Disclaimer: Faking It and its characters don't belong to me in any way.
A/N: I regret nothing. Also, not as depressing as it sounds, I promise.
The chanting doesn't bother her. Not really. Mostly she finds it childish and maybe a little sweet, when certain people are doing it. Shane for example, he has a good heart and it's in the right place, but if Amy thinks about it too long she gets annoyed. Because really this is all his fault anyway. He was the instigator in this whole thing and she and Karma just kind of went along with it like the idiots they are. Because they both want out of the black shadow of obscurity and this ray of rainbow light had shone down on them like a sign from God or something.
Of course that had been before Amy had kissed Karma and thrown her own life into the metaphorical tumble drier. And now she spends about eighty percent of her time with her friend feeling too hot and like her world is being turned upside down. She doesn't like being confused, about anything, and she's never been confused about Karma before. She's always been the one thing Amy is sure about, even when she's hatching nefarious schemes to obtain popularity (because it really doesn't get much more nefarious than pretending to be blind. Except for maybe pretending to be gay.).
Maybe it's because Karma always seems so sure herself. Always so certain that this new plan to climb the social ladder will work or that no, the neighbour who has too many cats to count won't possibly miss the little black kitten that wandered into your yard and really, she doesn't even look after them properly anyway. Only the woman had noticed the cat was missing and this new little plan of lesbianism seems to be working a little too well.
Because Amy keeps forgetting it isn't real, that they aren't actually a couple, and she's starting to break out in hives whenever something startles her into remembering.
And she's never thought she'd be the jealous type, but if Karma says one more word about Liam from across the lunch table, Amy might just hulk-out and flip the thing on its side.
"His lips are so soft. Seriously. And he's just so... Sweet. You know?" Her knuckles turn white against the fork she's gripping and she shoves the fries she'd skewered onto the prongs into her mouth before she can say anything. She smiles around the mouthful instead.
"Laaadies." Shane drawls, appearing out of nowhere like Barbara Eden and sitting himself down beside Karma on the opposite side of the table from Amy. "How is my favourite couple after NPH and David Burtka doing on this fine Friday?" Karma glances over it him with wide eyes and Amy knows she's panicking about how much of her Ode to Liam he might have heard.
"Peachy." Amy says around her mouthful, swallowing her food and throwing him a strained smile. Her life is made up of half truths and lies and nothing about this was supposed to be difficult. That was the point. They were basically in a relationship that was better than most married people (and somewhat the same in the lack of any romantic activities) and Karma had convince her that it would be a cake walk. Only now there was kissing and hand holding and one idiot in the hallway had joked about scissoring and Amy had almost punched him out.
Which is another startling development because she isn't usually the violent type.
And maybe it's the dreams that are setting her on edge. Because she sure as shit hasn't had dreams like this before and they definitely have never involved Karma. In so few clothes.
She blinks a few times in rapid succession and when her vision clears Shane is staring at her expectantly.
"Sorry, what?" She asks and he rolls his eyes with an indulgent smile.
"I wanted to know if you had plans this weekend. Party at my place." He says with a waggle of his eyebrows and a lilt to his voice as though the idea of a party is something she can't refuse. Which is true, but that's only because she can tell by the way Karma is smiling that she'd already said yes while Amy was lost in the dilapidated storage room her mind has become and she can't say no to her.
Something that is rapidly becoming the bane of her existence. Honestly she's surprised that didn't happen sooner.
"Plans?" She asks and it sounds like she's stalling and Karma is looking at her like she knows she is. And she makes her eyes do that dumb puppy dog thing that Amy is a total sucker for and always has been. "No." She finally says, swallowing down her sigh. "No plans."
"Fabulous." Shane grins at her and steals a fry as Karma reaches across the table and tangles theirs fingers together in a show of couple-y intimacy. And she fights the urge to pull away because that's exactly what it is, a show, and she sinks into the warmth of Karma's hand in hers instead.
She is so, so screwed.
