PROLOGUE
One day, as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles decided to take a break from constantly fighting against their mortal enemy Shredder, Shredder used his opportunity to take over the animation world. Using his new position of power, he created a vicious new fighting tournament called "Cartoon Kombat" in the style and structure of Mortal Kombat.
Our contestants include:
Mario, egotistical king of Nintendo
Bender, copier of Kung Lao's hat
Mr. Game And Watch, a shadowy figure with a grudge against Mario
Mr. Freeze, a tragically armored sub-zero scientist seeking to avenge the death of his wife
Wolverine, Baraka's blade-fisted cousin from the X-Men crew
Spiderman, the agile spider superhero who has adopted a fighting style nearly identical to Scorpion's using his webbing as a grappling rope
Rocko, a vertically challenged anthropomorphic wallaby from the best cartoon ever who got struck by lightning and somehow got Raiden's thunder-god superpowers
CHAPTER 1: THE TOURNAMENT BEGINS
All of the contestants had just signed up for the Cartoon Kombat tournament. Mario, Rocko, Spiderman and Bender were eagerly awaiting their first fights in the lobby.
"So, I suppose-a some Nintendo characters are also allowed to enter the tournament?" Mario asked.
"I suppose so, mate." Rocko replied. "Say, speaking of which, did you know that I got my powers from being struck by lightning?"
"Oh my God!" Mario exclaimed. "You poor thing!"
"Aww, don't worry about it, things like this happen all the time. It's no big deal! Well, to me, anyway..." Bender teased them, chugging down a glass of beer and burping out his trademark fire.
"Hey, you're one to talk, Mr. Fedora-Wearing Atheist knucklehead!" Spiderman snapped angrily. "GET OVER HERE!"
"Hey, YOU SHUT UP, SPIDER BREATH!" Bender snapped back at Spiderman.
"Guys, guys, no fighting, all right?" Rocko encouraged them. "Can't we work this out in a nice and peaceful manner?"
"Friendship? Again?" Bender replied with confusion. "Are you kidding me?"
"Okay, guys, look." Mario explained. "We need a game plan here."
"I know! Let's beat up Spiderman and steal all his beer!" Bender yelled.
"I didn't even bring beer to this tournament, tin-can." Spiderman replied. "And before you start getting ideas, no, I didn't bring my wallet here either."
"Okay, okay, back on track, brothers!" Mario directed them back to the true subject at hand. "Geez...it's been one of those days."
Mario continued. "Okay, so, the-a game plan here is for one of us to work his way through the tournament and defeat the Shredder. Everybody understand?"
"Too complicated. Can you explain it again?" Bender asked.
"Bender, don't make me kill you." Spiderman said through clenched teeth.
Suddenly, a mysterious shadow leapt from the roof of one of the oriental temples surrounding the lobby.
"It's about time you learned who's boss, Mario." the shadow said tauntingly. "The Shredder, true to his name, will shred you into pieces!"
"I'd-a like-a to see-a him try." Mario taunted back.
"Your egotistical ridicule is in vain, as you will now feel my punishment." the shadow said ominously before lunging at Mario.
"Oh my god, Mario, do you need our help?" Rocko asked.
"I think I can handle this myself, but your help would be greatly appreciated." Mario said.
"No one can help you now!" the shadow taunted. "Prepare to die, mortal!"
"Actually, you know what, guys?" Mario clarified. "I think I should probably do this alone."
"Enough talk!" the shadow yelled. "Die, mortal!"
The shadow threw a firecracker at Mario. Mario fromtflipped through the air, narrowly avoiding the firecracker and drop-kicking the shadow in the face.
The shadow then turned its head into a diving helmet and attempted to headbutt Mario's skull in with it. Mario narrowly dodged the attack and followed through with a massive jumping uppercut attack followed by a dash kick and a quick flurry of punches and kicks.
The shadow attempted to counter the attack but failed miserably. It threw an axe at Mario's face and fled, disappearing into the shadows. The axe barely even touched Mario at all.
"Hmm..." Mario wondered while the scrape on his face was healing. "Something about that shadow looked and felt a bit too familiar..."
"Was it because it was Mr. Game And Watch?" Spiderman asked.
"Now that you mention it, yes." Mario answered.
"Was it because he had a deep personal grudge against you?" Rocko asked.
