"You're a virgin," Tyrion accused, eyes gleaming with amused inspiration.
Brienne's smile fell from her face and Jaime tried to get Tyrion to switch topics and failed.
"You have never, not once, up until this day, slept with a man," he said. "Or a woman," he added with a shrug of indifference.
Done playing, Brienne stood. "I need to piss," she said.
At that moment, Tormund appeared off balance and all but giggling, his wild eyebrows waggling at her.
Without a word, she pushed past him and went to her room. Jaime stood and reached out to stop Tormund from following, but he immediately head butted Jaime, knocking him out.
"Not today, pretty boy," he said, stepping over Jaime's body.
Brienne had just shut her door when he entered the hallway. He paused to set down his horn, smooth his hair, and pick a flea out of his beard. Then he knocked on her door.
Brienne opened it and gave an exasperated sigh. "What do you want?" she asked, annoyed.
Tormund fell on his knees. "I want to seduce you and have your babies." He burped and smiled up at her, hopefully.
"No." Brienne went to close the door but paused at the look of heart break on his face. "Is there honestly no one else who will fuck you? What is wrong with you that not even a wildling would be with you?"
"I am Tormund Giantsbane and I am the most desired man in my tribe." Brienne arched a doubtful eyebrow. "From the first moment I saw you, I wanted to be your man. I wanted to take you the wildling way and prove my strength but Jon told me you were a southern girl and I needed to use southern ways. I tried everything I could think of but I cannot win this perfect woman."
"Perfect" had been used to describe Brienne the Beauty and Brienne was on guard. Everyone knew Tormund liked her and had been teasing her about his intentions but he seemed too drunk to be deceptive right now. He was certainly making a scene in the hallway so she opened the door, inviting him in, but one look at his eager face and she pointed to one of the chairs in her room and said, "Sit."
He immediately obeyed and she took the other chair, placing it a deliberate distance away.
"I think this may be a cultural misunderstanding," she started.
"That's what Jon said."
"Where you're from, you kidnap and rape women and hold them hostage and call them wives." Tormund was shaking his head before she finished. "No?"
"Not my tribe. Women have the power. We kidnap to prove our strength, our cunning. Only the strong survive north of the wall and a woman can't make babies with a weak or stupid man."
"But after that-"
"The woman chooses. If she likes me, I get a warm bed until she decides to leave. If I make her angry, she can cut me and go home. How do the southern people do it?"
"Well, they have arranged marriages or the man will ask the woman's father-"
Tormund was watching her face as she spoke. "Is that how you want to be won?" he asked softly. "Those delicate, useless women, bartered and sold like sheep, is that you? Or do you have some wildling blood in you?" He lifted his arm and set his elbow on the table with a mischievous grin.
Amused, Brienne stretched herself, got a steady footing, and took his hand. Tormund immediately threw his weight into it, hoping to surprise her but she caught him before her hand touched the table and pushed him back to the middle and held him there.
"What if I win?" she asked.
"Then you decide what to do with me."
"What if I lose?"
"Then you decide what to do with this impressive, virile man."
"It won't work between us."
"Because I'm a wildling? Do I need to ask Jon for a lordship and a big fancy castle I didn't build? Will that work with you?"
"No," Brienne said.
"I'll become a southern lord, or maybe you'll like the wildling life."
"I like having someone to bend the knee to."
"I'll bend both my knees for you. Our babies would rule the world. Can you imagine?"
That was the moment she realized he wasn't teasing her.
"Will you boast about bedding me?"
"Of course!" Tormund grunted as he tried to push her hand down and grinned at her as she appeared to effortlessly hold him in check. "I'll shout it from the tower that Ser Brienne took me to bed."
"Please don't."
"Alright." But he gave her an impish smile.
"Did you hear what Tyrion said, just before I left?"
"Did he insult you? It'll not please the Dragon Queen but I'll kill him for you."
"No, don't… he said I was a virgin."
"...and?"
"You don't care?"
"Surrounded by weak and perfumed men all the time, I'm not surprised you haven't chosen a worthy bedmate. Means you've been waiting for me." He gave another heave and gained a couple inches.
"And how do the wildlings do it? Like dogs?"
"The dog tribe does," Tormund joked. "And bears, but Tormund Giantsbane has studied and learned the secrets of woman from an old witch in my tribe. I'll satisfy you twice before I even enter you."
Brienne slammed his hand down and stood. "Show me."
Never one to back down from a challenge, Tormund tossed a couple more logs on the fire and pulled Brienne into a short kiss. They looked at each other for a moment and she leaned in to kiss again.