Earlier today, my husband informed me that he would be going to stay with his sister until our house sells, or he "makes a decision", whatever that means.
He told me this, via text.
I was at work.
Earlier today I had to suffer through hours at work with people staring and talking. It's impossible to hide that kind of hurt from an office full of other women. They know. Some of them have been where I am now. They see.
They see the tears, he doesn't.
He was at work.
A few hours later I sent him a text, This hurts. He sent me a text back that simply said, I know. Does he really though? Does he feel anything other than relief? Obviously he's been thinking about this for a while now. It was completely out of the blue for me, but not for him, apparently. If you're the one that wants out, can it possibly hurt when you leave? I don't know...
Earlier this evening I cowered in a closet while my three kids ate dinner, just so I wouldn't have to look at him when he came here to pack his bag. I say here, because this obviously isn't what he considers his home anymore. How can home by anywhere that his kids aren't? I don't know...
Earlier, as I cried in to my knees while he stood by and watched, I wanted to hurt him. But I couldn't. He said he will come to the kids basketball game tomorrow, but he didn't mention anything about coming back with us for cake and presents. Has he forgotten about his only daughters birthday already? We just talked about it two days ago. Who does that? I don't know...
He told the kids that he's going to stay at Alice's house for a while. They are 6, 4, and 3. Does he really think they understand, can even comprehend the fact that their world has been fundamentally and irrevocably altered? Did he even think to consult me before telling them something like that, that maybe it would be better for them if we did it together? Did he think about them at all? I don't know...
Maybe this is for the best. Maybe now he won't be an asshole to the kids all the time. He wants to "be a big part of their lives". Does he not realize that he isn't even a big part of their lives now? Does he see how he only saw them for about an hour every day? I don't know...
All of these things I didn't know earlier today, and I still don't. It's 5:00 am and I haven't slept more than an hour tonight. Though I can think of nothing else, I still don't know anything.
The why.
The when.
The who.
Is there someone else? Is that what this is about? Do I really want to know? I don't know...
My name is Bella Cullen, and I don't know why or when my marriage fell apart.