"That, too." Mario answered. "Anyway, let's just calm down and wait for the tournament to begin."
MEANWHILE...
"What incompetent fools these men are!" Game And Watch thought to himself. "They'll never find out who I am! HA! This will be excellent information to send to my Master, The Shredder!"
CHAPTER 2: FIRST BLOOD
Game And Watch returned to Shredder with news about the contestants, and the Cartoon Kombat tournament began. The first match was Spider-Man versus Wolverine.
As soon as the match began, Spiderman yelled "GET OVER HERE!" and shot out his webbing rope at Wolverine, pulling him in and uppercutting him.
"TOASTY!" Mickey Mouse said out of nowhere.
"You won't fool me this time, bub..." Wolverine taunted as Spiderman shot out his rope again; Wolverine used his lightning-fast reflexes to duck under the rope and almost slashed Spiderman in the face...however, Spiderman leapt out the nearest side of the screen and into the other side of the screen, punching the back of Wolverine's head while doing so.
"Why, you cheap little bastard! That's it! No more messing around! You messed with the wrong man, bub!" Wolverine said with rage as he swung his claws at Spiderman; he was permitted to do only one claw attack at a time.
Spiderman's spider sense made him incredibly hard to hit even though Wolverine otherwise clearly had the advantage, but Wolverine eventually defeated him through sheer willpower, rage and determination.
"FINISH HIM!" Shredder instructed through the intercom.
Wolverine used his claws to cut Spiderman's limbs off one by one, then cut Spiderman's head off and did a victory pose with the head still on his left-hand blades.
"Wolverine wins." Shredder announced. "FATALITY."
MEANWHILE...
Mr. Game And Watch and Mr. Freeze were ready for a match.
"I will avenge my wife and you will not stop me, you feeble-minded impostor." Mr. Freeze said.
"You think you can beat me?" Game And Watch laughed. "You know nothing of my power."
"Very well then." Mr. Freeze said. "Let the carnage begin in memory of my former self."
Mr. Freeze shot his freeze ray at Game And Watch, freezing him. Then, he kicked Game And Watch across the arena. Game And Watch had a few tricks up his sleeve, however. He clobbered Mr. Freeze with a baseball bat and threw a Koopa shell at him out of seemingly nowhere.
Mr. Freeze tried to fight back, but Game And Watch was just too unpredictable.
Mr. Freeze got torched by matches, smashed by hammers, bit by turtles, splashed by fishbowls, stabbed by keys, flipped by coins, nailed by toolboxes, you name it. And eventually he was all worn out.
"FINISH HIM!"
Mr. Game And Watch pounded Mr. Freeze into the ground with his hammer, then sliced his neck with a hacksaw and hit his head with a baseball bat, scoring a home run.
"Mr. Game And Watch wins. FATALITY."
MEANWHILE...
Rocko and Spongebob were ready for a fight.
"Ooo! Are you ready for some ka-ra-te? Ooo!" Spongebob taunted.
"You don't know the half of it, mate." Rocko said. "I've been waiting for this for a long time, and this sheer level of tension has been making my hairs stand straight up for days on end. Are you ready to see who the best really is! I'll show you, pal!"
"Very well then." Spongebob said, and the fight began.
"GIMME MY MONEY!" Rocko screamed randomly as he flew across the arena like Superman and tackled Spongebob all the way into the wall.
"Hey, no fair!" Spongebob yelled; he dashed forward and karate-jump-kicked Rocko in the face. Spongebob attempted to follow through with another karate jump kick, but Rocko teleported behind him, grabbed him and electrocuted him.
Rocko threw lightning bolts at Spongebob and Spongebob threw fireballs at Rocko; both of them ducked under the other's projectiles. Spongebob attempted another karate jump kick, but Rocko ducked under it and uppercutted him in the crotch.
"Being short has its advantages, you know." Rocko taunted. The two of them proceeded to engage in a frantic fistfight with each other, with Rocko finishing it with another Superman flight attack.
"ARE YOU FROM L. A.?!" Rocko screamed as he tackled Spongebob into the wall once again. It was all down to one last hit for both of them. Spongebob attempted to roundhouse-kick Rocko in the face just one more time, but he missed and got kicked in the stomach.
"FINISH HIM!"
