Author's Note: Hey-ho! Recently, this guy gave me some suggestions for future stories, and I built a couple of ideas from them. One suggestion was a straight-up rip-off of the bell tower scene from Spider-Man 3 (get it?), only with Lincoln playing the role of Peter Parker. I discarded that suggestion, but it gave me an idea for a story that could incorporate my favorite Loud House characters and my favorite Marvel characters, and now, well… here we are!

Before we get started, I'd just like to make it known that I'm more of a Loud House fan than a Marvel fan. What information I know about the Marvel universe and its characters comes from wikis, YouTube videos, movie adaptations, and the occasional digital comic book. I've done quite a lot of homework for this fic, but I still might get some facts wrong, so if I do, I apologize in advance.

Also, I decided not to stay completely up-to-date on the Marvel comic books – as in, I'll be disregarding certain developments in the comics as of late (for example – spoilers! – Eddie Brock no longer having the Venom symbiote). Sorry, hardcore comic book geeks, but this is a Marvel/Loud House crossover – it's already about as far away from canon as it can get! If it makes you feel better, just think of it as yet another alternate universe. (I mean, there's one where the superheroes and supervillains are zombies, so it's not that implausible…)

And finally, let me just warn you that, if you read Marvel comics, then you might figure out some plot twists way ahead of time. (After all, you've got decades' worth of history on your side!) Just thought I'd give you fair warning!

Okay, I think that's everything, so, without further ado, let's get this show on the road!

I'm Captain Dodge – thank you, and have a nice day!

(...)

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon at the Royal Woods Mall. Shoppers were commuting from store to store, buying what they needed or whatever struck their fancy. As usual, Lincoln Loud and his best friend, Clyde McBride, could be found at the local comic book store, reading up on some of the most famous exploits of their favorite superheroes committed to print. (Admittedly, the accounts of the comic books weren't as truthful as those of the news, but they were certainly more fun and easier to follow for kids like the two boys.)

"Whoaaa!" Lincoln said, marveling at the fight scene between Spider-Man and Venom. The poses were so dynamic, the combat so vivid… This comic truly was a classic. He forced himself to tear his eyes away from the page and look up at his friend, who was engrossed in a Black Panther comic. "Hey, Clyde, check this out!"

Clyde only spared Lincoln a momentary glance. "Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, Lincoln, hang on…"

Lincoln gave Clyde a bemused look that went unnoticed. "Clyde," he said, "how come you only read Black Panther comics?"

"He's a great role model for African Americans!" Clyde responded cheerfully.

Lincoln thought about it, then nodded. "…Hm. True. But hey, that doesn't mean you have to just stick to him. I mean, all superheroes are great role models!"

"Except for anti-heroes," Clyde said.

"Yeah, well, they still fight crime! And besides, who wouldn't want to be a superhero? Beating up bad guys, saving the world…"

Clyde looked apprehensive. "I don't know, Lincoln… sounds kinda dangerous to me…"

"Of course it's dangerous – that's what makes it so heroic!" Lincoln sighed, hugging the comic to his chest. "Ah… What I wouldn't give to meet some real superheroes…"

"Well, didn't we see the Great Lakes Avengers at that convention in Detroit last year?"

"Like I said – real superheroes. You know, like Spider-Man, or Black Panther?"

Clyde nodded. "Yeah… But what are the odds of that? All the important stuff happens in the big cities, like New York and San Francisco. Nothing exciting ever happens here – the worst we've had is that string of burglaries, and that can easily be prevented with a little home security!"

Lincoln's eyes fell to the floor. "Yeah…" He closed his eyes, sighing. "Still… it's nice to dream. Wouldn't it be awesome if we got superpowers?" The thought made Lincoln snort after a moment. "…Ah, but what are the odds of us getting bitten by radioactive spiders, or getting bombarded with cosmic radiation, or being born into African royalty?" He shook his head, then waved his comic in the air and jabbed a thumb at the checkout counter. "Ah, well – let's ring these up. Come on, buddy."

Noticing how downcast he had become, Clyde tried to cheer Lincoln up as the cashier rang them up. "Hey, you know, Lincoln…" he said, "…when you think about it, you being able to keep your family together is kind of a superpower all on its own, don't you think?"

Clyde's attempt worked – Lincoln chortled at his little observation. "Yeah…" As the two took their bags and left the comic shop, he added, "That reminds me – Leni asked me to walk home with her from work."

Clyde's phone buzzed, and he fished it out of his pocket and read the new text. "Oh – perfect timing!" As he stuffed his phone back into his pocket, he said, "My dads are here – we still on for Spider-Man and Black Panther cosplay at my house after school on Monday?"

"You know it!" Lincoln performed his special bro handshake with Clyde, high-fiving him, spinning him around, and closing with a fist-bump. "See you then, buddy!"

"See ya, Lincoln!"

Lincoln waved Clyde off, then strode off in the direction of Reininger's. As he walked, the battle between Spider-Man and Venom in his newly-purchased reprint of The Amazing Spider-Man #300 kept playing and replaying in his mind. Before long, the young boy found himself re-enacting the scene himself, to the amusement of passersby.

"Thwip! Thwip! Wa-POW!" Lincoln chuckled as he came up to Reninger's. "Ah… I wish I could be one of them… A real superhero…"

As Lincoln entered the store (coming under the watchful eye of Fiona in the process), he found Leni at the cash register with that creep Salvatore Fox and his goon, the unfortunately-nicknamed Barry Kaiser. Well, Lincoln, he told himself, at least you can still be a REGULAR hero…

Sal Fox was touching Leni's arm. Leni gave him the stink eye in response, though Fox didn't take the hint (or, more likely, deliberately ignored it). "Come on, Lens," he said, "how many times do I gotta say it? I'm crazy about you, girl. Why won't you give me a chance…?"

Leni finally pulled her arm out of his grasp. "First of all," she said, "my name is Leni, not Lens. Second of all, I told you – I haven't forgotten what you did to Mandee, you… you… meanie!"

"Leni?" Lincoln called out.

Leni and her two harassers looked at Lincoln, and as soon as she saw him, Leni's face lit up with relief. "Well," she said with a smirk, "sorry to disappoint you, boys, but my escort is here." She left the checkout counter and strolled up to her brother, taking his arm. "You wouldn't want to, like, look bad in front of my family, would you?"

Sal Fox snickered – Leni probably thought she was being subtle. "Who's looking bad?" He combed his fingers through his hair. "See you 'round, Leni. Hope you'll give my offer some more consideration…"

"I already have," she said as she tugged Lincoln's arm. "See ya. Let's go, Linky!"

Sal Fox stewed silently as he watched his prize leave the store with her annoying little brother in tow, asking Miguel to clock her out for her. Barry Kaiser attempted to think of some sort of consolation for his friend/boss, but all he could think of was "Ouch…"

Sal Fox took it in stride, though. "Ah, just goes to show, Kai – nice guys finish last." He chuckled, then his smile slowly curdled into a frown. "Maybe it's time we stopped playing nice…"

(…)

Leni insisted on taking the long way back home, which meant strolling through downtown. Lincoln couldn't blame her – it was nice and mild outside, and the air was fresh and fragrant. As they walked home, Lincoln and Leni chatted about their respective days, until the conversation inevitably came back to the two creeps back at Reininger's, bringing Leni's mood back down.

