A/N: My first story! It's not the best, but I did write a general outline and follow it, though there were some parts I had never planned on. I'm not sure if I'll write more on this site, but I figure this is the 'dipping my toes in the water' kind of situation. Expect some misplaced commas as that appears to be my biggest issue. I have reread and edited my story twice now, and I'm confident there aren't any glaring errors. Slight errors certainly possible though, and if you find them, do not be afraid to point them out to me! Criticism, especially as this is my first work, is completely welcome. Thank you for reading, and (hopefully) enjoy the story!
I understand this may be a bit cliche (I've read a story on this site that was similar once), but I felt like I wanted to showcase a 'crucible' moment, and this seemed to fit for Harry and Ginny post-Hogwarts. I also have seen this in real life, not going into personal details, but I know it's a really hard thing on everyone involved.
I borrowed the Crucible idea from the Night Angels trilogy. To me, it has always seemed so true, and I definitely understand and believe in it.
Ginny Potter had a very happy and fulfilling life. Her childhood had been a time of great peace, and the old ramshackle Burrow was one of the finest homes that she could ever imagine. Her mother was one of the most caring women she knew, even if she was rather temperamental. Her father, on the other hand, was her one constant. While everything changed, her brothers grew older and went off to Hogwarts, and her mother might scold her one moment and hug her the next, her father was always there, a stalwart in his love and kindness.
Ginny loved each and every one of her brothers immensely, not that she would be caught saying that. Bill was her oldest and favourite brother, and he was always there for her. Every complaint she had, from being pranked by a twin to the summer after her first year. After that, she had been convinced that she was evil and her family hated her. That they should hate her. He had pulled her out of that in record time. Charlie was one of her most distant siblings, mainly because he was literally distant, being as he lived in Romania. Percy had always been pompous and annoying, but since his return after the Second Wizarding War, he had done his best to become one with the family again. One of the darker times in her life was when she had lost her brother, Fred, in the war.
Ron and Ginny had always been close simply because they were the youngest two. Ron's first year of Hogwarts had left Ginny all alone, and that had hurt her more than she thought it would. Ron could often be insensitive, but he had a heart of gold and would sacrifice anything for her, she knew.
In her first year at Hogwarts, she had been possessed by a splinter of Tom Riddle's soul. For most of the summer after that year, she had blamed herself and felt immense guilt. Bill had shown her that, in truth, she was incredibly powerful to have fought Riddle off for that long. This shaped her and made her the powerful and confident young woman she was today.
She had made good friends after that and really come out of her shell. The Second Wizarding war had taken her brother, Fred, and her best friend Colin. These losses were terrible, but their brave sacrifices, as well as everyone else on the side of the Light, had enabled them to live a good life. They still hosted a yearly memorial service.
She had achieved her dream romance and career. A year after her graduation from Hogwarts, Ginny had married Harry Potter, and they were in love. That love never lessened or ceased, in reality, it had only grown. Everything new she learned about Harry made her love him more.
Her only complaint was that Harry and she didn't see each other often. He was Deputy Head Auror and therefore had quite a lot of work. He also had the habit of taking on extra work, something he picked up from after the war. He had thrown himself into his work to distract himself.
Harry Potter had just arrived home from work. He was slightly late and, concurrently, more than slightly afraid. His wife could be downright scary sometimes. He slid out of the Floo, his hand reflexively on his wand holster.
"Love, I'm home," he shouted. Immediately, he heard eager footsteps. His hand gripped his holster tighter, fear mounting, as she burst into the room. Immediately he relaxed as he saw an eager smile on her face. Before he could say anything, she resumed her pace. She slammed into him, hugging him tightly in a hug that was worthy of Molly Weasley.
Harry smiled, "What has you so happy, Gin?"
She looked up at him, eyes shining, "Harry, I've got news! I'm pregnant!"
Harry's eyes widened and his mouth opened. He was shocked, "What?"
Her smile lessened, "I'm pregnant!"
"The charm?"
