No Place for a Normal Girl
A Haven Fanfic
By: Amanda Croft
Spoilers: 1x07 "Sketchy"
Disclaimer: As much as it pains me to say, I do not own Nathan Wournos or the show. I would be willing to accept them as a gift though.
Summary: "I'm in the middle of a freak show here! This isn't – any place for a normal girl … with good intentions." As I spoke the words I meant them on so many levels that I couldn't even comprehend them all.
"I'm in the middle of a freak show here! This isn't – any place for a normal girl … with good intentions." As I spoke the words I meant them on so many levels that I couldn't even comprehend them all.
On the surface I was talking about this particular case that I couldn't figure out and the inherent danger in it. Any case involving the Troubles has an element of danger because generally the people responsible don't know what they are capable of, let alone how to control it. This case was different though. Whoever was responsible for what was going on, knew exactly what they were doing. They were in control and hurting people intentionally, and I had no idea who it could be or how they were doing it. That being said I had even less of a clue how I could stop them.
I was talking to and about Jess, who was a nice girl, not normal necessarily but not troubled. She wasn't in law enforcement and hadn't signed up for putting her life on the line under normal circumstances, let alone something like this. She didn't seem to grasp how very dangerous the whole thing was. She saw that it was weird, but didn't seem afraid. To deal with the troubles and not get killed you had to have a healthy amount of fear of them. Not the running scared kind, but the be extra cautious and think three steps ahead kind of fear.
On a deeper level, I was talking about Audrey. She was another 'normal girl with good intentions' who had gotten caught up in all of this. Unlike Jess, she had a healthy fear of what was going on, but she still put her neck too far out on the chopping block for my taste. She acts without thinking things through, and that is going to get one or both of us killed one day. She didn't even think twice about provoking Alec thinking that he was the one who had broken one man's legs and arm and shredded another. The way she dives in head first worries me more than almost anything else, because I can't protect her if we don't know what's going on and she pursues these leads recklessly. I know that she is an FBI agent and knows how to take care of herself under most circumstances, but the Troubles aren't 'most circumstances'. I know that she feels she doesn't have much to risk, because she has no family or close friends, only the job.
And for her, maybe there isn't anything to lose, but there is for me – which is a scarily sobering thought. She gets me in a way that no one else does. She doesn't think I'm a freak because I can't feel. She doesn't treat me differently like everyone else that I know. She doesn't avoid the topic of my condition, but she somehow makes me believe that it doesn't matter to her, and that's something I really don't want to lose – that unconditional acceptance.
On yet another level, the words applied to the town as a whole as well. This town that I had spent all but the four years I was at college in. This town that seems to attracted all of the weird and afflicted and dangerous people the world has to offer. Haven is a freak show. Everywhere you look there are secrets and danger and problems that everyone conveniently overlooks until they spill over and have to be cleaned up by Audrey and myself. This is not the kind of place for a 'normal' person. I belong here – I grew up here, I have a Trouble of my own, I fit in – but the few normal people here, like Audrey, that are not affected by some kind of curse should flee for their sanity and their lives. No one stays normal and unaffected in this town long.
On a deeper level still,I was talking about a relationship with me – yes with Jess, but more significantly with Audrey. I am a freak in this freak show! I am affected by the Troubles, and I don't want to let anyone in too much, because I don't know if I can face the rejection that will surely come after the novelty of a new relationship wears off. I am different in a way that's not just a quirk or some other trivial matter. I can't feel! Add to that the fact that these traits seem to run in families, and I refuse to let myself want one of my own for fear that any children of mine will carry this same curse. I am not the kind of guy for any normal girl to be in a relationship with, especially if said relationship is based on her 'good intentions'.
At the time those two sentences seemed so very simple and to the point. At the time I was worried that Jess was being put in harms way needlessly and I was sending her away to protect her. It wasn't until after we had solved the case and I was laying in the couch in my and Audrey's office with my arm thrown over my face that the true meaning behind my own words hit me. For some reason those words that had been said out of frustration and fear and a need to have control over something kept replaying themselves in my mind and with every repetition, I found a deeper meaning to them. God it had been a long day!
Author's Note: I am about half way through with my newest chapter for "First Impressions", but I got a little stuck on it and this one was begging to be written. I should get the other one posted before Monday (that's the goal anyways). Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it, and as always I look forward to comments, questions, suggestions, or constructive critisism.