Author's note ~ Okay guyz. Here's the story I have been working on. This one starts off just after Ruby dies and our two favorite brothers are left staring in horror at the light. So in this story, it's like each paragraph is the thoughts and pov of Sam and Dean alternately. I think you will understand what I mean when you read it. So the first one starts off with Sam. Here it is~~~ enjoy and please please do review and make my day!

Naked emotions are too painful to bear

Everything felt surreal to him. He could only stand there frozen as the enormity of what he had brought on overwhelmed him. He could only watch his mouth parted at the sight of the horrible white satanic light emerging from the cracks in the floor. His brain cells were screaming at him to run but his legs seemed to have frozen. He could feel the demonic blood in him swirling around in some sort of victory dance as though it could sense the fact that its master was about to walk the earth. Welcome master welcome - his blood seemed to be singing in a singsong tune. His active brain cells were yelling themselves hoarse, shouting at his body muscles to move yet sadly his brain seemed to have disconnected altogether from his body. He was vaguely aware of Dean pulling at his arm begging him to move away from the light.

Dean.

Why was his brother even here still? No. His brother didn't deserve this. He had brought this on. He had to face it alone. He had literally made hell kiss mankind in his ill fated date with destiny. This was his entire fault. Dean should just leave him here alone and go. He had to face this alone and die alone. Dean didn't need to suffer too along with him. Dean should just go. His ears hurt from the demonic constant buzzing. He could feel Lucifer's near approach as though his body could sense the prince of hell's footsteps. Must be the demon blood - Sam thought with loathing. It was then that he realized that Dean was dragging him out of the convent. His body seemed to have gone on autopilot as he clutched Dean's arm for dear life and tried to pull himself away from the evil light. Somewhere through it all, he could hear Dean constantly muttering encouragements trying to get them out as safely as possible. Dean kept saying the same words over and over again as he rushed them out. "I am sorry Sam. We need to get going. Please Sam come on we need to get out of here as soon as possible. Come on Sam please just a few more steps. We will get out of here soon please Sam. Come with me." He tried to respond to Dean but his mouth seemed to have frozen. So he clutched Dean's shoulder for all he was worth and tried to run for dear life. The walls started crumbling as he stood out and spared the once holy now satanic church one more glance. He could only feel an overwhelming sense of horror as the enormity of his mistake sank in while his blood seemed to shout out to their master yet one more- "sorry master. We'll meet soon. Bye."

Dean dragged them out of the church as soon as he could and rushed Sam into the first car he could find outside. Then gripping the steering hard, he drove as fast as he dared. There was no telling what could be behind them just about now. No doubt the news of the apocalypse must have spread. He spared a glance towards Sam. Sam sat slumped in the seat, with his head resting against the window and closed eyes which seemed to have something glistening at their corners. Seeing Sam in such a condition rose deep varied feelings in him, some of them not at all good. His throat tightened and Dean fought to keep the emotions buried deep behind his emotional walls where no one would know of their existence. Now was not the time to talk about betrayals, hurt and broken hearts. That had to be left for another time. His grip on the steering tightened just a bit more and he gave his full undiverted attention to the road ahead. He let his mind wander on much more immediate issues. Like the fact that they should find a safe place to settle for the night. He was about to call Bobby for help when his cell phone rang. Checking his caller id he saw that it was Bobby. Wow good timing. Dean thought as he answered the phone.

"Dean, what happened? Is Sam-?" Dean could hear Bobby tense in apprehension and worry

"Yeah Sam's okay. You want to know what happened. Uh... Long story short, Lucifer is out, Lilith's dead and there's probably a hoard of demon behind us right now. Though we are both fine."

Dean could hear Bobby sigh as he released the worried breath that he had been holding.

"Well what are you boys waiting for? Judgment day? Get your asses at my place right now"

"Thanks Bobby. See you soon."

"And Dean go soft on Sam please. I know what you-"

"Sorry Bobby I can't. Not now. Later Bobby." Dean replied in a sad, tired voice. Dean placed the phone back in his pocket when Sam turned slightly in his direction and asked, "Who was that?"

"Bobby. He asked us to reach at his place as soon as possible."

Sam nodded listlessly and turned back towards the window and closed his moist eyes. Bobby. He was like a second father to him. What would Bobby think when he would come to know what he had done. Revulsion and shame welled deep within him. Bobby wouldn't even want to look at him anymore. He was nothing but a deathly demonic magnet. Wherever he went evil followed. From the day he had been born, he had caused nothing but destruction. At the raw age of six months he had shown nothing but a strong aptitude for killing and destroying family and happiness all around. Dean must hate him now. From the very beginning, he wrecked every moment in Dean's life. It was his fault that they had no mother. It was his fault that Dean never got a chance at normalcy. Dean was right. He was a selfish monster. Dean devoted his entire childhood to him and what did he give in return to such a selfless brother? He just turned around, trampled on Dean's love, care and dedication and went right ahead to fulfill his own dreams. In college too, he wrecked the life of the girl who loved him irrevocably.

