Fragile Dreams

The Start of Everything

Disclaimer: I clearly don't own Fragile Dreams. It took me two weeks to write this piece on request. :D

I can remember clear as day how Crow and I met. It was right after my Personal Frame ceased to exist. I mourned her deactivation, for she was the only friend I had. Looking back, I wished I paid her a little more attention. I was so focused on looking for the girl with the silver hair, Ren, that I ended up not appreciating the love and respect PF had for me. Only when she was gone did I realize that yet again I would be alone in the world.

And on that day, I wept. Filled with outrage and misery, I took my anger out on myself. Walls were punched until the foundation was visible. Rusted steel doors inside the pre-historic mall were made ajar. That deteriorating cement floor was covered with blood, and the only thing I could do to clean them off was cry. My saltine droplets could not cleanse me from my sin, but they could at least cleanse my surface. This lasted until the dawn of the next morning.

Dawn had no sun, however; in the time that I'd spent with PF, I'd slightly forgotten it. Things had seen much brighter with her commentary. The only thing that kept me going was to find Ren. Only then would I able to ask for forgiveness. Looking up at the sky, it appeared to be just as crimson as my blood. Into the horizon I could see the scarlet building my grandfather wrote of. Even the Gods had decided that I should receive no mercy. I couldn't tolerate it. I had to go somewhere and find…something. I couldn't tolerate being alone anymore.

So I ran. I didn't know where I was running to. All I knew was that the train tracks ended, and I was in the middle of the wilderness. Gargantuan dogs with flaming breath and pigeons the size of infants assaulted me; my bamboo sword kept them away momentarily. Once I reached the campfire, I began to speak to myself. Sure, I thought it was normal to make conversation with something, just as long as there was conversation. Then I wouldn't be alone, right? As soon as I began narrating the stories of various mystery items, however, the Merchant appeared.

The Merchant was a very mysterious…creature. I couldn't call him a man because his head was of a giant chicken's. Initially, I thought it was a mascot helmet or something of the like. When the eyes started moving and the feathers twitched on their own, I learned otherwise. Only PF could calm me. Oh, PF. She kept me out of so much trouble. The Merchant smiled down at me, stopping his cart and showing his inventory. Sometimes I wondered just how in the world he found his weapons; regardless, I took something like a net and a cat toy, and moved on. His company was strange, and I didn't really appreciate it. I wouldn't learn appreciation until much later.

And again I traveled into the wild. This time, however, I didn't feel as if I was lost. It was as if I was being led. Believing in the power of destiny, I let the feeling consume me, and as a result ended up on carnival grounds. First malls, now carnivals, I thought. The world is really strange. But that was only the beginning of it.

That's because I saw him.

Crow, of course. He was just standing there, snickering in front of me. I was astonished-there was another boy right there! In front of me! With raven hair and slanted eyes. He was talking, yeah, but I was too astonished. There was another human, and he was talking to me! I…had finally found someone who was just like me.

That changed everything. My life now seemed to have meaning. Finding that silver-haired girl was no longer important; there was another person, and he was right in front of me! And I'd do anything not to be alone again. Even if it meant chasing after him.

Ironically, I had to do that anyway. After he snatched Grandpa's locket, I had to! So I traversed through this…odd labyrinth, covered in graffiti. Every piece I found, I could hear his laugh ringing in my ears. It inspired me to find the real thing, to not give up, even though I was ambushed by Cerberus and random dancing legs and arms from Hell.

Though, I figured I should have known where he was. It was such an obvious place. He was on top of the Ferris wheel, holding my locket that shined in the moonlight. I had seen that contraption in my recent dreams; why didn't I realize it would be significant? Though, when I went off to climb it, to catch him, I was stopped by my own doubt. The fear that I wouldn't be accepted.

A personification of it, anyway. It was in the shape of a mask, and it would do anything to stop me. Even kill me. I fought back with all my might, both mentally and physically. I knew I couldn't run from it; it would appear behind me and knock me down. I couldn't hide from it; the mask revolved the surrounding area like a vulture circling around a newly discovered meal. The only thing I could do was face it head on.

So I did. I took out my slingshot and hit it. Bang. Bang. Smash. The surface cracked, and it cried in agony. Snap. Chip. It became more hostile, going all out at me. I knew it was ready to die-I was growing more confident by the second. And then…boom, headshot! And deceased it was.

All I needed to focus on was Crow. Not my vertigo, or that girl, or PF. If I was thinking rationally, I know it would have been stupid of me. Sacrificing life and limb for a locket. I could have just convinced him to throw it down. But I didn't.

I think, really, that I just wanted an opportunity to see him close up again. Close enough for his breath to touch my face. I longed for that contact, even though it had only been a few hours since we last met. Thinking about this, my hands and feet moved on their own. I climbed like a spider on its web, so effortless. Before I knew it, I was at the top. And there he was, laughing and taunting. "You're so stupid! You did all this for a locket?" I couldn't look him the eye. He was like my conscience. He could clearly see through me. He sensed how low I had gone, how desperate I became, and so he handed it out to me. Just so willingly.

