4/12/2008
Disclaimer: I don't own the song "I'll Die Tryin'". It's sung by Lonestar, from their 2005 CD "Coming Home". I don't own House or Cuddy, David Shore does. If I did own them, life would be grand for all the Huddy shippers!
Rated T Please R&R!!
A/N: Established Relationship and AU. My apologies if House or Cuddy are OOC.
A/N 2: I'm pretending that Cuddy has a baby grand piano in her living room.
Lisa Cuddy sat on the couch in her home. It was a beautiful, sunny and warm Saturday in the mid 70's. It was nearing 7:00p.m and the sun was still out. Cuddy had had a long and stressful week, she had been busy with budget meetings, wining and dining potential donors and many other things. Cuddy wore a pair of light colored blue jeans, and a grey t-shirt, something comfortable. Cuddy sniffled once and let the tears fall from her eyes. Despite the sun shine outside, inside, she was sad and crying. Amidst her crying, she didn't hear the knocking of a familiar cane on her door.
Reluctantly, Cuddy got up from where she sat and went to the door, looked through the peephole and sighed. She wasn't in the mood to deal with House right now. Cuddy sighed once more, wiped the tears from her eyes with a tissue and opened the door.
Before her stood House wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, and an orange Baltimore Orioles t-shirt, his Nike tennis shoes and cane completed his outfit.
Cuddy spoke, "Look House, what do you want? It's Saturday; can't you leave me alone for one day?" Her voice held a pleading tone to it, something that House didn't miss.
"No can do Cuddles! You know how much I love you! Besides what would the hospital nurses think if I didn't terrorize you every waking minute?" He said with a grin and went on. "Plus you know how much you love me!"
Cuddy started to protest again trying her best not to let House in, but House of course found his way in anyways. Cuddy had a feeling that House was on to her and it wasn't until House spied the empty wine glass and half-empty wine bottle that sat on the coffee table next to couch and the used tissues that sat on Cuddy's couch in her living room that he became concerned.
Cuddy sighed outwardly and accepted that House wouldn't leave her alone tonight, so she went into the kitchen and made some food for them both. Meanwhile, House turned on Cuddy's TV and messed around with it.
Diner was eaten in the kitchen in silence, at least on Cuddy's part. House however was in a pensive mood; which threw Cuddy for a loop. Cuddy stopped House in the middle of a sentence, "House, why are you doing this? Why are you here talking to me, being all thoughtful. You're never thoughtful! Why aren't you at your house watching The L Word, and drinking beer?" she asked.
"Well Cuddles, you know that I'm a just thoughtful kind of person. Plus I've noticed you've been down the last month or so. I wanted to cheer you up and by cheer you up I mean come over here and eat your food and generally annoy you!" he said with a grin.
Cuddy sighed a deeper sigh and said, "Fine House after dinner, you have to leave because I'm busy tonight."
"By busy tonight Cuddles, do you mean drinking wine and crying? Because that doesn't sound like you're busy to me. Sounds to me like you're sad."
Cuddy blushed from embarrassment because she knew that he was right. Without saying a word, she got up, took her plate and empty water glass and took them and put them in the sink.
Then she came back and stood looking at House and said, "House if there's some way that you can make it so I can get pregnant and have a baby than be my guest! If you can't then I suggest you leave now!" With that said, tears came forth and she angrily wiped them away.
She grabbed his empty plate and empty water glass and took them and put them in the sink. House got up and followed her into the kitchen where Cuddy stood over the sink silently crying. House who had never been one for dealing with emotions was a little put off by all of this, but if figured he may as well try to comfort her.
House proceeded to take Cuddy's hand and lead her back to the living room were he made her sit on the couch. House then limped over to the black baby grand piano and sat down. He turned and grinned at her. Cuddy gave him a weak and small smile. House knew that whenever he played the piano it made Cuddy feel better and true to its meaning, it did make Cuddy feel better after House played some of her favorite songs.
After playing an upbeat song, House looked once again at Cuddy and saw that she wasn't crying any more. She had a brighter smile on her face, even if she still looked a bit sad.
House then began to play and sing. As Cuddy listened to the words, she could immediately identify with the song.
