Sucking in a much needed breath, she quickly made her way across the street. She was late as she needed to have been at the infirmary well over an hour ago, but the previous night had left her with little to no sleep. Her thoughts had been too muddled with images and voices echoing through her mind of the conversations she'd had the day before.
"I think I made quite a few connections today that will serve me well in the future."
Katrina kept her eyes on the path before her as she half-heartedly listened to Abraham. "Yes. It was a lovely party."
Abraham continued speaking, but her mind was far away at the moment, completely focused on the look on Ichabod's face after she'd revealed her feelings for him. He didn't seem overly shocked. Why should he? They were closer than any regular two people in their positions would normally be. Deep meaningful talks happened between them as often as lighthearted ones did. He listened intently to her long rants about society and her duties at the infirmary, while she laughed at his humorous stories about his journeys in this new land.
But the look on his face had seemed more like one of slight dread. She understood his hesitation, of course. She was breaking off her engagement to his best friend. It would undoubtedly cause tension between the three of them and no doubt spark quite the scandalous rumors throughout town.
And it wasn't as if Abraham was a horrible person. He was intelligent and brave. He was also kind when he wished to be, though she knew without a doubt that it was more to maintain a certain image than because it was actually how he naturally was. He was extremely wealthy, something he believed to be an attractive quality, and he thought it a means to attain whatever he wished as was shown through his habit of constantly purchasing her gifts such as dresses and jewelry that she neither needed nor wanted.
The stone hanging around her neck weighed heavily. It was beautiful, and if any of his other gifts had been in any way similar to the stone, she might have considered that he may have an idea of the kind of person she was, that he'd actually taken a moment to observe her and what she might have liked. The fact that it wasn't only cemented her decision to end their engagement. It was clear he knew nothing about her. Their engagement had been arranged for a long while now and she'd tried to find happiness in it, but she'd found it an impossible task. The thought of spending the rest of her days with this man was one she could barely contemplate, let alone actually see through. She'd been at odds with herself for weeks, doing her best to determine the right course of action. With her marriage quickly approaching, the decision loomed over her ever more.
Her resolve had finally come, however, when Abraham had laid the stone around her neck. She'd known immediately that he wasn't the one who'd picked it out. It had screamed Ichabod and the moment she found Ichabod's eyes, she'd known for sure. His eyes always told her everything and in that one glance, a sort of peace filled her. The feeling stole her breath and she knew that no matter the consequences, she had to know more of that look, the emotions and thoughts behind it. Too much regret already followed her. She wouldn't allow love to be another thing she abandoned for societies' ridiculous rules.
"Katrina, darling, are you alright?"
She jumped slightly at his voice breaking through her ponderings. Catching his eyes, she found him looking at her with a concerned frown. With a tight smile, she nodded. "Yes, of course. I was simply in deep thought."
"Oh?"
Releasing a small sigh, she accepted his hand as he walked her up the steps of her porch.
"Yes, I-" Her words cut off as she took a deep breath. "Abraham, I...I'm not sure how to say this to you other than to just say it. I'm not one to dance around an issue. I prefer to be straightforward."
His frown deepened. "You don't like it."
Now, it was she who was frowning. "I'm sorry?"
He gestured to her neck in slight irritation. "The necklace. I knew it wasn't right for you. I wanted something more, but Ichabod had insisted you would like this one better. He said it was simple and more suited to you. I knew I should have chosen the other. What does Ichabod know of such things, anyway?"
Katrina fought the urge to roll her eyes. "The necklace is beautiful, Abraham. As I said, it's exactly what I would have chosen. That's not what I wanted to discuss."
He raised an eyebrow. "Very well, but I must warn you that I'm expected by the General and I cannot waste much time."
More ready than ever to put this behind her, Katrina looked out at the night sky for a moment before turning back to him. "I can't marry you, Abraham."
His entire body tensed. "What?"
She twisted her ring off her finger and held it out to him. "I'm sorry. You are a good man and you deserve someone who will love you, but...that person isn't me."
He stared at her for a moment before shifting his feet and allowing a disbelieving expression to cross his face.
"You can't break our engagement. It's been arranged. Everyone knows we are to marry."