But nothing ever comes for free in life. That's what Grandpa had always told me.

And his foot slipped. And he fell off, and through the merry-go-round. I called his name, once, twice, even. And he didn't respond. He was just…out of it. Any impact like that could have killed him. Did my doubt, in return, kill my conscience?

I couldn't understand that. I wouldn't tolerate that. At this point, I needed him! I just needed…someone. And I'd do anything to keep him nearby.

I went after him. Not the same way, though. I climbed back down, the only certain way to prevent death, and ran to the merry go round. He'd gone down so hard, so fast, the magnitude of impact caused him to go through the floor of the ride. If he was a comet, he would have caused a crater in the earth. His head was slumped over, like he was dead. I couldn't have dead, though! I just couldn't! "Crow! Crow!" My voice cracked, my throat was dry, my vision was failing…but my hearing was immaculate when it came to him.

"Stop that. I'm alive. Now get me out of here."

My conscience and its personification were alive! I thrived at this, and my heart skipped a few beats. I'd do anything he wanted me to. So instantly I stopped the tears welling in my eyes and reached inside to grab him. His grip was so tight for a boy my age. Or maybe I just had a really light grip. Either way, he seemed to be so full of strength and confidence. I envied him. His fight for survival…he was so passionate. If only I could be like that.

In my pursuit, I pulled him out of there, and we walked back to an area with safer ground. There were less carnival attractions here, so he couldn't be hurt. The moon shined brightly where we stood, as if marking a place for us. The experience seemed magical. To be so close to another person, to feel like I wasn't alone for the first time in what seemed like forever…I felt like the chase was worth it. Life was worth it.

We only spoke for a little while. He showed me a picture of himself as a child, next to an older man. It was exciting: he was off to find his past, whereas I was too terrified to discover mine. Instead, I would travel off in the future. But this meant that he'd go away…what would I do? Already I had wanted to spend so much time with him, to stay by my side. But he didn't feel the same. Oh, the humanity! What would I do to pass the time?

Find the girl. That's what I could do. So I inquired about that, but it wasn't like he was too interested. Though, he did give me some great advice. I didn't know if the adventure itself would be too interesting, but at least it would take my mind off him. At least for a while.

My face must have been showing my true feelings and my depression about him leaving me, because it wasn't long before I felt him growing closer and closer. But this was beyond the personal space bubble. I shut my eyes in fear, not understanding the situation. I didn't want to understand. No one had ever gotten so close to me, not that I could remember, and…everything was just so weird.

Imagine my fear as I realized an arm wrapped around my waist and something was pressed against my lips. Involuntarily shutting down all senses except touch, I melted against his. He was so warm, but whatever was touching my face was cold. I wanted to warm it, whatever body part it was, so I began to move my lips against it, onto it. It pressed against me even more, as if wanting my touch, and his grasp seemed a little tighter, the remaining gap lessening even more so. My legs started to shake, my strength wavering. I knew they would fall underneath me soon, and that he would let me go.

And he did. I fell hard on my behind on the rough earth, and I opened my eyes. I never would have realized what had just happened if Crow hadn't wiped his lips with the back of his hand. Did he…just kiss me? Did I just kiss him back? My mind was swirling around, not being able to wrap itself around the current predicament. But he laughed, as if nothing was wrong. Something was wrong, it was terribly wrong! "You just…it…that was my first kiss!"

"Well then, I must be your number one friend, then. Friends give each other kisses. I read that." I had never heard of such a thing, but I decided to agree with him and nod. It seemed like he knew everything that went through my mind without me even trying to speak. I did consider him a friend. The only friend I ever had.

"Yeah." I took his hand and he helped me up, just like I did with him a few moments ago, and we were just about to go our separate ways. This meeting seemed so short, it was bittersweet. Ending so soon was not what I had in mind, but perhaps fate decided otherwise. Could it be so cruel, knowing I had just wasted hours trying to find him? Would it really tear us apart? I couldn't tolerate that. "Will we ever see each other again?" I'd really like that. I wanted to add that sentence in, but I was afraid it would sound too awkward. His smiles shattered that fear though. He felt the same way.

"Definitely soon! Later."

And off we went.

It would be some time later until I saw him again. I was accompanied by a young woman named Sai this time. It wasn't the girl I was originally looking for, but in her own way, she was company enough. She showed the strangest ways of showing compassion, but I knew it instantly when the two of them connected.

I didn't know what to do when Crow was dying. I just held him close to me, crying like the toddler I'd played hide-and-seek with so long ago. I couldn't stop. I confessed my heart to him, clinging to him for dear life. Even when he told me to stop crying, I couldn't. I just couldn't. I loved him. I didn't want him to go. Sai just stood there, speechless. I felt like she could have been doing something-why wasn't she doing anything?-but it was impossible. He was gone. His eyes were changing colors, and he felt so much lighter. I couldn't even make eye contact with him anymore. It was so difficult.