Shane's house is packed to the rafters with writhing teenage bodies and as Amy squeezes through the hallway with Karma's hand gripped tightly in hers so as not to lose her in the mess, she wonders if his parents are here somewhere or if they're on some kind of permanent vacation. Her 'parents' (which, ugh, she so doesn't want to think about) would have a fit if they saw this, and how often it went on, so she can't help but be curious about whether or not they know what's going on in their living room right now. On in their stairwell. Or the kitchen.
"They're everywhere." She yells back to Karma and feels the girl's free hand wrap around the one Amy is using to grip the other.
"You're talking about them like a plague again." She calls back with a laugh and Amy chuckles derisively as they pass by the head of the chess club who has a football player plastered against the wall and appears to be holding him there with nothing but her lips.
"Well their rampant sexuality seems to be spreading like one." They make their way into the living room and Amy makes for the vacated couch, dropping down onto it as if she intends to spend the rest of the evening there. Karma sits beside her, pulling up her legs and bending them at the knee as she shuffles around to face Amy.
"You realise that you're a teenager right? Not a seventy year old grandmother?" Amy doesn't dignify the question with a response and Karma tugs on the hand she still has caught between both of her own. "Teenagers are supposed to be dominated by their hormones. It's how we're wired." Amy's eyes widen in a way that says "yeah, no kidding" because really, she's starting to understand that.
They sit for a while and watch the people surrounding them, until Karma spots Liam hanging out by the punch bowl and then she's standing, disentangling their hands as she goes.
"I'll go get us something to drink." Amy gives her a half-hearted mock salute and watches her walk away. Her eyes linger where they shouldn't and she can't help but notice how good Karma looks tonight. She always looks good of course, but there's something extra there tonight. Confidence or more eye-liner than usual or something, Amy can't quite put her finger on it. So she stops trying and just appreciates it, even though she knows she shouldn't.
Her life has become a clusterfuck of things she shouldn't be doing or feeling and it's starting to exhaust her. Maybe she'll fake sick next week and spend it sleeping off the sudden surge of lesbianism she's feeling. Sleep solves all of life's problems, right?
She can't help but watch as Karma approaches Liam, bypassing the punch entirely, and proceeds to be thoroughly engrossed in whatever he's saying to her. She can hear her fake laugh from across the room, even over the music and hectic jabber of the people. It's like nails on a chalkboard and she winces against the sound of it.
"You look melancholy." Shane has materialised beside her again, she didn't even feel his weight dip the couch.
"Oh my god, you're like a ninja." He just grins at the sound of her annoyance.
"With a tremendous flair for fashion." She can't really argue with him there, is pretty sure he could rock the potato sack look while dubbing it dumpster chic or something. "But really, I can't allow you to look so sad. It's infectious. You'll spread." He's smiling and she does her best to return it, but it doesn't quite meet her eyes. His falls and Amy feels inexplicably guilty. And tired. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. "Trouble in paradise?" He's far too insightful sometimes, considering he mistook them for a couple.
"What? No. We're good." She brushes it off with a laugh that's too loud but it's beyond her control. She's shifting into auto pilot more and more these days, just acting without thinking. Relying on her gut instinct is the only way she can get through most things lately. It's a good thing her gut usually picks the right option. "I'm just tired." His eyebrows rise and she can feel the comment coming but isn't quick enough to cut him off.
"Did someone keep you up all night?" He clicks his tongue, feigning reproval, and you swallow against the panic that abruptly swells in your chest. Because he's not exactly wrong; Karma had kept her up, she just hadn't actually been there with Amy at the time. And she's spent the majority of the day trying to forget the dream that had been altogether too real and the thoughts that hadn't let her brain shut off after she'd woken at around three-thirty that morning, a thin sheen of sweat coating her body and an unfamiliar ache between her thighs.
And she's not stupid or naive, she knows what it means. Knows how arousal works. But she's never really felt it before and having it attached to Karma like that had made her brain short-circuit. It still hasn't recovered. Probably because she can't stop thinking about the feel of soft, bare skin against her. The feel of silky hair between her fingers as she tugged on it and how a shiver had rocked along her spine in the wake of slender fingers. The way Karma had smiled against the flesh of her inner thigh.
