Slowly, I opened my eyes and found myself staring at what looked like the roof of a chapel. The delicate brickwork and the ancient metal organ looked strange, blurred and almost colourless. It seemed to me, that the colour had been drained out of the world and had been replaced with misery. The once proud eagle carved into the lectern now seemed sad, its drooping feathers and bowed head were forced to carry the burden of the large, black leather bible. Everything came flooding back to me as I sat up and took in what was happening at this ceremony.
The shadowy street was far too dark and menacing for my liking, but he said that we would be perfectly safe. We sauntered down the middle of the road, hand in hand, reminiscing and laughing about all the good times that we had been through together. I stumbled a little on my heels, but his strong grip on my paper white arm kept me upright.
"I have something to ask you, Helena," he mumbled, letting go of my hand for a moment. I was perplexed with the emotion I could see in his eyes – he was never like this.
"Well come along then, Gerard. I don't have all day!" I joked, smiling at him and tugging at the hem of my blood red dress a little. I never heard the car approach and neither did he until the headlights blinded us and the horn wailed like a child screaming for its mother... for safety. Eventually there was impact. My scream and his cries of 'HELENA NO' mingled in the cool, crisp night air but only one of us felt any pain. Another man got out of the car, shaking uncontrollably and saying something about faulty brakes between apologizing profusely and calling an ambulance – but I didn't care about that man, I just wanted my Gerard. The sticky substance seeping from my stomach was not visible against my dress, the colour camouflaged and the damage hidden. I was going to die. I concentrated so hard on him. Just him. My Gerard.
"Helena," he cried, clutching at my delicate hand and stroking at my colourless cheek. "I was going to propose. We were going to be happy. Helena? Helena, please don't leave me."
"Gee… I- I can't. My s-stomach." I groaned in pain. "I love you, Gee," I croaked, raising my hand to his cheek and stroking it briefly, wiping away the teardrops cascading down his face.
"No, Helena, don't talk like that! You're going to be fine, okay? Trust me. We're going to get you an ambulance, okay? I love you too, sweetheart. We're going to get married and have two children, a boy and a girl. We're going to grow old and…." My hand dropped to my side and I no longer heard anything that my Gerard said.
"What's the worst that I could say? Things are better if I stay." I snapped my head around and saw the mourners. I saw my family in the front row with Frank, Bob, Ray and Mikey – the other members of Gerard's band. "Every star fall brought you to tears again." I saw him; he was stood in the cold, stone pulpit saying his speech. He was tired and broken, a mere half the man that I had last seen. The dark rings under his tired, hazel eyes contrasted greatly with the white of his face. His eyes were as dull as a tarnished ring, not the slightest glimmer of hope dancing in them… he was as dead as me.
I clambered out of my ebony coffin, briefly glancing down at my own lifeless corpse; it was odd to see myself lying there, so calm and innocent. I had been dressed in my favourite black, silk dress with a band of red satin swathing my waist and my shimmering, black hair lay in loose ringlets that caressed my bloodless cheeks; the contrast between the moonlight white of my face and the strawberry red of the lipstick that adorned my cupid's-bow lips was astounding. My carbon black ballet shoes had ribbons that criss-crossed up my ankles like poison ivy on a trellis – I guessed that my outfit was chosen by Gerard.
I walked down the lengthy aisle, which was decorated simply with slightly wilted red roses and creamy lilies, observing the sorrowful mourners silently. I wished that they could see me… wished that I could say 'goodbye' properly.
Suddenly, everybody in the congregation placed their hands delicately together and bowed their heads in prayer. I spun around, dress billowing from the turn, to face my lover again as he began to whisper to himself.
"Can you hear me? Are you near me?" the sound of his voice rang in my ears like woeful wedding bells, although he was merely mumbling.
"Yes, baby, I am!" I shouted my own voice just an echo that bounced off the granite walls of the church; he didn't seem to hear me and just continued to talk in hushed tones. "I'm right here!" I ran to him, intent on saying a final goodbye. "GERARD!" I screamed in his facing, becoming increasingly infuriated that he couldn't hear me at all. I watched a single tear fall down his cheek and raised my hand instinctively to wipe it away. Making me jump, he suddenly gasped.
"Helena?" he whispered, staring straight at me, tears filling in his now bright hazel eyes.
"Yes! Yes it's me, Gerard!" I squealed in delight. He pressed his face further into the palm of my hand and I felt the heat of his skin seep into every ounce of my ghostly figure – it made me realise just how cold I really was.
"Oh, Helena," he sighed. "I will miss you so much."
"What do you mean?" I asked. "You can see me when I touch you… I never have to go. We can be together forever, just like you said we would be!"
"No, Helena," he said sternly. I could see the world crashing around my feet, the shards of reality slicing my motionless heart to pieces. "You don't belong in this world. The minute I say 'amen' and finish this payer, you will be gone… you can be happy."
"I will never be happy without you Gee… I love you," I sobbed, silvery tears forming in my eyes.
"I love you too, Helena, but we'll be together again eventually… and I'll never forget you. Wow…" he said, taking a shuddery breath that felt hot on my face and wiped away a stray tear that broke free of the prison of his eyelashes. "This is hard."
"So long, Gee."
"And goodnight," he concluded. He pressed his lips to mine for a fleeting moment before whispering "amen."
I screamed as I was pulled back into my coffin by a thousand tiny hands, scrambling at the air to get a grip on anything… anyone. I fell into my body so gracefully it was just as if I had fallen asleep, safe and secure to the sound of my one true love's voice
"What's the worst that I could say? Things are better if I stay. So long, and goodnight, so long and goodnight. And if we carry on this way, things are better if I stay. So long and goodnight, so long and goodnight."