That writing lark…
Valkyrie was sitting at a typewriter, scratching her head. "Hey!" Uncle Gordon shouted. "Get away from my typewriter!"
"Calm down. I'm gonna have a go at that writing lark you were so into."
He tilted his head. "Where's Stephanie?"
"Right here, just underneath Valkyrie."
Gordon laughed. "Don't give me any of that, Oo, I'm Valkyrie Cain and I'm so big and tough, act."
Valkyrie laughed. "Shu'up, Gordon."
"Touchy, touchy."
"Says the talking Echo Stone."
"…Touché, young one, touché."
"You're not Yoda."
"Or am I?"
"No."
"Oo, the force is strong with this one it is."
Val and Gordon burst out into an up roar of laughter. Valkyrie loved spending time with her Uncle like this. She didn't get too much, mind you. She was still tracking down Tanith, Sanguine, Skulduggery and Scapegrace. Weird how they mainly begin with "S", right?
You see, Skulduggery has run off to find China Sorrows, an old friend. He didn't say anything to Valkyrie so she was left on her own to find him and drag him back before it was too late.
She still had her memories of him though, so she wanted to write about the gang and their adventures, just like her Uncle before her.
"So, how you going to start it?"
"Maybe a cheesy line."
"Oo, no. Bad idea, Steph."
"Hey, it's my story. I'll do what I want."
"Ok, ok."
MEANWHILE, IN VALKYRIE'S STORY…
Skulduggery was running from a horde of zombies. They begged for his brain, but he kept saying he didn't have one. He was funny like that. Valkyrie Cain, his gorgeous young companion, joined him and so did a beautiful blonde. Tanith Low, to be precise. And then a scarred gentleman followed. Elder Ghastly Bespoke. He wasn't always an Elder, but after the Elders were killed he was chosen to be one. Erskine Ravel was trailing behind the gang. Erskine was a handsome man and attracted a lot of female… attention. He was also the Grand Mage in Ireland.
"Ok, Skulduggery," Valkyrie started. "What do we do?"
"Do you even have a plan?" Tanith added.
"Well," Skulduggery said. "If you mean a plan like, a plan that doesn't involve us being ripped to shreds by zombies, then no."
"Oh." Valkyrie sighed.
"Split up!" Ghastly shouted. "They can't follow us all!"
We all agreed and Tanith and Ghastly went left. Val and Skulduggery went right, and Ravel went forwards. About half of them followed Ghanith (Ghastly and Tanith) and the others followed Valduggery (Skulduggery and Valkyrie.) Ravel was left standing around panting, pretty chuffed he hadn't enough brains to be important.
BACK IN REAL LIFE…
"How's it going?" Gordon peered over her shoulder.
"Fine, fine."
"Gorgeous young companion? You need to make this believable, Steph."
"Oi!"
They started laughing again.
"It's a compliment on your imagination!"
"Thanks, Gordon. Thanks."
"But you captured Skulduggery's arrogance perfectly."
"I know." Val grinned.
BACK IN THE STORY, AGAIN…
Tanith and Ghastly ran into an abandoned warehouse. They hid behind a burnt old sofa, although they knew the zombies could smell them. Tanith readied her sword and Ghastly his fists. Then that putrid smell of decay and death filled their nostrils. They were here.
Blood splatted up the walls and all over our two brave heroes. They beat all the zombies obviously.
"Well…" Ghastly said.
"That was fun." Tanith concluded.
"Come on, Babe." Ghastly put his arm around Tanith and they walked out of the warehouse caked head to toe in blood.
BACK TO REALITY YET AGAIN…
"Seems creativity runs in the blood, eh Steph?"
She nodded. "Well, it's a better story than your last one."
"Hey, Decade of the Elders was a gooden!"
"Yeah, all the Elders were killed and Tanith was fantasising about a certain Gordon Edgly now she was single."
"Well, what can I say? A man has his dreams."
"Bu you're not a man. You're like a hologram."
"Same difference."
"Different similarities."
STORY TIME WITH VALKYRIE CAIN AGAIN…
Skulduggery was running backwards with his gun pointed at the horde.
Bang, bang, bang.
A few stumbled. Not dead. Skulduggery grunted.
Valkyrie clicked and a spark sat in her hands. She fed it her power until it was as big as an average flame. When she was satisfied with its size, she threw it, taking out 3 or more zombies.
"You're getting too big for your boots, missy." Skulduggery commented.
