Chuck vs. Sweet Home Alabama
A movie triggers a loaded question, an instinctive answer, and some interesting repercussions. How was both their cover and their emotions going to get out of this one unscathed? Not so much on the one-shot story anymore, Chuck/Sarah.
Rating: T, for a handful of instances involving strong language. (Always erring on the side of caution.)
A/N: I am horrible at writing synopses without giving away the amusing part (or at least what I think is the amusing part) or without making the story sound like something it's not. NBC and I apparently have something in common. Don't hate me for my lackluster synopsis. For the story, sure, but please, not the synopsis!
This one's been kicking around in my head for a while, but this is the first chance that I've had to actually sit and write it out. After the last one-shot I wrote, I decided that I needed to write something a bit more humorous and a whole lot more Chuck/Sarah friendly. (Though I apparently am more comfortable writing angst, seeing as this story took me [literally] three times as long to write compared to my previous one.) Still undecided about whether I like how it came out or not. I really don't have an idea of where this story would "fit" in terms of episode canon. Sometime after 2.02 ("Chuck vs. the Seduction"), but when, exactly…who knows. You be the judge of where…if anywhere. Perhaps sometime in the future?
Per the usual, I proofed the story a few times, but I undoubtedly missed a few errors. I apologize now for them. Several italicized words in a row tend to denote a character's thoughts. The standard disclaimer also applies: I don't own Chuck, because if I did, I'd have all the free time in the world and this story would have been written weeks ago when I first thought of it. Blasted day job.
-.-.-.-
Ellie had issued the edict earlier in the week. Her and Awesome's wedding was drawing closer, and there were still far too many unplanned details. Chuck and Sarah were expected to be at the Bartowski home on Friday night for dinner and serious wedding planning. If they were not present, unspeakable horrors would befall them both.
What details remained unplanned, however, remained a mystery to Chuck. About the only thing that hasn't been nailed down yet is the light bulb wattage for the ambient lights at the reception hall, he couldn't help but think. Nonetheless, Ellie had spoken. Chuck duly informed Sarah about their newfound plans for Friday night, which she had happily agreed to. He'd even managed to deliver the "unspeakable horrors" threat to Sarah with a straight face while informing her about Ellie's edict, but her raised eyebrows and stifled laugh had soon dispelled the straight face.
Walking back to the Buy More after talking with Sarah, Chuck couldn't help but reflect on the predicament that the wedding had gotten him into. He had absolutely no issue helping Ellie plan her wedding. In fact, he enjoyed finally being able to give something back to his sister. He also had absolutely no issue with Sarah helping to plan the wedding. What he did have an issue with was the amount of time Sarah and he had to spend together while planning the wedding. Any time with Sarah is absolutely fabulous, but all this wedding talk is going to cause trouble, he silently thought. Awesome had already hinted at the fact that he thought that Chuck and Sarah should get married, and Chuck was nearly positive that Ellie agreed with Awesome's assessment. Therefore, both Chuck and Sarah had been forced to play up their cover even more than normal—a couple that seemed to be on the path toward eventual engagement, and was helping to plan a wedding in which both halves of the couple were playing a large role, would probably act a bit more couple-ish than normal.
The new cover maintenance because of the wedding was where the trouble lay. Chuck could feel the two of them growing closer, which was wonderful, but it was starting to get them into certain…situations. They were starting to actually act like a real boyfriend and girlfriend. With both of them fighting their feelings, both were starting to slip—they would both do things that would be good for a normal boyfriend and girlfriend to do, but created a bit of an awkward situation for them, specifically. Such slips included coming up behind the other and whispering something into the other's ear, causing the other to jump a mile (one of Sarah's slips) or pulling one into the other's lap as the one walked by in order to say something (one of Chuck's). The slips were becoming more and more frequent, and while the ones thus far were always fairly easy to get out of gracefully, there was the very real possibility that the future slips would be far less forgiving.
