- Gravity -
It was the rain.
Falling and falling and falling.
From so high in the sullen skies, the rain plummeted down to earth like unwanted blessings from Heaven, crashing into the hard concrete and arching up again to try and reach the heavy clouds that had expelled them from the brooding sky. Then hitting the ground despairingly, finally, and resigning itself to its earthbound fate.
Sohma Kyo couldn't understand it. The rain just kept on falling, but why? Why leave the clouds and be bound to the earth if it only wanted to head skyward again?
"It has no choice, Kyo-kun."
The ginger-head started, scowled guiltily.
"Does too," he muttered. "Everything has a choice."
Honda Tohru just smiled, and looked past the sulking boy out the window at the falling rain, tracing the paths it made on the glass with her warm brown eyes.
"Still, it's beautiful, isn't it?"
Kyo stared at her, then remembered who he was talking to, bit back the sarcastic retort waiting to roll off his tongue, and just nodded. "Mm."
A sunny smile cut through the gloom and hit him in the face.
"Ne, Kyo-kun, shall we start?"
Blushing rather more than he'd like, Kyo nodded and took his seat at the kotatsu.
"Geography, was it?" he asked with a sigh.
The girl opposite him nodded enthusiastically.
"Hai! So, what's the capital of New Zealand?"
Kyo blinked.
"Of where?"
Tohru consulted her paper carefully.
"'Nyuu Jiirondo'," she pronounced carefully. "It's a little country at the bottom of the world."
Kyo scratched his head. "Isn't that Antarctica?"
Tohru frowned.
"I don't know. That's all it says here."
"New Zealand is a country made up of two main islands, the North and the South. It has a lot of forest and open land for farms. Because of this, the population is pretty small for its land surface area. It also has a lot of mountains and volcanoes, because it lies on a fault line, and is prone to earthquakes for the same reason. The capital is Wellington, located at the bottom of the North Island."
Sohma Yuki sighed from where he stood in the doorway. "And Antarctica is a continent. Was there anything else, Honda-san?"
"Eh?" Tohru's blank smiling face suddenly came alive again as her brain clicked into gear. "Oh, no, thank you Yuki-kun! You sure know a lot about..." She frowned. "...'New Zealand'."
Yuki just smiled.
"Glad to be of service."
He looked at Kyo curiously.
"And you?"
The ginger-haired boy's hackles rose. "And me what, rat-boy?"
Looking almost saddened - but only almost, because Yuki wasn't the type to show what he was really feeling in case someone noticed and started wondering, or even worse worrying - Yuki just nodded. "Fine. Happy studying then, you two."
And then he was gone.
And Kyo was in a huff.
And Tohru had no idea what was going on.
"Eh? Eh? Eh?" Her head flicked between the door and her now sulky study partner. "Kyo-kun? What's wrong?"
The boy slouched moodily to lean his cheek on one hand, the elbow resting on the tabletop.
"Wellington. You heard him. The capital of what's-it-called country is Wellington."
"Oh, right!"
Tohru quickly wrote it down.
"I wonder how Yuki-kun knows so much about everything," she commented brightly.
Obliviously.
"Nngh..."
Tohru looked up, and panicked at the sight of Kyo sliding forward dejectedly to spread out over the table, drowning in dark clouds as his head hit the tabletop.
"Kyo-kun? Kyo-kun, are you alright? What's wrong? Kyo-kun...?"
"Nothing," came the muffled reply.
"But..."
"I said it's nothing...!" Relenting at Tohru's somewhat hurt expression, Kyo sat up and scowled, rubbing the back of his neck irritably.
"Argh, I dunno. Why don't you go study with him then if he knows so much?"
"But Kyo-kun..."
"You always did before, anyway; why don't you just go and ask him what the capital of Antarctica is?"
"Antarctica has no capital," Yuki murmured quietly from outside the doorway.
No one heard him.
"You know what, fine! I'm going to my room. Study with rat-boy; he's got all the answers you want."