Valkyrie smirked. "Says who?"
"Says me."
"Just carry on running, Skul."
"Alright, bossy boots."
They came to a dead end on a dark, fearful lane with tall plane buildings on each side of the road.
They turned slowly to find the horde drooling at them. "Hello there!" Val said. They just stared. "No speaky englishy?"
They stared.
"Ah well, Skulduggery?"
He was gone.
"Skulduggery…?"
She saw a pile of bones being ripped apart by zombies and heard screams. "SKULDUGGERY!" She ran over and beat away the zombies with various punches and kicks. Skulduggery groaned. "Skul, you alright?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Give me my arms and I'll fix myself up." She gave him his arm bones and he pushed them back into place, grunting all the while. She started throwing fire at the oncoming horde and then Skulduggery stood up, swaying slightly, with his gun in his hand. He gunned down the remaining zombies.
Ghastly and Tanith ambled up the alley way.
"You guys alright?"
Valkyrie and Skulduggery glanced at each other and then both said "Fine."
BACK TO REALITY WITH GORDON AND VAL, AGAIN. YOU BORED OF SEEING THESE HEADINGS? HAH, TOO BAD, BUSTER!
"Oo, a fight…" Gordon added.
"Mhm."
"Maybe it won't be so bad…"
"Or I could just kill everyone off brutally and make Tanith fancy you."
"You're never going to let me live that down, are you, Steph?"
"No way." She scoffed. Gordon sighed.
"Guess I deserve that. What's going to happen next?"
"No idea."
"Aha, that's how all the best stories are written."
"Just because you were drunk while writing your first best seller?"
"Of course!"
STORY-LAND TIME AGAIN
Valkyrie, Tanith and Skulduggery stood side by side in the Sanctuary. Ghastly was in his official position and Ravel was in his place too. No-one liked the other Elder. Lady something-or-other from the spidie order or whatever it's called.
"What's your wish, Pleasant?"
"To track down the bad guys, bring them back, be a renowned detective and look dashing while doing it all."
Tanith and Valkyrie glanced at each other with grins on their faces. Skulduggery glared at them.
"Well, I can't help with the dashing bit," Erskine said. "But I know where Scapegrace is hiding out, if you're up to it."
"Nah," Tanith said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "We've survived gods and everything and we can't even take out an old zombie past his sell by date."
Valkyrie was trying unbelievably hard not to laugh.
"Now now, Tanith. I know you feel nostalgic that you don't have the skills you use to but you don't have to take it out on the rest." A cheesy grin was playing on Ravel's lips.
Tanith glared at him.
"We're going to be off now."
"He's in the old orphanage on Twin-row street."
"Thanks."
And they left.
REALITY:
"Erskine is a bit formal, isn't he?"
"My story, my choice."
"Ok, Ok."
"What should I add in next?"
"A mystery of some sorts?" Gordon started pacing up and down the study.
"Hmm…"
"Like… Maybe when they find Scapegrace he-"
"Kills the Elders and starts fancying Tanith."
"Stephanie…" Gordon sighed.
"Sorry, sorry."
STORY:
They made their way to the orphanage. It gave Tanith the shivers. Kids running round screaming like maniacs… and now it was a decapitated old building with creaky doors and broken floorboards. Oh well. "Ladies first." Skulduggery said, and gestured to Valkyrie.
"Age before beauty." Valkyrie said, gesturing to Tanith. Tanith glared at her.
Tanith really wasn't happy about the whole abandoned orphanage thing. She broke a window and clambered inside, the pieces of broken glass snagging her leather coat. "Ok, Scapegrace!" She shouted. "Hurry up and show yourself, so we can kick your ass and then get out of here."
Scapegrace walked out into a dimly lit area on a platform, with snake like stairs curling up and round to it. Scapegrace had his head down and he was grinning.
Why was he so happy?
A zombie horde faced the heroic trio and Valkyrie tugged on Skulduggery's coat.
"What do we do now?" She whispered.
"We fight."
He started hurling fireballs at the horde, taking down two or three at a time. Valkyrie put on her necromancer ring and it grew cold on her finger. The death and decay transformed itself into power and flooded into her. She sent a wave of darkness into the horde, and a few went flying. Most of the stumbled, but at least it gave them space to breath. Her boot impacted with a zombie, and it fell into one behind it. They fell like dominos. Ghastly was smashing his fist into the faces of the zombies, making their bones break audibly.