By the time Friday evening had rolled around, Chuck's wish was simple. It was the same wish he always made once he noticed the effect the planning meetings were having on both of them, but a wish that he made with increased intensity as of late. Please just let us get through tonight without causing trouble, he silently intoned as he let Sarah into the apartment and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.
Ellie's Friday Evening Edict started with an excellent, home-cooked dinner before the "serious" wedding planning had begun. At the onset of the "planning" phase of the evening, Ellie sweetly, but sternly, moved everyone into the living room and had put in the movie Sweet Home Alabama. When Chuck asked why they needed a movie on as background noise, and a chick flick, no less, he was told very seriously by Ellie that they needed it "for inspiration during the planning session." The other three were all a bit incredulous at the source of "inspiration," but Awesome professed the idea and the selection to be "Awesome!" once Ellie had noticed the looks of barely concealed amusement passing between the other three and gave Awesome a look of her own.
With everyone firmly ensconced in proper planning position—Ellie in an armchair, Awesome sitting on the floor in front of said chair, and Chuck and Sarah next to each on the couch—Ellie started the actual planning. The first of "many" unplanned details, according to her, was the color and fabric type of the tablecloths and chair covers at the reception. There were many advantages and disadvantages to each type and color, which she proceeded to expound upon enthusiastically at length. Her fellow planners gave one another a look of shock before quickly draining their beverages, particularly the alcoholic ones. The movie running in the background wasn't helping make Ellie's soliloquy any more bearable. It was a two-front wedding assault: Ellie had the one side covered, and the movie had the other.
When the latter reached the scene involving red roses blanketing every surface in the main character's apartment, Chuck downed the rest of his drink in one gulp and, when he saw the look that Ellie and Awesome exchanged, decided to flee to the relative safety of the kitchen for a refill. The look was not lost on Sarah, either, and seeing the perfect opportunity for a slight breather in the Fabric Discourses of Dr. Ellie Bartowski, she called them out on it. Awesome's response was typical Awesome.
"Nothin'. Just thinkin' that the sender would have had more luck if he'd gone with rose petals instead of actual flowers, that's all."
Chuck was definitely fleeing to the kitchen now. He knew exactly what Awesome was talking about, as did Sarah, and Chuck did not want to hear ANY details. Scooping up Sarah's empty wine glass to refill as well, he scooted off before the conversation continued, which he had no doubt it would. Sure enough, Sarah sweetly continued, sensing another opening for a breather from Ellie's fabric talk.
"Rose petals? What am I missing, here?"
Chuck tuned out Ellie's answer—it undoubtedly involved the CIA/Awesome's perfect evening of intense seduction, with the scattered rose petals all over the apartment, the fire in the fireplace, and freshly baked pecan pie—and gave himself a slight pat on the back as he moved around the kitchen. So far, so good, Bartowski. The night had been going well, aside from Ellie's adorable, but highly taxing, discussion about fabric. Neither he nor Sarah had managed to slip yet, even though they'd been sitting fairly close during dinner and on the couch. Ellie's query to Sarah, as the former spread out various fabrics across the coffee table, made him tune back into their discussion as he leaned far into the refrigerator to grab himself another drink.
"What about you, Sarah? What would be your perfect evening of intense seduction?"
The question took Sarah by surprise, but she answered it without much thought while looking at the swatches of fabric.
"Well, actually, my ex's probably would have had to do something like that—not that there's anything wrong with it at all!—but honestly, all this one," tilting her head back toward the kitchen to indicate Chuck, "would have to do is give me the Bartowski eyebrow dance and smile at me, and I'd be gone."
A thud emanating from the kitchen, quickly followed by Chuck's muffled yelp, immediately snapped Sarah back to the present. Not even noticing Ellie's overjoyed expression in response to her answer or Awesome's…awesome expression, she silently began to curse. The rational, appropriate answer would have involved something rather vague and non-committal. Instead, she acted as if her and Chuck were really dating, and went with instinct rather than rationality and spoken the truth…way too much of the truth, actually. They'd been doing so good all night, too. This damn wedding is going to cause trouble down the road, she vigorously told herself for the tenth time that week as she heard Chuck recover in the kitchen.