She echoes the shiver, then clutches the seat cushion of the couch in a death grip.
"Studying." She says simply and prays he'll leave it alone. He does, then makes small talk with her for a little while longer before a cute guy in tight jeans pulls his attention away and then she's alone again in a room full of people.
Her eyes search for Karma and find her easily, now clutching two cups of fruity liquid and smiling at Liam as she edges away. She bats her eyelashes at him and Amy sees her mouth goodbye, which gives her time to look away before Karma turns and makes her way back to the couch. She looks up again once Karma's made it back, taking the preferred red plastic cup as the girl bounces down beside her.
"He says we look totally hot together tonight." Amy resist the eye roll pulling at her because really, they're going to disappear into the back of her head if she carried on at this frequency, and takes a swig of the drink. Before promptly spitting it back into the cup, face twisted in disgust.
"Oh my god did they make this out of paint stripper?" Karma looks down into her own cup and sniffs it before taking an experimental sip. Her lips purse but she swallows.
"Spiked." She takes another drink and Amy stares at her.
"Are you seriously going to drink that?" Karma looks at her over the lip of her cup as she continues. "I'm not holding your hair back while you puke all night. Again." Karma scoffs and drops the cup until she's holding it on her lap.
"Yes you will, because you love me." She's teasing, no different than the literal thousands of times she's teased before except now it makes Amy's gut knot unpleasantly. She leans into Amy then, resting her cheek on the other girl's shoulder and tangling the fingers of their free hand atop the blonde's thigh, and Amy's sigh is swallowed by the crowd of teenagers.
She's always enjoyed their closeness, revelled in it even, and it isn't as if she doesn't enjoy it anymore. She just maybe enjoys it a little more than she should. The dream floats back to her and okay, maybe a lot more than she should.
God, this is all Shane's fault. She feels like punching him. Anyone, anything. A wall would do.
"Do you think he likes me?" Amy sighs again and lets her head loll to one side until her cheek is pressed to Karma's hair.
"Well he kissed you, so probably." She remarks dryly and then, a little softer, "Besides, how could he not? You're pretty and smart and awesome." She pulls back and lifts her head until she's looking at Amy, a smile that's so much more real than the one she was flashing Liam curving her lips. They stare at each other for a handful of heart beats, until Amy is sure hers is going to beat right out of her chest, and then Karma is taking the cup out of her hand and placing them on the coffee table. Then she stands and holds her hands out. Amy stares at them. Karma wiggles her fingers impatiently.
"Is this part of the sign language I somehow missed?" It's Karma's turn to roll her eyes then and she finally reaches down and grabs Amy's hands, hauling her to her feet.
"We're going to dance." Amy baulks a little but lets herself be led.
"Okay but if you really insist on allowing that into your body, you're going to get a new drink. I'm not risking you being roofied." Karma sticks her tongue out and then Amy is being surrounded on all sides by bodies. Some stand and awkwardly bob their head to the music, others are full out grinding on one another. There doesn't seem to be any kind of middle ground. Karma lifts her hands and begins instructing her in the art of dancing without actually moving too much.
"Oh good," Amy jumps, startled, and for the love of Prada it's Shane again. She's going to put a bell on him. "I was afraid I was going to have to drag you both over here myself." He's dancing with tight jeans guy whose hands are lightly gripping Shane at the waist. Amy feel Karma's hands slip from hers to mirror the position, leaving Amy's to hang awkwardly until she gently loops them around her friend's neck. "Your public doesn't like to be kept waiting." He gives them both a wink then before moving on.
"Our public." Karma giggles at Amy and she smiles, because really it's kind of funny that this has become such a big deal. They're Hester High's cutest couple, which would be awesome if it was even half true.
Well, maybe it is half true.
Amy lets her head fall until their foreheads press and Karma rubs their noses together. It's so familiar, except for the pain it causes her. Deep inside her chest, curling behind her ribcage like a wounded animal. They're dancing too slow for the music and Amy wonders if it looks as romantic as she thinks it feels. Karma's hands are a slow burn at her hips and she can feel warmth breath against her lips.