She was scowling now, "Doesn't always work."
Harry realized he was in serious threat of getting hurt, but he couldn't seem to use his words. She stepped back, tears in her eyes. Harry was shocked, for Ginny very rarely cried.
"Don't you want this?"
After stammering for a few seconds, Harry paused to collect his words. This was a mistake. Ginny pulled out her wand and Harry suddenly feared for his life. Suddenly, green bats had torn from his nose and were striking at his face.
By the time he'd managed to remove the spell, Ginny was gone.
Cursing, he healed his face as best as he could. She had upgraded the spell, it hadn't normally attacked the victim's face with such ferocity.
More than anyone, though, Harry was cursing himself. He loved Ginny immensely, and of course, he wanted their child. Their child, he thought, tasting the words.
Thinking quickly, he used the Floo Network to the Burrow. Nearly as soon as he'd entered the Burrow, however, he regretted it. Before he could even recover from the slight confusion caused by the Floo Network, blinding pain originated on his face. He collapsed back into the chimney, cracking his head on it.
After a few seconds of pain, he managed to get his senses back under control. He definitely tasted blood, but his head was fine. Opening his eyes, he saw that most of the Weasleys were gathered around with various looks of anger. Ron, of course, being the impulsive brother, had struck Harry. Molly was scolding him viciously.
Harry stood shakily. "Ginny?" he asked eloquently.
Unfortunately, that just set Ron off yelling. It was loud and Harry's head hurt. Harry grew angry; all he wanted to do was talk to his wife. Withdrawing his wand, he silently stunned Ron. Everyone was looking at him warily.
"All I want to do is apologize to my bloody wife, where is she?" Harry demanded.
Arthur smiled, "She's upstairs in her old room, Harry. You have a lot of grovelling to do, son."
Harry knew that. Without a backward glance, he took the stairs two steps at a time. He knocked quietly on her door, "Love, are you in there?"
As soon as he spoke, the door was torn open. Ginny stood there, hands shaking, her chocolate-brown eyes blazing with fury. She was so beautiful, and sometimes Harry thought she was even more beautiful when she was angry, "What do you want, you great git?"
Harry knew what to say, and she had given him the perfect opening, "I want you, Gin. And I want our child. I know I'm dumb, but give a bloke a break," he finished with a wry smile. As her eyes softened, he kissed her forehead. After a moment of thought, he knelt before her, kissing her stomach, "I don't even know him but I love him so much, Gin. Thank you, love."
Ginny's tears now tears of happiness. "I'm scared, Harry, but I love our child so much too."
"We're in this together, Gin. I will be here every step of the way. You're gonna be a wonderful mum. And hey, now you have to cut back on your swearing, Molly will be pleased."
Ginny just laughed. She knew they were okay.
Ginny had never been happier. Her husband had just finished their son's room. Even though she insisted the child could have been a girl, his gut instinct was right, and they had learned that they were having a son.
She walked into the room, enjoying the baby blue colours. A child's bed was set out, and clouds were painted on the wall to mix with the blue sky theme. This was a room where their son would be loved. Ginny Potter loved her family, and now she was making her own.
She jumped as arms wrapped around her from behind, "Sorry if I scared you, Gin. How do you like the room."
Harry laughed as tears filled her eyes. She was fairly prone to tears these days, but he loved her all the more for it. She was carrying his son. He loved her so much.
"I love it, Harry. I can see our son now. I love him so unbelievably much. And I was thinking... I think I have a good name for him."
His smile grew, "What would that be?"
She leaned upwards and whispered into his ear. After a moment of contemplation, Harry nodded.
"I love it."
Harry shook off the disorientation of having used the emergency portkey that Aurors are provided taking them directly to the lobby. He had received an urgent Patronus message from Arthur's weasel. That silvery weasel would haunt his dreams, he knew.
"Come to St. Mungos. Ginny needs you."
He had been in the middle of a meeting with Kingsley and Robards and had been forced to excuse himself. Harry cursed every minute lost travelling to the apparition point, cursing the layout of the Ministry.
