The longest chapter there is.

You know that feeling when someone cautions you not to do something, but you go ahead and do it anyway, and afterwards you realise what a huge mistake you've made? It's like when you drink bantha milk, which is known to make you sick to your stomach, but you do it anyway just to look like you have an iron digestive system. Now imagine that, but a hundred times worse.

Imagine me, standing here, eyes tightly shut and hitting my empty head against the wall repeatedly, going 'Stupid, stupid stupid!' Now imagine my Master, meditating on his frustration in the other room and putting up powerful shields to keep me from understanding what he's thinking.

But I suppose that before I go into all of that, I should tell you why I've found myself in this position in the first place. I'd like to just say "Anakin" and be done with it, but things aren't that simple. We must go back to the beginning. So get out your puff pops 'cause this could take a while.

I am from a Southern Core planet, called Abregado-rae. It's mostly trade-oriented and is known to be a little rougher than other Core worlds. It's also known for its shipping of Bacta. When my parents were still alive, I thought it was a great planet. We thrived and many different species lived on our planet. People were kind and they waved when they saw you in the street. As a four-year-old, there isn't much else you could wish for. I had my mother and my father. And though my brother, Shin Dan, had been taken by the Jedi two years earlier, my parents seemed to cope well with his absence, instead turning their concerns and worries onto me.

But then the Devaronians showed up. Big, devil-like creatures with horns and an evil disposition. They were cruel and heartless and they fought for fun. They caused a riot in my father's pub once. Pulled out blasters and started shooting people if they didn't hand over all the money they had on them. My mother had shoved me into an old, broken cooling-unit and told me not to come out until she let me. I never saw her again after that. Nor my father.

My brother had been seven when a Jedi named Gherrit Laffon had encountered him outside of our father's bar. I don't know the entire story, but apparently Laffon had been captivated by my brother's impressive gift for some or other power which I now know to be the Force, and simply couldn't leave him to remain untrained on a planet with mixed feelings on the governmental monopoly. In case you don't know, most Jedi candidates are taken at the age of four maximum. This is to make sure that the indoctrination of the Jedi mindset can develop completely. But Shin Dan had a most impressive midichlorian count, and therefore had a tremendous power reverberating off him and humming in the air if you listened through the Force.

I can't lie and tell you I had never noticed this, myself. Even as a child, I had clung to my brother, who was like a golden beacon of light wherever and whenever I felt like I needed it. And he had such a sunny personality, as well. He allowed me to crawl over him whenever I pleased, and tug on his hair if I was mad at him, and he would even sleep in the same bed with me sometimes when I was scared of the bedfigs. The first few nights after his depart, my parents had had to convince me time and again that he wasn't coming back but that he wasn't dead, either. I can't tell you how many nights I spent crying, wishing for my Shiin to return.

In any case, I spent over five hours in that broken down unit, waiting for my mother to retrieve me and wrap her arms around me. The person who'd finally opened the door to the unit had had long brown hair which had fooled me into thinking it really was my mother, but before I'd been able to launch myself at the person's midsection and cling tightly, a male face with deep blue eyes had captured my attention and I'd crawled further back into the cramped space.

"Don't be afraid, youngling," he'd said. Primarily, I'd thought he was a native from our planet, where we spoke Basic, since I'd been told that there were few planets where people spoke Basic so fluently. And since he'd been human like me, he'd seemed more trustworthy, as well.

"We only want to help you. There's no need to be afraid."

I'd been curious about his mysterious companion, and had bitten my lip worriedly and glanced about uncertainly for some devilish face that would pounce at me the moment I stepped out of the cooler. But instead, when the man with his blue eyes had moved aside, I'd seen a considerably younger face with grey-green eyes and a dimpled chin. The person had moved toward me and smiled. But the moment I'd been hooked was when he'd slowly waved at me. I had been so relieved to see a smiling face and the universal greeting I was so used to, that I'd jumped out of the unit and attached myself to this person for uncountable hours.

I'm pretty sure I've lost your attention, so I won't delve much deeper into things. I'll just tell you now, that I had been five back then, my parents had been taken by the Devaronians and buried alive in a mass grave not too far from our home, and it had been Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi who had found me. They'd been there to solve a dispute between the Nebula Front and the government. Master Jinn had been drawn to me the same way Master Laffon had been drawn to Shin Dan. And what with their mission being 'complete', they'd taken me back to the Jedi Temple in order to be tested.

"What is your name, youngling?"

