It's been a year since Nadine's last episode, and I wanted to write something. Here's what I came up with.
(If you haven't already, go check out ch 7 from my fic collection Fourth in Line. It's in no way necessary in order to understand this but there are things that might have more meaning if you have read that first.)
To the general public, it was just a regular Monday. To anyone working at the State Department, it was anything but. Nadine checked her watch, surprised to see it was only nearing six thirty, even when she'd deviated from her usual routine and grabbed a coffee on the way to work. She'd intentionally come in early to get a moment of silence before the chaos and commotion that would surely accompany the arrival of the newly appointed Secretary of State. Her plan seemed to have worked so far; taking advantage of the fact that she had the elevator all to herself, she leaned against the back wall, plucking invisible hairs from the collar of her coat.
She'd changed outfits three times that morning, deciding against a pretty dark grey dress Vincent had liked because although it would've been a mental stand against the new Secretary, just looking at the piece of clothing hanging by her wardrobe door had broken her heart. It wasn't like Elizabeth McCord would even have known, either, so there had been no reason for that level of pettiness.
Exiting the elevator on the seventh floor, Nadine shook her head at herself. Considering the circumstances, it would've been entirely understandable she was a bit of mess, but aside from the fact no one was supposed to know the full extent of said "circumstances", getting emotional at work just wasn't acceptable to her. She clearly needed that second to make sure she'd have her game face on by the time everyone else began to filter in.
No matter the thoughts whirring inside her head, she'd made sure she at least looked the part of calm and collected. After gently tucking the grey dress back to the furthest end of her closet, she'd opted for a black chiffon blouse, a matching skirt, and t-strap heels that were a tad too tall for comfortable every-day use, but she'd felt she would need the confidence. Finishing the look with dark red lipstick, she had briefly wondered if the all-black outfit was too conspicuous, but doubted Elizabeth McCord was the type to judge others based solely on their looks.
She was a trained CIA analyst, though, and while Nadine pried herself in being a private person, she reminded herself she'd have to be careful until she herself had had a read on her new boss since, despite her best efforts, she didn't know much about the woman. While people seemed to have a generally positive impression about her, no one in Washington really knew Elizabeth McCord. Except, regrettably, the President, of course.
Setting her things down in her office, Nadine scoffed quietly as she thought back to the pile of dossiers she had read through a few weeks ago. She hadn't pegged Dalton as a supporter of cronyism. Although, she had pegged him as somewhat rational, too, so clearly she'd been wrong about the man. Hiring Elizabeth McCord instead of just about any other candidate was at the very least a risqué move. She was young and inexperienced, and, to add insult to injury, had had no real political objectives outside her ivory tower of academics where she'd condemned the unethical policies of an organization she'd used to be a part of.
Nadine had been fresh out of law school herself when Vincent had hired her, but that had been an entirely different situation, she thought with a roll of her eyes. Neither Vincent nor she had had high-profile jobs, only a keen desire to make a difference in the world. Nadine was uncertain if Elizabeth McCord had any amount of the passion needed to become the Secretary of State.
While Nadine had been lost in thought, her legs seemed to have led her down a familiar path on their own accord. Taking in her surroundings with fondness, she stood in Vincent's empty office for a moment, telling herself she should have to stop thinking of it like so. Nothing was Vincent's anymore, the office belonged to Elizabeth McCord now, along with everything it contained. From the heavy curtains he'd never remembered to open after a late night, to the big leather chair he'd once demanded that she try on "for size", claiming she looked good behind his desk, the desk that had chafed the back of her bare thighs so many times as Vincent had—
Oh dear Lord, she'd have to get rid of that desk right away.
The memories burning hot on her skin and chilling her heart, she looked around the room, trying to see it in a new light. It would have to be just another office to her from now on. It didn't matter what she remembered or what Vincent had promised her. He was gone, and while she thought she was slowly adjusting to that, seeing someone else take his place would be hard.
"Nadine?"
Startled, Nadine spun around to find Jay at the doorway. Straightening both her face and her thoughts, she prepared to explain her presence, but instead of asking anything, Jay glanced around the office before settling his eyes on her, a wryly sympathetic smile on his lips.
"She's here."
His sentence didn't need specifying. Giving Jay a nod in acknowledgment, Nadine drew in a breath and followed him to the elevators where Matt and Daisy already stood waiting. Rather than apprehensive or resigned, they seemed practically giddy with excitement, both too inexperienced to know better.
Jay threw her a defeated look over Daisy's shoulder, and Nadine suppressed a sigh while taking her expected place at the front of the group. She half read from his lips, half heard him mutter, "Here we go."
Not two seconds later, the elevator doors slid open with a ping, and out stepped Elizabeth McCord, in all her glory. Nadine could practically feel Daisy and Matt staring. She would've rolled her eyes if she hadn't been busy deciding if the woman in front of her matched the one she had imagined based on the information she had gathered.
While Nadine had been less than excited to meet her new boss, she had been curious about the woman who would become the nation's lead diplomat. She had heard of her, read about her, watched her; used every mean short of stalking her to learn about her. Well, stalking and actually talking to the woman.
Nadine assumed that would soon be rectified. For a college professor, Elizabeth McCord didn't seem like the wallflower type. Another thing that didn't really fit the stereotype: she was gorgeous. A slim figure, blonde hair, and piercing blue eyes Nadine realized were fixated on her.
"Madam Secretary", she managed, forcing every single one of her feelings down, and falling back on years of experience as she started guiding the woman further into the building and her role.
