Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Bleach but I do own the right to the plot in this so NO STEALING! The characters are owned by the beautiful human being that is Tite Kubo.
Weep for yourself, my man,
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep Little Lion Man,
You're not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself,
Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems
That you made in your own head
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my...
I choke back a broken sob as I fall onto the grimy tile floors of the bathroom. The insistent dripping of taps my only accompaniment as I break.
Shit!
I've ruined everything.
My body heaves violently , little beads of water spattering my against my palm.
I know I should get up, that it's not good for me to lay against the cold floor, that Grimmjow will be home soon and it's my turn to make dinner but the tears just won't stop.
Dammit! I've really done it this time… everything's gone to shit and I only have myself to blame.
Taking long, deep breaths I try to my best to stall the hiccups, to calm myself down but it doesn't work.
My free hand grips tightly onto the white stick, digging it further into my palm. I want to break it, to throw it away and ignore it, as if it wasn't real and I could simply go on in blissful ignorance… but that's no longer the option. The two blue lines proved it was no longer an option.
Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I lifted myself off the floor and quickly wrapped the pregnancy test in some tissue before shoving it into the rubbish bin and washing my hands.
I need to get a hold of myself… I have to be strong for two now.
oOo
I was leaning over the stove, stirring the spaghetti sauce with a wooden spoon when the front door clicked and Grimmjow walked into the kitchen, humming softly to himself, his deep baritone filling the room, like a warm blanket.
I didn't turn around, still intent on stirring the pasta sauce and before I knew, it, Grimm was pressed against by back, his arms wrapping around me as his lips pecked against the sensitive spot just behind my ear.
"Mmmm… smells good," he husked, his hands moving to massage my hips, making me forget all my troubles.
"It's your favourite," I muttered back, trying my best not to moan.
I could feel him smile against my neck. "I wasn't talking about the food."
My legs trembled and almost gave way beneath me at those very words.
He chuckles, his lips inching down my neck, towards my shoulder in feather light kisses. "Forget dinner, I'd rather eat you."
I'm flushed and wanton at his words, ready for him to take me right there and then , over the kitchen counter but there is something important that I need to tell him and I need to tell him now before he hates me forever.
"Grimm… there's something I need to tell you," I mutter quietly.
"And what's that, Tiger?"
I sigh and turn around slowly placing my hands upon his rock hard chest and pushing him back into one of the dining room chairs. He sits without complaint but I know without even looking that he's staring at me with curiosity.
I'm quiet for a moment, trying to think of what to say before Grimm interrupts me.
"Ichi, what's wrong?"
He's worried, his voice is tense now, sending jolts of guilt through out my entire soul.
He misunderstands my silence and asks if I'm breaking up with him.
I shake my head and my breath hitches. If only it were that simple.
"Then, what is it? What's got you spooked so badly?"
I try to speak but nothing comes out. How do I tell him I've just ruined his life?
"What is it, Ichigo?"
"I'm pregnant!" It slips out before I can even stop it. Oh no…
He freezes completely, he simply gapes at thin air. He's like a Grecian statue, or maybe even one of those ash smothered bodies in Pompeii, unable to move, even in their own fiery death.
Slowly, his eyes lift up to meet mine, cerulean orbs widened, whether in shock or horror, I can't tell, either way they burn deeply into my very core, flaying the flesh from my bones.
Hesitantly, he stands.
He towers over me like a giant and, briefly, the image of him walking out of the dark blue front door and slamming it shut behind him flits through my mind. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. It's happened before, during one of our more heated arguments. He came back eventually, after a month of us both being stubborn asses, he simply walked through the front door, sat beside me on the beaten, old periwinkle blue sofa, pulled me onto his lap and continued watching television like nothing had ever been wrong. Somehow, I don't think it will be the same this time.
Without a word, Grimm's hand slowly reaches out, the pad of his thumb catching a single, glistening tear. I hadn't even noticed that I was crying.
I flinched back, quickly rubbing the rest of the tears away with the backs of my hands. They kept falling and before I knew it, I was wrapped in a pair of thickly corded, muscular arms, my face pressed against a firm chest as I bawled out my apologies.
"I'm s-so sorry… Grimm… I really fucked it u-up this time."
Grimmjow cooed me gently, his large strong hands threading and stroking my hair.
"Shh… don't be silly. Everything's going to be okay."
His sweetness burns. I almost wish he'd be mean, that he'd shout at me and tell me what a useless, incompetent, piece of shit, human being I was… then at least he'd be reinforcing my very own thoughts. But this… this was so much worst… the guilt built inside of me, like poison, filling every artery, every vein until it was weeping out of me.
"H-how can you s-say that? We can't afford a baby, we're not even ready for one." my hands bunch the cloth of his grey t-shirt, the shirt I bought him when we visited his sister in Germany six months ago. The words, 'Fick dich ins knie', were soaked, the grey surrounding them turning several shades darker.
"Because I just know. Now… Shh… stop crying… you're going to destroy that beautiful voice of yours and your manager will be angry with you and then she'll blame me… again." I laugh at this. The last time Grimm made me cry so much I lost my voice, Rukia had personally found him at the university and had given him a black eye. I don't even know how she had managed it, considering she's shorter than me, standing at a petite 4ft 8" and Grimmjow is 6ft 3" and built like the German tank... She must have stood on a chair or something.
"It… it's not fair," I whisper as my sobs slowly calm, giving way to my hitching breaths.
"No… 's not fair but we've gotta deal with the hand we're given, whether we like it or not."
I snort. "Well, shit, that sucks balls."
He chuckles, "'s not all that bad."
I huff. "That's easy for you to say… you don't have to carry around another human being for nine months."
He laughs at this, a deep rumbling laugh that catches me off guard for a moment and then he smiles at me, that huge grin so perfect and so relentless it makes me want to cry. I hope our child smiles like that, so wide and full of life, it takes your breath away.
"Yeah, but I'll have to deal with your mood swings and, to be honest Ichi, my dear, you're a better fighter than me and you have a stronger right hook."
I laugh at this so hard my cheeks begin to hurt and deep inside I'm hollering my thank you;s to whatever God gave me this perfect being to love. Thank you.
Ichigo was still asleep. Her sunshine orange hair fanned around her. She was like a baroque painting. She looked like an angel.
I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers, stifling my silent tears.
There was no way I could be a father. Both Ichigo and I knew this… not after my childhood. How could I teach my child to be a good person when I barely knew how to be one myself.
With one achingly long, last look at her, I placed the note on the bedside drawers and turned and left.
My subconscious screaming at me the entire way… Grimmjow, you coward!
Tremble for yourself,my man,
You know that you have seen this all before
Tremble Little Lion Man,
You'll never settle any of your scores
Your grace is wasted in your face,
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
Now learn from your mother
or else spend your daysBiting your own neck
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my dear?
Authors note:
Dun dun dun… don't hate me… this will eventually be Grimmichi, trust me!
So how've you guya been? long time no see ^^;
Sorry, it's taken me forever and a day to update but I've been super busy with college and, ya know, life, but i'm here now… and I have this… hmm, I don't actually know how I feel about this… I have a general idea of where I want it to go but I'm not actually sure what I want to happen… anywho, I hope you like it.
The song is 'Little Lion man' by Mumford and Sons
Oh, and by the way, the t-shirt says 'go fuck yourself'… haha, thought Grimm would like that.
Ja ne x