"Hey, what's your deal with those guys, anyways?" Lincoln asked. "I mean, if you don't mind my asking…"

Leni sighed. "No, it's fine…" She folded her arms and started her long diatribe. "Well, Barry just follows Sal's lead, but Sal… ugh. He started going out with Mandee a month ago, but then, only, like, two weeks later, he just dumped her out of the blue and, like, almost as soon as he did, he asked me out. I, like, didn't know what to say, so, I told him I needed some time. But then, Jackie told me that he only dated Mandee to get close to me. And, like, it made sense – like, almost as soon as he and Mandee started going out, he started getting really friendly with me. I liked him – I thought he was just being nice. But then he just dumps her for, like, no reason, and it's like, why? You've met Mandee, you know how cool she is! Then I remembered how, like, he'd kinda ignore her when we were all out together and just focus on me, and then, again, there was that whole 'asking me out so soon after breaking up with Mandee' thing, and it's like, 'how could you treat her that way and still expect me to go out with you afterwards?'" She huffed, turning back to Lincoln. "You know what I mean?"

Lincoln blinked. He didn't know what she meant, actually – in fact, he lost track of the conversation around the point of the fourth "like". Still, Leni had demanded a response, so he just went with the safest bet. "Uh… yeah. Yeah, I get it – he's a creep."

"Totes a creep!" Leni sighed, slumping her shoulders. "But even though I said 'no' twice, he still won't leave me alone…" She shook her head. "And he's getting, like, really… what's the word? Incestant?"

"Insistent," Lincoln corrected.

"Right, right… It's getting harder and harder to get him to back off…" She smiled sweetly at Lincoln. "Thanks for saving me back there, Lincoln…"

"What, me?" Lincoln waved dismissively. "Oh, I didn't do anything! You did all the work, I was just, you know… there!"

"Sometimes that's all it takes, Linky!" Leni looked up at the sky. "Sometimes… all it takes to be a hero is to be in the right place at the right time…"

At that very moment, a loud crash was heard, startling Lincoln and Leni, followed by the squealing of rubber on asphalt. The two siblings watched as a truck that had been passing by swerved out of control into the opposite lane, forcing the oncoming cars to dodge out of the way, and ran straight into a building with an awful smash.

Horrified, the onlookers, Lincoln and Leni included, rushed to the scene (ignoring the large black figure nearby), crying out "Call 9-1-1!" and checking for anyone inside the truck. Too many people had surrounded the truck before Lincoln and Leni got there, and the two of them were separated as they tried to shove past. The bystanders shoved back, and Lincoln was forced back and to the right of the forming crowd, right behind the truck.

Grumbling, Lincoln picked himself up and dusted himself off, but as he spared a glance towards the back of the truck, intending to try again, he noticed that the doors had been jarred open. Seized with a young boy's curiosity, Lincoln momentarily disregarded his concern for the driver and anyone else that might be in the truck and crept over to the back of the bed, peeking inside. It was mostly dark, but what little rays of light snuck through illuminated a few canisters containing… something. Lincoln opened the doors wider to get a better look.

"Out of the way, kid!"

A snarling, monstrous voice behind him gave Lincoln only gave him a moment's warning before he was roughly shoved aside by a powerful force – one powerful enough to unintentionally bash his head against the metal side of the truck. Stunned, Lincoln slid to the floor, and the last thing he saw was an enormous creature – shaped like a man, but black all over – stepping inside. Then, he passed out.

"…incoln? Lincoln? Lincoln!"

When Lincoln came to, he was in an alleyway. Leni hovered over him anxiously, her face creased with worry.

Lincoln lifted his head up, wincing. "Ohhh…" he groaned, putting one hand to his head. "Ooogh… Unh… Uh… L-Leni?"

"Lincoln, are you all right?" Leni asked.

Lincoln rubbed his head, trying to get his bearings. "Ugh… I-I think so… What happened?"

"I don't know – I found you in the back of the truck, passed out. What were you doing back there?"

"I…" Suddenly, Lincoln became aware of a great din all around him – bestial roaring, the crunching of metal, and the screaming of hapless civilians. "Wha… What's going on…?"

Leni helped Lincoln to his feet, cautioning him with a "Careful…", and Lincoln stumbled out of the alleyway onto the sidewalk – and what he saw instantly snapped him out of his daze.

There, standing before him… was a genuine, honest-to-God supervillain.

Venom screamed impatiently as he tore the truck apart, disregarding the pandemonium he was causing. "Where is it?!" he roared. "WHERE IS IT?!"

Lincoln stood transfixed – he never thought he'd see the day, but here he was, looking at Eddie Brock, a.k.a. Venom – Spider-Man's arch-nemesis, formed from the bond between a spurned alien symbiote that once served as his suit and a disgraced reporter who blamed him for his misfortunes. He'd heard that Venom had given up his vendetta against the webslinger and was trying to turn over a new leaf as a superhero, but it was honestly hard to tell that looking at him now.

Leni, terrified, shakily took Lincoln's hand. "C-C-C-Come on, Linky… L-L-Let's get out of here…"

Venom gave the contents of the truck yet another once-over, but his target was still nowhere in sight. "I don't get it!" he said. "I got the license plate number – this is the right truck! Where is it?!" He turned over an empty canister – and stopped when he noticed that it was cracked.

"Cracked…" Venom dropped the canister. "It escaped! Where did it go? The only other person in here was…"

Venom's gaze snapped over his shoulder, where he spied Leni leading Lincoln away. He turned and pointed at the white-haired boy.

"YOU!"

Leni turned to see the monster pointing at them… and nearly wet herself. "Lincoln, RUN!"

A supervillain like Venom suddenly taking an interest in him was all the motivation Lincoln needed to follow Leni's order, but an eleven-year-old kid was no match for a powerful alien symbiote. In one bound, Venom leaped into the air and came down in front of Leni, who fell back on her butt with a frightened yelp. Before Lincoln could turn and run in the opposite direction, Venom grabbed him by the wrist and hoisted him up into the air, bringing him to eye level.

Lincoln kicked and squirmed fruitlessly, all the pre-prepared lines he planned to give to a supervillain should he ever meet one face-to-face flying out the window. "N-No!" he cried. "NO! L-Let me go! Leave me alone!"

Seeing her precious baby brother in danger brought Leni springing to her feet, and she started pounding at Venom's abdomen as hard as she could as tears streamed down her face. "NO! Put him down, put him down, put him down…!"

Undeterred, Venom licked his razor-sharp teeth top to bottom with his long, grotesque tongue. "This… ends… NOW!"

He opened his mouth wide, baring his horrific fangs before the helpless child. "No! No, please! Please, don't hurt me!"

Leni, equally helpless, resorted to pathetically crying and fell to her knees, her makeup running. "No… NO! LINCOLN!"

"PUT… THE KID… DOWN!"