The hospital was mercifully not busy — not that that would have been able to stop him — and he had managed to get up to the front desk immediately. Before he'd even had a chance to speak, someone wearing lime-green robes ushered him back. He was speaking, but Harry didn't hear it. It was all a blur. He couldn't stop his mind from creating terrible images. Ginny hadn't had a game tonight, surely she can't have been injured in a Quidditch accident. She hadn't been to practice since she had first found out she was pregnant.
Being that she was pregnant, there was no way she'd been out drinking with her team. Before he could continue his desperate pondering, the medi-wizard stopped and he saw Arthur and Molly. He didn't like the results.
Quickly, he took in their faces. Mrs Weasley was sobbing. Harry numbly turned to Arthur, and let out a low moan when he saw the look of despair on his face. Arthur very rarely lost his cool.
Shuffling forward numbly, Harry spoke, "Arthur, what.. what happened?"
Arthur opened his mouth, but after a strained second, he closed it. He pointed to the door, tears escaping his eyes at last, and finally choked out, "I'm so, so sorry, Harry. Go to her. She only wanted you."
That sudden urgency returned to him, and his ears rang as his blood pumped to the beat of his heart. Pushing open the doors, he found himself in a bright, sterile room. To his immediate relief, he saw the familiar shock of fiery red hair attached to Ginny, who was still breathing. His relief faded when their eyes met. His heart dropped into his stomach and he knew.
Those chocolate brown eyes — sweeter than any Honeydukes chocolate, he'd once told her — were so full of misery and guilt, such an immense and indescribable ocean, it forced his breath away. Fresh tears came to her eyes, and Harry realized his own were glazing over. He finished the final few steps to her side, denying his tears freedom. He would stay strong for her.
"I'm so sorry, Harry," Ginny moaned, delirious with pain and regret. She'd never sounded more vulnerable to him than she had at that moment.
"Oh, Ginny. I love you, so, so much. I'm here. I'll always be here."
Suddenly, her vulnerability was gone. Anger replaced her pain, "Will you? Where were you, then? I needed you. I needed you and now he's gone!"
Her words were sharp, so unbelievably sharp, and he knew deep down they were true. Harry had told her he'd cut back hours at work but he didn't do it as thoroughly as he should have.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered, a tear nearly escaping.
"Get out," it was quiet but keen. Harry looked up in shock and not a little bit of hurt.
"Ginny, I-"
"I said get out," the voice was empty of emotion this time. Somehow that hurt even worse.
Harry stood, stunned, and walked on auto-pilot to the door. With each step, his speed grew, and as he threw open the door, he realized how much his anger burned. He didn't even know at who. Ignoring whatever Arthur had said to him, he continued his pace.
After a minute or two, he realized he had no idea where the hell he was going. Stopping and looking around, he realized he was in the lobby. He'd arrived in time to see a middle-aged man and wife exiting the building, a somewhat newborn child held lovingly. His earlier despair returned, and his eyes blurred further.
"Are you alright, sir?" a Medi-witch asked softly.
He looked at her and he couldn't control the bitter words that sprung out, "Do I look alright? No. It's not alright. It can't.. it won't ever be."
He removed his wand from his holster before apparating to Grimmauld Place. It only occurred to him afterwards that apparating from a non-designated point was frowned upon. It simultaneously occurred to him that he didn't give a damn. Placing his wand back in its holster, he slowly walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table.
This home had so many meanings to him. Sirius had grown up hated by his parents here, and then he had saved Harry from the Dursleys, and they'd made it a happy home. And then Sirius died, and Harry had thought the house would never be home again.
But Ginny had made it happy. They'd lived here for five years, give or take some months. This was their home, and he'd always marvelled at how her presence had brightened it immensely. Suddenly, it seemed dark and cold again.
Harry lifted his eyes, and they settled on the high baby chair settled across from him. He'd set that up eagerly in anticipation for their son.
