People ask me all the time why I never went to college. They tell me that I should have just let my younger brothers; Sodapop and Ponyboy go to a boy's home. That I should worry about me before I worry about them. That I don't need the extra worry. That's not true though. Those two need me just as much as I need them. I just wish I would have figured that out before now. Before I had almost lost Pony forever, again.

"Get up Sodapop. Just because there is snow on the ground don't mean you can miss work little buddy. Come on and get dressed." I holler from the kitchen where I was working on making a normal breakfast. Sodapop and Ponyboy have been cooking for the last week or so. I don't really know why they haven't been letting me. It seems odd. I hear a thud and sigh, wondering if Soda is alright. "You ok little buddy?"

"Yeah just tripped over my own two feet again. I'm ok Darry." I look around the corner and see my brother on the floor holding his shin.

"Ok maybe I ain't ok. Dam that smarts." He looks around the room and asks, "Hey I just noticed we are missing one. Where is Ponyboy? He go for a run again?"

I nod my head. "Yeah. Must of left around 6:30 or so. He left a note saying he will be back in a while on the table." I hold the piece of paper as if to prove to Soda that our baby brother was ok. Bad idea. Right away he snags it out of my hand to read out loud.

"Went out for a short run to the park.

Be back before too long.

Ponyboy Curtis"

"Ok. He grab his coat at least? It's getting kind of cold out. I'm suppressed it hasn't iced on the roads yet."

"Hey watch it little buddy. Remember who does the driving when it does get bad."

He gave me a pleading look. "Gosh Darry. If you don't want to drive then maybe you could let me. You know I don't mind to." Soda gave me one of his smiles and continues. "Besides, maybe superman is getting so old that the weather is affecting him. So maybe I NEED to drive anyways." I put him in a head lock and start messing up his hair. He yells at me to let him go.

I smile and say, "Maybe superman isn't as old as you think if he can still beat his younger brother huh? And besides I don't want to wreak the only vehicle we have."

I let him go. "It's bad enough when you drive during the rest of the year. I swear you are just like dad sometimes." I try to give him a small smile but I can't fool Soda. He can see the worry on my face. "He'll be back Dare. Just wait and see".

As if on cue my baby brother walks in. "See what did I say?" I walk over to Ponyboy but before I could even open my mouth Soda speaks. "And he even came home before we have to head to work. Did you have a nice run Pony?" I notice he ain't wearing his coat. Just a sweatshirt. Why can't he ever use his head?

I tried to ask him calmly but before I could even think on how I opened my mouth and stated to raise my voice. "Ponyboy, where the hell is your coat? Don't you know you could get sick? It's freezing out. How many times do I have to tell you to use your dam head?"

Pony just looked away and whispered sorry. I then regretted what I had done. Ever since Windrexville and since that unforgettable night Pony acted like he is scared of me. And he was.

Few weeks ago I hollered at him for coming home after curfew. Twenty minutes later when I walked past the room Soda and him shared and I heard him crying. I heard Soda trying to explain to him that I really did care about him I was just worried. That's why I lost my temper. I heard Ponyboy say that he wonders sometimes and that he didn't mean to and that I sort of scare him. I walked away regretting what I had done then to. I don't like scaring him. I wish Pony and I were close. I know it hurts Soda that we aren't. Maybe if I quit acting like a parent so much and start acting like a brother again.

I sighed forgetting those thoughts and I start calming down. "Just go put on dry clothes before you really do get sick and put those in the basket."

"Ok Darry. Did you and Soda already eat?" he asked in such a low voice that I barley heard him.

Soda answers for me, "Yeah baby, we did. There are pancakes in the microwave for you. Darry cooked this morning so they look normal. Personally I would have added a little color."

"Sorry but I didn't think my stomach can handle any more of your craziness Soda."

"Yeah right." I shook my head and told him, "Go finish getting ready Soda. We're going to be late." Soda runs off towards the bathroom.

"You guys heading to work soon?" Ponyboy looks at me and asked me again in a voice that I barley heard. I swear ever since Dallas and Johnny's deaths just three short months before, Pony has seemed lost. Like he doesn't know what to do anymore. I nod my head. "Yeah just because you have today off don't mean we do, Pony."

"Oh." He sounds upset. I holler at Soda to hurry up. "We got to get going. I think you're worse than a girl sometimes." Man he takes forever. He hollers back at me, "I'm coming. Shot Darry, chill out. We have enough time it's only 7:30."

"And again I say you ain't the one driving. I want to take it easy on this." He shrugs his shoulders. "See you later Pony. Don't burn the house down while we are gone."

"Bye Pony. You know the rules." As I wave at my youngest brother I hear him cough but ignore it. "Bye Darry. Bye Soda. Be safe out there." I close the door and walk to our beat up Ford. Hoping that Ponyboy will listen, I get into the truck. Soda has the music blaring again. I start the old Ford and we drove off.