Not too bright, are they?
Tanith had her sword out and we slicing the zombies that ran at her in half, quite litterly.
However, even with their heroic attempts, they we're still outmatched. Massively.
And eventually, they got surrounded.
REALITY YET AGAIN:
"Anyone going to die in your story?"
"…I don't think so. Maybe Erskine for being too cocky."
Gordon laughed. "You're so nice, Steph."
"And so are you, Uncle."
"I know I am."
"I was being sarcastic."
"Oh. Well. Runs in the family."
"Course it does."
"Mhm, that's why you're my favourite niece."
"Only niece."
"Well, now you're my only niece."
"Hey, remember when you met Skulduggery?"
"Ah, yes… At the bar… I think I was sick on his shoes."
"Mhm."
"Ah. Awkward."
"Yup."
STORY:
Skulduggery glared up at Scapegrace, or at least everyone thought he was glaring. He could have been giving him puppy dog eyes. "Scapegrace, what do you want?"
"Revenge."
"For…?"
"Thrasher."
"For…?"
"His death."
"We didn't kill Thrasher."
"You might as well have!"
Scapegrace's hands curled into fists by his side and they shook with anger.
"Oh please, do tell." Tanith said, looking a zombie beside her up and down in disgust and then back to Scapegrace.
"He went to the Sanctuary for me-"
"So, you killed Thrasher?" Valkyrie laughed.
"No, let me finish, foolish girl!"
"Foolish..! I could take you out right now if I wanted!"
"Then why don't you?"
She looked at Skulduggery pleadingly. "Plleeaassee?"
"No."
"Come on, Skul! I can take him!"
"I need answers, Val. No-one touches Mr. StinkyZombie."
"HEY!" Scapegrace screeched. "As I was saying, he went to the Sanctuary for me. The idiot forgot he couldn't just walk in the front door. The Cleavers took him away, and I haven't seen him since!"
Valkyrie glanced at Tanith by her side and Tanith glanced back while Ghastly, who was behind Skulduggery, and Skulduggery did the same. (They basically looked like a diamond…). They all burst out laughing.
"Oh come on, Scapey! I can call you that, right?" Valkyrie giggled.
"No!" Scapegrace screamed, enraged.
"Well, if you have a ZOMBIE enter the SANCTUARY, might not be taken too kindly!" Chuckled Ghastly.
"SHUT UP, BESPOKE!" Scapegrace bellowed. Ghastly was taken back at the rage Scapegrace was feeling.
"If it makes you happy, I'll twist a few arms and get him released."
"You would do that? For me?" Scapegrace's eyes were wide and hopeful.
"If I get out of this alive."
"Horde! Stand down!"
The horde looked at him unsure.
"I said stand down." He growled, and they obeyed him.
Valkyrie grew tenser for surely, if Ghastly didn't get Thrasher free, Scapegrace would hunt them down, and she knew what rage could do to people. Take Skulduggery, for example. He had his family killed right in front of him, and then was killed himself. However, anger that bubbled in his inner soul brought him back, or that's what the gang figured. Skulduggery never talked about it, or if he did, he said as little as he could get away with.
"Be back here with Thrasher, tomorrow at midnight." Scapegrace threatened through gritted teeth.
"Sure thing."
BACK TO REALITY, UNFORTUNATLY:
"Scapegrace is way more serious than usual." Gordon commented.
"Well, you know, I'm thinking of Scapegrace as a puppy. Desperate for his pal."
"Ah, good thinking my young one."
"Are you Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm Luke Skywalker?"
"I was thinking more I'm your Skulduggery and you're my Valkyrie."
Valkyrie glared at him, and felt like ripping that stone to pieces. She just turned back to the typewriter and began thumping on the keys.
THAT WAS A PRETTY SHORT REALITY, WASN'T IT? OH WELL! BACK TO STORY WORLD/LAND THING:
Skulduggery paced up and down the marble white Sanctuary corridor, his shoes making an annoying kind of clicking noise.
"Stop pacing."
"No."
"Why?"
"I like pacing."
"I don't."
"Sure..." His voice dripped with sarcasm.
"For your information, I don't even like you."
Skulduggery stopped pacing and turned to stare her straight in the eyes.
"Is that true now?"
Valkyrie raised her head to the roof, crossed her arms and sat back in the white uncomfortable chair.
"Yes."
"Now now, Cain-"
"JUST SHUT UP, PLEASANT!" Yelled Val.
