Vices and Virtues

by Judithan

There's never been a single situation that Archie has been in, where alcohol wasn't the answer. Luckily, this rule also applies to Maxie. Hardenshipping. Lemon. One shot.

Vices and Virtues.

Summary: There's never been a single situation that Archie has been in, where alcohol wasn't the answer. Luckily, this rule also applies to Maxie. Hardenshipping. Lemon. One shot.

I'm not sure why, but I've always imagined Maxie and Archie as best friends, but they get on each other's nerves sooo much, but at the end of the day they know that they can rely on eachother. This is my attempt at writing that, but with some shipping thrown in, simply because I can't help myself. In all honesty, I never really realized just how much I love these two, but they're sooo great.

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon. If I did, all of my OTPs would be canon. Also, the title is based off of an album by Panic at the Disco. I don't own that either, obviously. Jfc, do we even need to put these on here anymore? It's called FANfiction for a reason.

(x)

It was already night when Archie arrived at his door, sweaty and disheveled. This wasn't an odd occurrence, nor was it a regular one. It was simply something that had been happening around once every two months for the last three years. In all honesty, Maxie hadn't been expecting the pirate for at least another few days, so when he opened the door, all he was wearing was a jet-black bathrobe and a pair of red slippers. To say the man was obsessed with those colors was an understatement.

"Archie, I, uh, wasn't expecting you." His voice was uneven and concerned. Red eyes examined the shorter of the two, and came to the decision that he was a tad bit drunk; the slightly dazed yet miffed look on his face said it all.

"Oh, bullshit. I know you were." Archie shoved his way in, not even caring about making some comment on the redhead's attire. Plopping down on the couch, he sighed in annoyance, bitching about how uncomfortable Maxie's ancient sofas were. Maxie knew that neither of them cared about his under-dressed state, so he simply sat down on the sofa parallel to the one that Archie had long claimed as 'his'.

"So, how's it like to be back on land?" Maxie started, his eyes steady on Archie's disgruntled, unshaved face. It wasn't unusual for him to have his trademark beard, but with how scraggy it was, it was obvious that he hadn't shaved in at least a few weeks. Just thinking about how long it'd been since the pirate showered almost made the redhead sigh in disgust; the brunette really didn't care too much about how other people saw him, so he tended to act like a slob.

"Same old, same old. People give me strange looks, but I don't really care. The only shitty thing is having to trek all the way from the port at Lilycove all the way over here to your stupid house here in Lavaridge." He huffed and puffed, but with the way he simply laid on his back, eyes glued to the ceiling, the redhead knew that he wasn't nearly as upset as he sounded. It wasn't long before silence set in, and Maxie quickly took note of the fact that his leg was bouncing up and down, like he was nervous of something.

Just from the anxious look on the pirate's face, Maxie could tell something was up, and he took the opportunity to break the silence.

"Are you okay?" Archie froze, and his gaze stayed glued to the ceiling. It was obvious, no matter what his answer would be, that he was not okay.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Maybe just a bit drunk." He hummed, his eyes closing, almost content with the obvious lie he just told. Immediately, his leg began bouncing again. Red eyes narrowed; Maxie was discontent with the answer he got.

"Whatever you say." He drawled out, reaching over to the coffee table to grab an article that he was previously reading before the pirate had arrived. This response sparked a reaction in Archie, who was almost insulted that the redhead wasn't pressing the issue.

"Yeah. I'm just fine." He huffed obnoxiously and sent a pensive glare Maxie's way. Just as the Magma Leader expected.

"You're not okay, are you?"

There was silence. Archie returned his gaze to the ceiling, but from what the redhead could see, his face was twisting into a saddened glare, his eyes fogging over and his checks tinting red. If Maxie wasn't as hardened of a man as he was, he might have thrown some sympathy the pirate's way, but he was, so he didn't.

"What happened?"

"I realized something." His voice wavered, almost as though it was a bow under strain. If it weren't for the fact that he refused to look at Maxie, let alone stare him in the eye, he might have seen the glimmer of pity in the man's eyes. They were long past being open about things like sympathy and love, and nowadays settled for brief conversations about sexy women and tough battles –things that true men discussed.

"We almost destroyed the entire world, simply because of how fucking stupid we were. We had our heads so far up our asses that we couldn't see just how stupid our ideas were; 'we need more land' and 'we need more sea', it's so ridiculous." He mimicked, making the redhead sound like some high-pitch, whiney loser, to which Maxie could only smirk softly at.

