Retribution
The last thing I remember was a foul, burning smell. I mean, the only thing worse than this would be dirty socks, or my old hampsters cage when I went too long without cleaning it. Pictures of fire, buildings crumbling before all the people of Crystal Tokyo, a ceremony of destruction. Chaos conducted the requiem all while bellowing out the most horrid song. Darling Chibi-Usa, I remembered, had died the night before the attack. Tuberculosis had claimed her life. If I could laugh, I would. I mean, of all things to take the life of the royal family. Her misery had faded with the beat of her heart, and I was grateful that she wouldn't suffer from horrible coughs or chest pains. I remember the last time I saw her, that tiny body shriveled and pale. A grown woman had become a child as the disease progressed, her skin stretched taut over her bones. The weight loss frightening to see. My Chibi-Usa's eyes empty and dead.
How could we catch diseases? They no longer existed after I'd become queen. Very few even remembered how to treat them, and any doctors I sent for refused to come to her aid, saying that they valued their lives far too much to risk being contaminated. Cowards, though some had sent letters, listing all the diseases caused by granuloma. Endymion and I constantly argued over which it could be, he had sided with Wegener's. He had been wrong. Perhaps Chaos's attack was much more sudden. The wave of pestilence and famine rushing at us full force in the past month, the shock at how my own daughter had come across the bacteria, how I had remained physically healthy. My baby lay helpless in bed for weeks, and I could do nothing for her, why keep around cures for things that were no longer present? I had cried all night long, knowing that had I not taken the reigns, our era of peace and prosperity would never have come. I would not have failed at protecting my people. Visits to the doctor were regular back then, and we could've received medication and rehabilitation for the TB. My baby would've lived longer, the sickness rapidly overwhelming her body.
My immune system was top notch throughout the whole ordeal. Outside the palace walls, the number of deaths a year skyrocketed, and so many earthlings suffered from all manner of maladies. It was a pandemic, and entire nations were wiped out, Chaos's army needlessly attacked our ranks. In a matter of months, the earth's population would've dwindled down to nothing if it had not come.
The earth, now? I raced through my mind, attempting to imagine the blue planet now. Nothing. I couldn't see anything. Perhaps, because now nothing remained of my home? The world would be covered in ruins, civilians houses reduced to ash and crumbs. I'm sure it looked much like the moon, my mother's kingdom falling before my own. Tis the fate of our family line? Were we fated to collapse at the first light's terror? The musicians of death clamoring discordant with my own cries of despair, and then, silence. I had heard the last cries of anguish, saw blood sluggishly pouring out of Endymion's remaining eye. And at last, my own demise was set in motion. Pure agony ripped through my body, and I burned before Endymion's corpse.
Now I bided my time in oblivion. Surely, I was no less deserving of a cold and dark hell. Somewhere in this space, was a master waiting to release punishment upon me. Here, I only saw a reflection of myself, my old self. The Neo Queen Serenity gazed into my soul, those eyes as lifeless as I felt. However, my body was untouched, as I saw her lay peacefully in an empty realm, a white gown adorning the small frame. Sometimes I could see memories, coming from the dregs of my mind to terrify me with nightmares. Concerning my body, I could only see it before me. My mind stared off, and I had no concept of time. As far as I knew, I had no eyes to blink, or fingers to twitch. This bothered me, after all, shouldn't someone retrieve me? I'm to be punished for ruining the lives of those inhabiting the earth. I failed to overcome every enemy against me. And yet, nothing.
Could it be that I'm to reside in this abyss forever? I will be alone for the rest of my soul's existence? The infliction of loneliness and boredom were the price I would pay for however long my sentence lasted. I knew that whatever god ruled above me sought for the cruelest of purgatories, for he would know my greatest weakness better than I. My only wish: to be forgiven.
--
It was not long until my faith in a higher being delivering my penance diminished. There was no devil with horns, firey hell, icy hell, or even items of torture to cause my thinking that this was a punishment. I was just here. Though I was unsure of where this here was. The brightest moment of my time here was when I realized that I would never figure out this here. Even so, this here may be no different from any other there. Perchance my here was better than other heres or theres. Should another soul be taken into a here like this, it could be so dark that they could not even see their own body. Maybe a there is painful, or extremely bright--to the point of blindness!
I decided that this here would be my here forever, and I should be grateful to have this here. I spent so much of my time thinking about being here that I saw my body gain a look of painful concentration. It went away quickly, but I feared I had given my body a headache. If I could feel pain, I'm sure my heart would be aching at the idea of being captive inside my own mind, somehow still linked to a body of flesh and unable to feel its warmth. But since I couldn't feel anything, I didn't realize how cold this emptiness could be anyway, and I didn't seem to have a heart that could beat, much less ache.
I suppose boredom hit first.
