Carolinagirl919 has created another great challenge on the POI Discussion Forum: Now that John, Harold, Sam, and Root have to live under new identities in plain sight, what kind of jobs will they have? Pick the most ridiculous, random, and outlandish normal job you'd think "Team Machine" would have under their new aliases.
Thinking about their new identities got me thinking about their jobs in general and I wondered how would our folks have met if they were in different jobs? Getting carried away, I started thinking about them all working at a private high school and this silliness is the result.
Finch – Football Coach. Some say that he has a pipeline to the spirit of Vince Lombardi, because he seems to know all of the opposing teams' plays, right before each game. He has all of this weird stuff in his office, including an old telephone booth, and almost had a meltdown when it disappeared for a few days while his office was being moved right before the state championship. His team recently surpassed De La Salle High School* for the longest winning streak in the US.
Fusco – Counselor. Amazingly effective, he simply listens while a student pours their heart out, then says "You want a soda or somethin'?" **
Bear – Security. He roams the halls like the cat Mrs. Norris in the Harry Potter series, but dispenses a certain 'sharp edged' justice to perpetrators rather than running back to his master. For some, being bitten by Bear is a badge of honor, something they tell over and over ad nauseam.
Shaw – School Nurse. Her first name is Sameen, but students call her So-Mean because of her less than friendly manner. She was recently disciplined for posting an online profile on the dating site Angler that proclaimed that she drinks nightly and that she was "game for whatever…as long as I get to drive."***
Last year Shaw competed in the annual Nathan's hot dog eating contest at Coney Island where she beat all comers and consumed 75 hot dogs in ten minutes, but was disqualified when video footage revealed that she was using a steak knife to surreptitiously push the wieners in her mouth.
Collier – Civics. He mentors the Debate Club, oversees the student newspaper Vigilance and reads the daily announcements over the intercom which unfortunately turns into a tirade about the evils of government.
Recently he was crushed to find out that the school's chief benefactor, John Greer, was using surveys and polls posted in the paper to collect data on students, staff and their families, and then reporting it to the local authorities.
Root – Grounds. Forbidden to touch any electronic equipment due to a plea bargain (She interrupted the President's State of the Union Address to broadcast a new version of Oregon Trail; ironically the President's approval ratings skyrocketed the next day) Ms. Groves spends her days tending the gardens around the school.
An unfortunate accident with a Control Super Weed Wacker has rendered her deaf in one ear.
She was heartbroken when news of Ms. Shaw's online profile was revealed and was found sobbing in the ruins of the old library, which has been torn down to make room for an all-digital system funded by Samaritan Industries.
Carter - Auto Shop. She seems to have unlimited access to a variety of vehicles for students to work on - motorcycles, police cruisers, a red truck, an ambulance, a taxi cab and last spring a slightly dented yellow sports car. Supposedly she dates Chemistry teacher Cal '18 Carat' Beecher, but nobody's ever seen them outside of work together.
When Fusco recently asked her about this, she looked at him quizzically and said, "It's an office romance, Fusco – I only see him at the office!" Lionel's made a note to talk to her about this in more detail during the staff's annual counseling sessions.
Students snicker that Mr. Beecher has 'no chemistry' with Ms. Carter, kinda like the experiments that fizzle in his lab.
Reese – Cafeteria Lady. Ill-tempered because he has to wear a hair net all day, criticism of his fare results in a rubber bullet to the knee and there are no food fights or other foolishness in his domain. Reese only softens when the comely Ms. Carter walks into the cafeteria. He saves the best food for her and watches Ms. Carter covetously during breaks, while he secretly takes dozens of photographs of her, even though he sees her every day.
Unbeknownst to Ms. Carter, it's Reese who delivers all those vehicles to the shop, preceded by a mysterious phone call before each delivery.
Beecher – Chemistry. Stunned to find out from Fusco that 'office romance' is a term, not a definition, Beecher rushes down the hall to the Auto Shop, narrowing avoiding a bite from Bear for running in the halls, eager to tell Carter that they can not only see each other out of work, but that he might even be able to kiss her.
He bursts into the shop, only to find Reese and Carter sitting together in one of the old cars in the darkened space. They leap out of the car, claiming they were only drinking coffee, but Reese's hairnet is askew and it looks like damp handprints are on Carter's leather dress.
Today's lunch menu features Joss Jambalaya, Carter Caesar Salad and Hello Detective Ding Dongs (with a special cream filling) for dessert.
After having a talk with the still heartbroken Root over Shaw's betrayal, Beecher realizes the menu might be a clue as to Carter's relationship with Reese.
Later that day in the staff lounge, Beecher asks Carter about her relationship with Reese. Carter swears that she and Reese are 'just friends' causing Shaw to fall to the floor laughing hysterically.
Collier texts a blind item to the newspaper staff while hectoring them all on invading people's privacy.
Bear tackles Reese and bites him in a fit of jealousy – he'd had a secret crush on Carter after spending a romantic moonlight stroll with her over a year ago when they saved Fusco from possible sanctions after digging up the body of a fellow HR counselor named Stills.
Finch hears the phone in the old telephone booth ringing and rushes to his office, only to find that it's not the plays of a cross town rival, it's nine numbers instead….
*Jim Caviezel will star in the upcoming film, When the Game Stands Tall, about the De La Salle High School Football team which won 151 games in a row.
**Fusco asks Henry Peck this question in the S1 episode No Good Deed.
***From Shaw's dating profile in the S3 episode Lady Killer.
A/N: If you'd like to read about the new identities folks have come up with for the team, or would like to submit some yourself, the challenge is called Working Man/Woman. Have fun!