A sharp, youthful voice cut through the chaos, hurling a heavy iron manhole cover which slammed into Venom's head, nearly splitting it in two. The creature dropped Lincoln and stumbled back, howling more in shock and anger than in pain. Lincoln opened his eyes in surprise, hardly daring to breathe, and gaped. He was alive – he didn't know how, but he was alive! Although he hesitated to look at the same maw that he had been staring into from point blank range only seconds ago, he did anyway, and saw that the manhole cover had been swung by two webbed threads.

As soon as he made this discovery, a certain red and blue wallcrawler swooped into the scene, punctuating his already impressive entrance with a flying kick to Venom's neck, knocking him flat on his back. Spider-Man somersaulted in midair, then landed nimbly on his feet, in combat stance.

"Sp… Sp… Spider-Man…"

Spider-Man, seeing that Venom was down for the count (or, at least, for the moment), turned to his would-be victim and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You okay, kid?" he asked.

Lincoln stared dumbly for a second before blinking and hurriedly trying to form words. This was a lot to process for him – first, he had witnessed a truck crash; then, he saw a supervillain; then, said supervillain tried to eat him; then, his favorite superhero had saved him; and now, said superhero had just talked to him. It took everything Lincoln had just to avoid fainting on the spot.

"U… Uh… Uh-huh…" he said without really thinking.

Overwhelmed with relief, Leni rushed up to Lincoln and his hero. "Linky!" She threw her arms around him. "Oh, thank goodness…!"

"Miss, is this your brother?" Spider-Man asked.

Leni broke the hug, looking up at Spider-Man with a bewildered expression. "Wha –? Uh, um – uh, y-yeah?"

"Get him out of here – now!"

"Eek!" Leni squeaked. "Y-Yes, sir!" She took Lincoln's hand. "Come on, Lincoln!"

She stood up and pulled Lincoln to his feet, though Lincoln offered half-hearted resistance. Like a horny teenager, his mind was filled with "but"s – he didn't want to leave without getting Spider-Man's autograph, or, failing that, a few selfies with him, but, he also didn't want to stick around and possibly get eaten; buuut, he also wanted to see his favorite hero in action; buuuuut, he also wanted to obey his favorite hero and get the heck out of there.

In the end, his survival instinct won out, and Lincoln allowed Leni to lead him away to safety, though not without shouting "Tha-Thank you, Spider-Man!" over his shoulder.

With the kid safely out of the way, Spider-Man turned his attention back to Venom, his erstwhile enemy/ally, who was now back on his feet. "Tsk, tsk, tsk…" he clucked his tongue. "Eating children, Brock? I always had my suspicions, but now I'm sure of it…" He pointed at the big goopy man-alien. "You're a troll. And I don't mean the Internet kind…"

Venom pulled the manhole cover out of his head, which slowly pulled itself together. "That… really… HURT!" he shouted as soon as his mouth re-formed.

"Aww, did Eddie get a boo-boo?" Spider-Man said mockingly. "Aww… you want Daddy to kiss it better?"

Growling furiously, Venom bent the manhole cover at a 90-degree angle. "We are so not in the mood for your barbs, Webhead! We've gotta put a stop to this once and for –" He stopped, looking around. Where had the kid gone? He couldn't sense him anywhere, and he was nowhere in sight. Where did he go?

"Gone…" He pounded the ground with his fists. "He's GONE! We've lost him!" With a frightening grimace, he turned to Spider-Man. "This is all YOUR fault!"

"Ah, yes, Eddie Brock's tried-and-true solution to everything: blame Spider-Man. I mean, hey, if it worked once before…!"

Snarling, Venom advanced on Spider-Man threateningly, but then reconsidered his priorities. "Grr… Forget it – we've got bigger bugs to zap!" He started past the webslinger. "We've gotta find that kid before it's too late!"

He was only able to take two steps before two webs restrained him. Turning his head, he saw Spider-Man holding him back.

"…You know I can't let you do that, Venom," Spider-Man said in a low voice.

Exasperated, Venom shook his head, letting his tongue flicker in and out of his mouth, then grabbed the webs and ripped them off, winding them around his arm. "We don't have time for this…!"

"Well, you'd better make time, because it's go time!"

Slinging a web at a nearby building and using it and the webs Venom had a hold on as leverage, Spider-Man sling-shotted himself at Venom, kicking him square in the face. The blow knocked Venom onto his back, and Spider-Man landed on his chest and started pummeling his head with his fists. Venom responded by locking his hands together and hitting Spider-Man with a fierce hammerblow to the chest, knocking the webslinger back and leaving him gasping for air, then bucked him off completely. Catching his breath, Spider-Man backflipped a safe distance away, and Venom got to his feet. Thinking fast, Spider-Man webbed one of the detached doors of the truck Venom had crashed and torn apart.

"Special delivery!" Spidey shouted as he flung the door at Venom, who dodged and shot a web of his own at the makeshift projectile, moving with its momentum.

"Return to sender!" Venom responded, spinning around and hurling the door back at Spider-Man. Spider-Man leapt up out of the way and slung another web at the door to catch it and prevent it from hitting any rubbernecks on the scene – exactly what Venom thought he would do. Seizing the opportunity, Venom hurled himself at the momentarily defenseless hero, bypassing his Spider-Sense as usual, and dropkicked him, sending him crashing into the shredded side of the truck. Not giving his foe a moment's reprieve, Venom pressed the attack, pounding Spider-Man mercilessly into the metal. Spider-Man, completely overwhelmed, could do little except tank the assault as best he could.

When Venom wound up for a particularly powerful punch, Spider-Man sensed his opportunity and fired a web at his face, momentarily blinding him. That moment was all Spider-Man needed to spring back into action, ripping off a jagged shard of metal from the truck bed and using it to stab Venom in the neck, leaping up onto his chest.

Venom grabbed Spider-Man's wrist, hissing. "I thought we were friends now…!"

"Well, you know what they say…" Spider-Man said, "…'you always hurt the ones you love.'"

Venom grinned. "That so…? Well then…" He grabbed Spider-Man by the neck.

"Let us show you how much we 'love' you!"

With that, Venom slammed Spider-Man into the street, then grabbed him by the leg and swung him overhead, mashing him into the sidewalk, then back into the street, then the sidewalk again, then the street again, before tossing him back at the truck.

Spider-Man slid to the ground, groaning, then struggled to get up. Just as he managed to do so, however, Venom wrapped his hands around his throat again.

"Ack…!" Spidey shaped both of his hands into a "T". "Okay, time out, time out…!"

Venom got right up in Spider-Man's face, his grotesque tongue flickering just in front of his nose. "…If we weren't on the side of good right now," he said, "we'd snap your neck just like this." Then, without warning, he released his grip. "As it is, though, consider this a warning: don't interfere with our business. We're not your enemy – best keep things that way." To Spider-Man's immense surprise, Venom then sprouted wings. "Now, we've got to find that white-haired kid…"

Flapping his huge, powerful wings, Venom lifted off and flew away, scanning for Lincoln.