Chuck stepped out of the immediate kitchen area dumbfounded, both of their drinks in hand. The eyebrows? Come on, really! He had to ask. Rounding the couch and carefully placing their drinks on a non-fabric covered portion of the coffee table, he started to talk.
"Whoa whoa whoa, hold on a minute. You're telling me that all I'd have to do is this…"
…beginning to give her the bedroom eyes with a completely genuine Chuck Bartowski smile, earning him a wide-eyed expression in return…
"…and then come in at you like this…"
At which point he started to lean toward her while still waggling his eyebrows up and down, prompting an unbidden smile to come to her face as she placed her hands on his shoulders in a half-hearted attempt to ward him off.
"…and then start firing the guns at you goin', 'Hey baby, what's up?' "
A line delivered while simultaneously tickling her stomach with one hand, causing her to reflexively curl up toward him in an attempt to minimize the area left 'unguarded' to tickling, with her laughing all the while. Chuck's continued lean throughout the dual verbal-tickling attack had them both horizontal within seconds. Sarah was completely pinned to the couch with the actual couch behind her, Chuck's forearms fencing her in on the sides, and Chuck himself blocking the front.
"So, all I'd have to do is that, and it'd work?"
As he said it, with his face mere inches from her neck as a result of her reflexive, tickle-protective curl, he could feel her involuntarily shiver. The fact that her hands had slid up from his shoulders to the back of his neck wasn't helping matters as a whole, either. Nor was the fact that her fingers were starting to slowly play with his hair. About the only thing that they had going for them at the moment was the fact that most of his weight was on his forearms instead of her…and even that was a stretch.
Still waiting for her response, he decided to expedite the process (Or delay it indefinitely, chimed the voice in his head) by nearly closing the small gap between his lips and her neck when he felt her breath hitch before her fingers froze and the rest of her body tensed, something probably unperceivable to anyone except someone right on top of her. Her tensing up was the shove his sluggish mind needed to catch up to the present, and he suddenly realized what he'd managed to get both of them into. They both ended up thinking the same thing at the same time.
Shit! This was exactly the sort of trouble this wedding's been cooking up for weeks! And this is the sort of trouble that's hard to get out of!
Chuck became acutely more aware of every place where their bodies were lightly touching…AND the fact that Ellie and Awesome were still in the room, looking both shocked and delighted at the event that had unfolded on the couch before their very eyes. How was he going to get both their cover and their emotions out of this one unscathed?
Doing what seems completely obvious is…just…out of the question. OK, could I just sit up? Possibly. I could just use the anti-PDA excuse…but I did start it, so that'd fly about as well as a rock. Come on, Chuck…think think think. We need minimal contact to get out of this one. …what if I we just somehow modified the obvious to look real, but so that it was controlled? …what the hell IS that, even? How'd it work? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat…
Sarah's answer to the question he'd asked what seemed like a lifetime ago cut off his train of thought. She wasn't as tense as before, but she was certainly still very much aware of their predicament.
"Mmhmm, it'd totally work. Though if you wanted to cover a room in rose petals, I wouldn't complain."
The ball was back in his court. He had exactly one second before he had to somehow react to her answer before it would start to look suspicious. Time's up. Chuck's Grand Plan for Quick Resolution is "modified and controlled obvious." Sarah's answer had at least given him a little more time to think about their situation. Some sort of kiss giving was practically expected, given what he'd maneuvered them into. The key was going to be well-placed, but quick, kisses to fulfill the expectation. But not too quick, because that would look suspicious. So, kisses real enough to pass the Ellie and Awesome test, but quick enough to avoid having to deal with any emotional fallout for him and Sarah. Completely doable. He didn't know why more people didn't have fake girlfriends for whom they had very real feelings. Putting the plan into action as he talked, he got ready to sit them both up as soon as he'd finished.