They always ask newcomers this question, even though they already know the answer. I'm sure Master Qui-Gon must have mentioned it before ushering me into a room full of Council members, but alas, in my five-year-old mind, I'd thought that perhaps I would be safer and better off not telling complete strangers my name.

In fact, the only person I had been comfortable enough around to actually call by his name had been Obi-Wan, Master Jinn's padawan. And that's just because I'd clung to him the entire trip home and had called for him every time he took too long in the cockpit or the refresher and I felt lonely.

"You need not fear us, little one," a bald, dark-skinned human whom I now recognize as Mace Windu, had assured me.

"Not little," I had replied, for though I was but small, I was fierce.

The Council members had laughed good-naturedly. Ki-Adi Mundi had leaned forward slightly in his seat and said, "No, indeed you are not. Why don't you tell us your name so we don't have to call you silly things like that anymore?"

"Ki-ra-ni-zhu-un," had been my answer. My name is Kirani Zhun, but as a five-year-old I had trouble pronouncing many vowels in the span of two seconds and so I had taken to singing anything I couldn't mumble.

"Zhun, hmm? Relation to Shin Dan Zhun, in any way?"

My eyes had lit up at the sound of my brother's name. I hadn't seem him in years, and though I had been too young back then to really remember what he looked like, his name had stuck with me forever.

"Siblings, apparently. Master Jinn said she had an air about her. Master Laffon said the same thing about her brother."

"Feel it in the Force, I do. Midichlorian count, been tested it has?" A small, troll-like creature with dreamy eyes had asked. Ah, Master Yoda. If not for him, I probably wouldn't be here, today.

"They're running the tests now, Master Yoda. Master Jinn was certain in his assumptions that she is qualified."

"Then by all means, prove that theory we must."

They had tested me then and I had passed. I don't know if I passed with flying colours or not. All I know is that if I hadn't passed, I wouldn't be here today. I want to tell you all about my first encounters with Coruscant's people and climate and food, but I'd like to tell you a little bit more about something else, instead.

You can imagine my glee at meeting my long lost brother after three years. He was tall and lanky, even as a ten-year-old, and was apprenticed to master Laffon. This was due to the fact that he had joined the Jedi as a seven-year-old, which had been unheard of until then. Laffon had fought Shin's case and won it with the promise of becoming his Master and teaching him the ways of the Jedi.

Now that's what I'd like to tell you about. Because you know, it's pretty easy as a seven-year-old to say that you want to go on adventures and travel the galaxy with a wondrous weapon at your side and the striking air of a Jedi, but I had been five when I'd been brought to a place I didn't know at all and hadn't given my consent to being brought to in the first place. I had also still been under the impression that my parents were simply missing, misplaced like a pair of old gloves, and would come home one day to find that I was not in the cooling unit where they had left me.

I had not been aware of the kind and loving souls surrounding me, accepting me even though they knew nothing of me and were unused to the presence of an 'unguided' five-year-old. That's what they called me when they thought I could hear them. When they thought I couldn't, they used the slightly more repudiating euphemism, 'misguided'. As if they thought I would bite off a finger if I heard them say something bad about my parents. Because people who weren't raised by the Jedi formed attachments which were forbidden and wrong and would lead to anger which could then lead to the Dark side.

But I had not been hostile or a rascal. I didn't stand up for myself because I didn't have to. People didn't bother me, but they didn't let me into their circles, either. I did join the Bergruufta Clan, though. They say that if you are from the Bergruufta Clan, you're loyal and your heart will lead you forward when the way is dark. I had wanted to be from the Bear or the Dragon Clan, had wanted to be brave and tenacious, or stealthy like someone from the Katarn Clan. Even Heliost seemed better to me. Insight is something I still wish I had a stronger grasp on. Squall always sounded funny to me, and though I am swift and try to remain three steps ahead of my foes, I have to admit that the people I know from the Squall Clan are much swifter than I am. In any case, the people from the Bergruufta Clan did welcome me into their little circle, but did so only because they were raised to be kind to newcomers. Not because they thought I was fun to be around.

But there had been someone from the Bear Clan, though. Initiate Sato. Mikeil Sato. Snowy white hair and piercing eyes: amber with streaks of blue running through them. He came from Alpheridies, a planet where the system's red dwarf star emits such strong infrared energy that the people lose their ability to sense and process visible light waves. This caused the people's ability to 'see' through the Force to become stronger and stronger until they were able to do so without any conscious effort. Since Mikeil had been very young when he had been taken by the Jedi, he still sees blurry shapes and figures and therefore refuses to cover his eyes like most people from his planet do. It had been this that set him apart from most of the other Initiates and had made him approach me. He told me about how hard it had been for him at first, as well, fitting in with children who were all able to actually see. Needless to say, we became close friends after that first encounter.