You've been livin'
way to long in broken promise land If I don't love you like you
deserve
Your dreams crushed and
scattered like a million grains of sand
I'd love to be your
redemption but I am just a man
And I may never be a hero
But
I'm a rock you can lean on
If I don't stop every tear you're cryin'
If I don't
make your life a heaven on this earth
I'll die tryin' I'll die
tryin'
The second line of the first verse hit Cuddy hard and silent tears ran down her face as she recalled the multiple times she had tried to get pregnant using IVF, but it wasn't meant to be and after the third time without success she had given up and come to the conclusion that she would never be a mother. It was this fact that she was crying and why she had been so sad for the past month. Cuddy wiped the tears away with a tissue and began to listen to the song again.
Cuddy smiled as she listened to the end of the first verse and the beginning of the second first. She knew that it fit House to a T. God knows, that House was no knight in shining armor. Cuddy knew that House was no saint, and that he didn't make her life heaven on earth, especially at work, but sometimes Cuddy would give him the benefit of the doubt.
Cuddy
recalled back to how House had comforted her when the first IVF
treatment hadn't worked. Cuddy remembered how House had found her
that night in her office. She was crying silent tears and it wasn't
until House had held her, that she really let loose and grieved the
loss of a dream she thought she had. I'll
listen to your secret prayer and share your deepest wish (Repeat Chorus)
Search
for a hundred years just to find the perfect kiss
Of everything
within' my power there's nothin' I won't give
To be that part of
you and your life
That takes what's wrong and makes it
right
The blue eyed woman recalled they had gotten to that point: of House holding her while she cried, of him loving her and her loving him. It had been many years ago, after the infarction and after Stacey had left him for her husband Mark. Cuddy remembered how much hurt and pain House had been in after Stacey had left and it was Cuddy who House had come to. Actually, it was more a matter of House had gotten plastered at a local bar, a cab had gotten called for him, and he had ended up at Cuddy's house at 3 in the morning drunk and looking like hell. Cuddy wouldn't admit it to anyone, much less House that even when he was drunk, he was sexy as hell wearing a tight t-shirt and blue jeans and using his cane of course.
Over the years, Cuddy eventually had fallen in love with House, despite his prickly demeanor and smart ass sexual comments. For Cuddy, House was the one constant thing in her life, besides her work at PPTH. Cuddy had fallen hard for House and she did her best not to let it show. But one night it had come out when House had come over to her apartment to annoy her of course and they had gotten drunk and Cuddy had let it slip. Needless to say she was mortified and made House swear not to tell anyone. House wasn't surprised though; he knew that Cuddy had had a thing for him for a long time.
That night while they were drinking, House too let it slip and told Cuddy that he loved her. Needless to say, Cuddy shocked. First off, that House was still coherent after so much drinking and secondly, after what he had just admitted. Cuddy drew up a plan in her mind to black mail House and she used it to her advantage until it had back fired and House had let it 'accidently' slip that Cuddy was in love with him. Needless to say, that fight was a monstrous one and tension was high for a while.
But soon, all was forgiven.
In spite of the hurt and pain they had caused each other, they were both amazing lovers and each others best friend. After they had forgiven each other and mended each others hearts, it wasn't often that they spent their nights sleeping alone. After their lovemaking they would often lie around and talk whilst holding onto each other, feeling completely safe and secure.
Cuddy
would tell House her deepest secrets and sometimes she would cry and
House would hold her close. House promised her that whatever life
threw their way, that he would never leave her. He told her that life
with him wasn't easy, but he was prepared to give it all he had.
Cuddy too, knew that now she had House had a lover, life would be
even more complicated, but she also knew that House would never leave
her. Both lovers promised this to each other, because they both knew
the hurt, and pain of betrayal of loosing someone you love. I
may never be a hero (Repeat Chorus) I'll die tryin'
But I'm a rock you can lean on
I wanna be
that part of you and your life
That takes what's wrong and makes
it right
I'll die
tryin'
I'll die tryin'
Cuddy knew that she was so lucky to have found someone like House to have in her life. Yes House was a selfish jerk, who drove her nuts and who cost PPTH tons of money each year in lawsuits, but she also knew that House was a caring and beautiful lover, someone who cared for her and loved on her more than anyone else she had ever dated. Cuddy knew that House wasn't perfect and she wasn't looking to try and change him or make him a better person.