Slumped over the table at Grimmauld Place, for the first time in seven years, Harry Potter allowed his strength to collapse and his tears to flow.
Ginny had faced her fair share of pain. She had been possessed by one of the darkest wizards in recent memory, fought in a war, and played professional Quidditch; Pain was an old friend. However, she had never felt pain of this magnitude.
She was a monster. She had lost her child before she even had a chance to raise him. She couldn't stop envisioning what could have — what should have — been. A small, messy-haired child with green eyes. First steps, first words. Harry and her side by side, watching their son play.
Closing her eyes harder, she tried to fight the visions. They were never to be. She had lost her child. The look in Harry's eyes attacked next, the pain. The pain she'd caused. The healer had left five minutes ago, shortly after she had banished Harry. She was a monster.
Before she could continue her pensive thoughts, her father stepped in the room. She opened her eyes but kept it trained on the ceiling. Her mother had probably gone home or simply couldn't bear to look at her. He stepped forward, an unreadable expression on his face. Ginny continued to stare resolutely upwards.
"Ginny, everything is going to be okay," he held up a hand to stop her from speaking, "You don't believe me now, but everything is going to be okay. Why did Harry leave, Ginny? You need him here. He needs you just as much."
A fresh set of tears rushed free, and she struggled to speak, "I'm a monster, dad. I'm so sorry."
The passion in her father's eyes, almost anger, startled her, "Never, sweetheart. Never. You are special; so, so special. You are the best thing I have ever created."
He kneeled by her bed and pulled her gently into his arms, allowing her tears to fall. After a few minutes, she had no tears left to cry. She sniffled, "Dad, Harry has to hate me. I lost our child and I was so awful to him."
His father, perhaps the most understanding man in the world, nodded, "You were upset and you lashed out. He'll understand that. Marriage is all about sharing, I've told you this. Not just physical sharing, though. You need each other. You need to share the burden."
Ginny nodded weakly, "I'm so tired. Can I sleep?"
Arthur stood, "Of course, sweetheart. You're signed in for overnight. I'll take Molly home and we'll be back in the morning. I love you."
Sleep didn't claim her until long after he had left and her tears had dried.
Harry had been pacing in the kitchen for the last ten minutes, a myriad of images coming unbidden to his mind. Ginny's radiant smile, her soft lips on his, that fiery red hair he'd always loved. As quickly as those loving images came, however, they were replaced with the look of sheer pain in her eyes. Harry knew he would never forgive himself for not being there for her when she needed it. He was too late; he was too late for Sirius, too late for Remus, for Fred. He was always too late. And now he was too late again. For her, his only real reason to be alive. What did that make him?
Suddenly, Harry heard the Floo roar to life and Harry realized how much he didn't want a visitor. He couldn't face anyone right now. He marched into the sitting room to lock it but, to his horror, Arthur was standing there. All of the guilt of the last few hours came crashing down around him, and he realized how much of a monster he was.
Harry's eyes darted around, seeking escape, but Arthur held up one hand, "Calm down, Harry. I've just come from speaking with Ginny."
This, of course, did nothing to calm Harry. But he knew there was no escape; not from Arthur, nor from his loss.
Sitting down heavily, Harry managed to speak with his voice hoarse, "Arthur, what have I done? I told her I'd be there. I married her and I told her I'd always be there, and when she needed me I failed," He sounded desperate even to his own ears.
Arthur wordlessly raised his wand and, ignoring Harry's flinch, summoned two glasses and a bottle of firewhisky, "We'll need it."
Harry nodded, wishing he'd thought of that before. After the war, it had helped him, though he never became an alcoholic. Gratefully seizing the proffered glass, he took an eager drink. Arthur raised an eyebrow. After he took his own drink, he began, "Harry, she didn't mean it. She loves you, but she's in so much pain. Ginny hates weakness, so when she feels vulnerable she counterattacks. You were simply the one there. Do not beat yourself up over this."