She nodded, her mouth pulled into a thin line as she flexed her jaw back and forth and looked down to her hands, the ring still in them. "I know and... I'm very sorry." Her eyes came back up to find him still staring at her as though she'd just refused to give him his favorite toy. "I care for you, but... I'm not in love with you and I refuse to live a life without love."
He took a step toward her. "But perhaps you could one day. I would give you anything you desired, you only need name it."
"I know you would do that for me and most women would be happy to have such a giving husband. However, I'm not like most women. I want something you cannot give me."
He huffed. "And what is that?"
Reaching up, she removed the necklace and held it in the same hand as the ring. With a sigh, she reached for his hand and laid both in his palm. "A reason for waking."
He frowned as he looked down at the jewels. "I don't understand."
She sighed and did her best to find the right words to convey her feelings, but found nothing adequate enough.. "I want a husband that will be my everything and I, his."
Turning to her door, she laid her hand on it before looking back at him. "I have no doubt you'll find someone else, Abraham. Someone that will make you happy."
Opening her door, she entered her home. Before shutting it, she gave him a sad smile. "Goodnight, Abraham."
It had been an extremely uncomfortable situation and she felt that perhaps she should have handled it better, but it was over now and there was nothing more she could do. Her thoughts on the matter of Abraham and Ichabod had consumed her as she'd laid awake all night going over and over it, now resulting in her being late for her duties at the infirmary. Rounding a building, she came up short. He was standing not twenty feet away and had paused as well at seeing her. He stared at her a moment with wide eyes before looking around quickly as if for an opening to flee. Before he actually found one, she walked the remaining distance between them and gave a small smile. "Ichabod."
His hands fidgeted in obvious discomfort as he gave a slight bow. "Madam van Tassel."
At his address of her, she felt her smile fade as she took in his darting eyes that were deftly avoiding her gaze. "Yesterday, and every day prior for the last three years, I've been Katrina. Why is it that today, I'm once again being given a formal greeting by you?"
His body visibly tensed and he seemed to be at a loss for words, so she continued.
"Does my declaring my love for you suddenly make us mere acquaintances again?"
He shifted his feet in an uncomfortable manner. "I'm sorry...Katrina."
Nodding, satisfied that she'd put a stop to that, she allowed her smile to return. "I wasn't expecting to see you this morning. How are you?"
He gave a tight smile. "I'm well. I was at a meeting and I'm actually in quite a hurry-"
"I know you must be upset."
She didn't mean to interrupt him, but she couldn't contain herself. His eyebrows rose slightly. "Upset? I'm perfectly well as I stated before. I just have much on my mind and must return to my quarters to pack. I'm leaving town for a few days on a matter of some importance."
Though she tried to hide it, a small amount of disappointment made its way through her. "Oh...well, when you return-"
"I really must go." He gave another bow before moving past her.
She stood there a moment, staring at the place he'd just been standing, before gritting her teeth and spinning on her heel to catch him. When she did, she grabbed his arm, causing him to jump. "Katrina, what-"
Gripping his arm tightly, she pulled him into the small alley between two buildings. Once she was sure they were away from prying eyes, she spun on him and fixed him with a glare. "What is the matter with you?"
Wide eyed, he stared at her. "I don't know what you mean."
Her brow shot up. "You don't know what I mean?" She stepped closer to him. "I mean, why are you acting so oddly?"
He darted his eyes about and he took a step back from her before looking behind him as if someone were watching him.
"No one can see us. Answer me," she added, annoyed.
His eyes jumped back to hers. "I'm not. I have somewhere to be."
"I love you, Ichabod."
Eyes wide once more, he dropped them from her and looked to the brick wall at his side.
She took yet another step toward him, this time grabbing his hand so he couldn't escape her.
His eyes fell closed and he sucked in a deep breath. "Katrina..."
Reaching up with her other hand, she laid it against his cheek and turned his face to her. "Please look at me."
Slowly, his eyes opened and found hers.
"I love you, Ichabod, and I refuse to hide it any longer."
He sighed and whispered. "We can't do this. People will talk."
Unable to contain her laugh, she spoke, her voice full of mirth. "You think I care what people say?"
