Struggling to Sleep
I lie awake in my bed. Why aren't I falling asleep? There's no problem here, none at all. I'm not too hot or too cold. My bed is comfortable and firm. My stomach isn't rumbling from hunger. My throat isn't rasping from thirst. All my wounds from last month's battle have healed. There is no lingering pain.
Why am I not falling asleep? I roll over in frustration, my fist smacking weakly down into my pillow. It seems my limps are lifeless with exhaustion; my body wishes for sleep but my mind does not. That's it! It's my mind that's having the trouble falling asleep.
What's wrong with my head? I study my emotions, what am I feeling? I felt frustration at not being able to sleep, for one. Boredom; I've always been more of a doer and this Inside-My-Head philosophical stuff is really not me. Anything to help me sleep, I guess. Nothing in my mind seems to be keeping me up. What is it?!
I may have to do the unthinkable; look inside my heart. I cringe. Matters of the heart were always her strong point, certainly not mine. I squeeze my eyes shut and drape my forearm over them. Then I send my thoughts down to the abyss of my heart. That was a bit deep. It seems to be working already.
But this is getting me nowhere fast. I need to direct my thoughts, to come up with a solution to my lack of sleep. So, heart, what is stopping me from falling asleep?
You miss her.
Damn, I should have known it would be something like that. I wouldn't have needed to delve in this inner conversation with myself if I had been just a little more patient.
But she's been gone for two weeks. Why is this start now?
Because you managed to distract yourself with training the new recruits, but today, you saw something that reminded you of her. So, the thoughts you pushed deep down are rising to the surface. It's those thoughts that are refusing to let you sleep.
My heart is making a lot of sense; that does sound like something I'd do. We've been working together for a few months, training the Chinese Army, and she's an invaluable strategist. Because some family issues rose up, she had to go home to sort it out for a few weeks. My workload has doubled since.
So, I can't sleep because I resent that she had to leave and now I have to work twice as hard. I miss her because she is an important member of the Chinese Army and her efficiency as a tactician is unmatched.
No, you dumbass! You can't sleep because you miss her and you miss her because you're in love with her!
Shut up, heart! You don't know what you're talking about! My heart can't possibly be right. I'm not in love with Ping- er, Mulan. Dammit, why can't I think of her as Mulan?
Yes, you're right! I'm just your heart, I know nothing of love!
I don't know why, but I get the feeling my own heart just insulted me. How many people can say that?
Shang, you have to know. You've been helplessly in love with her since the second you realised that she was a woman. What a relief that must have been, am I right?
Great, now my heart is implying that I was worried I was homosexual for a while, thinking I had feelings for Ping. Ridiculous, I didn't see him that way. Mulan, on the other hand… maybe I am in love with her?
Damnit, I am, aren't I?
The realisation makes me short of breath. I feel like my chest is expanding, like my heart's going to explode.
Huh, not likely. Now that I've awakened my heart, he can't seem to shut up. Okay, so my heart is a bit of a douche. That's likely going to cause some problems later on. Ignore him; think of Mulan… sweet, fierce, beautiful Mulan. Oh yeah, I'm head over heels in love. How did that escape my notice?
Filled with excitement at my newly discovered feelings, I still can't sleep. All well, if I can't sleep, I might as well do something. Like ride. Like ride away from the camp. Like ride away from the camp and towards Mulan's house. Yeah, brilliant idea, Shang my man.
Getting up, I stretch my muscled arms high above my head. It's all I can do to stop myself from running to my horse now. I get dressed in my General Armour, it'll be sure to impress her. Grinning from ear to ear, I head out, almost forgetting my helmet.
.
A little red lizard slithers out from-
"Lizard? Excuse me?"
(Oh, I couldn't be sorrier.)
A little red dragon slithers-
"Slithers? I'm not a snake either, girl."
(Stop interrupting or I'll stop letting you be self-aware!)
A little red dragon crawls, on his knees, like a pig climbs out from inside Shang's pillow, a smug smile of satisfaction across his pointy face.
"Moron," he mutters at Shang's retreating back. He then turns to the reader with a cheeky grin.
"I'll see ya'll in Mulan Two, where it's all about ME!"
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A/N: Hey there! I wrote this randomly one night when I was, you guessed it, struggling to sleep. It's a little random, I know, but I hope you liked it.