"I take it you don't care about the expansion of the sea, anymore?" It was more of a hope than it was an inquiry. Maxie had long given up his yearning for expansion of land, and had lived a simple life since then, taking his empire, crumbling it, and using the funding from it to runaway to Lavaridge and invest in his house. Answering the redhead's question, Archie simply shrugged, before adding in a solemn response.

"Not really. It used to be that my only love was for the sea, simply because of how beautiful and free it is, as well as the creatures that live in it." He swallowed, hard, almost as though taking thought as to what to say next. "But now, I've realized that there are other things that I love more than even the ocean."

"Well, I'd say that's a rather beautiful revelation, then." Maxie declared, returning his eyes to the article, skimming it briefly before returning his attention to the now upright pirate.

"Yeah, I guess so." Lazily, he scratched the back of his head, taking a moment to stretch his arms out. "Say, do you have any alcohol in this dump?" The question was more of a courtesy than curiosity, since he knew that the redhead always had some kind of alcohol stashed away. He got up, heading for the liquor cabinet across the living room, and was pleasantly surprised when he was greeted with two bottles of vodka –one with a label on it that said raspberry flavored- and a half-empty, unlabeled bottle of what he assumed was either cheap tequila or scotch. Without even thinking about it, he grabbed the raspberry-flavored vodka and a glass, making his way back to the couch and pouring himself a drink.

He downed it without hesitating, only to regret it entirely when he forgot just how strong Maxie liked his alcohol.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Max! How strong is this shit? Actually, don't answer, I don't want to know." The redhead gave him an incredulous look, dumbfounded as to just how stupid the pirate was. The fact that the brunette had managed to run a multi-million dollar, eco-terrorist organization, and yet somehow forgot that his best friend –and they were best friends, despite how much the two claimed to hate each other- liked his alcohol strong, was simply beyond Maxie to understand.

"Do you actually plan on getting drunk? You know how you get when you drink…" It wasn't really a worry for Maxie, as it was an irritant. Sure, Archie could hold his liquor like it was nobodies business, so vomiting wasn't an issue in this situation, but he had a terrible tendency to either get extremely angry, or incredibly giggly when drunk. Sometimes, he was even a bit of the two combined. Not to mention, Maxie always had a room set up for Archie to crash for the night at any moment's notice –which meant hurray I get to deal with a hung over Archie tomorrow morning.

The pirate paced himself this time, and only gulped down a bit of the clear, bitter liquid –fortunately, vodka always burned a little less the second time around.

It was safe to say that he was over his little 'revelation', considering his wide grin and bright eyes. Mischief was seen on his face, and Maxie was only slightly concerned about it; he knew the tricks Archie usually held up his sleeve, and he wasn't going to fall pray to them tonight.

Archie took another gulp of the clear liquid, shaking a little bit once it was swallowed, his eyes coming alive as it burned his throat. Just from the way he was downing the vodka, it was obvious that he was drinking to get drunk, and not to enjoy the acidic liquid. On any normal night, Maxie would have disapproved of this type of drinking, but he knew that it was too late at this point, and all he could do it hope that he stayed in a pleasant mood and didn't wake up in too foul of a mood. That being said, he knew that was just wishful thinking, and he would have a bitchy pirate to deal with in the morning.

"So, you want a drink?" Archie offered, which seemed absolutely ridiculous to the redhead –offering his own alcohol to him. Despite how tempting it was, he declined, knowing that he couldn't hold his alcohol nearly as well, and would most likely end up needing assistance to reach the bathroom in time to purge his stomach, which a drunk pirate would not provide. No, it was safe to say that the brunette was just about the most immobile drunk ever, and didn't tend to move much from his drinking spot; this case being Maxie's couch.

"You're no fun! Whatever happened to your sense of adventure!" Archie exclaimed, clearly feeling the effect of his third glass by now, since his eyes were bright with excitement and his movements were becoming ragged and spastic.

"I have plenty sense of adventure, but I also have a sense of self-preservation. You're just about the worst person to drink with." Deadpan and unfaltering, Maxie continued to try and read his article, but was completely distracted by the sudden ramblings of the pirate. The quick inebriation actually surprised the redhead, considering how high his tolerance was. 'Perhaps it's been longer than I realized since he's had a good drink' Maxie thought, but when he remembered how Archie arrived at his place somewhat drunk, it did make a little bit of sense to him.

'He probably got himself just drunk enough to be able to hit his tipping point when he got here. What a clever bastard.' It did make sense to the Magma Leader in hindsight.