Spider-Man watched him go, not bothering to try to stop him again. Heh… he thought. Good luck – he went the other way. He stretched, sore from the fight. "Ah… Oh, man… Well, guess Venom can fly now. Just when you think you've got 'em figured out… Ow…" He sighed. "…So, I guess he wasn't looking for a fight. But what was he looking for, then? That kid? What is it about that kid that's got him so riled up? Does he just hate kids? Wouldn't put it past him…"

As the throngs of people began to gather around Spider-Man: praising his performance in the fight (even though he got thrashed), asking for his autograph, and beginning to take selfies with him without permission. Spidey disregarded all the attention (which he was used to), and instead focused on the truck that Venom had torn to shreds. Although it was hard to read through all the deformed and twisted metal, he could still make out the name of the company that owned the truck:

Alchemax.

(…)

Lincoln took another look back over his shoulder. He and Leni had been running non-stop for almost fifteen minutes, now. The battle was far behind them, and Venom was nowhere to be seen. Seeing how winded Leni had become, he tugged on her hand, signaling for her to stop.

"Okay, Leni, okay…" he said, "…I think we've gone far enough. We've lost 'em. We're safe."

Leni gratefully took the opportunity to rest, bending over and panting. "…Are you sure?" she gasped.

"Look at where we are, Leni." Lincoln gestured to their surroundings. They had managed to run from downtown all the way to the residential area, not far from their home. "I'm pretty sure we're far enough away."

"Just… wanted to be sure…" She straightened up, wiping her brow. "Whew… Haven't run that fast… or that long… in a while…"

"Yeah…" Lincoln felt his own heartbeat. Steady. His breathing was slow and even. And he didn't feel tired at all. How could Leni, who was in better shape than he was, be tired, and not him? "Weird…"

"What is…?"

Lincoln thought about it for a moment. "…Eh, it's nothing. Forget it. Are you okay, Leni?"

"Am I okay?! Lincoln, what about you?!"

"Me? I'm okay – all thanks to Spider-Man!" Lincoln started pacing back and forth excitedly. "Did you see him back there, Leni? He was all like…" He jumped back and forth, making swishing noises, and then started shadow boxing and kicking, accompanied by kiais.

Leni, however, stopped him by putting her hands on his shoulders and looking straight into his eyes with deep concern etched all over her face. "Lincoln…" she said quietly, "…are you sure you're alright?"

Stunned by how serious she was, Lincoln's excitement melted away. "Uh… Y-Yes, Leni, I'm sure. I'm alright."

Leni's lip started to quiver. She brought a hand up to his face, caressing his cheek. "Lincoln…" Tears started to form in the corners of her eyes. "Lincoln, I… I just… Oh!"

Suddenly, she pulled him into a hug, which Lincoln returned, despite his surprise. Leni clutched him tightly, even digging her nails into his skin in some areas, and shook. "Oh, Lincoln, I was so scared! I was so scared when that big mean man grabbed you! I thought he was going to kill you! I thought you were going to die…!"

Now Lincoln understood what Leni was so shaken up about. "Oh…" Closing his eyes, he returned the hug, stroking his big sister's back soothingly. "It's okay, Leni… It's okay… I'm still here, okay?"

Leni sniffled. "Yeah…"

"Yeah…"

Leni sighed. "What a relief… Now, I still have the chance to kill you myself…"

"Yeah –" Lincoln's eyes snapped open. "Wait – what?!"

He looked up at Leni, who still held him in her arms and smiled, yet under her veneer of kindness hid dripping contempt. "Lincoln…" she said, "…can you keep a secret?"

Lincoln was utterly confused. Who was this person, and what had they done with Leni? "…What?"

Leni opened her eyes, looking down on Lincoln. The sugary sweetness of her tone of voice could hardly mask the poison in her words. "…I hate you, Lincoln," she said. "I've hated you since the first time I saw you. How could I ever love someone… something… so wrong? I wanted to be rid of you once and for all – I wanted to correct the mistake that is your existence. And when Venom grabbed you and almost ate you, I thought I would never get the chance…"

Lincoln's heart sank into his feet. He started to cry. "L… L… Leni… I-I don't understand…"

"Oh, is this too big for your stupid little brain? Well, let me make it simpler for you. Lincoln…" She smiled.

"You disgust me."

Lincoln shook his head. This wasn't happening – this couldn't be happening! "No…! NO!"

He forcefully separated from Leni, shoving her back. Leni stumbled off the sidewalk and fell back into the street… right in front of an oncoming bus.

Lincoln watched in horror as his elder sister – his sister, whom he thought was so warm and loving, but had just revealed herself to be a spiteful monster – was turned into roadkill right in front of him, her body bursting and splattering blood and offal all over the front of the bus, the street, the sidewalk… and her brother.

Lincoln shook as he looked down at himself, then up at the carnage he had inadvertently caused. He fell to his knees, put his hands on his head, and screamed.

"Linky?!"

Lincoln stopped immediately. He knew that voice…!

"What's wrong?" Leni asked.

Lincoln looked up at her from where he knelt. It wasn't possible… There she was, standing right in front of him! He scrambled back, pointing at her shakily. "You…! You just…!"

Leni scratched her head. "…I just said that I felt ashamed for not being able to do anything to help you. You know, as your big sister…?"

"You –" Lincoln blinked. "You… You did?"

"Yes! Weren't you listening?"

Lincoln let his gaze fall, searching for answers. "B-But you said… And-And then I… Y… Th-The bus!"

Lincoln looked down the road in both directions… but there was no bus in sight. Leni followed his gaze. "What bus? I thought we were walking home…"

Lincoln's arms fell limply at his sides. "I… I thought…"

"What?"

Lincoln forced himself to look at her face – the same face that had been smiling at him on the outside, but sneering at him on the inside, just a few seconds ago; the same face that had been ground into red paste between the rubber and the asphalt mere moments later. Now, however, she only had concern on her face – concern that, as far as Lincoln could tell, was 100% genuine.

Lincoln fell silent, at a complete loss. Leni took a hesitant step towards him. "Linky," she said, "you're scaring me…"

Lincoln took a shuddering breath. He didn't know what just happened back there, or where it came from – all he knew was, he didn't want it to happen again. "Let's…" Lincoln stood up and turned back in the direction of their house. "Let's… just keep walking…"

Leni reached out to him. "Here, I'll hold your hand…"

Lincoln retreated from her. "No! No, no, no, Leni, I – I-I mean –" He held up his hands, smiling nervously. "I-I-It's fine, Leni! I can walk by myself, thank you!"

"But Linky –"

"No, really, Leni, it's fine!" He turned his back to her. "Let's… Let's just go…"

And so, somewhat regretfully, Lincoln left a hurt Leni to trail behind him. Lincoln rubbed his hands together, shivering. After that little episode, he was sure that his skin would crawl if Leni were to touch him.

Speaking of that little episode, what was that all about? Leni, out of nowhere, just told him to his face, in the sweetest voice, that she hated him – that everything about him disgusted her. Why did she say that? Leni would never say that!

And what about what happened afterwards? Lincoln had murdered her – as Lori would say, he literally threw her under the bus! The blood, the gore, it was… it was…

…Well, of course it was horrifying! Why wouldn't it be? That strange tingle he felt when he beheld the damage was nothing, nothing at all…

…just like everything he thought he'd seen and heard. It was all in Lincoln's head – but why? Why was it in his head? And why did it seem so real?