"Okay, that is it! I've had it! I'm both sick and tired of being completely overshadowed by a freaking overrated sea sponge like you! There's only so much a wallaby can take! C'MERE!" Rocko yelled, charging into Spongebob and completely thrashing him with seemingly a hundred blows from his fists, feet and tail.
He finished the assault by grabbing Spongebob, channeling ten thousand volts of electric energy through his arms, and shaking him until he exploded.
"Rocko wins. FATALITY."
"I'm sorry, Spongebob." Rocko whispered.
MEANWHILE...
Mario found out that there was a new contestant in the tournament, one that he had been completely unaware of. It was Princess Peach!
"The reason I entered this tournament was to get you out of it." Peach explained. "You don't belong in such an awful tournament! Get out of here!"
"Peach, please don't worry about it!" Mario tried to explain. "No one actually dies in this tournament. It's like a videogame! Everyone respawns! Plus, I have extra lives anyway."
"Sorry, Mario, but it looks like you're gonna have to fight me." Peach said coldly. And so the fight began.
Mario threw a fireball at Peach, but Peach reflected it with her mirror and the fireball hit Mario in the face. She got out her parasol and whacked Mario with it; luckily, Mario was blocking.
He roundhouse-kicked Peach in the stomach with enough force to make her vomit and followed through with his signature jumping uppercut attack.
"TOASTY!" Mickey Mouse said out of nowhere again.
"Mario, I could've been pregnant when you did that!" Peach said, slapping Mario wildly.
"Peach, I don't want to do this, but if you insist..." Mario punched Peach in the face as many times as she slapped him, then kicked her in the shins and performed a backflip pile-drive maneuver on her, slamming her head-first into the ground.
"FINISH HER!"
Mario cartwheeled forward and used his hand power to set Peach's entire body on fire. He then jump-uppercutted her, knocking all the coins out of her and sending her careening into the spike pit down below the arena, where she was impaled on the spikes while burning.
"Mario wins. Nearly flawless victory. FATALITY."
"I'm sorry, Peach, but I can't say you didn't have that coming to you..." Mario whispered.
No one knew what had happened to Bender, but everyone said that he had gotten arrested for completely plagiarizing Kung Lao's trademark bladed hat weapon.
CHAPTER 3: MOVING UP THE RANKS
There were only four confirmed contestants remaining: Wolverine, Mr. Game And Watch, Rocko and Mario.
The next match was between Wolverine and Mr. Game And Watch.
"Who the hell are you, some kind of shadow?" Wolverine asked. "You sure as hell aren't beating me!"
Wolverine lunged at Mr. Game And Watch, but Game And Watch just tripped him over with a stick and smashed his skull in with a hammer, fishbowl, toolbox, wrench, baseball bat, golf club, tennis racket, you name it.
"FINISH HIM!"
While Wolverine was unconscious, Mr. Game And Watch juggled him, fried him on a pan, boiled him in a pot, ran him over with a car, and threw him off a cliff.
"Mr. Game And Watch wins. Flawless victory. FATALITY."
MEANWHILE...
Mario and Rocko were poised for a duel.
"As awesome as you are, Rocko, you can't beat me! It's-a-me, MARIO!" Mario bragged; the bragging was justified seeing as he was the only fighter in the tournament who could actually match both wits and fighting skill with Mr. Game And Watch.
"Don't get me wrong, my show IS actually pretty awesome." Rocko said. "But I have doubts about winning this one. May the best man win!"
"I'M FLYING WHEE!" Rocko screamed as he used his Superman move again; however, Mario blocked it and countered with a jumping uppercut.
Rocko shot lightning at Mario, electrocuting him and dealing a little bit of damage. However, it was to no avail.
Rocko teleported just in time to avoid Mario's dashing roundhouse kick attack, and his kangaroo-ish legs allowed him to backflip just far enough to avoid Mario's flying kick and jump uppercut.
"IRON MACARONI!" Rocko screamed as he flew forward and tackled Mario into the wall. Rocko then leaped up and swung his fist at Mario's face, but to no avail; Mario punched him in the fully exposed groin, causing Rocko to squeal like a woman. Mario then grabbed Rocko and threw him all the way across the room.
"NINTENDO WII!" Rocko screamed as he flew forward for what seemed like the millionth time; however, Mario countered with a roundhouse kick straight to the dead center of Rocko's cranium.