Downing the rest of his third glass, the brunette made a satisfied noise to announce himself, to which the redhead tried to ignore. However, now that it was obvious that the slightly older man was trying to make a show of his drinking, he was trying to get Maxie's attention in every way possible. In fact, he went so far as to actually walk over to the couch that the taller male deemed as his, and placed himself on it in a sprawled-out fashion. This irritated Maxie, but he ignored it.

What he couldn't ignore, however, was the hot breathing in his ear as Archie attempted to read over his shoulder –literally.

"Would you kindly back right the hell up?" Maxie said, exasperated. At this point, he knew that the pirate was getting drunk. The pirate backed up about three inches, just to take another liberal gulp of his fourth glass, which was already half empty. Nobody ever accused Archie of drinking smartly, nor did they ever accuse him of not being a serious pain in the ass.

"Oiii, Maxie-boy, you know, you're not too bad, y'know?" His speech was getting slurred, and Maxie could tell he needed to put the vodka down before he got completely shit-faced.

"No, in fact, I have no idea what you're talking about. So, maybe you should put the vodka down-" Before he could finish his sentence, he was rudely interrupted. How he was interrupted was something to be admired, however –a firm pair of lips were placed over his, tasting of vodka and cheap coffee.

It was Archie's lips over his, passionately kissing the breath out of him. To say that Maxie didn't enjoy it would be a lie, but to say he was eagerly kissing back would be a lie as well. He simply allowed it to happen, and allowed it to end.

"So, did you like it?" Archie asked, his eyes glimmering with childish excitement, tongue licking his lips eagerly. The redhead gave him a flushed stare, trying to stay neutral to the situation; Archie was drunk, so he wasn't himself.

That didn't mean he couldn't try and enjoy the moment while it lasted.

Even though he thought of the pirate as an irritant, as well as a shitty guest, he couldn't help but admit that he was sexually frustrated enough to consider the brunette as a viable source of 'entertainment'.

"Depends. How drunk are you?" It was obvious was Maxie had in mind, and Archie could read him like a book. The pirate leaned in for another kiss, only coming up for air to whisper 'not that drunk' into his ear, before pressing a kiss onto it.

Tossing the article to the side, Maxie laid on his back, bringing Archie on top of him –despite how much of an 'alpha male' he seemed to be, he didn't mind taking one for the team. Not to mention, he didn't want to have to deal with a hung-over and sore pirate in the morning.

Said pirate was now leaving sloppy love-bites over his jaw and neck, making him squirm and whimper like some high-school girl. Maxie wrapped his arms around Archie's waist, bringing him even closer. Archie sucked and nipped at a certain spot on the redhead's neck that made him clamp a hand over his mouth to hide his moaning. The feeling of the pirate's wet muscle lapping at his neck alone was sensual enough, but added to the tickling of his goatee and beard, and it was almost too much to handle.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Archie hummed, looking up at Maxie with doe eyes, causing the taller of the two to look away, embarrassed with himself, face flushed.

"Maybe…" Murmured the redhead, looking away, abashed. He was about to continue, but he was promptly interrupted by the pirate grinding his hip into Maxie's.

"Oh god!" He cried out, pulling his head to the side and squeezing his eyes tight. It had been so long since his last decent sexual encounter that he had almost forgotten how marvelous it could be. To say that Archie wasn't a walking sex god was not only insulting, but inaccurate. The man knew just what buttons to press to make Maxie squirm and scream. Though, considering how he was still only wearing his black bathrobe, it wasn't too hard to tell just how aroused the man was.

"Are you sure you want to go all the way?" Concerned and sincere, it was obvious that Archie was either sobering up a bit, or he never was as drunk as he let on to being, because if he was as drunk as he acted, he would have simply plowed his way through and ignored all consequences.

"Yeah. I want this to happen." Maxie whispered into the man's ear, pulling him in even closer by tightening the grasp he had on brunette's waist. "I want you, Archie." He could tell he had an effect on the shorter male, simply because of the way he shivered, and proceeded to ravish his neck.

"Ngh!" Even though he tried, he was unable to stop all of the noises that came out of his mouth, especially considering the pirate's skilled tongue. Though, that wasn't the only stimulation that was going on, since now Archie's hand was palming Maxie's erection. The aforementioned male moaned loudly, not even caring at this point as to how stupid he sounded.