Skulduggery was taken back slightly by the sudden outburst of aggression.
"Valkyrie, what's on your mind?" He took a seat next to her and leant forwards, leaning on his arms and turning his skull to face her.
She didn't look at him. She just sulked.
"Valkyrie…"
"Go away, Skulduggery. Just get out of my face for one minute."
He paused. "No."
"Well at least shut up."
"No."
"Stop talking."
"No."
"STOP. TALKING. RIGHT. NOW!" She screamed, and with a flick of her arm she sent a wave of darkness into him. He flew back into the wall and his scream was deafening. Valkyrie jumped up, shocked. Ghastly poked his head out of the door next to the chairs and looked at Val, and then at Skulduggery.
He stopped screaming and his head lowered.
"…Skulduggery?" Valkyrie whispered. "Skulduggery are you… are you alive?"
Nothing.
She began to walk up to him, taking slow and cautious steps, ducking her head to see the dark holes he had for eyes. She wasn't far from him now.
"Skulduggery?" She gasped.
He jumped up out at her and she screamed, flailing and falling back. An uproar of laughter could be heard from his ribcage. Ghastly went back to his business, chuckling lowly.
"A classic!"
The rage bubbled inside of her, tempting her to pop. She pushed Skulduggery violently against the crystal white wall and he whacked his head off it.
"Ow." He rubbed his skull.
"YOU B-"
"Val, calm down. It was just a joke."
"A JOKE! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!" She shoved him again, he whacked his head. Again.
"Ow."
"SKULDUGGERY YOU'RE A SELF OBSESSED TWAT!"
She stormed back to her chair mumbling and sat sideways, facing away from him.
"Look, I'm sorry…" He walked up to her and sat on the white chair beside her. She glanced over her shoulder then faced forwards.
"It was only a jo-"
Ghastly walked out.
"Oh boy, what's happened now?"
"Val won't understand my humour."
"No-one understands your humour, Skul."
"…Agreed, but still."
Valkyrie glared up at Ghastly.
"Stop cracking jokes about my sense of humour and tell me what happened, Bespoke." She hissed.
"Fine, they won't let him go."
"Why not?"
"Val, he's a ZOMBIE. He's been working as the Killer Supreme's right hand… zombie."
"Call him Scapegrace. He's not a Killer Supreme."
"Okay then. We have a problem."
"Is that so?"
"It's 9 o'clock."
"Only 3 hours…" Said Skulduggery, suddenly realising.
"Not enough time to bust him out with a proper plan."
"We need more time."
"Indeed. Or just forget the plan part."
"Skulduggery, you can't just break into the Sanctuary."
"Why can't he?" Valkyrie sighed. "We need to get Scapegrace off our case, so why can't he?"
"It's too danger-"
"Never stopped him before, did it?"
"…True."
"So, we're busting him out."
"That seems so."
SUPER ETHICAL REALITY (SR3 QUOTE -):
"Boy, I annoyed you…"
Val stared at the typewriter before her. She had thumped the keys so hard her fingers hurt. It was a good make, looked a little rusted. It had the name "Gordon Edgly" written in worn off pen on the side. It was a dark green metal with black splodges dotted around.
"Yes, you annoyed me. Now I have to get Skulduggery out of a possibly very nasty ending."
"Maybe Thrasher escaped on his own."
"Where's the fun in that?"
"Well… Maybe he was gone and left a riddle to his location only the smartest of the smartest could figure out!"
"Not a bad idea…"
"Mhm."
"But no, Thrasher's too stupid."
Gordon paused. "True."
Val allowed her head to fall backwards making her face the celling while she let out an annoyed sigh.
"Sorry 'bout what I said, Steph. I didn't mean to offend you."
"It's fine."
"You know I just forgot what I was saying and…"
"It's fine, let it go."
"Okay. You sure?"
"It's fine."
"Just making sure. So how's your dad lately?"
An idea hit Valkyrie.
STORY:
Valkyrie was at home getting ready to bust Thrasher out. She was just polishing her black boots when her parents swung the door open and she didn't have time to hide the magic items she had acquired through the years.
"…STEPHANIE EDGL- Wait, what's that?" Her dad asked.
"Ah, Dad, Mom. Hi."
They glared at the ring on her finger and the black clothes then her.
"Stephanie, dear. What's going on?" Her mom sat on her bed beside her.
"Well, you see… uhh… This is kind of awkward…"