Harry sighed, "She doesn't want me. I saw it. Do you know the last time I felt like this? When Albus died. It was hopeless, the path had always been so clear until then. And it's the same now. What can I do? She doesn't want me."
Arthur's calm display cracked, "She loves you and she needs you, you fool. If you can't see that then maybe you are blind. You need each other."
Harry threw his glass at the far wall with a satisfying smash, "I wasn't there!"
As quickly as it had left, Arthur's calmness returned. He still spoke firmly, "Damn it, son, be there now. You love her, she loves you, and you need each other. You will never get through this alone. It'll destroy you both," he paused to take a breath. "In our lives, we always face at least one terrible, terrible situation. This inevitable horror is the crucible of our lives. It is the make-or-break moment, and it is what defines you. I thought that was Voldemort for you and the Chamber for Ginny. And maybe it was, but this is a crucible, Harry. You need to be strong."
Harry snorted, "I've heard that all my life. 'You need to be strong.' I'm tired of being strong. It hurts, damn it, it hurts so much!" his face crumpled and the tears returned.
"I've always thought of you as my son, Harry. I know I never could hope to replace James, but you are a Weasley as much as a Potter. You are one of us; let us grieve for you. Please, let us help you," he finished, holding out his arms.
Harry flung himself at Arthur and began to sob into the man's chest.
This is what having a father feels like, Harry realized.
Ginny hated being pitied. Ever since she could remember she wanted to be as strong as her eldest brother. Much to her mother's dismay, she never took to wearing dresses and sewing. She had been strong, eager and adventurous.
So laying in her bed at her room in St. Mungo's as her family took turns surrounding her and trying to comfort her. She loved her family to bits, but she was going to cut them to bits if she saw one last look of pity.
Molly Weasley, who was far more perceptive than she let on, ushered her brothers out and closed the door. Her father had to go into work, though he had offered to take off. Ginny had insisted he not. She was already guilty of enough.
Molly returned to her side and grabbed her hand, surprising her.
"Do you know how I felt when I lost Fred, dear?"
Ginny's eyes widened in shock. Molly very rarely talked about Fred. It was still a deep wound, and Ginny had always thought that a part of Molly died with him.
"I felt like I failed as a mother. If I had been better, maybe he would have been able to get out of the way in time. Maybe he could've stayed away at once. I felt so guilty, I felt like a failure. I realized, with the help of your father, that I was doing that to myself. It's irrational; Fred was an adult, he chose to fight. He died with a smile on his face. He had a true Gryffindor heart beating in his chest until the end. He couldn't have made me more proud. I can only imagine what you feel, love."
Through this, Ginny's awe had been growing. Her mother described exactly how she felt in words that she may as well have pulled from her head. Maybe if she had rested more, maybe if she had been more healthy, her child wouldn't have died before he could truly live.
"It hurts, mum. It hurts so much," she choked out.
"Oh, Ginny, I know. I know." They were both crying now.
"We were gonna name him Fred. F-Fred Colin Potter," she confessed, tears flowing in full. Her mother, after a moment of shock, joined her in her tears.
But this time the tears felt good. With each teardrop released, the weight on her shoulders lessened. She sobbed into her mother's chest, embracing the relief from guilt and pain. Her mother was crying too, and it was then that Ginny realized: She was sharing it with her mother. Just as her father had said, she was sharing the burden. As soon as she realized this, she thought back to the countless times she had done so before. The pain of the Cruciatus curse in her seventh year, taken to help the firsties. Sharing the pain and guilt of the Chamber incident with Bill. Even the smaller moments of her childhood, such as her frustration with her brothers and even her sadness at her brothers leaving to Hogwarts.
"I need him, mum, and he needs me," Ginny realized out loud. Molly smiled, and Ginny knew that she understood.
Ginny needed her husband.
Harry had slept very little. After his enlightening talk with Arthur, he knew what he had to do, but he had no idea how to do it. He needed his wife, and she needed him.
