The Beauty of it

Authors Note: Hmmm... So I'm starting a new story, I shouldn't be really, should I? Considering I have not updated Class in like, 6 or 7 months of Angels in ages either...

Anyway, I'd like to say a massive, massive thank you to everyone for your condolences about my cancer, you're all very sweet and kind for doing so, you are such kind people and you're words have been lovely. But, I am better now and I'd prefer not to linger on that because its a tough spot for me... You've all been absolutely amazing and I cannot express enough how much your words have meant to me.

Disclaimer: Nope, Friends ain't mine!

Dedication: Can you do this? I'll do it anyway- I dedicate this story to my wonderful boyfriend, you've helped me through the hardest time in my life and wouldn't let me give up even when I wanted to. You're amazing and I hope that you and I remain together forever. I love you lots.

Chapter One: Naive

~/~

I was a rather naive little girl whilst I was growing up I'm afraid to say, my outlook on life was simple and innocent and I seemed to view the world through different eyes to my peers, not in the sense I believed in fairies and magic, but more like I was oblivious to the fact that my life may not be as perfect as I thought it would be. I seemed to live in this bubble of my imagination, where the world was simple and life was easy, where princesses and princes fell in love like Romeo and Juliet, where families were happy constantly and there was nothing I could not conquer. I was a strong believer in true love, thinking I'd meet my husband across a crowded room like in the romance novels I buried my nose in, that we'd fall in love in an instant and become married and have wonderful children like in the films. I thought that life was that simple, you meet someone, fall in love, get married and have children without worries or doubts or drama, that life was really like in the movies.

Of course, as I matured, I realised this wasn't the case and things weren't actually as simple as Shakespeare would have you believe- I began to realise that it was not only my fairytale view of life I had that made me different to others, firstly, I realised my mother did not love me like a mother loves her child, or how I would hope to love my own daughter, compared to Ross, I was nothing and no matter what I did, I wasn't good enough to please her. Not once was she proud of me, well, she never told me if she was and to replace her love I began to turn to food. Eating away like food was love, thinking that eating a cake would sooth the ache of not being looked at like they looked at Ross. It stared some sort of vicious cycle, the more that I ate, the more disappointed she grew and the more disappointed she was, the more I ate and... Well, you get the idea.

Of course, my compulsive eating set me aside from my classmates so I grew up without talking to many people so I did not learn the things most children learn, like kissing and sex and friendship, which ultimately led to my nativity lingering longer than most other children.

Anyway, I digress.

As I was originally saying, I thought that life was really that simple. But, I soon learnt it was not and lets face it- I've had my fair few romantic hiccups through life, haven't I? Well maybe that's an understatement, there aren't many people with my track record with dating is there?

Maybe it was my childhood naivety that made me so willing to fall in love and start a family, maybe it was the fact I so longed to become a mother that I would fall for these guys in the first place because lets face it, you can't make a baby without a dad. I really had a tough time with guys though, thinking so often I'd found 'the one' when really they were all wrong for me. Take Richard for example- I fell flat on my face in love with that man and he was the wrong guy, I see how unaware I was now but at the time, I thought that he was going to be the guy I married and loved forever.

Little did I know that my 'Mr Right' was underneath my nose for all those years. I'm sure you know who I'm talking about, right? None other than my best friend, Chandler Bing... I went from guy to guy and he went from girl to girl when all along the love of my life was sat beside me drinking coffee and laughing alongside me. In a way, it is a fairytale I think, just not a traditional one, is all.

So Chandler was my one true love and both of us thought 'hey, that's it, we're set', we thought we'd get married, have kids and that'd be it. Turns out though, fate was not that kind.

I have something the doctors call and 'inhospitable environment' which basically meant I couldn't have children- Chandler and I were devastated and here's were my naivety comes in again because I never even considered that infertility would affect Chandler and I. It was always a term to spice up a soap opera or an emotional episode of Days of Our Lives, it never occurred to me that this actually happens to people and it occurred even less that it could happen to me! I was mortified, I'd wanted children since I was a child, I expected it, I thought that it was simply a part of life and it came hand-in-hand with marriage and adulthood but alas no.