I sang songs in my mind, recited lines from my favorite shows and plays. I attempted to play I Spy, but it got old after I used up all of my body's parts. Old invitations I'd sent out for my daughter's birthday parties came clear into my mind. I could remember the mean things Rei-chan used to say to me when I was a teenager; old battles when I was Sailor Moon, my first kiss with Endymion--back in the Silver Millenium. It was as though I could recall every moment of my life at whim, even my past life as a young girl. Not having anything to do, or think of allowed old memoirs to seep across my mind. The odd part was that I had a bird's eye view of Usagi tripping over her own feet and vanquishing demons, like I wasn't Usagi at all.
I could have written a biography of Usagi's life as if I had never experienced anything she had myself, or told a stranger a story about the moon princess.
The loneliness hit me like a gust of wind. My mind threatening to tear into pieces as for the first time since I gained this existence I felt longing and grief. The memories of Usagi and her past life were easy. Then came Crystal Tokyo, Chibi-Usa, Endymion, my old companions and home. My mind couldn't shut them out, as hard as I tried. At times I could make out my body, and it had become a deathly shade of pale. I wanted to see tears fall, but was only given a passive countenance. At the thought of Endymion, I could admire the way he took my breath away with a single kiss, caused my heart to ache when he took his leave for business. Small Lady would smile at me, her mischievous red eyes twinkling like the stars. Her lifeless body dressed in a gown of colored like rose champagne before the burial. Chaos's attack coming at first light, what was left of my child crushed beneath the palace walls. My lament for Small Lady lasting long after exhaustion overcame me within the early hours of that fateful day, and I mourned in my own dreams.
A priest had composed an elegy for my daughter, and as he sang it that night I sobbed in Endymion's arms, so loud that Endymion was ashamed of my uncivilized presence pervading the room where her body lie. As loud as I was, I still remember the mournful tune he chanted in Latin. I wished to sing it, for the millions of victims overtaken by Chaos's holocaust.
Amid the gloom in my mind, a raindrop of hope broke open. Upon sight of Chaos and its minions, I had used my crystal. Thats right, the silver moon crystal had aided me for one last time, and wiped my energy clean from my body that morning. My senshi and my family were to be sent to another place, the safest place near to Crystal Tokyo. I thought of how the crystal had glimmered before I blacked out, to my disdain I was awoken by Endymion. He was still there! I had cried at the sight of him, at the sight of my senshi fighting off demons. They weren't supposed to die! Now, I knew that my crystal would not fail me. Perhaps the senshi's will to fight kept them from immediate safety. They had to be reborn, even though I wished that they would never had to have felt any kind of pain. The senshi will defeat Chaos in time. I wanted to smile at how I was here and my senshi and family would be there. My young Chibi-Usa would be able to live the life stolen from her, and I knew she would be a great leader for the girls.
It was only a matter of time.
--
I think I've gone crazy. I mean, I know you're not supposed to know when you've lost your sanity, but I'm sure that when you see yourself as someone else you've got some kind of personality disorder. I mean, who wouldn't notice the change in my body? The face was still heart-shaped, but several shades paler than what I remembered being. The eyes were different, the blank irises that stared back were a darker blue. The hair was waist-length, and my hair brushed the floor in odango. It had reached a wheat color, and lay splayed around the body. I couldn't determine whether this change occurred overnight or gradually during my reminiscing. I may not even be me anymore, I could be someone else, as ridiculous as that might sound. As interesting as that idea was, I was more concerned with the disappearance of Serenity.
Have I lost my mind? I could just be confusing what I saw with something else, like an old friend I once knew. A friend that looked incredibly similar to me. The only acquaintance I could imagine was Mina-chan, but her hair wasn't that pale. Had someone taken her away while I dreamt of my old life? To begin with, I'd never been certain of Serenity's location. This figure was almost haunting, her features appearing more perfect and symmetrical than my own. The unfamiliar stare was beginning to creep me out.
Normally, I would befriend this stranger, offer any kind of assistance possible, and grow to love her as a friend. Now, I hated her, perceiving her bearing eyes as scrutinizing and twisted. I caught the figure smirking at me at times, knowing that if I had a body I'd show her who was better. Me! Serenity, a queen who was blessed in so many ways has to be way better than some pretty little child. She was a child, and couldn't be older than Chibi-Usa. I wouldn't be shown up by her, not here or there, and as soon as I am given the chance, I'll teach her a lesson.
I don't have a superiority complex.
--
I stopped thinking. I stopped trying to think, stopped remembering hurtful things and people. Though at first I was certain no time could pass in this perdition, I'm sure that days had gone by me now. The only thing I saw were flickers of that dead but not dead body, and everything else was a thick haze to me. My body didn't move, and I didn't care.
So when resplendence lit my mind, it wasn't because of me. I had done nothing to regain consciousness of any kind. But I guess it happened anyway, or someone was pulling at my soul, yelling at me to come back to them.
I know now that the only thought I'd had was annoyingly cliché. All I could think was, 'Let there be light,'