the chair.

'Cass?'

'I ... I wanted to thank you.'

'Ok? Cass you know how I think 'bout that stuff, we guys have to sit this out together till the very end.', he suddenly had that worried mien on his face, which made him look so much older than he was.

And than I recognised I must have been dreaming. I dreamed about the time when I was nearly human. Now that I knew it was just the 'dream Dean' I stood in front of, I got brave.

'Dean I'm so sorry. If I could, I would change everything. Or better not. I would make sure I would never meet you, so I never had to betray you like I did. Oh god knows how sorry I feel for the crap I brought to your life.', suddenly I couldn't help crying.

Dean stepped back toward me and gave me the closest hug I ever got. After that he looked me in the eyes and told me
'Dude, you saved my ass so many times, I guess now it's my turn. We gonna get this thing right!'

I woke up and for a moment I thought I could still feel Deans arms around my shoulders. Would we ever be that close to each other again? Anyway I got brave because of this dream and so I decided to meet up with Dean (and probably Sam too, but I already mentioned I like Dean much better, didn't I?).

I gathered up all my encourage and snapped myself into the boys actual motel room.

I stayed invisible for a while, like I always did. A few seconds later the door swung open and Sam and Dean entered.

'Dean, I understand that you don't want to let him go like this, but he betrayed us, he lied to us. I can't trust him any more and Bobby doesn't either. Please tell me you are not about to mess up our plans because of this damned fallen angel. Dean, listen...'

'No Sammy, YOU listen. It's not my fault that Castiel did what he did, but I am pretty sure he has got his reasons. Come on, let's face it, without his help all bets are off whether we survive this shit or not.', Dean got in rage more and more.

'You just can't be honest!', Sam shouted and left the room as fast as he came in.

'What am I supposed to do?', Dean whispered.

'WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?', he yelled and looked up as if he waited for an answer from above.

He looked so helpless. I sat down on his bed behind him and placed my hand on his shoulder. He recognised me even before I became visible.

'Cass.', he said.

'I don't want you to go. I didn't mean it. But please, please gimme a reason to trust you again.', he kept talking in a hoarse voice.

'I got none. I still deal with Crowley. I am still the man half hell and half heaven hates. But I'm also the guy who needs you and who never could let you down. You taught me what freedom is. You made me the man I am right now. You gave me the strength to rebel and survive. Together we managed to stop Armageddon. Don't you think it's time to end the war in heaven and give those demons in hell peace? I don't have any idea how god feels about this whole purgatory stuff or if he thinks it's ok to rewrite the script for heaven, earth and hell, but know what Dean? I don't care right now. I just want you to be safe. And I want to be with you.' I overheard my own voice getting louder and stronger with every word I said.

Dean looked to me suddenly cheered up.

'Have you finished your speech?', he asked with a devilish smile on his lips.

'Yes, well...I guess.', I stuttered.

'Fine, let's show 'em who is boss!', he said. 'But first...'

He bend over me and kissed me. I've never felt something comparable. This was so confusing and wonderful at the same time. Might that crawling under my skin have been what humans call love?

To fast Dean solved his lips from mine and stood up. He smiled at me. 'Don't look so disgusted, I don't kiss that bad!', he laughed and added uncertain 'Do I?'

'No, it was... wonderful.', I answered and managed a half dorky smile.

Only seconds later Sam got back into the room and looked at the two of us.

'What the hell happened to you Dean? You grin like a Cheshire cat.', he asked obviously confused.

'Well Sammy, you are right. I feel, like...like I've been kissed by an angel.', Dean laughed and slapped Sam's shoulder.

The end