"I love you." She whispers before she can stop herself and panic seizes her the instant the words leave her mouth. Her eyes pop open, though she isn't sure when exactly they closed, and then she's staring down into Karma's smiling face. All at once there is calm and turmoil, because she can see it coming.
"I love you too, Aims." And there's nothing she can do to stop it or the way her heart sinks into her stomach as if pulled there by a noose made out of barbed wire. Because it's everything she wants and yet nothing like it at the same time and it hurts like nothing involving Karma ever has before. They're best friends and it's always been awesome and easy. She's the best thing in Amy's life. And Amy can't help but want her to be more.
The revelation, the full true weight of it, hits her like a truck and for an eternal moment she's too dazed to hear the chanting that has begun.
And really, it doesn't usually bother her. They can scream "kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" at them until they're blue in the face and she takes it in stride. She can put on a show for them, for Karma. But right now, she feels inexplicably claustrophobic and her best friend's face is inching closer and Amy can't breathe. Because she wants this.
She wants this.
The electric spark that inevitably accompanies the press of Karma's lips against hers jolts Amy into action and then she's pulling away like she's been, well, shocked. She's angry and confused and heartbroken and something must show on her face because Karma's expression falls into sad shadows and she's reaching out for Amy, concerned, but the blonde is already reeling backwards away from her. And she doesn't care that everyone is watching, likely as confused as Karma. All she gives a shit about it getting out of that room and away from the attention that is suffocating her. Away from Karma, whose presence squeezes her heart until it bleeds.
She doesn't look up at anyone as she pushes her way through the crowd and finds the doorway blocked by a wall of bodies. Eyes wide, she turns to find another exit but is met with only the staircase. Tears sting her eyes as her foot hits the first step and then she's flying towards the second floor, praying that her memory is right. By the time she's at the top the tears are in free flow and she stumbles into the bathroom through the door on the left and slams it behind her, falling back against it with a strangled sob.
She crumples then, legs giving underneath her, and slides down the surface of the door and onto the tiled floor. The sobs turn uncontrollable, like the rest of her life, and her entire body trembles with the force of them. She feels lost, desperate, totally confused by the knowledge of what she wants. There's a clock on the wall and she counts the seconds as they tick by, focusing on the sound and trying to calm her heart enough so it at least matches the beat. She makes it to fifty-three before there's a knock at the door.
"Amy? Are you in there?" She closes her eyes as Karma's voice drifts in and bites her lip against the urge to answer. She's never been good at ignoring the other girl, for any reason. "A bunch of people said they saw you come in here, I know you're there Amy. Please open the door?" The thing about Karma is that she never makes Amy feel like she doesn't have a choice. With every harebrained scheme over the years, Amy has never once felt she was unable to say no. She isn't one of those friends that assumes you'll just go along with whatever she suggests, Amy's opinion has always mattered. This time has been a little more unusual than most, Karma is so desperate to be noticed by the school population, by Liam, that Amy's felt helpless. Like she's being towed along without thought. And maybe it's because of what she's feeling, things that Karma obviously isn't, maybe that's the difference. She doesn't know and sitting on the cold tile floor of her gay friend's bathroom, it doesn't seem to matter right then either. "Amy, please." Karma sounds genuinely scared now and her voice tugs Amy into standing. Convinces her to unlock the door, and then they're face to face again.
Karma takes in the sight of her tear-streaked face and watery red eyes and her expression crumples just like Amy's body had. She pushes Amy backward into the bathroom with a hand on her stomach and her muscles tense under the touch, but she lets herself be moved anyway. The door is closed and locked again and when Karma turns to face her Amy can see the beginning of tears starting to make her own eyes shine.
"What was that?" She asks, voice tremulous and close to some kind of hysteria.
"Nothing." The response is automatic and sounds exactly as fake as it is. Hurt flashes across Karma's face.
"Don't lie to me." She says, tone grave and serious. "We don't do that." And Amy can't help herself; she laughs. Short and bitter.