"Do you enjoy this, Max?" The way he said the redhead's name was hushed, drawled out, almost primal, and it got the man hot like nothing else. The redhead moved his arms to hang around the brunette's neck, wrapping his legs around the pirate's waist. Taking this as a 'yes', Archie proceeded to pump the smaller man's member. Obviously, he had this kind of thing down to a science, because every few pumps, he would take a second to swirl over the tip of the shaft with his thumb. This caused Maxie to cry out in elation, and drool began to slide down the corners of his mouth.

To say he was enjoying himself was the understatement of the century. He was absolutely elated as to what this bisexual drunk could achieve with just the flick of his wrist and some well-timed pumps.

"I want you to cum." And just like that, the Magma Leader was tensing up and moaning and groaning and –oh wow, what a surprise- he ejaculated onto the burly man's hand, as well as himself and his bathrobe. Archie looked at him with a glimmer in his eyes, pleased with his work. It wasn't every day that you got to see the ex-leader of a multi-million dollar eco-terrorist group cum just from a simple hand-job.

"Archie- I" Red eyes looked away, and Maxie's face flushed so deep that it nearly matched his hair. It was similar to how he looked the first time Archie had seen him completely naked; 8th grade, getting changed to go swimming, and Archie simply could not get over the fact that all of Maxie's hair was the same, bright red, color.

"Yeah?" He gently placed a kiss on the redhead's jaw, earning a soft hum in response.

"I want you inside of me."

Archie simply blinked at him, incredulous. Did his ears deceive him? Had Maxie really just said that?

"Are you sure?"

"Did I fucking stutter?" With that, Archie began looking around frantically for something that could act as a lubricant –he knew for a fact that Maxie wouldn't have any lube just lying around, considering how little action he got, so he had to settle for something that would just slick him up. Before he even knew what he was doing, he had his hand gripped around the bottle of what he was going to use as the lubrication: the vodka.

"You're sure about this, right? I mean, it's not going to sting, is it? After all, vodka is almost just pure alcohol…" Maxie drawled out, becoming nervous at the fact that Archie was now placing his knees on the pirate's shoulders. Of course, he knew what was going to happen, but the fact that his lower extremities were able to be seen so easily by Archie made him flushed and embarrassed.

Slicking a few of his fingers in the colorless liquid, Archie began to play with the redhead's asshole, circling around it just to get him to moan in expectancy. He knew what was going to happen next, and wished that the teasing pirate would just get on with it.

Just like that, the brunette thrust one of his fingers inside of Maxie's entrance, getting a chuckle out of the noise the redhead made; something like a mix between a gasp and a howl. He tensed up so wonderfully, and Archie knew that he would feel so wonderful once he was inside of him. The thought of it, alone, made his dick swell.

He began prepping the man, enjoying every moan and groan he got when he was using just one finger, using it to try and ease him open. Eventually, he worked it up to two fingers –only then did he realize just how horrible of a lubricant vodka was, and had to apply more, most of it just ended up poured into the man's insides, getting him flushed and tipsy.

The feeling of the liquid sloshing around inside of him made Maxie hard again, and the amazing feeling of Archie fingering him made his member ache to be touched. However, he restrained himself and continued to use his arms to prop himself up. Archie was about to work his way up to three fingers, but decided to change Maxie's position, to where he was on all fours, his ass up for easy access.

"C'mon, stud, just hurry it up, would you?" Maxie pushed, and he was obviously needing to get off. The pirate gave him a dirty look before deciding to give him the surprise of his life.

Something hard pressed against his entrance, but before the redhead could ask what it was, he figured it out. Liquid poured out of it as it was inserted into him, stretching him painfully fast. He may have said he wanted to hurry it up, but this was way too quick and oh god he was being filled to the brim.

"Oh GOD, Archie, what are you doing?" His face was bright red, and his vision was getting blurry, as well as his speech was getting slurred. He was most definitely getting drunk, and much quicker than he would have liked. The vodka was filling him all the way up and he could feel it sloshing inside of him, seeping out a bit. At this point, he figured he was slicked up enough, and he motioned for Archie to remove the bottle neck from his ass.

The pirate had other plans, however.

He decided to start thrusting the bottle inside of him, twisting it slightly just to make him cringe and pant. Even though he would have loved to feel the hot, wet, tight mess that was Maxie's ass, he loved to see the man squirm even more. A few more thrusts, and Maxie was calling out Archie's name, trying to actually tell him something, but stopping every time the pirate thrusted with the now-empty bottle.

"Archie –please- just- put… it… in!" Fortunately, as much as Archie loved to cock-tease the redhead, he realized that he himself had limits. With one swift motion, he removed the bottle, setting it on the coffee table, and placed the head of his cock at the redhead's entrance.