The door slid shut with a sharp clack, rebounded off its frame indignantly.
"But... I wanted to study with you, Kyo-kun..."
"Kyo? Kyo, can I come in?"
"That you, rat-boy?"
"Yes."
"Piss off."
"No."
Kyo flung open the door. "I said piss off!"
Yuki, unfazed, pushed his way into the cat's room and closed the door behind him.
"What?" the ginger asked rudely, tiredly.
Yuki didn't answer, and instead cast his gaze across the other boy's desk.
Pens. Paper. Mess.
With a sigh, Yuki began sorting through the - no pun intended - rat's nest.
"Oi! What d'ya think you're doing?"
Kyo shoved Yuki away, and only then did the silver-haired boy look at him.
Kyo wished he hadn't.
Satisfied that his message had come across, Yuki continued to collect up the rogue papers.
"And I had it all sorted out too," Kyo muttered half-heartedly.
"Stop lying."
"Start telling the truth."
"I already have. You're the one that's avoiding it."
"I-I-! There's nothing to tell."
"Truly?"
"Truly!"
Yuki, not pausing even to look at the other boy, murmured sadly, "I believe you."
Kyo faltered again, and averted his gaze.
The rain was still falling.
Falling, falling, falling...
"Hey... what makes the rain fall?"
The silver-haired boy paused in his cleaning.
"Gravity. Why?"
Kyo wasn't looking at him. "How does it work?"
Yuki straightened, sighed.
"Gravity is a force that pulls everything into the centre of the earth; it's why things don't float about, why we can walk across the ground without flying off at every step. It keeps everything close to the core."
"So it makes everything that's high up fall?"
Yuki frowned.
"Kyo? You're acting stranger than usual; even you should know this stuff by now." The papers were placed back onto the desk, and instead Yuki took the other boy's hand in his. He pressed it lightly to his cheek.
"Ne, Kyo..."
The orange-haired boy took his hand from Yuki's, not looking at him once. His gaze was fixed on the rain.
Yuki sighed, and finished organizing Kyo's notes. When he was done, he left, without another word.
Kyo didn't even know he'd gone until the the light started changing, and he turned to find the room cold.
The rain had stopped falling.
But Kyo was still alone in his room, cold, and confused.
He knew there was nothing more to say to the rat, but...
Maybe it was just because the other boy seemed to know him so well. Maybe it was because he was so silently aware of everything that went on in his heart; he knew even better than Kyo did himself, what was going on in there.
And maybe that was what made it so hard to deal with; what was there to say to a person who knew it all already? If he could just say it, then maybe he'd be able to handle the whole thing a lot better.
But...
It was stupid. Why should he care if he hurt the goddamn rat's feelings? Wasn't it his fault that Kyo had lived his whole life in the shameful shadow of the Cat's Evil Spirit?
No.
No, of course not.
And he knew it now.
And it made things just so much harder.
Kyo sighed, ran his fingers through his hair, looked out the window, and for once in his life wished the rain was still falling outside. The rain had always made him heavy with an unknown feeling bordering regret, pity and despair, but... somehow it hadn't seemed so depressing when he was watching it stream down the window with Tohru. It was strange, how that girl always managed to change his perspective so easily, so cheerfully, from something dark to something quite light, and beautiful.
Like now, in the shifting pastels of dusk-time, the world seemed unreal, and the lingering mist from the day's downpour seemed to shimmer the world in impossibly small diamond chips. Before Tohru, Kyo would have found the scene oppressive, and uncertain, and unbearably ominous, the mist one of deception not diamonds, and the secrets hiding behind it malicious rather than wondrous. Now, the world was one of light, not dark, and promise rather than defeat.
But what now? Somehow Kyo felt someone out there was putting the question to him, in the serenity left in the rain's wake. What will you do now, little kitten?
What else is there to do?
Something in his heart was weighing him down as he trudged out of his room.
Gravity, he thought absently. It makes things heavy; it makes things fall.
Maybe this was all gravity's fault. It'd be a lot easier if it was. Kyo always found things easier to deal with if he had something to blame.
