MONEY, MONEY, MONEY – AND MORE MONEY!
A/N: I don't own A Series of Unfortunate Events, or ABBA. If I did, I would be too depressed to write these songs. And I know it doesn't fit syllable for syllable.
COUNT OLAF:
I'm a jerk all night
I'm a jerk all day
To fit the role I have to play
Ain't it great?
The Baudelaires
Ain't on a fee
But there's never a penny just for me
That I hate.
So I must plot, so I must plan
With anagrams like Couto Flan
I wouldn't have to be a jerk at all
I'd tease the brats
'Cause they're so small
Chorus
Money, money, money – and more!
I'm so funny (and still so modest)
In my rich man's world (hypothetically)
Money, money, money – yet more!
We'll be done-y (that's not even a word)
And nothing really rhymes with world!
Aha-AARGH!
The brats have fooled me ten out of ten
But if I had some of their money,
I'd do another sequel AGAIN!
A disguise for that is very rare
The villain's role is so unfair
Doesn't life diss!
I just need that little faith
My, that peg-leg really did chafe!
It takes the piss!
So I must look, I'll have to scan
For anagrams like O Tofu Clan
In the shadows I shan't lurk at all
Oh watch out – here comes Timothy Spall!
Chorus (twice)