It took a couple of false starts. Elizabeth McCord, praised for not being political, didn't fit – sometimes Nadine doubted she even wanted to fit – into the system. She was clearly out of her element with bureaucracy, and Nadine had to remind herself more than once that at least she didn't have to deal with Cushing anymore, so if for nothing else, she owned Elizabeth McCord for that.
The problem was with the woman's attitude. Nadine could've worked with the Secretary being overwhelmed with her new responsibilities. What irritated her beyond belief was the complete disregard she seemed to have for the post and the policies. Hiding her thoughts behind a line of tight lips, Nadine tried not to let it show she was mentally berating basically everything the Secretary did. She was a professional.
If she hadn't been drowning in work trying to keep the department spinning without actively stepping on the Secretary's toes (she was crisp perhaps but she wasn't going to be full-on disrespectful), Nadine might have found the woman's behavior endearing. She could fault Elizabeth McCord for a lot of things but being pretentious wasn't one of them. Her younger self could've found it refreshing, felt a kinship with the idealistic woman, but her Washingtonized, realistic self wondered how long that spirit could possibly survive.
To Nadine's surprise, the Secretary proved herself rather resilient. Although she didn't have the kind of authority that was required in politics, needed all the more because of her gender and looks, she remained unfazed by even the types of remarks that were enough to have Nadine gritting her teeth. Elizabeth McCord wasn't intimidated by protocols or outdated values; on the contrary, she seemed to reject the conventional way of doing anything, which, to an extent, worked to her advantage as a substitute for a commanding presence.
Not that she didn't draw attention to herself. From the plain button-ups and slacks she waltzed around in, to the way she lounged on coaches or perched herself on tabletops, she was completely unapologetic of herself or her ideas.
The Secretary's free-spiritedness raised many eyebrows but it agitated Russell Jackson in particular. His growing frustration with the way the woman went about her work was almost amusing enough to make it worth it to have to watch her in a role she hadn't really deserved. Elizabeth McCord had gotten the job simply because she knew POTUS.
Granted, Nadine had slept with her former boss, but she had not slept her way to her position. She'd gotten hers with her own merits.
After six years of neglecting her own life in favor of Vincent's career, she was basically back to square one, but while that did annoy her, she was surprised to find herself thankful for the fact that she still had her job. She'd thought she'd been done after Vincent's death, but she wasn't; she loved her job and was good at it. After Roman and aside from Vincent, her life had never really held much else. She had no one to care for anymore. Unlike Jay, though, who was scrambling to get back to his former position by the Secretary's ear, Nadine wasn't all that interested in proving herself to Elizabeth McCord. She didn't need gold star stickers on her papers.
To Jay, however, she said nothing. She had criticized his excessive ambition several times in the past, but they had been virtually friendly towards each other lately, and as surprised as Nadine was to realize it, she didn't want to break the treaty. They'd been united since Vincent's death, and though Nadine's reasons for resenting Elizabeth McCord ran much deeper than Jay's exasperation with her non-political means, it was nice to have someone on her side.
As weeks passed, Nadine noticed that unlike she'd thought, not everyone was completely sold on the new Secretary, either – except for her PA, of course, who had been her only personal hire. Nadine had slowly gotten used to the rather laid-back way the Secretary spoke to her, but she couldn't help feeling better upon realizing that Blake Moran was intimidated by her.
While it had been the Secretary's decision not to clean house and bring in her own staff, it was unexpectedly Nadine who had to deal with the consequential conflicted loyalties. The staff didn't know how to approach the new Secretary, so they dumped everything in her lap, and she let them, because as exceedingly inconvenient as it was, it foolishly made her feel superior. In a way it was ironic; despite the fact she was higher than them in the office hierarchy, Nadine had no one to delegate things to. Thus she was forced to approach Elizabeth McCord herself.
A small part of her was still shocked every time she walked into the Secretary's office, muscle memory expecting to be greeted by Vincent's familiar face and voice instead of those of a blonde intruder. "Madam Secretary" tasted strange on her tongue. Judging by the expression of the woman whose attention she tried to gain with it, Elizabeth McCord wasn't used to the title either, which, instead of hurtful, Nadine actually found rather amusing.
She'd been close to slipping several times, since the old title came to her automatically, as would've Vincent's name if she hadn't paid it extra mind. Though everything else at State had changed so radically that she wasn't reminded of her dead lover at every turn, hearing his first name was too painful. Jay had used it a couple of times without warning, making her struggle for breath. "Marsh" was easier, Secretary McCord often talking about her "predecessor", which was even easier. It helped to differentiate her current life from her memories.
Nadine had learned rather quickly that entertaining various what-ifs was a futile coping mechanism. It was no use and only made her reality seem more depressing. While her life had effectively been turned upside down, a great many of things were still the same and relatively well. Vincent was gone, but Nadine wasn't going anywhere.
Unfortunately, neither was Elizabeth McCord, it seemed. She was idealistic and persistent; a combination that meant that she probably saw the job as a worthy challenge. She wouldn't quit. She was there for a specific reason, and while Nadine wasn't sure what that reason was exactly, having one was probably the only thing they had in common. If that were the case, the Secretary should at least understand that Nadine was there only to do her job. And well, she didn't need to like her boss in order to do that. In an ideal world, she'd serve at the pleasure, but if she had to settle for serving out of a sense of duty, she and Elizabeth McCord would both just have to learn to live with that.
Thanks for reading! If you have a minute, let me know what you thought :)