Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
Toshiro stood uncertainly in front of fifth squad's office. Just go in He urged himself. It was late at night but the lights still burned brightly. Gulping, he raised a hand and knocked. "Come in." Momo's voice called softly from within. Taking one more deep breath to steady himself, Toshiro walked in. Momo was sitting at the desk, going through her paperwork. Toshiro's face softened at sight. She looked thin and tired, the bags under her eyes telling him to well that she hadn't been getting much sleep.
"Momo." He murmured softly to gain her attention.
It worked and she looked up, her eyes locking on me. "What do you need, Hitsugaya-taicho?" She asked.
Toshiro flinched. Her voice had lost its warmth and light. "Momo… I have to tell you something." He muttered, staring at his feet.
"Oh, so you're here to tell me how wrong I was about Aizen." She sneered over the paperwork.
Toshiro's eyes light with an angry fire. No matter what I had said to start that sentence, she would have said the same thing. She is a little unstable at the moment. He thought, soothing his ruffled emotions. "No Momo. I have something else very important I need to tell you of." He said, filled with pride when his voice held only calmness.
"Like about how right you were? You don't care about me in reality, it's only an act, so why come and rub it in my face this much? Is your dislike for me actually hate?" She snarled at him, carelessly, not noticing the despair he felt.
"I came to tell you something very important! I don't see why you can't let me have the simple pleasure." He snapped at her, rage filling his tone.
"I hate you! You are just here to rub in my face how right you were! Well, sorry little boy genius, if I don't feel in the mood to give you the simple pleasure!" She shouted.
Toshiro wanted to tell her, right there and then, that he loved her. That he loved her more than life and more than death. But he wanted it to be special, not something used to win an argument, so he decided against it. Besides, with the amount of anger he was feeling, it would probably be disregarded. "I care about you Momo! We grew up as brother and sister, and I care about you! Why can't you see that?" He yelled instead, forcing his voice to remain steady.
"No you don't! Don't fill me with your lies! You're no better than Aizen and I hate you!" Momo screamed. A silence fell upon the room. Toshiro's face went stony. "I understand, Hinamori-fukutaicho. I will leave so as to not make you any more uncomfortable. I apologize for the intrusion." He said without emotion, shunpoing out of the room with speed that rivaled the flash goddess.
When he got back to the office, Matsumoto was waiting eagerly. She had, surprisingly, finished the pile of paperwork that he had given her to do. "How did it go?" Rangiku exclaimed, hardly containing her excitement.
A second later, she caught the look on his face.
"She thought I was saying I told you so about Aizen." Toshiro murmured reproachfully. "We got into a shouting match and I left. I didn't get to tell her." He continued; his face was crestfallen.
Rangiku obviously felt bad for him, but he dodged her hug and dragged himself to his room. He had wanted to tell her or convince her to hate him… At least one of them happened. He thought with bitter satisfaction. He thought back to the letter he had received that morning.
'Hitsugaya-taicho,
You have been chosen for a mission. It is an honor to receive such a mission.
At o four hundred, you shall meet me at the senkaimon. You will go to Hueco Mundo and eliminate Espada. As you will need to move around to do such a mission, we will be putting a tracking devise inside your right shoulder blade. This tracking devise senses brain waves, so we will be in tune to your condition throughout the mission. One month from the beginning of the mission, a retrieval team will be sent for you. There is a 5% success rate.
Signed – Yamamoto'
He had quickly burned it. He knew this was a covert operation simply by the way it was worded. If anyone had found out about his suicide mission… he shuddered at the thought. They would have tried to stop him every way possible, even going as far as committing treason. Toshiro knew this, and so he had burned the letter and sent a hell butterfly to Yamamoto-soutaicho, informing him that he had received the letter. He had decided that he was going to tell Momo his feelings and had decided half way there that if he couldn't do that, he would attempt to make her hate him so she wouldn't miss him as much. Well, it succeeded. He thought, still bitter. At least he had that letter written out. With a sigh, he decided to go to sleep. He would need the every ounce of strength.
[M]
Momo felt terrible the moment Toshiro had left. She wanted to apologize until he understood she hadn't meant a word. What if he never forgave her? Momo didn't want to think about that. After all, even if he didn't know… She loved him. She had been blinded by Aizen for the longest time and was unable to see it, but once he left Momo had realized her love for Toshiro. He probably needs his space. She thought sadly, deciding to see him in the morning. After all, they both needed time to cool off… right?
Momo shook her head and sighed, deciding that she would apologize tomorrow. What was the harm of waiting?
[-]
Momo yawned and stretched, shaking her head to rid it of the last bit of drowsiness. She dressed as quickly as possible and went flash-stepping as fast as she could to the tenth division. Once inside, she slowed to a walk. She went through the long twists and turns until she was in front of Toshiro's office. With a deep breath to steel herself, she opened the door to find Rangiku standing in front of Toshiro's desk, her shoulders shaking slightly. Hesitantly, Momo reached out and touched Rangiku's shoulder in what she hoped felt comforting.
"What's wrong?" She asked softly.
Rangiku shook her head, wiping her eyes and gestured towards the letter on Toshiro's desk with her name on it. Rangiku was clutching one with her name on it to her chest. Fear instantly clutched at Momo's heart. She took the letter with her name on it with shaking hands and carefully tore open the top. After blankly staring at the beautiful scrawl that was Toshiro's handwriting, she read.
'Dear Momo,
I've received a mission. I know that's not unusual and that you'll be told the same exact thing later, but I'm sure they are also going to tell you that it's a secret mission and they won't speak any details. Only Unohana and Yamamoto actually know what this mission is. And Unohana was opposed, for the record, so please don't be mad at her. I didn't want to tell any of you until I was gone. I didn't want to tell you after either, but you and Matsumoto deserve to know the truth. The mission I'm being sent on only has a five percent chance of success.
Please don't be to mad. Yamamoto has no other cards to play against Aizen, and this is the only way for us to have a chance at winning. I will singlehandedly fight and kill as many Espada as possible. If I can lower their numbers, we have a chance. So I'm heading out. I know I probably won't get out of this alive, but I wanted to tell you one extra thing Momo. The thing I was trying to tell you yesterday.
I love you.
It's a weight off my chest knowing that you'll finally know, but I know it will be one more weight added to yours. I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm a little disappointed I won't be able to see your face once you realize. I bet you'll make the funniest flushed embarrassed face. I asked Matsumoto in her letter to take a picture to send to me. It won't be the same as the real thing but I suppose it will have to do.
I'll be able to see your real reaction when I get back and tell you in person. So stay well until then Momo, and await my return.
Signed – Hitsugaya Toshiro'
Momo let out a sob as she reread the letter and then pulled it close to her chest. Her sobs shook her body as she slid her eyes closed. Regret filled her to the brim, but she refused to dwell on it. He had asked her to wait for him, so she would. She would hear him say the words she had wanted to hear for so long, and then she'd say them back, and get to see his reaction. She giggled through her tears at the thought of his embarrassed red face when she told him she loved him to. She couldn't wait until he came back.
.
.
.
He never did.