But then I cracked. Not when Sai was telling me to go, but when Crow started to malfunction. I knew from that moment that he had crossed all boundaries inside me, and that I would never be whole again. My best friend would be gone forever, and…what would I have left of him? Other than the haunt of his voice saying "my best friend" over and over…

I had to go. I just had to. So I fled, even without Sai. I ran blindly into a sea of machines, a sea of ambush, a sea of things forgotten. I could hear them groaning next to me, in agony, and I felt as if they could understand me, too. Why is it that everyone could understand me except for myself?

That's right, you ain't lookin' at a human.

That didn't matter to me. What mattered to me was Crow, and now that he was gone, there was nothing that I looked forward to anymore. Nothing else seemed important anymore. I could be the last person on the planet, and if I died, well then…I guess the world was just over with. There was nothing worth it.

The androids assaulted me in groups, shoving me into walls and painfully jabbing into my arms, my legs, my abdomen… It was similar to a crucifixion. I suppose I deserved execution for thoroughly ending the human race, but I felt as if the Earth didn't deserve that right. The only things I had in life, it took away from me. Why did it deserve to have civilization? They continued to attack me, causing giant wounds to form from their stabs and their kicks. I knew I was bleeding in several places, and my legs were going to give out. I figured the least they could do was to let me die with Crow, but of course, fate would continue to be cruel, even until my last breath.

But unfortunately, I continued to live. After growing bored for a while they backed off, and I could see what appeared to be fire. I crawled toward it, my legs choosing to be inoperative. By the time I got there I was exhausted, as if the abuse wasn't tiring enough. I fell in front of it, just close enough to feel the heat. I wasn't even concerned about my wounds; it didn't matter if I got an infection or I bled out. Just being able to feel it…getting there was what counted. Because in the fire, I could hear Crow's voice.

I'm almost jealous…that you're able to cry.

Only Crow could be jealous about that. I wished he could have, so that we could have wiped away our tears together, malfunctioned together, and just died together. He was able to make me laugh, to smile, and even cry. My heart was in his hand, just like the locket, and I allowed him to manipulate it. I started to cry again, the only thing escaping from my throat were demented mewls and growls. I sounded like a cat that'd just been ran over and was looking for a place to die. That's what I was doing, wasn't I? Looking for a place to die?

That's enough of that.

Was he trying to tell me I had to exist? That I needed to stop mourning, stop trying to die? I really didn't have the will to live on, but… It was a wild idea, but maybe he was trying to live through me. I only wished that we could be that close, so close that our souls bonded into one. I would've been able to believe my delusion a little more had I had an item of his.

You have my ring. It's in your locket.

I could have sworn he had never given it to me, but when my bloody, chapped fingers found my way around the clasp of my silver ornament, a silver skull ring slid out. I slipped it on the only finger it would fit-the fourth finger on my left hand. Tears slid from my eyes easily; I didn't even realize I was crying again until I saw the saltine drops creeping down my hand. Like my waterworks, Crow was very sly. He never would have let me known how he felt exactly. This suited him perfectly.

It's proof of our friendship. Our unity.

Our unity indeed. I wanted nothing else than that. I knew when I first saw him, that he would be the start of everything. Before him, my life was there. I co-habited a house with an elderly man, a person I barely knew other than my roommate. I wandered the world until I found PF, and she kept me company. She could not fill the void inside me, and it seemed like nothing would. But as soon as I saw Crow, my heart soared and my soul sang. Being around him was a thrill, and though it was only for a few moments, he made me want to live, to go on and survive. And as he died, I also wanted to die. We were unified. We were one.

As soon as I realized that, he appeared out of the flames, offering his hand. I no longer felt weak; it was as if I had never been attacked at all. As if everything was really a dream. I wasn't sure if he was real or not; I hesitated on grabbing his hand because I wasn't sure if he would disappear or not. I was sure that I'd jump on top of the fire like a sacrificial lamb if he really didn't exist right there in front of my eyes. The last I checked, burns were painful. But Crow, being my conscience and knowing all, laughed out loud at me and feigned a yawn. "Hello? I came back for you, you gonna come, or do I have to roam the world? If I have to turn into a thought creature, I'm just gonna push you in there."

It was really him. Only he could show his affection through bullying, but I knew he meant no harm. I had never imagined this possibility, where he would come back for me. "Crow! Crow!" I cried, scrambling my jelly-for-legs and grabbing his hand. He pulled me up and I fell into his arms, into his embrace. "Crow, I…"

"You're such a girl, Seto. What a spouse you are." His strong yet frail hands ran through my hair, and I clung to him. I didn't want to do anything else except this. As long as Crow would be here, I'd be okay. A light appeared as I thought that, a blinding one, and I hid my eyes in the crook of his neck. "That's our way out. Let's go."

And off we went, fate deciding this time to keep us together. Making a brand new beginning.