"No," he said, seriousness filling his blue eyes, before reaching up and taking her hand in his own. "But I do. I don't want others to speak of you in such ways as I know they will."
With a small smile, she allowed her eyes to dance over his face. "You are a rare man, Ichabod Crane."
"I'm sorry, Katrina."
Her smile widened at his apology. "If you think I'm going to allow you to flee from me, then perhaps you don't know me as well as I previously thought."
Chuckling, he glanced down at their hands, his fingers lacing through hers. "I'll not try that again. I find it difficult to refuse you anything."
Moving even closer to him, she ducked her head to catch his eyes again. "Then why won't you just say what I am so very desperate to hear?"
He released a shaky breath and she noticed his eyes dart to her mouth. "It doesn't matter what I say. It doesn't change the fact that Abraham is my best friend and I cannot betray him."
She nodded. "I understand that, but I broke my engagement to him last night."
His eyes darted down to her hand in his, no doubt to check for her ring. "Katrina-"
"You don't want to hurt him, neither do I, but would you deny us happiness out of misguided notions that he and everyone else in this town have about the way things should be." His eyes found hers again. "I'm not marrying him, Ichabod."
She pulled her hand from his and took a step back to allow him a moment for her words to sink in.
"You can deny us, but it doesn't change the fact that I will not marry for anything less than love. If I have to, I'll remain alone and you can go and make your own life." Her eyes fell to his boots. "Perhaps you'll find someone to love that won't cause such conflict with your view of the way things should be."
Silence passed between them and she refused to look at his face. She was aware of how manipulative she was being, but she knew he loved her and she refused to allow him to deny it because of Abraham, who would no doubt have a new wife before the year let out.
His boots moved forward to stand where they were touching the toes of hers. When his hand reached up to rest at her neck causing her eyes to jump to his, her breath hitched at the look in his blue eyes.
"I don't want anyone else," he whispered with a crooked smile. "I love you, Katrina."
After a moment of making sure she'd heard him correctly, she released a light laugh. "You do?"
He rolled his eyes. "You just want me to repeat it."
"Perhaps. I thought you couldn't refuse me."
He shook his head as a sweet smile crossed his face. "I love you, Katrina van Tassel. I've loved you for a very long time."
With a self-satisfied smile, she nodded. "That's good to know. It took you long enough."
Shaking his head again, he fixed her with a serious look. "I have nothing to offer you."
She reached a hand to touch his cheek. "Your heart is all I want."
"You have it," he said with a sigh. "Be gentle."
Shrugging, she smirked. "I will if you are."
He chuckled before looking back behind him. "I really do have to go." He turned back to her. "Aren't you supposed to be at the infirmary?"
"I am." She'd honestly forgotten all about her work when she'd seen him. "When will you return?"
"I'm not sure. I was supposed to meet Abraham some time ago. He's probably searching for me."
Looking to her hands, she nodded. "Of course. Well, then, I suppose I should let you go."
His hand rested at her neck once more, bringing her eyes to his just in time to see him leaning into her. Her breath caught as his lips gently brushed over her own, his other hand sliding into her hair. The feeling that began to feel her was one foreign to her, but it was one she never wanted to go away. When he pulled back slightly, her eyes slowly opened to find him smiling at her. Catching her breath, she regained herself and allowed her own smile to creep up.
"Aren't you worried about someone seeing you compromising my honor?"
He chuckled as he rested his forehead against hers. "Well, it would chase away any other suitors for your hand in marriage."
"Don't want any competition?"
He rolled his eyes. "Just try not to accept any proposals until I return."
Pulling her face back from his, she raised an eyebrow. "And why ever not?"
He leaned in to kiss her again before speaking, his every breath warming her face. "You know why."
With that, he stepped back from her with a crooked smile before bowing low. "Madam van Tassel."
"Mr. Crane," she returned with unconcealed glee.
He continued smiling at her a moment longer before backing his way further out of the alley. "I'll visit you when I return."
She pointed a finger at him. "Immediately after you return."
"Yes ma'am," he smirked before disappearing from her sight.
She stood there staring at the place he had been, slightly unbelieving what had just occurred. She only hoped his return would be quick. With that last thought, she began a brisk walk out of the alley. She was very late.