Ed, Edd n Eddy's Crazy Holiday Tales
A fanfic by: Half-wit Ed-boy
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my OCs.
Chapter 1: Summertime ED-mas
For some odd reason, the first day of Summer Vacation is always one of the sunniest days of summer, and this May the 28th is no exception. Even though it's nine o'clock, the thermometer already reads 75 degrees Fahrenheit, and there's not a cloud in the sky or a breeze blowing to keep the heat down, so the temperature keeps rising by the minute.
By now you're probably asking, "What the heck is a story set in the summertime doing in a collection of Christmas-themed fanfics?" Well, you're about to find out…
Carrie is suddenly woken by her alarm clock. Surprised, she screams in fear and confusion, but once she discovers the source of the sound, she calms down.
"Oh, it's just you again!" The blonde-headed teenager says. "For some reason, I feel like today's no ordinary day…maybe I should check my calendar. Wait! I haven't changed the date on my calendar in a long time, so I better do that real quick!"
Carrie crawls out from under the couch and runs to the wall, where her calendar is hanging. According to the date, it is Dec. 23. She tears a page from it and now it reads Dec. 24: Christmas Eve.
"Yay, it's Christmas Eve!!!!" Carrie cheers. "I better go tell Ed!!!!" Carrie runs out the door, not taking time to notice that her calendar hasn't been changed since Dec. 23 OF LAST YEAR!!!!!!
About an hour later, Eddy and Double D are recovering from another failed scam.
"Eddy, I told you trying to sell all of my old inventions would fail unless you let me repair them first!!!!" Eddy just sits on the sidewalk and scowls.
"This is all Ed's fault!!! If he would've helped, we'd be rolling in jawbreakers right now!!!!"
"Well, he had company over. For some reason, Carrie had some important news to tell him," Double D's statement seems to make Eddy perk up.
"I bet she finally came to her senses and realized that she likes me, Eddy!!!!!" Eddy cries, feeling a whole lot better than he was a few seconds ago.
"I highly doubt that, Eddy. You and Carrie have absolutely nothing in common."
"Oh, yeah, well, um, we both like jawbreakers!"
"Eddy, everyone in the cul-de-sac likes jawbreakers!"
"And, um, we both breathe air!!!"
"So does everyone else, except for Grim. He doesn't have lungs."
"And the most important thing we have in common is that we both…"
"EDDY!!!!!" A familiar voice calls out, interrupting the loud-mouthed Ed-boy. Eddy and Double D turn in the direction of Ed's house to see the Ed-boy and his girlfriend running at them.
"Why, hello, Ed!" Double D says politely. "Good morning Carrie!"
"Guess what Carrie told me, guys!!" Ed says, hopping up and down. "IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE MORNING!!!!!!!!!!"
"Huh?" Eddy and Double D say while looking at each other.
"In other words, IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE!!!!!!"
"Um, I'm sorry to rain on your parade, but it's not Christmas," Double D says calmly.
"But-but, that's what my calendar said, and it's never lied to me before!" Carrie says.
"Yeah, and Carrie has never lied to me before either, Double D!"
"Ed, it's nowhere near Christmas! It's May!!!!"
"That's correct, Eddy! It's Christmas Eve!"
"You guys, Christmas is a long time away!"
"Uh, huh," Carrie says in agreement while nodding her head. "Christmas is about…" Carrie looks down at her watch, "eleven hours, forty-three minutes, and eighteen seconds!"
"Hold it, hold it!!!" Eddy shouts. "First of all, when did Carrie start wearing a watch? And second of all, IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"IS TOO, EDDY!!!!!!!!" Ed shouts back.
"Ed, you're such an idiot! It's freaking May! It's eighty-three degrees, the sun's shining, and there's not a flake of snow on the ground!!!!"
"Shut up, Eddy!!! It is, too, Christmas! See, I got Christmas carols, some tinsel, a string of lights, and Carrie has a wreath hanging around her neck! If that doesn't say it's Christmas, then let me suddenly become Matt Hill!"
