Preface

As I look at the reflection in the mirror, of a girl I use to know. I wonder where she went wrong. This girl can't feel the pain that was inflected upon her day after day. This girl does not hear anything but background noises. She is covered in bruises head to toe, some where so deep that no cover up can ever make them disappear. She is just a plain Jane, even lower. With her straight brown hair and brown eyes, she new there was nothing special about her and she would be like this for the rest of her life or when death over comes her. I just hope that death comes quick and pain free.

Chapter One:

As I walk out of the plane, just rudely awaken from my deep slumber. Unfortunately I was trying to find the Chief of police in Forks, Charlie Swan aka my father, aka my own personal monster from my nightmares.

I was coming back to Forks to not visit and go home after a summer of hell, but to live here it was because my mother and step father died in tragic car accident that left me scarred. Least I only I have to stay here till I turn eighteen I can't wait for that day when I can start a new life, but it is two years away from now, great.

A rough hand came and clamped down on my upper arm.

"Where the hell have you been?" Charlie whisper yelled in my ear.

"On a plane" I said in a duh tone. Oops maybe I shouldn't of done that, I'm going to get it now.

"Really I thought you were running here!! Of course you were on a fucking plane that landed half and hour ago. What were you doing?" was I really daydream for that long?

"Well...ell you see I couldn't find you" I started stutter as his hands grips harder on my arm. I'm defiantly getting a bruise afterwards, one of the many to come.

"Well I have things to do, so get your shit and let's go" he finally lets go of my arm, I know that this was not the end of it and I will get my punishment when there were no witnesses to see. I get my one suitcase and travel to the police cruiser waiting outside for us. Oh this is going to be fun. I thought sarcastically.

Not one word was uttered in the car drive home.

I entertained myself by looking dulling outside the window. No entertainment there. As I was just about to look to measure how angry Charlie was, I saw a flash of white and bronze go by. It musted had been my imagination because as I went to look back to see it, there was nothing.

We pulled up to an old beat up house. Charlie really has let this place go, it use to look so beautiful and cute when he and Renee were together. It just got down hill after they got divorced when I was 2 yrs old. I remember my first summer visiting Charlie. I was 5 and we had allot of fun, going fishing, watching cartoons early on a Saturday morning while he made the usual bacon and eggs.

This continued until I turned 13, that's the day Charlie started drinking and when I started to look like my mother. I knew he always had a drinking problem but he always hid it –very poorly– when I was visiting. Something must have snapped when he saw me that year.

On the first night when my plane landed, he picked me up and not said a word on the drive home, when we got home he shoved my bags into my room and with a grunt told me that he would be back later. That was the night when Charlie started to hit me. I got in trouble for the most insane things like my room was to messy when I had nothing on the floor or the clothes were to dirty and smelled, when they were clean with the scent of lavender.

I started to resent coming to visit him and begged Renee not to go back, but she didn't care as she was in a daze with her new boyfriend Phil. Phil was okay kind of guy, just a little too young for my mum. Renee didn't care, she was in love.

The worst I got from Charlie was when I went to visit him when I was 16 a couple of weeks ago. My birthday was coming and decided to give me an early present. I just assumed that it was like all the other presents that were so delightful to receive like the beating or actually eating for that night. This was much worst.

Start of Flash Back:

I sat across from Charlie while he ate the steak and mashed potatoes that I had prepared earlier for his tea. Tonight he kept giving me sly smiles and a mischief grin. I knew this wasn't good.

He pushed his empty plate with his knife and fork on top in front of him and crossed his hands in front of him, sitting and glaring at me. I went to stand up and clean off the table when he interrupted me.

"Bella sit" he said in a firm and threatening voice. I did as he commands, to frighten to do otherwise. "I got a special birthday gift for you tonight" he said with a sly smile. He looked down to his hands and a back at me under his lashes with an evil smile on his face. "After you clean up this piece of crap you call dinner, return to room to wait for my-your present" he quickly try to hide his mistake but it was too late I knew this wasn't a present where I smile.

I slowly as possible clean up the table, prolonging the torture that was to begin

"Bella!! Hurry up and stop wasting time!" he yelled. He walked away and I could see the bulge in his trousers. I gulped when I notice that I didn't have anything to clean. I knew that if I didn't go upstairs soon he will come down and drag me up by my hair, literally.

I walked up the stairs, growing grimmer with each step, silent tears run down my cheek. What did I do to deserve this?

I finally reach the door way of my bedroom, no one was there. I was hoping that Charlie went to his room and passed out. I went to my cupboard to grab pj's for a quick shower, when I heard my door slam and the lock click. Before I could turn around, Charlie came from behind the door, grabbed my arm and threw me down on to the floor, all the while undoing his belt with a evil smile that will haunt my dreams forever.

End of Flash Back

That night was the first time I was raped by my father and my first time. I didn't really care how I lost my virginity; I was a simple girl I wouldn't care if I lost it in the back of a Volvo, (sorry I had to ha-ha) but I knew that I didn't want to loose it like that.

"Will you get your pathetic ass out of my car before you stink it up!" Charlie commanded. I didn't realise that I was day dreaming for that long.

I quickly got out of the car and received my bags from the trunk, Charlie already inside not caring; you could here the baseball game from here. When I was inside with door closed, I was greeted with a hard slap to the face. Automatically my hand went to my burning cheek; I knew there was going to be a bruise the next day. "Dinner better be one the table in 30 minutes and you should pray to what ever god up there that my team wins or there will be hell to be payed"

I silent and quickly turned away from him and walked towards the kitchen, only tripping twice, he laughed every time I tripped. When I was in the kitchen I let the tears escape my eyes. I didn't have time to cry tho, so I made my way to the fridge to see what I have that I could use. My face turned grim when I saw we didn't have much. I checked the cupboards and resulted to making simple and easy spaghetti.

30 mins later Charlie walked in the kitchen just as I place the plate of food down, he sat with a expression of anger and hate. He took a bite of my spaghetti. He sat for a minute savouring it.

"You're just like your mother!! You can't cook for shit and when you do cook something eatable, it's the easiest fucking thing someone can cook, a fucking 5 yr old could cook this!!" I flinched away from him; I knew that I wouldn't be getting anything to eat.

When he was finish he dumped the plate in the sink and walked to the lounge room with one last grunt.

I quickly cleaned up the kitchen to the best I could.

"Oh and Bella, you start school tomorrow" Charlie yelled from the living room.

I heave a heavy sigh. I never fitted in school. I was bullied, abused and had things thrown at me, what a great place to be.

I walked grimly to my room and lied down on my bed. I put the headphones from my iPod in and listen to Calendar Girl by Stars. I was about a minute and half throw the song when they were ripped from ears. Above me I had Charlie over me already half naked with an evil smile. I could smell the alcohol coming of in waves from him.

"They lost, poor you" his smile just got even bigger. Let the nightmare begin.

As Charlie stood up, pulled his pants back on and left my room, slamming the door when he left, leaving me naked, bleeding and bruised on the bed. I remember to the song I was listening to and sang to my self looking out the window.

"I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky
And said whoever is up there, please don't let me die
But I can't live forever, I can't always breath"

I sang while letting the tears of my shame and sadness go. I fell into a calming darkness that I knew wouldn't last forever.