He had known, even as he showed up to his office at the Ministry, that he wasn't going to be able to work like that. After a rather long walk to the Minister's office, he arrived at the Secretary's desk.
"Hi there. Is the Minister available?"
The bored-looking secretary glanced up and suddenly didn't seem too bored anymore, "Oh, uh, yeah, he doesn't have any visitors right now. I'll just pop in and ask if he can see you," she hopped off her chair and quickly advanced to his office. She knocked quietly and pushed the door open. After a moment, she turned and nodded to Harry with a smile. He walked past her into the rather lush office of Minister Shacklebolt.
He stood, looking abnormally concerned. The Minister was a very calm man, "Harry! Is everything alright? That Patronus last night sounded bad."
Harry sighed, "Honestly, sir, no. You see, my wife. We lost our child last night."
Kingsley, who took great interest in his staff and their lives, knew how excited Harry and Ginny were about their child. In a few long strides, he had moved across the room to Harry. To Harry's shock, he pulled Harry into a hug.
"Harry, I am sure you're tired of hearing this, but I am so sorry. I know your pain, truly, I do. My wife and son were lost in the first war."
Harry was dumbfounded. He had never known this about his boss. After a moment of nearly losing control, Harry nodded stiffly, "Thank you, King."
He nodded, releasing Harry from his hold, "Take however long you need off from work. I do not want to see you back here for at least two weeks, I know you wind up throwing yourself into your work when you're hurt."
Harry nodded again, not trusting himself to speak before he turned and moved towards the door. As his hand wrapped around the cold knob, Kingsley's voice stopped him, "Harry, if you don't mind, I wanted to give you a little advice. Don't push your wife to talk. Just quietly help her through it. Be her shoulder, and she'll be yours. When she needs to talk, you have to be there to listen. Ginny is a wonderful woman, I'm sure will do the same."
Harry smiled, though it was somewhat strained. Ginny was indeed a wonderful woman. As he exited the office, he saw Percy speaking with the secretary. As he noticed him, Percy rushed towards him. He spoke breathlessly, "Harry, I've been looking everywhere. Ginny wanted to see you."
Harry thanked Percy profusely before rushing to the apparition point. He wasn't there for her before, but Merlin help anyone who tried to stop him for being there for her now.
He had been filled with purpose as he arrived at St Mungo's but now, after being led towards where Ginny was, he was nervous. Staring at those doors, he knew that his heart lay beyond them. Whether he would leave with it still intact was the question. She was worth the risk. With that final thought, he pushed open the doors, entering the sterile room. He had spent most of the morning preparing for this, preparing for what he'd say. However, as he found himself staring Ginny in the eyes, he lost all of his words. Knowing trying to make sense of the situation was a losing battle, he simply strode forward, knelt by the bed and tugged her gently into his arms. He kissed her forehead as she melted into him.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here, Ginny. I'll never make that mistake again. I'll be here," he whispered, and he felt lighter just saying the words.
"It's not your fault, Harry. Nothing either of us did cause this. These things just happen. I was an idiot and I wasn't thinking." Harry just rocked her, whispering words of comfort.
Together, they would be okay. They would get past the crucible.
Harry woke with a start, being pulled from a dream he'd already begun to forget. He rolled over only to frown when he noticed Ginny wasn't in bed. Over the last three years, they had grown very close, closer than they'd ever been. It had taken a momentous loss — one that still hurt often — but they had gotten past it and were stronger for it.
He rose from the bed, looking around. Opening the door a peak, he saw that her study, where she wrote her articles, wasn't being used. She had decided to leave the Harpies and now wrote about Quidditch as a journalist.
His gaze continued down the hall until he saw the bathroom door slowly opening. He smiled softly, knowing his wife was fine. Even after all these years, he still got paranoid sometimes. His smile fell when he saw her face— it was uncertain, and she looked a little scared. She jumped when she saw him, and he walked forward.
"What's wrong, love?"
Ginny took a moment to collect herself before replying in a shaky voice, "Harry, I'm pregnant."
Harry's smile returned.