"C'mon! Let's go to Ed's house and show you the decorations!!!!" Carrie runs back to Ed's house. Ed grabs Eddy and Double D and follows.
In Ed's room, Ed has a fully decorated Christmas tree, a wreath hanging on his bedroom and bathroom doors and window, an electric train going around and around the base of the tree, and all of Ed's B-movie posters are replaced with Christmas-themed horror movies such as "The Killer Santa from Planet Chestnut", "Attack of the 50 ft. Yule Logs", and "I was a Red-Nosed Vampire Reindeer Zombie part III: Blitzen Destroys Pluto!"
Double D looks around the room and asks, "Is this what you two did this morning?"
"Yes!" Carrie answers while eating a Christmas cookie.
"Ed, why the heck do you have a tree in your room?"
"Doesn't everyone?" Ed asks.
"I don't. You, Double D?"
"No, I don't."
"You guys better hurry! Santa comes tonight and if you don't have your tree up, he won't leave you any presents!"
"I know what you guys need to get into the spirit: CHRISTMAS CAROLS!!!!!!!" Carrie gives everyone a songbook.
"That's a great idea, Carrie! I'll start!" Ed clears his voice and sings, "On the first day of Christmas, my true-love gave to me, a chicken eating gra-vy!! TAKE IT AWAY, EDDY!!!" Ed shines a spotlight on Eddy, but all he does is fold his arms. A vein bulges on his forehead. "Eddy, you're supposed to sing the next line!"
"I'm not singing Christmas songs in May!!!"
"I can't believe it! It's almost Christmas and you guys aren't even in the spirit!" Carrie wails.
"Well, Carrie, we would be if it actually were Christmas!" The brainy Ed-boy tries to explain.
Suddenly, Sarah barges into Ed's room.
"ED!!!! MOM SAYS…Ed, why the heck do you have all the Christmas decorations up?" Sarah asks, looking around the room.
"We shouldn't be fighting, Sarah. It's the holidays!!!!"
"Ed, you're scaring me!" Carrie grabs Sarah's arm.
"C'mon, Sarah, let's sing a Christmas carol!!!" Carrie starts to sing, but Sarah stuffs a bowling ball in her mouth. This surprises Carrie at first, but then she swallows it.
"You all are a bunch of nut-jobs!" Sarah shouts.
"Ed and Carrie, I'm sorry, but you two are acting more ridiculous than usual," Double D adds.
"Yeah…wait! Christmas equals mistletoe and mistletoe equals kiss from Carrie!!! If I play along, I might be able to steal Carrie away from Ed!" Eddy laughs sinisterly. "Ed and Carrie's right, Double D. We should get into the spirit more, and what better way than with mistletoe?" Eddy dangles a sprig of the plant over Carrie's head. Eddy puckers up, but Carrie pulls out a bowl of some white gunk and shoves a spoonful in Eddy's mouth. Eddy gags and his face turns green.
"Do you like the figgy pudding I made? I didn't know the recipe, so I just mixed a bunch of different pudding mixes together and let Ed's gym-socks soak in them."
"That's it! I'm getting off the loony express!" Sarah says. "Crazy bunch of freaks…" Sarah starts out the door but is stopped by her brother.
"Wait, Sarah, we have to wrap Christmas presents!" Ed says, dragging her back in his room.
"What the?! I'm not spending the rest of my afternoon wrapping Christmas presents in the middle of May!!!! I have scamming to do!"
Five minutes later, Eddy, Sarah, Double D, Carrie, and Ed are sitting on Ed's cold, damp, concrete floor and are, you guessed it, wrapping presents.
"I can't believe I'm spending the day wrapping Christmas presents in the middle of May when I could be scamming!" Eddy grumbles.
Ignoring his friend, Ed finishes wrapping a box of Lego's. Carrie takes it out of his hands and shakes it.
"Oh, I wonder what this could be?" Carrie asks.
Ed takes the box and shakes it close to his ear. "It sounds like gravy mix!!!"