"That's all we do lately!" Karma looks like she just slapped her and Amy feels remorseful, but it's the truth. Especially in her case. "The entire school and my parents think we're a couple, Karma!" She's shouting, she can hear it, but she can't seem to control the volume of her voice or the words leaving her. "And we're not, we're not even close, and you spend all your time just trying to get Liam to pay like a second of attention to you and you're using me to do it and-"
"Amy!" Karma yells, and she never yells, so just the idea of it would be enough to cut Amy off. She stops, draws her lower lip between her teeth and bites down. The brunette takes a deep, shaky breath and runs her fingers through her hair as if whatever she's going to say next might be hiding in there. And maybe it is because then she's speaking again. "Look, if it's upsetting you this much then why don't we just stop-" The grip Amy has on her lip suddenly loosens and the words are flying from between them before she can even think that maybe they shouldn't be said.
"I don't want to stop!" It's loud and raw and breaks something inside her that already only had a tenuous connection at best. But now it's shattered and it lies in pieces on the cool tile floor as silence, vast and deafening, rises up to meet them. It's so quiet they'd be able to hear one of Shane's cufflinks drop. Amy's eyes flutter shut for a heartbeat, defeated, then open again. A sad smile curves her lips and Karma is staring at her with wide eyes, as if she just told her she was becoming a stripper to pay for her coke addiction. Surprised and utterly befuddled. And briefly Amy thinks about back peddling. Finding something to say that would be a suitable excuse for her words, another lie built on a lie, but she's so tired. She's never been good at lying and she doesn't know how she's made it this long without snapping.
But maybe allowing things to go this far was the first crack, every kiss she's let happen has been another fissure in the surface of this whole mess. Because it's been made readily apparent to her that whatever she's feeling for Karma (and she knows what it is, she does,) has been there for a long time. Burning low beneath the surface. She wonders if she'd still be oblivious without the spark of that first kiss to ignite it, but that's probably a pointless thing to think about this far down the road. So she decides, since she is so far down, she might as well keep going.
"That's the problem." She sighs, avoiding Karma's eyes, and she shuffles her feet until she's leaning with her back against the sinks, arms folded across her chest. "I don't want to fake it anymore because..." She pauses long enough to lick her lips, slowly, like she's processing all potential words. Because this is important and real and terrifying.
And she knows Karma well enough to know she won't freak and run out of the bathroom screaming, but nerves still tear at her stomach with its metal claws and she keeps forgetting how to breathe. They've been best friends since she was old enough to say the words and she's scared, of course she's scared, but not enough to keep choking it back.
"Because it's too real for me now." She admits on the tailwind of a long exhale and she finally looks at Karma to find the girl's expression largely unchanged, though perhaps a little softer around the edges. "I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with you." Amy's arm muscles twitch reflexively but it's like a weight has been lifted. "And I feel like I've been lying to you and I hate that." Karma's face shifts then, like just the word "lying" hurts her and guilt tugs forcefully at Amy's heart. "And I'm sorry okay?" She adds, quickly, tears threatening again. They sting her eyes and make her nose tingle. She lifts a hand to rub it. "I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen." She wipes angrily at her face and her fingers come away wet. "I've tried fighting it," she drops her arms and grips the edge of the sink, "but this must be how Johnny Depp feels about Jack Sparrow, you know?" It's the first comparison that comes to her and she doesn't allow herself much time to think about it. "He really needs to stay away and he knows he should stop but he can't leave it alone. Because... It's part of him now. Ingrained. And he can't change it or make him go away." Her voice catches towards the end and the lump in her throat makes it hard to swallow. She isn't sure what else to say and so she falls silent, staring at Karma even as something inside is begging her to look away. But she needs to know, needs to see Karma's face to know how she's taking this. Really taking it. Because Amy can spot Karma faking it a mile away.
"Are you seriously comparing me to a drunk Disney pirate right now?" Karma says after a very long, very pregnant pause and the breath Amy had been holding rushes from her then. She almost manages a laugh.
"Not exactly." Karma smiles at her and it's like Amy's entire being just thaws. She sniffles and wipes at her eyes again, waiting for Karma to say something else. Because she's all out and, frankly, could use a lie down. But Karma doesn't say anything.