Perhaps that was why he was so lost now; the one person he had blamed for everything bad that had ever happened in his life, that he had hated with every fiber of his being and thought to be the sole reason for his miserable existence, had done nothing but love him.
And now he knew it, more than ever.
And he had nothing to say, had no idea what to do or feel or want anymore.
Except...
"Kyo-kun?"
Kyo jumped. "What?"
The response had come out harsher than he'd intended, and he scowled.
"Sorry," he muttered, "you just... What's goin' on?"
Tohru gave him a warm smile.
"Shigure-san is at the Main House right now," she reported. "He said he had some business there, but he'd be home for dinner."
Kyo dreaded to think what havoc Shigure's 'business' was causing at Sohma House right now.
He sighed, then asked hesitantly, "...and rat boy?"
"Yuki-kun? He's at the secret base; it looks like we can have carrots tonight."
Kyo growled. That stupid base those two kept going to. It made Kyo sulky whenever he thought of the place that guy and that girl always went to together.
Alone.
By themselves.
Thing is, he wasn't even entirely sure why it irritated him so much.
And that only made him more sulky.
"Hn. Whatever. I'm gonna grab some..." He paused. "Never mind; I'm up on the roof."
And he loped off.
"Kyo-kun...?"
"Nn?"
Tohru's expression was soft, her smile kind.
"Do you... want to try and study again?"
Looking into her warm brown eyes, Kyo couldn't refuse.
"...whatever."
Kyo threw himself back and let out a strange whining growl. He ruffled his own orange hair irritably before falling forwards again and groaning. "I'm beat."
Tohru laughed kindly at him.
"Maybe we shouldn't do it for so long next time," she suggested. "Yuki-kun said it's good to take frequent breaks; doing so much studying at once just makes you tired."
Kyo's ears perked irritably at the sound of the rat's name, but a quick glance at Tohru's well-meaning expression managed to hold back his verbal annoyance long enough for The Oblivious One to continue.
"Anyway, I should start making dinner now; Shigure-san will be back soon."
Kyo sighed, rubbed the back of his neck. There was an ache there from bending over his notes, and he hated it. The thought of his overly-enthusiastic cousin returning to bug the living daylights out of him didn't help.
"Kyo-kun? Would you mind clearing the table while I start cooking?"
"Hn? Yeah, whatever. I'll put your notes in your room."
Tohru smiled her thanks and hurried into the kitchen.
Absently shuffling papers around the table, Kyo felt something creeping back into his chest; a tight, heavy feeling. He took a deep breath, held it, let it out slowly.
Still there.
He scowled, looked out the window. The rain was starting again.
Damn. More gravity. His only consolation was that Shigure might get soaked on the way home and catch cold, therefore having to seclude himself in his room for the rest of the night to recover...
Yeah, right.
Feeling heavier than ever, he cursed gravity some more and stood stiffly, jumped from foot to foot in an attempt to loosen his muscles and bring that limber feeling back to his body. Sitting still really wasn't a Kyo activity, yet somehow he'd managed to do it for nearly two hours studying with Tohru. Impressive.
But now he was paying for the feat, and he growled at the discovery of another ache in his back. Stretching and cursing, he collected the roughly sorted notes and headed upstairs to Tohru's room.
Inside, it was still light, somehow, as if the girl's mere presence in the room had left an everlasting warmth. Kyo felt the thing weighing down his chest lighten and deepen at the same time.
What the hell...?
Shrugging it off, he placed Tohru's notes at the end of the bed, and made to leave the room...
But something caught his eye.
He hesitated, then padded softly to the window.
Outside, beyond the trees and before the distant clouds haunting the horizon, was a rainbow.
Faint, and all but drowned out by the somber skies, but still there, fighting to be seen.
Kyo looked at it curiously, unable to understand why these things were mattering to him all of a sudden. Rain, gravity, rainbows, warmth... it was like the childhood he'd never really had was coming back to haunt him.