While Rocko was dizzied, Mario smashed him right on the toes with the Mario hammer, causing Rocko to clutch his foot and howl with pain.
"FINISH HIM!"
"I'm sorry I have to do this to such an adorable little guy, but I simply have no choice." Mario explained. He ate a Mega Mushroom and grew to giant size.
"Heh heh..." Rocko said nervously, drumming his hands together and almost wetting himself while doing so.
Rocko then proceeded to literally scream his entire brain out as Mario's enormous shoe descended onto him and utterly squashed him.
"Mario wins. FATALITY."
Mario wiped a tear from his eye and returned to normal size.
CHAPTER 4: THE DECISIVE BATTLE
The last standard match of the tournament was about to begin. Mario versus his greatest rival, Mr. Game And Watch. The suspense was high, and the battle took place in a castle dungeon with bottomless pits full of gigantic spiders.
"Are you ready for me?" Mario asked menacingly.
"You'd better believe that I'm gonna kill you..." Mr. Game And Watch growled even more menacingly.
Mr. Game And Watch charged forward and threw a football at Mario; Mario caught it and threw it back at him, hitting him in the stomach and knocking all the wind out of him.
While Mr. Game And Watch was regaining his breath, Mario dashed, thrashed him violently with a stream of punches and kicks, and slammed him into the ground.
Mr. Game And Watch whipped Mario with a jump rope, then sent a running bull at him. Mario used his magic cape to send the bull running straight back at Game And Watch, causing him to nearly pass out from trauma.
"FINISH HIM!"
"Wait! Don't kill me!" Mr. Game And Watch begged. "I've got a little secret I'd like to tell you!"
"What is it?" Mario asked.
"I AM YOUR BROTHER." Game And Watch replied.
"WHAT?!" Mario asked, bewildered.
"Yes. One day I went too far with my dwelling on my personal dislike toward you, and the pure hate turned me into this thing." Game And Watch explained.
"However, now that you've shown me the way, I'm becoming myself again!"
Mario watched in disbelief as Game And Watch transformed back into his former self. It was Luigi all along!
"Oh Luigi, my brother..." Mario and Luigi both cried as they ran up to each other and gave each other a brotherly hug.
But then Bowser suddenly crashed through the ceiling!
"Why'd you two idiots have to kidnap my princess?" Bowser asked, enraged. "You two ruined my plan! Prepare to die!" Bowser charged straight at them.
Bowser punched Luigi in the face, sending him flying.
"LUIGI!" Mario yelled, charging into Bowser and thrashing him wildly in a fit of rage.
"Is that all you got, plumber?" Bowser ridiculed him, knocking him out with sleep gas. "I'll show you REAL power!"
Just as Bowser was closing his eyes for the ultimate fire-breathing attack, Luigi leapt in, grabbed Mario, and uppercut-jumped 10 feet into the air.
While in midair, he flipped upside down and landed right on Bowser's head with his fist, striking right in between the horns.
Luigi gently set down Mario beside him and backflipped, narrowly avoiding Bowser's claw swipe. He then frontflipped over Bowser's shell slide attack and jump-kicked him in the face.
Bowser and Luigi both charged up their ultimate fire attacks and released them. Bowser's massive stream of orange fire met with Luigi's equally massive stream of green fire.
Luigi's sheer willpower and determination gave him the force to push through Bowser's fire barrier, giving Bowser nasty third-degree burns.
Luigi then slipped right in between Bowser's claws and jump-uppercutted him right in the jaw so hard that Bowser toppled over onto the ground belly-up.
"TOASTY!"
He then jumped onto Bowser's belly and punched him in the face so brutally and so many times that Bowser's brain could no longer function properly.
"FINISH HIM!"
First, Luigi tickled Bowser half to death, starting with Bowser's belly and sides and finishing with Bowser's ultimate weak point: the bare soles of his feet.
"NO! NOT THE FEET! TOO SENSITIVE! TOO TICKLISH! AAAAA!" Bowser screamed with laughter before crying tears of laughter and eventually fainting from loss of breath due to how hard he was laughing.
Next, Luigi grabbed Bowser by the tail, swung him around in a circle, and threw him into a bottomless pit. Bowser was completely mauled and eaten by the thousands of giant spiders living in the pit.
A few seconds later, one of the spiders crawled up out of the pit and tossed Bowser's completely skinless and meatless skeletal corpse onto the arena before crawling back down into the pit.
