The Ass Bongos Verification
This one-shot takes place in the middle of season 8. Sheldon has returned from his hiatus a few months ago, and he and Amy have reconciled since then. Oh indeed, they have reconciled.
It was Tuesday night. And while Saturday night is laundry night, Tuesday night was deep-clean-the-apartment night.
Sheldon had a rotating schedule for every part of the apartment that needed cleaning. The 1st Tuesday of every month was dedicated to polishing all household metals, gold or otherwise. The 2nd was meant for dusting the action figures. The 3rd was saved for taking inventory of all closets, where he would throw away anything more than 3 years old (unless the object had a post-it note that said otherwise). And the fourth Tuesday was the dreadful day of scrubbing the inside of the toilet's water tank.
This week was the third Tuesday, and Sheldon was anticipating a nice sweep of the living room closet. It had been a few months since he's tackled the space, and he was eager to remove the offending items that lay there.
At 8:00 sharp, Sheldon got to work. He hummed pleasantly to himself while he sifted through boxes, bags, clothes, books, movies, and more. It wasn't until he shoved an old cardboard box out of its resting place that he stopped suddenly. In the corner of the closet was an old memory of his lapse into Hippyland. The object sat there on the floor staring back at him.
The bongos.
Immediately, Sheldon was horrified. It had been almost exactly three years to the day that he threw this wretched instrument into the closet. Why hadn't he just thrown it away? Obviously, the item was breaking a host of rules, just by sitting in that very spot. Everyone knows Sheldon doesn't appreciate music that can be associated with tribal dance ceremonies. On top of that, the floor of the living room closet was reserved for only cleaning supplies that can't fit under the bathroom sink, old VHS tapes, and all things miscellaneous (for which Sheldon had a manual to describe what was allowed to be categorized as such).
Sheldon grabbed the bongos and started to frantically pace back and forth around the apartment trying to figure out the best course of action. Just then, Amy Farrah Fowler knocked on his door. Sheldon had been so distracted by the bongos that he completely lost track of the time.
He placed the bongos on the couch and swiftly moved towards the door to let his girlfriend in.
"Good evening, Amy."
"Hello Sheldon," Amy said happily as she glided into the apartment.
Although Thursday was typically Sheldon and Amy's date night, Amy had to reschedule for Tuesday because of a non-optional commitment with her work. Sheldon wanted to move Amy out of the apartment fast so that they may commence their evening without a thought to the bongos sitting on the couch. But old habits took over.
"Uhh, would you like a hot beverage?" he asked at once.
"Thank you, Sheldon. Chamomile, please."
As he went to grab the box of teabags off the shelf, Sheldon peered out of the corner of his eye to see that Amy had made herself comfortable next to his spot. It appeared that she hadn't regarded the bongos at all. They were sitting on the left couch cushion, just as he had left them.
"Can you add a little honey this time? I'm trying to stay away from refined sugars."
"Certainly, Amy. Now would you prefer the water at its standard temperature of 212 degrees, or shall I –"
"Oh my god, are these your bongos from 3 years ago?"
Sheldon froze in place.
After what seemed like minutes, he slowly pivoted towards Amy's direction, his blue eyes wide. She sat there, bongos in hand, with a wicked grin on her face.
Finally Sheldon shook himself out of his trance. "Well, hey, don't pay any mind to those. I can assure you that I am getting rid of them as soon as time permits."
"Why do you want to dispose of them? They bring back such hysterical memories!" Amy teased.
"Stop it, Amy! You know those were dark times for me."
"Hell-o Shel-don, do you like-my-bongos?" Amy started banging on the instrument. She was clearly out of tune.
"Amy, I want you to stop playing right now!"
"Shel-don wants me to-stop-playing-bongos!"
"Amy, for the love of God, PLEASE!"
Amy stopped banging at once. She stared at Sheldon with a bewildered look on her face.
"I…I'm sorry Sheldon. I didn't realize that would make you so upset. I was just teasing you. I really am sorry…Sheldon?"
Sheldon twisted his mouth while looking around at everything in the room but Amy's eyes. The air fell still, and suddenly he became aware of the intensity that had developed so quickly. He needed to rectify the situation.
"It's okay, Amy. I'm sorry for snapping at you. The bongos are just a sensitive thing for me."
Sheldon's explanation didn't seem to change things much. The air between the couple was still as dense as ever. Amy began to pick at her fingernails while avoiding eye contact with him. The bongos sat to her right, sad and rejected. Sheldon stared at the bongos directly, almost in a trance, until he came up with a brilliant idea.
"Well Dr. Fowler, on account of your misbehavior, I do believe a punishment is in order." It was then that Sheldon finally had the nerve to look at Amy dead in the eyes, a smirk slowly spread into a smile across his face.
It didn't take long for Amy to understand the meaning behind Sheldon's words and the countenance beneath them. She was no stranger to Sheldon's method of discipline.
"I guess you're right, Dr. Cooper. That was really wrong of me."
"Indeed it was. I think I have no choice but to show you exactly how much your acts have affected me. So you can really understand the error of what you've done."
"How do you propose to do that?"
Wordlessly, Sheldon slowly made his way to the couch. Amy stared intensely at her punisher, determined not to break eye contact.
The last time Sheldon had touched Amy this way was when their relationship was so platonic that Sheldon couldn't even comprehend the eroticism behind his actions. Despite all that, Amy had been so turned on from the way he smacked her ass firmly, but delicate at the same time. It was because of that night that Gerard had vacated his home in the bathroom to sublet a drawer in Amy's nightstand for a few months.
Surely this would be different. Sheldon was different. He was not only comfortable with the idea of sex with Amy, but he happily engaged in it on a daily basis. Now Sheldon and Amy's sex life truly was incredible.
As Amy thought about the pleasures that were to come, Sheldon took his place on the couch, making sure to move the bongos to the coffee table. He lightly tapped on his left knee, licking his lips as he gazed towards Amy.
"Are you ready to receive your punishment?" His crystal eyes burned right through her. Amy's heart leapt.
"Yes sir."
When Sheldon nodded slightly, Amy made her way to his lap and spread herself across him. She could feel his heart thudding in his chest. It excited her that Sheldon was nervous. He was probably thinking of the kinkiest ways he could pull this off. With a small smile, Amy braced herself for what was about to come.
"A-MY LIKES IT WHEN I-PLAY-HER-BUTTOCKS!" Sheldon was rapidly banging on Amy's ass, which nearly made her spring off his lap and onto the floor.
As Sheldon continued to have his way on her backside, Amy was paralyzed with shock. What…was happening? And then she answered her own question.
Sheldon was playing her ass exactly like she was playing his bongos. This was happening.
Amy tried to shove herself off of Sheldon's lap, but he managed to hold her in place.
"AMY-NO-LEAVE WHILE-I-PLAY-HER BUTTOCKS!"
Did he not realize that this was more humiliating than it was sexy? She thought Sheldon had come so far in his maturity, but it was clear that some things were still over his head.
As Amy lay there to endure the ass bongo playing of a lifetime, she wondered whether it would be beneficial to sign Sheldon up for a class in the etiquette of seduction.