But we worked through it, Chandler and I. And though we shared many tears and talked for many hours, we managed to get through the drama with our relationship unscathed, which I'm grateful for, he means the world to me.

And now we have little Jack and Erica Bing in our lives, two little gems who I would not trade for the world, I try to be that mother I dreamt I'd be as a child, you know the sort, that mother everyone loves and wants as their own? Anyway, I wouldn't trade them for the world, they're my two perfect little angels (I use the term 'angels' loosely though, they're quite the pranksters thanks to Chandler...). And even though I love them with my whole heart and often forget I did not give birth to them, I still wanted a baby that looked like me and Chandler in our lives and secretly Chandler and I both wanted that. Imagining the looks of pleasure on our faces and we celebrated my pregnancy, dancing around and telling our friends, telling Jack and Erica about their new sibling and I'd generally go mad in the typical Monica fashion...

But, I'm reacting much different then I thought. Even after the speculation of me becoming pregnant, I never thought it would happen.

Yet, here I am. Sitting on the toilet seat in my spotless bathroom in the silent house (Chandler took the kids to get food and give me some quiet...) staring at the five positive pregnancy tests and I'm not moving. I'm happy; don't get me wrong but... I am absolutely terrified.

Before the twins came along, which was nearly five years ago believe it or not (time actually flies... they're growing up so fast it's unbelievable) Chandler and I talked to various doctors about options, we were told to go down the adoption route (which I'm so glad we did, I can't imagine not having Erica dancing around or Jack laughing every day) because I'm unlikely to conceive and on the off-chance I did, I may lose the baby at any point and would be putting the pair of us at great risk. And now that I'm pregnant, all those 'danger' and 'high risk' words are bouncing around inside me making me feel sick as a dog.

I don't know what to do? What if something goes wrong and I have to let the twins know they're not going to be big brothers and sisters?

I hear the door clicking closed and the familiar sound of my children running through the house (they run literally everywhere!) and Chandler calls my name.

Its a few seconds before I finally choke out "I'm in the bathroom," I still don't move, as if moving will somehow change things...

Chandler knocks on the door "are you okay?" he asks, his voice concerned slightly.

I grab the pregnancy tests and throw them in the bin underneath the tissue and slowly open the door, Chandler looks at me wide-eyed, he knows I've been crying.

"What's up?" Chandler asks me, touching my arm, I hear Jack and Erica laughing and I sigh.

"Can you send the twins to Ross and Rachel's, we need to talk?" I asked quietly, he nods slowly and frowns.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he says.

"Yeah, I-I just have to talk to you about something," I half-whisper.

"O-okay," Chandler nods before yelling "kids, get you're coats on you're staying with Uncle Ross tonight."

I smile at him slightly and retreat to our bedroom, I know I've scared him and his mind will be doing overtime in the way that only his mind can... I can tell by the look in his eyes he's assuming the worst. But this news is good, right? I mean, we're getting our baby... well, if he or she and I make it. I know there are lots of risks, I could never have an abortion though, no way on hell, I'm not saying people who do are bad people, its just my beliefs, and Chandler's too...

I'm scared and excited, I mean, I'm Monica, the girl who named her kids at fourteen, the girl who babysat since I was old enough and the girl who was naive about the world. But maybe that naivety will come in handy, maybe I can hold on to those childhood dreams and I do this...

Chandler walks into the room and I look at him.

"What's going on, honey, you've got me worried?" he says sweetly, sitting beside me on our large bed.

I take a deep breath "I'm pregnant."

~/~

Authors Note 2: So what do you think? I've seen and read so many stories where Monica gets pregnant and its all like 'Happy Days' and celebrating but when my mums best friend got pregnant via IVF and was a High-Risk, she barely moved and was frankly terrified and careful all the way through her pregnancy and this where I got the idea for Monica's reaction... If that makes any sense? In my eyes this is the way that Monica would react but what about Chandler? Hmmm...?

Once again, I'm sorry if there are any problems with grammar/spelling problems here... English is not my first language and though I try hard, some little words slip through the net and people are like 'huh?'

Drop me a little review and let me know what you think. Next chapter shouldn't be too far off.