When he came back, he caused nothing but damage. He became the cause of yet another evil. If he had been more careful, then he never would have died in the first place which caused Dean to make that damned deal. Because of the deal, Dean had to set foot in hell and had to endure unthinkable unspeakable torture at the hands of the number one sadist and master torturer. But he just didn't leave any part of his brother unharmed. After his brother endured so much physical torture in hell, he started a mental torture and heartache for Dean on earth. He called his brother spiteful and hurtful things. He spat upon his brother's concern and undying love and went ahead with the manipulative she demon to follow his own agenda. When had he become so screwed up in his head that he had began to ever think that this trip with destiny could ever turn out to be good? When had he hardened so much into the screwed up version john Winchester - perfect hunter that he had begun to view his own brother as an enemy? When exactly had he thought that the brother whom he had idolized and adored since the age of 4 was nothing but an obstacle, a weakling to be squashed upon? Maybe when he had drank the hell essence or when he had tried to choke his brother or spat those hurtful words in his brother's face or when he had thrown his brother's confessions about hell right in his brother's face , he had crossed the line.

There was no turning back the wheels now. His brother would hate him for life now. This time no amount of sorries would repair their broken relationship. For months it had hung on threads, teetering dangerously on the edge, but when Sam walked out with Ruby, he gave their relationship one final push and their relationship shattered into a million unfixable pieces. The loss of that kind of love gave his heart a painful squeeze and the tears he had been trying so desperately to hold back forced past the flood gates. He had really done it this time. He had lost his brother forever. He would never get back Dean's love and concern. He would never hear Dean endearingly call him 'Sammy' ever again. He was now completely alone in this world. Everyone hated him. More importantly, Dean hated him. No one would have ever loved him or mattered to him as much as Dean and no one would could ever hate him as much as Dean. Dean would never think of him without loathing ever again. Dean would probably abandon him or worse kill him. But he didn't even deserve to die at his brother's hands. Dean would leave him and he would slowly rot away to nothingness like a monster like him should. Dean wouldn't trust him anymore. His heart ached at the fact that his brother would never look at him with trusting eyes. His tears escalated and anguish rolled off him in waves. The words "I am sorry" rolled off his lips over and over again even though he knew Dean would probably think they were meaningless and fake, yet he continued to apologize.

Dean watched it all. He could see Sam crying in grief and distress. He could see very well that Sam was hugging himself tight and was obviously unsuccessfully trying to hold himself together. Then came the constant apologizes that Sam continued to mutter. "Sam SAM" Dean shouted to snap his brother out of it. "It's okay. Not now okay. Later" Dean said softly getting his brother's attention at last.

Sam nodded miserably. He understood it all. Dean didn't want to hear his voice right now. Dean didn't need the meaningless apologies. Nothing would ever convince his brother of his guilt and how sorry he felt. Tears made their way down his cheeks silently and he wiped them. Rubbing his eyes, he looked out of the window. Everything out side seemed to mock at him or glare at him as though acknowledging the so-called hero who had brought the apocalypse to the earth. Sam closed his eyes again. It all hurt just too damn much.

Dean glanced at his brother from the corner of his eye. His brother seemed to be asleep but he knew better. He sighed. His heart seemed to jump in his throat every time he looked towards Sammy. Looking at him in such a miserable state only sprinkled salt on the raw wounds his heart had recently endured due to Sam's hurtful words that made him want to throw up or cry hard and drown in a bottle of whiskey every time he thought about them. His torn up, betrayed and mangled heart didn't like to see Sammy in such discomfort, however his heart also felt that maybe, it wasn't his duty to comfort Sam anymore. Sam had made it quite clear that he didn't want any part of Dean in his life. After all Sam had said so himself, that Dean never knew him and never would. So Dean had no idea how to comfort this hardened man who had thrown all his love and concern right in his face. A part of him felt that Sam didn't need him and so why should he care. Sam had after all cut off all ties from him over and over again till his heart could not be torn apart anymore , sided with that hell spawn and had literally beat him to death. Things between them could never be the same, he could never trust Sam again and Sam had literally given their relationship a final push. So if Sam didn't want his concern and love, Dean was all too happy to oblige. So he forced himself not to care, resist asking Sam if he was okay and turned his undiverted attention back to the road. Yes it hurt not to care but rejection hurt even more. He knew he wouldn't be able to bear it if Sam pushed him away once more, so forcing himself not to give in to the pools forming in the puppy dog eyes of Sam , Dean forced and suppressed with all his might all the emotion that was brimming just underneath the surface and turned his well practiced hardened hunter I-don't-give-a-damn- look back on as he drove towards Bobby's looking forward to succumbing to sleep and wishing it was all just one cruel dream played out to him by destiny.

A/n – guyzz please please review! And if you have any ideas as to how the story should progress from here then please do PM me or review!