I'll die trying
Don't just call
it quits say there's no chance for you out there
I know you're at
a crossroads where love doesn't seem to be fair
He made no effort
to satisfy all your hopes and dreams
But if you'll give love
another shot and look to me
Hold on to me
show me your needs
I'll fly higher
Give what I can give as sure
as I live
I'll die tying
House knew that as he sang the last section of this song, that Cuddy was crying once again, as he could hear her. Cuddy was crying because she remembered the hurt and pain that she felt all those years ago before she had met House. Her then-boyfriend of 3 years whom she had loved with all of her heart, who had promised her the world and yet lied and hurt her. House knew that there were times, that Cuddy doubted the love that House gave to her and House did his best to reassure her.
It was frustrating for both House and Cuddy and it was this frustration that landed them in huge fights. While they hadn't had any fights about this as of late, House knew how she had been feeling and this was why he had come over tonight, to try and cheer her up, because she was feeling sad because of not getting pregnant and because of thinking of her ex.
House just hoped that tonight, he could make her smile again and they could get past this once and for all.
The song ended and House turned and looked at Cuddy. Cuddy had stopped crying, but a few stray tears were running down her cheeks. House got up, grabbed his cane and limped over to where she sat. He sat down on the couch and then he proceeded to lean over towards Cuddy and wipe away her tears with his right hand, while his left hand wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. Cuddy began to cry once more and House just held her.
Many minutes later, they separated and Cuddy blew her nose and sniffled. House was the first one to speak, "Cuddy…Lisa, baby, I know why you're crying, but this has to stop. What do I have to do to make you see that there's nothing that I wouldn't do for you to make you happy? That I won't hurt you? You know that I wouldn't Lisa. I love you, I'm in love with you and I always will be. Do you want me to buy you a dozen roses, or bring you chocolate? Tell me what I have to do. I'll do whatever you want, whatever it takes to make you happy once and for all. Tell me please Lisa!" his voice held a pleading, almost begging tone to it.
House surprised himself and Cuddy too to find that he was getting choked up over this. He wouldn't admit it, but it hurt him to see her sad. Cuddy said nothing, but she leaned over to him and kissed him deeply and more passionately than ever before. Several minutes later, she broke the kiss and said, "House, I know that you love me and I know that this has been hard for you, for the both of us. I know that you would never hurt me. I know that this has caused us to fight more and I hate that. I don't like fighting with you baby. I'm sorry that I've caused you so much hurt because of this. I know it isn't easy for you. You asked me what you can do to make me happy, well, I'll tell you. You can make love to me. I want to have a baby, House. That is what would make me happy. To have a baby with you. I want to make this right between us again, to put all the hurt and pain behind us and to move on with our lives together. Can you, will you, do you want to?" she asked.
Her voice had taken on a pleading tone as well and tears once again fell from her eyes as she looked at House. House leaned over to her and kissed her deeply and passionately, more so than any other kiss her had given her. No words needed to be said, all that was said was conveyed in that one single, perfect kiss. He broke the kiss, smiled and nodded his head at her. Cuddy, for the first time in a long time, smiled a big smile. House then took her hand, picked up his cane and together they went upstairs into Cuddy's bedroom.
As they lie in bed together naked and making love, Cuddy began to cry. But they both knew these were tears of joy, of release of hurt and pain, of happiness and wholeness. They made love to each other slowly and sweetly, tenderly and softly all night long, exploring each others bodies, making promises to each other with each kiss and touch.
The morning found them sleeping peacefully in each others arms. House looked at Cuddy while she slept, then looked at the clock as it read 7:30a.m. He smiled, he knew that she never slept this late, ever, but House also knew that she needed to sleep. House yawned and smiled once more as he closed his eyes, lay back against the pillow and against his lover and slept. House knew that they would both be okay, that the promises they had made to each other the night before were promises of forever.