"Oh reeeeeeeeeeally? Then I guess…"
…planting a gentle kiss on her neck, trying to desperately ignore her fingers holding on to his hair even more firmly than before in response.
"…I'll have to keep that…"
… planting another one on her jawline, and found himself now having to ignore both her fingers and her smoldering gaze as he continued toward his final destination.
"…in mind."
With that, he moved in for the final kiss—a quick one to the lips. Their lips meeting nearly sent Chuck's Grand Plan for Quick Resolution out the window. The jolt created by the contact made every inch of his skin feel like it was on fire. Sarah actually responding to the kiss (which wasn't wholly unwelcome or completely unexpected…if it were under any other circumstance) also didn't help matters any. The Grand Plan officially went out the window when, as he tried to pull away, one of her hands slid around to cradle the side of his face, with the other still behind his neck, the latter offering enough resistance to strongly discourage Chuck from going much of anywhere. With the Plan out the window, he melted back into the kiss, which kicked up a few notches in intensity once he did. Seconds later, he was beginning to wondering how he could get his hands in the game without officially pinning her to the couch when something pulled him back to the present for the second time that night.
His cell phone started to ring. You've got to be kidding me.
Quickly breaking their kiss with a slight growl, Chuck reached down to fish his cell phone out of his pocket, trying to focus on the cell phone as he did so, and not the beautiful woman under him, or the two doctors sitting a few feet away from them both. THAT was smooth. The self-admission, coupled with the interruption, resulted in an annoyed and slightly out-of-breath tone when he finally answered the phone.
"Hello?"
She took the chance to bury her head in his shoulder—the closest place to hide, albeit not the smartest—trying desperately to catch her breath and to dispel the flushed color from her face before facing Awesome and Ellie. Not smart, Walker. Not smart times 50. He almost had us out of that one until YOU pulled him back down. Startled by the sudden presence of his hands behind her neck and under her back, her head snapped up as he sat them both up, grabbing the phone back from the crook of his neck and standing as soon as he was sure that she was seated comfortably. His departure from the couch was explained by the next words uttered as he moved around the apartment, gathering his keys and briefcase.
"Yes, sir: I am the on-call Nerd Herder for all computer emergencies…?"
With a few more polite exchanges, he hung up and sat himself on the arm of the couch before immediately calling Morgan. After a few terse exchanges, he hung up again, and ended up smacking his tightly gripped phone against his forehead a few times before looking apologetically at everyone.
"I'm so sorry, guys. Morgan apparently wanted some…time with Anna tonight and had me take her on-call shift without telling me. This sounds like it should be an easy fix, though, so it shouldn't take long."
Judging by Chuck's not-pleased tone while he was on the phone with Morgan, both Ellie and Awesome assured Chuck that it was fine and that they'd wait for him before resuming the discussion of unplanned details. Relieved that they didn't suspect him of trying to skip out on the meeting, he turned his attention to the blonde next to him on the couch. Finally looking at each other for the first time since the entire couch episode had occurred, their eyes communicated volumes.
"Please don't kill me?"
The multiple meanings of the phrase were obvious. She pretended to ponder his request before answering with a slight smirk, eyes never leaving his.
"You'll live. For now."
Leaning down to quickly kiss her on the cheek, he flew out the door. While walking to the Herder, he tried not to think too hard about everything that had just transpired on the couch, including how he'd slipped, they'd both realized it, and then she'd slipped, with him following soon thereafter. Fallout from that would have to be dealt with later, as implied by Sarah's answer. The ironic redundancy of the evening stopped him dead in his tracks as he thought about the generalities of what had happened. He couldn't act on his feelings toward Sarah because of his one job, and even if he were able act on those feelings, his other job seemed to have other plans for him tonight. AND, he was missing the currently evil, but ultimately important, wedding planning session because of the other job. The immediate conclusion he reached before resuming his walk to the Herder was a simple one.
He hated his job right now. Both of them.