"Ready?" Despite how he knew the Magma Leader wasn't, he knew that neither of them cared enough. Besides, Maxie had enough vodka in his ass to make him drunk enough to not care.

One, two, three, go.

He braced himself on Maxie's hips, and thrust himself deep into the smaller male's entrance. It was just as he expected; tight, hot, and exceedingly wet. Just from the first thrust, he knew that this was going to be some sloppy sex.

"Holy fuck, Arch, how fucking big are you?" Maxie cried out, his eyes shut tight, his face flushed as bright as his hair. Clearly, he needed several minutes to adjust to the feeling, but once he was ready, he signaled for Archie to begin.

Right off the bat, the pirate started slowly, keeping a steady tempo that made him and the smaller male feel so incredible. Just as expected, Maxie's hole was becoming a sopping mess with every thrust, the alcohol inside of him sloshing around and making a mess on the couch –not like either of them cared for the ugly, maroon thing. The feeling of the liquid that filled him swaying to and fro made Maxie nearly cry out in ecstasy. He wouldn't have expected for it to feel so amazing, but with the combined efforts of Archie's incredible dick, as well as the vodka, he was feeling not only light-headed, but incredibly aroused.

His own dick throbbed with need, and it was obvious at this point that they were past the fore-play stage and were in the 'holy shit I need to get off right now' stage. Just as Maxie was about to reach for his member, he felt his hand swatted away by the man on top of him.

"Oh, no you don't. I only want you to cum because of me. You're not allowed to touch yourself." Archie's voice was dead serious. Just to assert himself, he gave Maxie a particularly powerful thrust, causing him to hiccup a bit and see white. On top of that, he tensed up wonderfully, making his walls practically massage Archie's cock. If the pirate didn't know any better, he might have thought it was just the power, but he knew that he had hit the redhead's sweet spot.

Soon, he was angling every thrust at his prostate, assailing it with one hit after another, feeling the vodka slosh around in the man's insides and dripping out as he withdrew. Another few thrusts, and it was clear that Maxie wouldn't last for much longer.

Without a second thought, Archie pulled out entirely, flipping Maxie over before shoving right back in. The sudden change in position sent tingles down the redhead's spine, making him even harder, if that were even possible. At this point, Maxie's cock was now covered in a thin layer of pre-cum, and his panting had become sporadic and rapid.

"Archie, please, I need to cum. Faster, harder!" Maxie pleaded, his eyes only barely open and his drool spilling out of his mouth like some kind of whore. Fortunately, the pirate was willing to oblige to Maxie's demand, and continued to thrust in harder and deeper.

He found Maxie's sweet spot again, and soon he's hitting it over and over again, and he could feel the vodka slosh around inside of the redhead. Feeling hotter and hotter, Archie knew that the redhead was so close to his limit, and he's close to his own, as well.

"Archie, oh god, Archie!" At that point, Maxie was practically screaming the pirate's name, moaning and panting like a virgin. At this point, Archie knows that it's only…a matter… of time!

With a howl of Archie's name, Maxie shut his eyes tight, his entire body tensed, and he spilled his seed on his stomach, chest, and face. Just the feeling of the redhead's body tensing as he ejaculated was enough to make Archie cum, burying his member deep into Maxie's ass as he did so. Red eyes open as he feels the semen filling him, along with the vodka, and Maxie used it to ride out his orgasm, feeling absolutely marvelous as small bursts of cum continued to drool out the head of his cock.

They stayed like that for nearly five minutes, but eventually Archie pulled out, almost wishing he hadn't. All of the vodka left inside of Maxie began to seep out, and the Magma Leader could unfortunately feel every bit of it. Just the feeling of being emptied makes him hard again, but this time, he ignored his erection.

If he got off every time he got hard, he'd never leave his bedroom.

"Wow, I really did make a mess of you, huh?"

Maxie would have chuckled at this, if it wasn't for the fact that he realized that he had to get a new couch.

(x)

The next morning, Maxie woke up with a headache and a scowl. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought he had spent the night drinking obnoxiously. Looking to the other side of his king-sized bed, he realized that maybe he did have more than he remembered, considering that there was a naked Archie laying peacefully next to him.

"What the fuck did I do last n- OH JESUS FUCKING OWWWW."

As it would be, Archie would be the one on bottom next time this were to happen.

(x)

I really like these two, and I really like the idea of Archie getting Maxie drunk off his ass… literally. So, I made this. I'm not sure if I'm okay with it or not.

Feel free to review, flame, or rant! I just want some feedback.