Such thoughts dogged Lincoln all the way back to 1216 Franklin Avenue – the Loud house.

(…)

Everyone's attention snapped to the front door as Lincoln opened it. "…We're home," he called out.

All at once, Lincoln was swarmed by his sisters, all calling and shouting over each other. Taken aback, Lincoln fended them off as Leni came in behind him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Lincoln said, raising his hands in defense. "What's all this about?"

Mr. and Mrs. Loud pushed their way past their kids. "Hey, hey, hey," Mrs. Loud said, "okay, enough, everyone!"

Lincoln's other sisters fell silent. Lincoln and Leni looked up at their parents, silently requesting an explanation.

"Are you alright, kids?" Mrs. Loud asked.

Lincoln nodded. "Yes, we're fine. Why?"

"We thought you might be hurt…" Lana said.

"Hurt?"

"Didn't you hear?" Lynn said. "We haven't gotten all the details yet, but apparently, there was a huge accident downtown."

Leni gasped. "O! M! Gosh, you guys!" she said. Then, Lincoln joined her in saying, "We were THERE!"

The Loud crowd erupted into commotion again, with shouts of disbelief and demands to know what happened rolling through the air, mixing together in an incomprehensible clutter. Unable to contain their excitement, Lincoln and Leni started explaining what had happened to them simultaneously.

"You are not going to believe this –"

"Okay, so, like, we were walking home –"

"—there was a superhero fight downtown!"

"—and, like, all of a sudden, this truck just –"

"And we were caught in the middle of it!"

"—crashed, and we all got worried –"

"One of them even grabbed me –"

"—and then, like, this big black thing showed up –"

"—hoisted me up into the air!"

"—and started tearing up the truck, and, like –"

"But then – man! Oh, man –!"

"—then he went after Lincoln!"

"—Spider-Man came to the rescue!"

Mr. Loud waved his hands back and forth. "Hey, hey, HEY!" he shouted over the commotion. "Enough!" Once everyone had piped down, he took a deep breath. "Okay, now – one at a time. Lincoln, Leni… tell us what happened."

Lincoln and Leni looked at each other. "H-Here, Leni," Lincoln said, "I'll tell them."

Leni wanted to tell them herself, but it seemed to her that Lincoln knew more about the situation than she did, so she nodded, acquiescing. "…Okay."

Lincoln cleared his throat. "Okay, so… Leni and I were just walking home from the mall, see?"

"Oh, why didn't you call, kids?" Mrs. Loud interrupted. "We would have picked you up…"

Lincoln shrugged. "It's a beautiful day outside, and we just felt like walking and talking. So, Leni and I were just talking, and then all of a sudden, a truck spins out of control and crashes into a building!"

The other Louds all gasped. "Oh, no!" Luan said. "Was anyone hurt?"

"I don't know – I hope not. Leni and I tried to take a closer look, but everyone else did, too, and we got separated. I took a look in the back of the truck, and then…" Lincoln scratched his head. "…Well, I don't exactly know what happened, but…"

Lori turned to Leni. "Leni," she said, "do you wanna take it from here?"

Leni looked at Lincoln for approval, and after receiving it, started. "Okay, so, like, I was just trying to get a look inside the truck's cockpit, and then –"

"Wait, wait, wait," Luna said, "time out. The truck's cockpit?"

"Yeah! You know, where the driver sits?"

The Louds all looked at each other, then shrugged. "…Okay," Mr. Loud said, "continue, Leni."

"And then, we all, like, heard noises in the back of the truck, and we all went to look, and I saw Lincoln lying in the back of the truck, sleeping!"

"Sleeping?" Luan said.

"Unconscious, I think she means," Lincoln explained.

"Ohhh. Well, what happened?"

Lincoln and Leni shared an unsure look. "Well…" Leni said, "…I don't know. But he had an owie on the side of his head – here, Lincoln, show them!"

Lincoln parted his hair to show the family his bruised cranium. "I think I got shoved, and hit my head," he said.

"You okay, sweetie?" Mrs. Loud asked.

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine. Just a little bruise."

Mrs. Loud gave him a concerned look. "…Okay…"

"Anyways," Leni continued, "I went to pick him up, and when I looked up, I saw this…" Leni paused, struggling to think of a description for what she saw. "This… This big… black… man-thing! Yeah – a big, black man-thing!"

Everyone eyed Leni skeptically. "'Man-thing'?" Lynn said.

"Uh…" Leni looked to Lincoln for assistance – assistance that he was happy to provide.

"Venom, you guys," he said excitedly. "Venom!"

"'Venom'?" Mrs. Loud said.

"Yeah!" Lincoln looked around the crowd. "What, you – you don't know who Venom is?"

Everyone stared at him uncomprehendingly.

Lincoln sighed – this was going to take a lot of explanation. "Okay, okay, look, Venom is –" Just then, he got an idea. "Oh! Wait! I'll show you! Where's my comic…?" Lincoln patted himself down, looking for the comic he purchased earlier today, then groaned in dismay. "Oh, I must have dropped it when everything happened! Dang it, that one cost me fifteen bucks…!"

"What are you talking about, Lincoln?" Leni asked.

"My comic – the one I bought at the mall today!"

"Oh!" Leni opened her bag and pulled out Lincoln's issue of The Amazing Spider-Man #300. "You mean this comic?"

Lincoln's face lit up with joy and relief. "Yes! That's it! Thank you, Leni! You held onto it for me?"

"Yeah, just like you asked! Remember?"

"Oh, right, right, right…" He beckoned to her. "Well, here, here, Leni – give it here!"

Leni handed Lincoln the comic, and Lincoln flipped through the pages until he found an appropriate picture of Venom, pointing it out to his family. "Here! See this? This is Venom – a man named Eddie Brock mixed with an alien lifeform. He's Spider-Man's arch-nemesis! He was there – and he attacked us! Attacked me!"

"No way!" Lana gasped.

"Get out!" Lynn said incredulously.

The rest of Lincoln's sisters were just as unconvinced as Lynn, leaving only Lana and Leni to believe Lincoln. "Are you just making this up, Lincoln?" Lola asked.

Lincoln shook his head emphatically. "No! No way! I'm telling you guys, it's the truth! Venom was there, and he jumped up in front of us, and then he grabbed me and hoisted me up in the air! Really!"

"Come on, Lincoln," Lucy said, "do you really expect us to believe that? Why would he go after you specifically?"

Lincoln shook his head again. "I don't know – but he did, I'm telling you!" He turned to Leni. "Leni can back me up – right, Leni?"

"Oh my gosh, you guys," Leni said, "I was so scared! I didn't know what to do!"

The memory of what Leni had said to him after the fact returned to Lincoln unbidden. "Uh, heh, heh… Yeah…"

"Okay, so how did you get out of there alive, then?" Luan asked.

"Oh my gosh," Lincoln said, "you guys are not going to believe this –"

"We already do not believe it, elder brother," Lisa said dryly.