Sarah looks over at them and mumbles, "Idiots…"
"Well, we're finished, Ed. I'm going home to, uh, clean my room!" Double D stands up to leave but is stopped by his friend.
"Hold on there, matey! We still have to watch Christmas specials before bed!" Eddy groans with disgust.
"Yay, cartoons!" Carrie cheers.
Ed pops a VHS tape into his VCR. "We will watch The Cartoon Network Cartoon Christmas special! It features cartoons from every cartoon that has ever aired on Cartoon Network!" Everyone sits down in front of Ed's TV.
Fifteen minutes into the movie…
"GOKU!!!! STOP EATING THE CANDY CANES OFF THE TREE!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND NARUTO, STOP EATING ALL THE RAMEN FROM THE BUFFET TABLE!!!!!!!!" A voice from the TV screams.
"Well, now that we've all eaten, let's sing Christmas carols!!!" Lazlo exclaims. Then everyone gathers around a piano and begins to sing.
"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Orihime would cook the meal…"
"WORK!!!!" Eustace screams.
"Samurai Jack would cut down a tree…"
"GARDENING!!!!" Chicken exclaims, not in a festive mood like the others.
"The Red Guy would get in the way…"
"FIGHTING!!!! Big, fat, hairy deal!" Meowth says.
"And then we'd wrap the presents and pile them under the tree, and barely get a wink of sleep, because we'd wonder what they will be!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Wait, if they wrapped the presents, wouldn't they know what the presents were?" Sarah asks.
"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE HIT THE EJECT BUTTON!!!!!" Eddy screams.
Double D tries to eject the film, but the EJECT button suddenly falls off the VCR. "Um, Eddy, THE EJECT BUTTON FELL OFF AND THIS MOVIE DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE AN ENDING!!!!!!!!!"
"Shhhhh!!!! Krillin is saving Christmas by giving Ichigo Kurosaki his new snowboard!"
"Ha! Ha! Now Ichigo is using it to beat up the Red Guy!" Carrie laughs.
"Oh, yeah, do you know what I think…?" Eddy asks calmly. Suddenly, Eddy pulls a gigantic, wooden mallet out of his pocket, tosses the VCR on the floor, and smashes it, along with the tape, to many tiny pieces. Ed holds the film from the tape in his hands.
"NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ICHIGO!!!!!!!!! RED GUY!!!!!!!!!!! GARFIELD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ed immediately gets a hold of himself and tosses the film over his shoulder. "Oh, well! Time for bed! You guys can stay with me tonight!"
"But it's only 7:13!" Double D exclaims.
"Oh, no! I'm sleeping in my bed tonight!" Sarah tries to leave Ed's room, but she is stopped by her older brother.
"Oh, don't be that way, baby sister! I already have a place for you to sleep!" Ed points to a sleeping bag lying under his table.
"Gee, thanks Ed!" Sarah says sarcastically as she crawls inside her sleeping bag. "You fatheads better not wake me up, or else!"
"Double D can sleep on my chair!"
"Why, thank you, Ed!" Double D sits in Ed's blue recliner and lays back to relax when he suddenly feels something slimy on his hand. He lifts it only to find his hand covered in old bubble gum. Double D screams.
"And I'll sleep with Carrie!" Eddy declares. "Where is she sleeping?" He watches as Carrie crawls underneath Ed's bed.
"Did Carrie actually crawl under Ed's bed!? SO UNSANITARY!!!!!!"
"Um, on second thought, I'll sleep…"
"…on this army cot!" Ed pulls a cart out of his closet and unfolds it. Eddy lays down on it. Eddy is almost asleep when something pokes him in the face. Eddy groans swats something that feels like a hand. Eddy's almost asleep again when he's poked again. Annoyed, Eddy rolls over and is met with Ed's face. Eddy screams in surprise.
"Eddy, I can't sleep! I keep wondering what those presents will be!"
Carrie crawls out from under the bed and says, "Me, too!"