She just takes one step closer, then another, and another until they're almost toe to toe and Amy is trying not to indent her spine with the sink. Karma looks at her then, really looks at her, before lifting her hands to wipe away the dampness under Amy's eyes. And Amy can't remember how to think anymore. She's just floating, has been reduce to simply existing, and part of her is just fine with that. There's less stress involved, though the way her palms are sweating remains a lingering reminder.
And then Karma's pressing against her and Amy is suddenly thrown back down to earth with all the force of worldwide quake.
"What are you-"
"Kiss me." Karma interrupts and Amy cranes her head back and stares at the girl like she's randomly grown a second one. Karma isn't cruel, she's incapable of it, and Amy has to remind herself of that for the first time in her life because her request doesn't make sense. "Kiss me like you mean it." And she isn't given time to voice any kind of response, because Karma's body is flush against hers and her lips are just as warm and soft and Amy remembers.
Her fingers clutch at the porcelain of the sink and her eyes close without her bidding. It's just a firm pressure, nothing more, it doesn't even rival the kiss in the auditorium and there's plenty of time to pull away, for Amy to stop this before it can start again.
But she doesn't want to. She's so sick of tossing an anvil onto her feelings to try and keep them down. And then there's the fact that yeah, she can't say no to Karma.
So she doesn't.
Instead she parts her lips and draws the other girl closer without putting so much as a finger on her. She sighs, she can't help it, and finally just lets herself go.
She sweeps her tongue into Karma's mouth, slow but unyielding, and her hands release the sink of the death grip she'd had it in before moving to rest on her best friend's hips. And it's like the motion is a catalyst for something, because she feels Karma's tongue brush back against her own and hears something like a whimper spill out, and then she's really, totally, truly lost.
Amy tugs at her, trying to pull her impossibly closer, and she isn't so much kissing now as she is kissing and the blood in her veins has, she's sure, been replaced with fire. Something like lava flows through her body as her teeth graze Karma's lip and the other girl actually moans. Desire strums through her, boiling low in her stomach, and then her hands develop some sort of mind of their own and they're slipping beneath the hem of the reservedly low-cut, silky top that she'd helped Karma pick out for the party. One of them gasps into the kiss, maybe both of them, but it doesn't serve as any kind of deterrent and Amy flattens her palms against Karma's sides, just holding them there as if willing the burn in them to set her hands aflame.
One of Karma's hands finds its place resting against the length of Amy's neck and the blonde feels goosebumps erupt across the other girl's skin as her hands inch higher until they're curving around her ribs. Karma jerks at the touch and Amy groans as their hips press together, but the sound seems to snap her out of her daze and even though she's utterly against the action, she forces herself to pull back out of the kiss.
Eyes still closed, she draws in a handful of shallow, ragged breaths as Karma dips down to press their foreheads together.
"What..." The almost question comes out squeaky and broken and Amy clears her throat before trying again. "What was that?" Karma sighs and Amy feels it against her mouth.
"You being an awesome kisser." She offers and Amy is surprised enough by the dreamy quality to Karma's voice that her eyes pop open. She finds Karma's still closed and the girl running her tongue over her lips like she's savouring something and it's almost enough to undo her all over again. "And trying to cop a feel." The burning in Amy's hands suddenly ratchets all the way up to scalding and she pulls them out from under Karma's shirt.
"Sorry." She mumbles, automatically, and then frowns. "No, wait." She pulls back until she's looking at Karma properly. "Not sorry. Why did you ask me to do that?" Karma backs away from her, threading her fingers together and wringing her hands as she turns a full three-sixty on the spot.
"Okay, you have to promise me you won't get mad." Amy's eyes narrow instantly, because she's heard those words a hundred times from her and while she never gets mad, not really, she inevitably ends up momentarily annoyed.
"Okay." She says, slowly. Karma takes a breath and actually looks scared, and Amy can't imagine what could possibly make her act so much like a rabbit with ADHD. Because that's what she looks like; twitchy and wide-eyed and adorable.