"Shh! Listen!" Lincoln huddled in closer to the Loud crowd. "There I was, about to become a supervillain's lunch, when out of nowhere, Spider-Man swings in and saves me! Can you believe it, guys?! Spider-Man SAVED ME!"

"Whoaaa…!" Lana said, stars in her eyes.

Lynn scoffed. "Aw, come on…!"

Lola and Lisa were similarly skeptical. "Okay," Lola said, "now we know you're making this up."

"It's totes true, you guys!" Leni said. "Spider-Man swung a round street thingie… Y-You know, one of those… thingies… in the street…"

Everyone looked to Lincoln for clarification. "A manhole cover," he said.

"Right, whatever! He swung it at Venom's head, and it, like, made Venom drop Lincoln!" Leni clasped her hands together, popping one foot up. "He saved Lincoln! He's a hero!"

Lynn, Lola, and Lisa remained unswayed, while Lucy and Luan, having heard Leni's testimony, were now not so doubtful. Lori, Luna and Lana, on the other hand, were completely starstruck.

Lori and Luna approached Leni. "L-Leni…" Lori said, "…is it true? Was Spider-Man really there?"

Leni crossed her heart. "Cross my heart, hope to die! He told me to –"

"He talked to you?!" Lori and Luna squeed and got right up in Leni's face. "What did he say? Huh, Leni? What did he say?!"

"Oh! You know…" Leni rubbed the back of her head. "He, uh… asked Lincoln if he was okay, and then he told me to get him out of there, which I did, and…" She shrugged. "…That was it."

Lori and Luna shrank back, disappointed. "Aw, man," Luna said, "that's it?"

"Well, it makes sense," Lori said. "They were in a dangerous situation…"

"Still, you talked to Spider-Man? An actual superhero?"

Leni nodded, smiling. "Yeah!"

Lori folded her arms jealously. "Lucky…"

"Even if what you said could be taken as the truth," Lisa said, "that still begs the question: What were superpowered beings doing in a small town with a low crime rate such as Royal Woods?"

Lincoln shrugged. "I don't know – all I know is, it was lucky that a superhero was there, or I'd've been toast!" He sighed dreamily. "I still can't believe it… Spider-Man… My hero…"

"Yeah, well, same here, Lincoln," Lola said. "We still can't believe it, either…"

"I'm telling you, it's the truth!" Lincoln looked at his parents. "Mom! Dad! You believe me, don't you?"

Mr. and Mrs. Loud looked at each other for a while, then Mrs. Loud shrugged. "…We don't know who or what to believe," she said, stepping up to Lincoln and Leni and wrapping an arm around each of them. "All I know is, we're glad you two are safe."

Lincoln and Leni hugged their mother back, and with the two's tale finished, the crowd began to disperse. Lori and Luna herded Leni away.

"So," Lori said, "did you get a good look at Spider-Man? Does he have a cute butt? I bet he has a cute butt…"

The others went their separate ways. Lynn lingered for a few parting shots with Lincoln. "So, Lincoln," she said, "next time you meet a superhero, maybe get their autograph as physical proof, huh?"

"He had other things on his mind, Lynn," Lincoln replied snippily. "But you know, I don't blame you for not believing me – I wouldn't believe it either if I hadn't been there. That's the thing, Lynn – you had to be there."

Lynn snorted. "Whatever." She turned to leave, but turned back after noticing something. "Oh – like the new shirt, by the way."

Then she left, leaving Lincoln confused. "New shirt…?" He looked down at his shirt, only now realizing that it was a few shades redder than before.

…Huh, that's weird, he thought. Maybe I got blood on me.

(…)

Venom flew through the air and scoured the streets for the boy he'd seen at the scene of his ambush. All the while, he groused and grumbled about how Spider-Man had ruined everything for him yet again.

"…Of course he had to happen to be passing by… Of course he had to go and stop me…!" Venom snarled, opening his fanged maw and whipping his tongue around. "That damn webhead! Just when I think things are straight between us, he goes and twists it all up again!" He huffed a hissing breath through his teeth. "He doesn't understand…! With Knull on the rise, and Kasady working for him, it's just too risky! I have to end this – before it's too late!"

Venom scanned the ground below, watching the people beneath him gape in awe and fear, often before scurrying inside to safety. He uttered a deep chuckle. These small-town folks had most likely never seen a super before – and it was better that way. Nothing good ever came about from people like them getting involved with supers.

The people of Doverton, Colorado could attest to that.

Venom sighed. The sooner he could find that white-haired kid and put an end to this, the better.

But it had been an hour since he'd escaped from him, and he still couldn't find him anywhere. This place might not have been New York or San Francisco, but it was still big – big enough for that little squirt to hide, anyways. Venom shook his head. "…It's no use," he said. "We've lost him."

The anti-hero alighted next to a tree and shifted back into his civvies, the symbiote transforming and disguising itself as ordinary clothing. Eddie leaned against the tree facing it and sighed, thumping the bark in frustration.

"…I screwed up. I admit it, okay? I screwed up." His other didn't respond – he knew it wouldn't, and couldn't, after its little chat with Knull – but he could guess what it might have had to say. "The ambush was my idea. If I'd done it out on the road, away from a major population center, then it couldn't have hitched a ride on an onlooker. But…" He hung his head, sighing. "…I just couldn't wait. I… I just wanted to get it over with. End it, once and for all. I…" He shook his head. "I screwed up." He stared at the grass beneath his feet. "When I think about what happened in New York… what happened to that Osborn kid… I can't let it happen again. I won't."

Eddie turned away from the tree, stuffing his hands in his pockets and scuffing the ground with his feet. "I can't track him, though. It's hidden itself from us before in the past, that much I know. Is that what it's doing now? Or is it just another one of Knull's dirty tricks?" He exhaled slowly. "Wish I could say… I'm not as familiar with eldritch monstrosities as you are, I'm imagining."

He smiled at his little comment, but his smile quickly fell, and he sighed. "…I wish I could talk to you – really feel you, like we used to, you know?" He chuckled. "You'd know what to do…"

After a few moments of shifting his jaw back and forth, Eddie shook his head. "Well, I'm not going to get anywhere just moping and feeling sorry for myself. I'm on my own, now – I need to think this one out myself." He started pacing back and forth. "All right, Eddie, think – there's gotta be some kind of clue that you can follow up on…" He shut his eyes and wracked his brain, replaying the incident from earlier today in his mind over and over again in his head and trying to recall every little detail. There was the boy's distinct orange polo – that was a start. White hair, too – that would be hard to miss. What else? Freckles, a chipped tooth…

Eddie growled in exasperation after a few minutes. This was getting him nowhere, as usual. Perhaps he needed to think about this in a different way? After all, how hard would it be to find a kid in a town this –

The revelation hit him like a truck. "That's it!" he said, snapping his fingers. "School! There can't be many schools in a place like this! All I have to do is visit each of the schools until –" The realization came as he spoke, and he facepalmed. "Oh, wait – it's Saturday. School won't be back in until Monday." He resumed pacing. "And I can't wait that long. Who knows what that thing will do to the poor kid in the meantime?" He sighed. "There's gotta be something else I can go on…"

His mind returned to the incident earlier. What else was there at the scene? He thought about it, scrutinizing the event moment by moment, frame by frame – and then it came to him.