"Well, one of them is a box of Lego's, and there's a bag of socks in the other, some sort of manga about pirates…"
"EDDY!!!! You're not supposed to tell!"
"And, as I recall, there's a box of fishing lures." Double D adds.
Sarah rolls over and says, "You forgot about the rubber chicken and light saber."
"SARAH!!!! DOUBLE D!!!!!!!! YOU'RE RUINING IT FOR EVERYONE!!!!!"
"Uh, Earth to Monobrow!!!!! You and Carrie are the only ones who don't know what they are!!!!"
"Well, we didn't know until Double D ruined it!!!!" Carrie glares at Double D.
"Me!? But I was just…" Suddenly, everyone hears footsteps on the roof.
Carrie gasps and Ed exclaims, "IT'S SANTA CLAUS!!!!!!!"
"No it isn't, you idiot! Someone's on the roof!" Sarah snaps.
"Oh, dear! It might be a prowler!"
"I hope it's not Dorothy trying to stalk you again, Double D," Eddy says.
"If it isn't Santa, then who is it?" Carrie asks. She looks at Ed, but he just shrugs. The two of them think for a moment.
"Oh, I know! It's either Ichigo or the Red Guy trying to pull a fast one on us! It's too early for Santa to come!"
"Yeah, WAY too early!!!!" Sarah remarks.
"Ed, the Red Guy isn't real! He's just some insane cartoon character who doesn't wear pants!!!!"
"Okay, then Mister Smarty Pants, tell me who that is in the window!" Ed points to his window. Everyone looks and sees a red face staring back at them. It has pointy, horn-like ears, yellow eyes, and a huge nose.
"HOLY CRUD!!!! THERE IS A RED GUY!!!!!!" Eddy exclaims. Sarah screams and Carrie loses focus.
"Well, hellooooo! It's me, IVAN PANCED!!!!!! I was just trying on my new pants and thought I might…"
"Take this, you pantsless freak!!!!" Sarah picks up some of the presents (that Carrie and Ed still have no clue what they are) and tosses them at Ed's window. The presents shatter the glass and hit the Red Guy right in the face.
"Ouch," he groans as he falls to the ground. The Eds, Carrie, and Sarah run outside and surround the unconscious Red Guy.
"Oh, my gosh! Sarah killed the Red Guy!!!!" Ed shouts.
"You jerk!" Carrie snaps.
"That's the last time I wear pants!" The Red Guy yells as he stands back up. He takes off his plaid pants and buttwalks away.
"Bye, bye!" Carrie says, waving at him.
"That's so unsanitary!"
Eddy picks up the pants and begins to search his pockets. "Maybe he left his wallet in here…darn! There's nothing but a stupid card!" Double D takes the card from his friend's hand.
"Hmm, it reads: IN PUTTING ON MY PANTS AND LEARNING TO BUTTWALK, THE WEARER WAIVES ANY AND ALL RIGHTS TO THE PREVIOUS IDENTITY, REAL OR IMPLIED, AND FULLY ACCEPTS THE DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES OF THE RED GUY UNTIL A TIME COMES THAT THE WEARER IS UNABLE TO DO SO EITHER BY ACCIDENT OR DESIGN."
"COOL!!!! Put on his pants, Eddy!"
"Heck, no! I don't know where those things have been! They might be diseased!"
"I'm going to bed." Sarah walks back inside and goes back to sleep.
"I guess it isn't Christmas after all…" Carrie says sadly, looking down at her feet.
"Thank goodness!" Double D says.
"Well, it was fun while it lasted…" Ed adds.
Carrie pulls out a noisemaker and shouts, "IT'S NEW YEAR'S EVE!!!!!!!!!!"
A large sweat drop goes down both Eddy and Double D's head as they watch Ed and Carrie dance around in circles like fools, spinning noisemakers and blowing horns.
"Here we go again…" Double D says.
"I'm starting to wish they still thought it was Christmas…" Eddy adds as Carrie and Ed go back into Ed's bedroom, turn on all the lights, and turn on some music.