"So, this thing with Liam," Amy's stomach churns unpleasantly at the mention of the boy, "I've kind of been... Making it out to be more than it is." She wants to say something, wants to ask what Karma is talking about, but can't make anything come out. "He's really been more of a... Distraction to me than anything else."
"From what?" She blurts, utterly confused, and Karma flashes her a tentatively sheepish smile.
"From you." Amy blinks at her and her jaw drops, just a little. Because no, there was no way she was expecting this, and the implication is right there in front of her but she still can't quite believe that's what Karma is saying.
"Explain." She demands, tone void of any kind of telling emotion, and Karma shifts under the weight of it. She mumbles something that comes out rushed and too quiet for Amy to catch. "English, please."
"I like you." Karma repeats, louder, and her cheeks colour instantly. She rolls her eyes at herself and misses the way Amy's face goes slack. "More than I thought I should, okay? And I freaked. When you kissed me in front of everyone it was fine, but then the longer I thought about it, the more I thought about it and then I couldn't stop thinking about it and basically just wanted to kiss you all the time." She says in one breath.
"Which you did." Amy can't help but say and Karma nods, a little sadly.
"I know." She lets out a groan of frustration and finally sits down on the closed lid of the toilet seat, dropping her head into her hands and talking into them. "And I know I shouldn't have started doing that but I just couldn't help it. And I needed a cover so I made it seem like I was just doing it for the attention and for Liam and I know how messed up that is okay? I know. But I didn't know how to deal with it and I thought if I threw myself at Liam I'd start feeling stuff there instead." She sighs and drops her hands, straightening. "But I didn't." She offers Amy a pitiful half shrug. "It was just you. And I didn't think you felt the same so I just... Tried to pretend I didn't feel anything at all." Despite her annoyance (which, see? She knew she'd feel it) Amy's lips turn up into a rueful smile.
"How'd that work for you?" Karma gestures to the bathroom they're standing in as if to say "you can see how well" and drops her forearm to rest beside the other across her knees. "Yeah. Same."
Silence falls, but it's not as uncomfortable as it maybe should be, and Amy passes the time by scuffing the toe of her shoe against the tile over and over again.
"I thought you were like, boy crazy." She eventually says and Karma offers her a dry laugh.
"I thought you were totally apathetic towards any kind of romantic entanglement." Amy tilts her head to let Karma know that fine, her point has been made. In all fairness though, Amy had thought that too.
"Yeah, guess you changed that." She says with a sigh and Karma's smile is brighter than Lauren's sun. And then Karma is just staring at her, like she's seeing Amy for the first time in a new light, and the attention makes her blush. Karma laughs at the sight of it. "So, what does this mean?" She says, wanting to know but also desperate for even the slightest shift in attention. Karma walks towards her, closing the distance between them again. And this time Amy doesn't try to move away, she stands her ground and watches the girl approach.
"Well I don't know about you..." Karma reaches forward and hooks a finger into one of Amy's belt loops and tugs hard to bring the blonde stumbling forward. Amy laughs, pressing her hands against Karma's shoulders to stall her momentum, and the sound feels a little foreign; real and full. "But I don't want to fake it anymore." Amy looks at her from beneath her lashes, incredulous.
"Yeah, I don't know if you remember, but I never want to do that to begin with." Karma flashes a winning smile and reaches up to twirl a lock of fair hair around her finger. Amy's pulse flutters.
"But look where it brought us." And Amy can't argue with that. "Besides, what would you do without my crazy ideas? You'd be so bored."
"Please, I'd be sane. And I'd actually manage to stay out of jail which is like why high up on my to do list."
"You'd hate it." Karma's eyes sparkle and Amy fights the galaxy-sized gravitational pull until Karma takes away her need to.
"I wouldn't have to deal with crazy plans to become visually impaired or-"
Karma's lips cut her off and steal away the rest of the sentence. Amy doesn't mind. She smiles into the kiss and finally feels a sense of calm that she hasn't felt since this whole thing started.
And okay, so this might just be the craziest thing either of them has come up with yet.
But Amy thinks this one might finally be the one that works.