Absently, he wondered if the day was still trying to tell him something. Was there meant to be a message in there somewhere?
He cursed softly.
Stupid Nature... If you want to send me a message, can't you make it more obvious? Write it out plain won't you? None of this stupid cryptic rainbows crap, give it to me straight!
"Kyo? Is something wrong?"
The cat spun, heart racing. Funnily enough, seeing harmless Tohru standing in the doorway only made it burn faster.
He shoved his hands into his pockets awkwardly. "Just... got a funny feeling in my chest."
Tohru looked alarmed.
"Really? Are you sick?" She hurried over to place a hand on his forehead.
"Nah, it's nothing like that," Kyo muttered, gently swatting her hand away. "S'just... heavy."
Tohru looked at him thoughtfully. "Is it the rain?"
Kyo sighed. "Maybe. Something to do with gravity."
Tohru blinked; Kyo blushed.
"That is-it's like... I mean, it's just... like... heavy," he finished lamely. His gaze fixated itself out the window, looking down at the drenched garden outside.
"I guess... I'm just confused about some things."
Like Yuki.
Like Tohru.
Like life.
Shit, life is way too confusing. Why do things have to be so goddamn complicated? How the hell do people survive it?
"You mean the thing that's making your heart hurt?"
Kyo, doing as all people do when they didn't hear what was said, made a non-committal noise that Tohru, as all people faced with non-committal noises do, took as a 'yes'.
Tohru thought for a moment.
"Maybe... Kyo-kun is worried about something?"
Kyo shook his head. No, that wasn't it; he knew what worry felt like.
Tohru thought some more.
"Maybe... Kyo-kun is sad about something?"
She sounded worried that this might be the case, but Kyo shook his head again. He'd given up on being sad a long time ago.
Tohru thought hard. The expression she made was priceless; she didn't do this very often, after all. She started to sweat with effort, then to make strange impatient noises before finally blushing a deep red.
"Then maybe..." she ventured, "Kyo-kun... is thinking about someone special?"
Kyo blinked, and finally turned his head to look at the flustered girl curiously. "Special?"
Tohru nodded, still nervous. "Yes. Like... very special," she said, disappointed that she couldn't say it.
Kyo still looked confused, but was beginning to think this was it.
"Like..." Tohru tried again. "Like... like."
Something clicked in Kyo's head.
Tohru looked up at him, large brown eyes wide and innocent. "Does Kyo-kun... like someone?"
"Why do think it's that?" Kyo asked, rather too quickly.
"I heard that when someone loves someone else, whenever they think about them their heart does lots of strange things. For some people, it flutters about like a butterfly." She linked her thumbs and flapped her hands for effect. "Some people feel tight in the chest, and... some people feel a weight in their heart."
"Who told you that?" Kyo asked gently.
"Hana-chan!"
Kyo sweatdropped mightily. Oh boy. And of all the times to remember that Hanajima likes Shishou...
Tohru looked up at Kyo again questioningly. "Do you think that might be it?"
Kyo looked back at her in turn, noticed the light still floating around her, the way her face lit up with the warmth ever-burning inside her, the warmth that she had shared so willingly with him, and everyone around her. He noticed the kindness in her eyes, the well-meaning earnest and absolute trust.
"Someone special, huh?" he murmured.
It was strange, how that girl always managed to change his perspective so easily, so cheerfully... the world was one of light, not dark... a kind look... a warm smile...
When someone loves someone else, their heart does lots of strange things...
Kyo smiled, placed a hand gently on her head.
"Maybe that's it," he murmured. "Maybe that's what it is."
And Tohru smiled.
:: sonryz ::
Huh, my first fluff fic. It's so much harder to write than angst, it's kind sad... Anyway, this took WAY too long to write, with me sort of spontaneously picking it up and scribbling down a few more half-hearted lines when the mood seemed right (which wasn't all that often), so I'm not sure if it flows properly, or if the messages I wanted to send got through to people all that well. So.
.Feedback would be very much appreciated.