I didn't see my brother very often. He was often taken on missions off-planet and if he wasn't, he had to study or practice with his Master. But he did devote any free time he had to me, and so did I. There were plenty of times when I snuck out of the crèche in the middle of the night and crept through the hallways to the Master-Padawan rooms before entering the correct code for entrance and crawling into his bed when he was there. When he wasn't, I would despondently make my way back to the Initiates' dorms and curl up with my pillow.

As I said, there were many times when he was away, so I often relied on Mikeil to keep me company. But there had been one time when I had been utterly and most terrifyingly alone. I still remember the absolute terror that had coursed through me when I'd realized I had no one to run to. Mikeil had been in the healer's ward, for he had broken his leg, and I had not been permitted to see him because of the late hour and the fact that he needed his rest.

Harsh, loud claps and bangs of lightning and thunder resounded off my eardrums and forced me into a corner. I was in a small training room, had been since three hours ago when I'd snuck off to watch my favourite duelists train and hidden in the stands so they wouldn't tell on me. Now, though, I wish I hadn't done so. Unfortunately, after their duel, they had decided to revise all the steps of some or other form I couldn't recognize and I had drifted off. When they'd exited the training salle, they'd locked the door as is customary and I had been trapped in the room.

Being trapped wasn't new to me. Being trapped for hours with nobody around to get you out wasn't new to me. Thunder and lightning? Those words weren't even in my vocabulary. I had never seen or heard of lightning and the sound of thunder reminded me of the big scary beast from my nightmares who made a lot of noise when he stomped around peaceful, quiescent cities, smashing people between his big toes.

And so I had pushed myself into a corner, underneath a row of seats, covering my ears and weeping soundlessly into my knees, trying to find solace in thoughts of my brother and Mikeil. But when those didn't work, a feeling of utter dread and terror seized me in an iron grip that squeezed my heart with such bitter, corroding strength that I thought I would pass out.

But then - "Hey." It wasn't loud or a kind of 'hello'. It was a gentle word, like the soft neighing of a horse, obviously meant to soothe. And because I had been craving for any sound but the clap of lightning or the roar of thunder, I could hear it as clearly as I could hear "I'll trade you my pudding for your greens".

"Hey there, little one."

I dared to look up for a second, but then a flash of light blitzed across my sightline and I dug my head inbetween my knees again.

"It's alright, little one, you're safe."

"I don't believe that will work, Padawan. Perhaps you might want to crawl under there and get her? For as I recall, you are not missing out on the little part yourself."

The new voice made me peek up again but all I saw was the rolling of someone's eyes before another loud rumble wailed against the last restraining efforts I had at holding myself together and pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes as I bit my lip so hard it bled. I allowed my shields to wither until they collapsed and the shame I felt at having done so showed with a fresh wave of fat tears that rolled continuously down my cheeks.

But then a gentle hand warmed my shoulder and another brushed my hair away from my sticky face before drawing me towards a warm body. I don't remember crying openly, but I do remember that I was shivering fearfully and that he held me and shushed me until it stopped. By that point, I had settled myself on this person's lap with my legs crossed behind his back, arms holding on tight for all I was worth. I was clinging, really, to the point of exaggeration, but in my young mind it seemed as though the compactness would save me from being swallowed up by my fear.

"Sshh, it's alright, you're safe." The voice was calm and sweet and cultured. I had never heard a male voice sound so utterly smooth and silken.

"Her fear is bleeding through the Force, Obi-Wan."

"Yes, Master. Should I construct mental shields around her?"

"Anything to keep from alerting other Jedi would be nice."

I felt guilty for making these people know of my situation and take care of it, but that only lasted for about a second until another rumbling roar tore through the sky and I started shivering again.

"Hey," he cooed gently, "heey, you're alright." When those words failed to work, he added, "I'll protect you," and as if to illustrate this point, pulled me closer and placed a hand on the side of my head, turning my face away from my clenched hands and making me look up at him.

It all came rushing back to me the moment I saw those grey-green-blue eyes I remembered from being rescued from the broken down cooling-unit. And with those memories came the feeling of safety and security I had felt back then as well when I had clung to the person who had smiled and waved at me.

And even the other voice saying "Obi-Wan" reprovingly for a reason I did not understand back then, I didn't let it deter me and cocooned myself in his calming aura.

And from that point onward, there were three people I toddled after like a little lost duckling.