Of course – how could he have been so stupid? The girl – there was a girl with him! His sister, most likely, or maybe a babysitter. He remembered how she cried and pleaded and fought him when he held the boy up in the air, shouting "No!" and "Put him down!" and "Lincoln!"…

Eddie stopped. That's it. That was his name.

Lincoln.

Eddie grinned victoriously – he figured it out all on his own, without the help of his other. It wasn't much, but now, he had a lead.

Now, he had a chance.

He cracked his knuckles and rolled his head around his shoulders, limbering up. "Okay… I don't care if it takes all day, or if I have to go between every door of every house, shop, and diner in this podunk town – I will find you, 'Lincoln'!"

And so, without further ado, he set off for the closest house to him. He had a lot of ground to cover…

(…)

With Lincoln and Leni back in the house, things returned to normal (i.e. chaotic), although the two's story sparked considerable interest in the subject matter. Lori, Leni, and Luna gossiped about their favorite superheroes in Lori and Leni's room; Luan discussed why she sometimes favored supervillains to superheroes in the living room with Lisa, who read a book on biochemistry by Dr. Curt Connors and pretended to listen; Lucy wrote in her poetry book, inspired to write a ballad about a protector who hides in the shadows; and Lola shanghaied Lynn into playing princess and knight with her, much to Lynn's dismay.

"Don't you usually play this game with Lana?" Lynn said.

"Yeah," Lola responded, "but she's up in Lincoln's room, reading his stuffy old comics with him." She tossed her hair. "Superheroes… Hmph! They're all fine and dandy, but heroism really started in the age of chivalry – when brave and valorous knights protected beautiful princess from danger – like terrifying dragons!"

On cue, Lily came lumbering towards Lola, wearing a pair of horns fashioned from empty toilet paper rolls. Waving her arms above her head and roaring in between giggles, she advanced on the damsel in distress.

"Ahhh!" Lola cried, holding her hand to her forehead and swooning dramatically. "Save me, brave warrior! Ahhh!"

Lynn rolled her eyes, but couldn't hide a smile. As much as she tried to deny it, playing with her little sisters was always a joy – even if she played a little rough sometimes. Holding aloft her plastic sword, Lynn charged in, shouting, "Fear not, fair mistress! I will protect thee from the foul beast!"

And as the three sisters played and laughed on the front lawn, Lana read Spider-Man comics with her big brother Lincoln in his room. Awed by the story he told, she was now fiercely interested in superheroes – and Lincoln was more than happy to give her a crash course on some of his favorites. He told her about Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Wolverine, and many more, but what Lana really wanted to hear about was Spider-Man. Together, she and Lincoln read about some of Spidey's greatest exploits against foes like Doctor Octopus, the Green Goblin, Kraven the Hunter, and Venom. But as they read, something strange came over Lincoln. He couldn't explain it, but reading about his favorite hero gave him a gradually increasing sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Lana, nestled in between Lincoln's legs as they sat on his bed and he held the comic for them to read, looked up at him. "Hey, Lincoln?" she said.

"Yes, Lana?" Lincoln said.

"These stories are true, right?"

"Yep! Well, I mean, more or less."

"So how do these superheroes have true stories about them get published without revealing their secret identities?"

"Well, not all superheroes have a secret identity. Like Iron Man, for example – everyone knows he's Tony Stark, head of Stark Enterprises. And Captain America – everyone knows he's the World War II war hero Steve Rogers."

"But what about the others? How do they tell their stories without revealing their identities?"

"Well, see…" Lincoln pointed at the Marvel imprint on the front page. "…Marvel, the major superhero comic publishing house, is a subsidiary of Stark Enterprises. Tony Stark lets Marvel interview him or other superheroes about all the times they've fought crime and saved the world and stuff, and Marvel writes about them and their loved ones under aliases to protect their identities." He flipped to another page, in which Spider-Man was talking with his aunt and girlfriend. "See? It says Spider-Man's name is Patrick Perry, but that's not his real name, see?"

"Ohhh… So, Spider-Man's real aunt and girlfriend's names aren't Minnie Perry and Marie Holmes?"

"Exactly!"

Suddenly, Luna burst into the room, startling both Lincoln and Lana. It was only now that Lincoln became aware of a commotion going on downstairs. "Dudes!" Luna said. "Come downstairs – the superhero fight is on the news!"

Excitedly, Lincoln and Lana sprang to their feet and rushed downstairs with Luna. Finally, Lincoln thought, he could prove what he had said earlier.

In the living room, the Louds had congregated on and around the sofa. With all available seats taken, Luna stood in the back, while Lincoln and Lana sat on the floor between the couch and the coffee table, and they watched intently.

Channel 4 News reporter Katherine Mulligan was on the scene. "I'm Katherine Mulligan," she introduced herself, "coming to you live from downtown Royal Woods – ground zero for an epic fight between superhumans just hours before. This small, sleepy town has little in the way of interest for metahumans, but it regardless received a surprise visit from Eddie Brock, the human/alien hybrid known as Venom, and the one and only friendly neighborhood Spider-Man."

Lincoln looked up at his sisters and pointed at the screen excitedly. "You see? You see? I told you!"

"Lincoln, shush!" Lori said, as she and the others watched intently.

"The incident began when a truck owned by the Alchemax chemical corporation was forcibly crashed into a nearby building, according to one eyewitness."

Alchemax… Lincoln thought. Now where have I heard that name before…?

"It was crazy, man," the teenaged interviewee recounted on the screen. "At first, we, like, didn't know what was going on, it was just like, whoa, man, is anyone hurt? Is the driver okay? Then, all of a sudden, this huge black guy – I mean literally black, not just, you know, black – starts tearing the truck apart, you know? I think he was looking for something…"

"The witness ducked into a nearby store and recorded the scene on his cellphone." Footage of the scene began playing. "After ransacking the truck, Venom then unexpectedly turned on one of the bystanders, a young boy."

Lincoln's heart nearly leapt out of his chest when he came on screen. "Quick! Pause it!" He grabbed the remote, paused the DVR, and pointed. "Look!" he shouted. "Look, there I am! There I am, looklooklook!"

His sisters exploded with activity. Some of them sprang to their feet, gesturing wildly, while others hugged Lincoln protectively, others paced back and forth, and all of them chattered about what they had just seen. Mr. and Mrs. Loud stopped preparing dinner to see what all the fuss was about.

"Kids, what's going on?" Mr. Loud asked.

"Mom, look!" Luan pointed at the TV. "Lincoln was telling the truth – there was a supervillain, and Lincoln got attacked by him!"

Mrs. Loud looked at the image and covered her mouth with both hands. "Oh my goodness…!" She ran up to Lincoln and pulled him into a hug. "My poor baby…! Are you okay?"

Lincoln returned the bone-crushing hug to the best of his ability. "Ugh… Mom, I told you, I'm fine." He grinned at Lynn, Lola, and Lisa, who happened to be standing together. "So, you believe me now?"

"Well, I, for one, stand corrected, and admit to my fault," Lola said as if it were a big deal.