Luigi added the finishing touch by setting Bowser's skeletal remains on fire and giving the audience his trademark death stare.
"Luigi wins. Badass victory. FATALITY."
"Oh my god, Luigi, I can't believe how much I've underestimated you all these years!" Mario said, overjoyed. "That was so freaking badass! You might actually be an even better fighter than I am!" Luigi rolled his eyes at this remark.
"Come on, Luigi, let's proceed to the final battle against Shredder!" Mario encouraged him.
"Let's go back to the tournament lobby and prepare first, okay?" Luigi asked.
"Okey-dokey." Mario answered.
THEY EXIT.
CHAPTER 5: THE FINAL FIGHT
Mario and Luigi took a break at the tournament lobby in preparation for the final battle against Shredder, receiving encouragement from all of their formerly deceased fellow contestants.
"Give him hell!" Wolverine encouraged them.
"Be careful." Spiderman warned them.
"Don't let me down!" Rocko begged them. "I'm counting on you!"
"I'm sorry, Mario." Peach apologized. "Just...kill him for me, okay? Pretty please?"
"Revenge is a dish best served cold." Mr. Freeze explained.
"Kick his armored butt! HEE-YAH! OOO!" Spongebob yelled in stereotypical Liu Kang fashion.
And so Mario and Luigi headed out to the Shredder's Shao Kahn inspired arena on top of Shredder Mountain, awaiting the championship match. Soon, they reached the arena and were harshly greeted by Shredder.
"Two on one?" Shredder laughed. "Don't make me laugh. It'll take more than two of you imbeciles to defeat ME, and you will only be able to fight me one at a time. You will die, mortals. Feel the wrath of Shredder!"
Shredder leapt from his throne and began the fight. He immediately shoulder-charged straight into Luigi, slamming his shoulder spikes into Luigi and sending him reeling backward.
"You suck!" Shredder taunted Luigi. As Shredder was taunting him, Luigi leapt toward him and bicycle-kicked him in the face just like Liu Kang. He followed through with a backflip and a midair drop kick.
"Is that your best?" Shredder laughed, knocking Luigi all the way across the arena with a single kick and slashing him with his arm blades. He then shot lasers out of his eyes; luckily, Luigi ducked just in time for an uppercut.
"TOASTY!"
"You are nothing." Shredder taunted, jamming his spiked knee into Luigi's crotch and stomach.
"FINISH HIM!"
First, Shredder punched Luigi's head clean off. Then, he tore Luigi's arms off and fed them to his vicious pet wolves. Then, he ripped Luigi's heart out, threw it onto the ground, and stomped on it. Last but not least, he tore one of Luigi's legs off and started beating his already dead body with it.
"I win. FATALITY."
"LUIGI!" Mario screamed with rage, jumping onto the arena.
"GET THE **** OVER HERE!" Mario screamed, throwing his Piranha Plant rope at Shredder and reeling him in for a flaming super-jump uppercut (TOASTY!) followed by two midair roundhouse kicks and a flurry of punches and kicks to the face.
Backflipping over Shredder's shoulder-charge and ducking under his blade punch, Mario uppercutted Shredder into the air yet again, charged toward him, and beat him senseless as he tried to fight back.
As Shredder desperately tried to drop-kick him, Mario slid under him and delivered the final blow with an armor-piercing punch to the groin.
"FINISH ME!"
Mario froze Shredder with his Ice Flower ability, used his hammer to crack the ice, then put on his Tanooki Suit, leapt into the air, transformed into a statue, and landed on top of the ice, shattering it into a million pieces.
"I win. Flawless victory. FATALITY."
The tournament ended right then and there. Shredder's rule was over, and Mario was now the supreme Cartoon Kombat warrior. The world of animation was at peace, and Mario had shown Luigi what being a hero was really all about.
Mario and Luigi returned to the Mushroom Kingdom.
Peach and Bowser returned to their respective castles.
Shredder and Spiderman returned to New York City.
Bender's current whereabouts are unknown, but he's probably in jail somewhere.
Rocko returned to O-Town as a beloved and godlike superhero.
Spongebob returned to Bikini Bottom and was praised for his bravery in at least trying to get past the first round.
Wolverine returned to the X-Men headquarters.
All was at peace (except for the villains, of course). THE END