"Hmph." Lisa adjusted her glasses. "Apologies, elder brother. It seems we should have placed more stock in your trustworthiness."

Lynn folded her arms and grumbled. Lincoln put a hand to his ear.

"What was that, Lynn?" he said smugly.

Lynn growled. "…were right…"

"Speak up – we still can't hear you."

Scowling, Lynn stamped her foot petulantly. "I said, 'you were right,' okay?! You were right, and I was wrong! Now drop it, or I'll drop you!" She raised her fist threateningly.

Lincoln shrugged and shook his head, still smiling. "Oh, Lynn…" he said, "…that's all I ever wanted to hear."

Mr. Loud joined the crowd. "Gosh, son!" he said. "How did you get out of there alive?"

"I already told you, didn't I?" Lincoln snapped impatiently, before blinking. Where did that come from? "I… I mean…" He picked up the remote. "Here, watch…"

He pressed play, and the Louds all watched together. "Okay, so there I was, about to become a supervillain's snack, when all of a sudden, in comes Spider-Man!"

As if on cue, the footage displayed a manhole cover splitting Venom's head in two before Spider-Man swung into the shot. The Louds watched in awe and disbelief.

"Incredible…" Lisa said.

"And look!" Leni said. "There he is, talking to us!"

Mr. Loud shook his head, amazed. "Well…! And here I thought superheroes only stuck to the big cities!"

"So much for your friendly 'neighborhood' Spider-Man!" Luan said. "Hahahahaha! But seriously, out of all the superheroes out there, did it have to be him?"

Lana turned to her. "What? What's wrong with Spider-Man?"

Luan shrugged. "I don't like him – it's as simple as that. I mean, he's great, as far as superheroes go, but I just don't like him as a person. And it doesn't really make sense for him to be here. If you ask me, the Great Lakes Avengers should have been there – though, to be honest, the Great Lakes Avengers without Squirrel Girl is like the Golden State Warriors without Steph Curry. Or should I say, the Golden State Warriors before Steph Curry…"

"FYI," Lynn said, "the Golden State Warriors once had Wilt Chamberlain."

"That'd be a lot more impactful if I knew who that was…"

Smiling, but with the anger vein in her neck bulging, Lynn caught Luan in a chokehold. "Luan," she said, "you and I are going to have a little chat about some of the greatest basketball players of all time – but right now, it's chow time. Isn't that right, Dad?"

"You know it, LJ!" Mr. Loud clapped his hands. "All right, kids, we can talk about Lincoln and Leni's little run-in with superheroes over some Salisbury steak! Come on!"

The peckish Louds all got up and followed him to the dining room, where soon enough, dinner was served. For a change of pace, Mr. Loud had served Salisbury steak one day early and reserved Sunday for another experimental dish. The Louds all dug in, chatting about the incident earlier that day, and from there, superheroes in general.

"Oh, I'm just so glad my babies are safe," Mrs. Loud said.

"Yeah, me too," Lincoln said. "I thought I was gonna die for sure!"

"Wouldn't have been a huge loss if you had," Lori said.

"Yeah –" Lincoln did a double take. "Wait, what?!"

Lori looked askance at him. "I said it would have been a huge loss if you had. What?"

Lincoln narrowed his eyes at her, then turned his gaze to his plate.

As the evening wore on, Lincoln listened to his family members prattle on about this and that, sometimes being host to a question or query of some form or another. He responded automatically, as if he were just going through the motions.

And the more he listened to his family talk… the more it sounded like they were going through the motions, as well.

Lincoln had long ceased listening to what exactly they were saying, but he knew, deep down in his heart, that it was all… meaningless. That there was no real substance to it. It was all so… how did the guy from The Catcher in the Rye put it? "Phony"? Yeah, that described it pretty well. None of them really said what they meant – said what they really felt. Everything they did, said, was so inconsequential. With that in mind, could he really believe his family whenever they said that they loved him? Or were they just going through the motions, like always?

Lincoln shook his head slowly, simmering. He didn't care about their love – not anymore. He wanted something that mattered.

Charles nagged at him again from under the table, begging for some scraps of food. Lana would've been happy to oblige him, but for some reason, his attention was drawn to Lincoln. Lincoln peeked under the table at the family dog, and a devious idea popped into his head. Looking back up, he announced, "I'm full. May I be excused?"

"Sure, son!" Mr. Loud said.

Lincoln stood up and brought his plate to the kitchen. At the sink, he took what was left of the Salisbury steak and dumped the rest in the garbage disposal. "Here, Charles," Lincoln said, waving the Salisbury steak enticingly. "Want some Salisbury steak? Here, boy…"

Charles stood on his hind legs, begging for the meat. Grinning, Lincoln led him down the stairs into the basement, closing the door behind them. At the foot of the steps, Charles whined, and Lincoln threw him the scrap of meat.

"Good boy…" Lincoln said as Charles snapped up the Salisbury steak. "That's a good boy…" He reached for the tool table, grabbing the cordless drill.

"Now why don't we play together?"

Lincoln fired up the drill and drove it into Charles's right thigh, shocking the canine and making him whine and scream in agony. Laughing, Lincoln watched him try to limp away up the steps, but he grabbed him by his bad leg and yanked him back down to the bottom, drilling another hole in his left hind foot. As he drilled hole after hole in Charles, the tingling sensation from earlier returned – and Lincoln realized that he enjoyed it. This was meaningful – giving yourself power over the lives of others, deciding their fates yourself.

That was something worth living for.

After a while, all that was left of poor Charles was a steaming, quivering pile of blood, guts, and fur. Lincoln stood up, admiring his handiwork. Suddenly, he heard a bloodcurdling scream, and he looked up to see his mother looking down at him from the top of the stairs with pure horror.

"Lincoln…! Lincoln…!"

"LINCOLN!"

Lincoln snapped out of his reverie to find himself back at the dinner table. "H-Huh?! What?"

Lincoln looked around in confusion. Here he was, sitting at the dinner table, when he thought he was in the basement. He looked down at his plate – exactly the way it was before he disposed of it. He felt Charles nudging his legs again, asking to be fed. It was as if what had just happened… hadn't.

"Earth to Lincoln!" Luan said.

"Wh – Oh! Oh, s-sorry, Luan, what is it?" Lincoln asked.

"Could you pass the salt, please?"

Lincoln looked at the salt shaker in front of him, and without another word, he passed it to her. That done, Luan seasoned her steak and returned to her conversation with the others. Lincoln, meanwhile, poked at his food. There it was again, another hallucination – this one just as bloody and violent as the last, if not more so. Why would he ever fantasize about torturing Charles, let alone enjoy it so much? That wasn't him!

But… if it was wrong… then why did it feel so right?

"Lincoln?"

Lincoln jumped. Once again, Lucy had startled him. Sucking in a breath through his teeth, he said, "Yes, Lucy?"

"Is something wrong?"

"I –" Lincoln paused. He knew that he should tell them, but really, how could he tell them about something like that?

For now, the answer was clear: he couldn't. So, he wouldn't.

Lincoln scooped up some corn and meat with his fork. "…Nothing," he said. "Nothing's wrong."